midjd
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Post by midjd on Apr 8, 2013 14:39:53 GMT -5
I can see both sides... the letter was presented in a very condescending fashion, but there are some good points to be taken from it. It's hard to be with someone who doesn't challenge you in some way. I don't think both spouses have to have the same IQ or SAT scores, or even the same hobbies/interests, but if your idea of fun is watching Jeopardy and doing crosswords, and your spouse is into watching monster truck rallies and seeing how many noises he can make from each orifice, you probably won't have much to talk about after 30 years. I'm probably technically "smarter" than DH (although he's no slacker) but he has me beaten by leaps and bounds when it comes to mechanical ability and how things work. I'm always impressed by how easily he can build/fix things. He is impressed that I can type a cohesive paragraph without using spell check. So it all balances out. OTOH I don't think anyone's sole purpose in going to college should be to find a life partner - too much pressure, and far too expensive if you don't really want a degree.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 8, 2013 14:45:58 GMT -5
There is a long way between dumb and the smartest person in the world. There are plenty of people who are very smart and didn't go to Princeton.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Apr 8, 2013 14:49:25 GMT -5
The smart guy from the average family might end up in the same place as the dumb guy from the connected family. Also, it is rare that a gal is sitting there entertaining multiple marriage offers and just has to pick the right one from a catalog. I guess you have to start by saying she should only date guys with a certain level of intelligence. Unfortunately, at 19 years old, you might be easily fooled into thinking some smart guys are dumb and some dumb guys are smart. When it came to choosing boyfriends, I was an idiot until I was 25. Even at 30 when I married DH I was pretty lucky as I was still about 50/50 idiot. Even today at 40 I'd say I'm about 10/90 idiot. I guess that's why I didn't go to Princeton. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 14:52:52 GMT -5
There is a long way between dumb and the smartest person in the world. There are plenty of people who are very smart and didn't go to Princeton. that was my exact response to this as well. There are plenty of state funded research institutions that have large quantities of intelligent men in the student body.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Apr 8, 2013 15:02:41 GMT -5
My response to this article is "yuck" and "seriously"?
There is a huge difference between telling young women to continue to choose activities/interests/careers/institutes of higher learning/whatever that will allow them to be surrounded by the kind of people they would like to be and like to know than sitting a group of intelligent female college seniors down and telling them that they have pretty much aged out of being marriage material for a suitable intelligent mate, and that they better latch on to any available man in their class BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
Sure, it's a valid point that you would find yourself bored or unsatisfied if you choose to marry a stupid partner, but do you really need to go to an Ivy League school to have someone tell you that?
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ontrack
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Post by ontrack on Apr 8, 2013 15:12:51 GMT -5
i thought it was awful, because she pretty much told her sons that she divorced their dad because he wasn't smart enough for her. It's people like that give "elite" a bad name. She's one of the worst snobs I ever heard of; intellectually curious people don't all go to ivy league schools. I didn't see anything in the article about their father or her being divorced? I read that in an article I read about it in NY magazine: "My husband was not a Princetonian, but my best friend is."
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 8, 2013 15:47:25 GMT -5
Someone is a wee bit too obessesed with Princeton. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yikes.png)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 15:54:39 GMT -5
Well, I don't think it matters about Princeton, but I read years ago that highly successful women 30 and over find it hard to find suitable marriage partners. Some of it had to do with intelligence, and some of it had to do with being so successful.
I also agree that it is harder to meet potential partners once you get out of college. My profession is very isolating.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Apr 8, 2013 16:09:35 GMT -5
I didn't see anything in the article about their father or her being divorced? I read that in an article I read about it in NY magazine: "My husband was not a Princetonian, but my best friend is." She sounds like a total flaming bitch.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 16:21:42 GMT -5
@newyearishmoneyjenny said: That would be prisons and mental hospitals? ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) Sorry couldn't help it!
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Apr 8, 2013 17:06:29 GMT -5
When I saw the headline I expected her to recommend to Women not to get married. I know as many Women as Men who have been screwed by marital property or soaked for alimony.
I don't expect DD to have children and DS says 0, 1 or 2 is the right number. I want my kids to expect their spouses to work/contribute financially to their marriage. I told DD very few young people earn enough right off the bat to have a stay at home spouse and child care is only temporary as an expense.
I would expect a woman who graduates from an Ivy leage school to plan on being a career woman not a stay at home Mom unless she has family money. I would think even those with family money would be concered about protecting the family wealth with Pre-Mairtal agreements. Who wants family $$ to be subject to divorce proceedings?
Many wealthy families have already seen divorce in the last generation or two and have wealth preservation as a constant scenario they have consultants on retaier for. I don't think you are going to marry into a wealthy family now and walk away wealthy in 10 or 20 years unless you contributed to the wealth building personally.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 17:22:33 GMT -5
bean29It depends on how you define "wealthy". I think you can do o.k. financially over 10-20 year time period by buying a nice house in a good area that appreciates, along with other investments and retirement as a SAS in a community property state. I've seen it happen on a pretty regular basis in this wealthy San Diego suburb that I'm staying in. It may not be $100M but $5-10M isn't peanuts either.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 8, 2013 17:32:25 GMT -5
bean29It depends on how you define "wealthy". I think you can do o.k. financially over 10-20 year time period by buying a nice house in a good area that appreciates, along with other investments and retirement as a SAS in a community property state. I've seen it happen on a pretty regular basis in this wealthy San Diego suburb that I'm staying in. It may not be $100M but $5-10M isn't peanuts either. Tell that to Betty Broderick ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png) .
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 8, 2013 17:35:34 GMT -5
Personally I do kind of regret not doing more socially in college while it was easy and then keeping in touch with those people after college. So I can understand wanting to teach that message to young college freshman.
But I don't think most people who are 18-22 should be under pressure to find a spouse before they graduate.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 8, 2013 17:37:57 GMT -5
There is a long way between dumb and the smartest person in the world. There are plenty of people who are very smart and didn't go to Princeton. Back up for a second. The author doesn't say that every woman in the world should try to marry a Princeton grad because they are the smartest, best, etc. The author is just making the point that while you're in college - whatever college you're in would work - think about finding a spouse there because they'll be similarly educated and intelligent as you.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Apr 8, 2013 17:38:37 GMT -5
Oh brother. Her son #2 probably reminds her of "his father", and she is taking out her anger about her "failed" marriage on him. She's done enough to embarass him at class reunions for the rest of his life, especially if he marries a girl from Hahvahd. Or, maybe Syracuse State.
Maybe she wasn't intelligent or well-rounded enough to land a Princetonian of her own. She needs to quit smoking that opium pipe and get on with her life.
I thought it was quite a laugh.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Apr 8, 2013 17:39:00 GMT -5
bean29It depends on how you define "wealthy". I think you can do o.k. financially over 10-20 year time period by buying a nice house in a good area that appreciates, along with other investments and retirement as a SAS in a community property state. I've seen it happen on a pretty regular basis in this wealthy San Diego suburb that I'm staying in. It may not be $100M but $5-10M isn't peanuts either. Tell that to Betty Broderick ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png) . OMG that woman was batshit crazy!! I saw a documentary on her and she was positively glowing in prison. Totally worth it to spend her life in jail as long as the XH and new wife were dead. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yikes.png)
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 8, 2013 17:39:35 GMT -5
There is a long way between dumb and the smartest person in the world. There are plenty of people who are very smart and didn't go to Princeton. Back up for a second. The author doesn't say that every woman in the world should try to marry a Princeton grad because they are the smartest, best, etc. The author is just making the point that while you're in college - whatever college you're in would work - think about finding a spouse there because they'll be similarly educated and intelligent as you. I agree with milee. This article could have easily been written by any woman attending any top-tier university.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 17:49:11 GMT -5
I had to look up that case. I had just moved from San Diego two years before. Wiki didn't go into it but I think I might have been a bit cranky myself if I put my husband through medical and law school and the judge said I had to pay him $750k? ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/shocked.gif)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 18:20:08 GMT -5
There is a long way between dumb and the smartest person in the world. There are plenty of people who are very smart and didn't go to Princeton. Back up for a second. The author doesn't say that every woman in the world should try to marry a Princeton grad because they are the smartest, best, etc. The author is just making the point that while you're in college - whatever college you're in would work - think about finding a spouse there because they'll be similarly educated and intelligent as you. I think it was actually a little of both. She was definitely writing from an elitist position, and she came across as smug and condescending about the Princeton-ness of it all. The fact that she was advocating the ring by spring/lock one down while you can/MRS degree crap makes me think she isn't as smart as she thinks she is. I will concede the eligible partner pool is larger at college than any other time in your life. College - any college - really is the only place to find several thousand educated, single, heterosexual men in one cluster. I'd make the opposite recommendation though (she's divorced, so I feel like I am just as qualified to dispense marital advice). Leave college with as many male friends and Facebook contacts as you can (and don't get consumed by a single relationship) so that when you actually are ready to settle down, you may know someone who can introduce you to a potential partner.
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Tired Tess
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I'm so ready to wrap it up.
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Post by Tired Tess on Apr 8, 2013 18:30:42 GMT -5
Seems it was just a while ago All of my friends and I Went to each other's weddings And stood by each other's side And became brides
Talked to Kurt on the phone today He said that he and Liz were through And by the way that Things have been going You could that they were overdue
For every other married pair of us That already split in two Each of us turning our own lives alone For sleeping with someone new Ain't it true
(CHORUS) These are hard times for lovers Everyone wants to be free Ain't these hard times for lovers Everyone singing, I gotta be me Without you
Now, honey, I'm supposed to tell you I've got to live for today And don't you know it is my lifetime I've got to live it my own way
And lately, I can't help thinking I reap what I sow For all of my holy freedom What have I got to show I don't know
(CHORUS)
But lately, I can't help thinking I reap what I sow For all of my holy freedom What have I got to show I don't know
(CHORUS)
Ain't these hard times for lovers Everyone wants to be free Ain't these hard times for lovers More lyrics: www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/judy_collins/
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 18:44:32 GMT -5
@craftysarah said: I like this but would modify it slightly to just say "friends". I did get my MRS at college. Literally. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) DH and I got married on campus but we met a few years after we both had graduated and didn't know each other during our time attending the university. We met at a New Year's Eve party held at a campus facility given by mutual friends that I went to high school with and he went to college with. I was definitely NOT interest in my MRS while I was going to college. I had enough on my plate!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 8, 2013 19:58:36 GMT -5
Another thing she talked about that I should refute...I married a guy 4 years younger than me. She said that once you are a senior your ONLY option is seniors. Like the worst thing in the world would be to meet a junior as a senior and wait for him to graduate?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 8, 2013 20:17:10 GMT -5
She pretty much told all the girls in princeton that if they didn't lock down a princetonian husband now, their chances of ever marrying someone "good enough" was weak.
Although, that wasn't what I was responding to. I was responding to the "not being attracted to dumb guys" and although I agree that idiots aren't great marriage material, for the most part there are a million shades of gray in between mouth-breathing knuckle-dragger and Einstein. Who is to say what is "smart-enough" to be a good match? [/span]
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2013 20:54:19 GMT -5
Another thing she talked about that I should refute...I married a guy 4 years younger than me. She said that once you are a senior your ONLY option is seniors. Like the worst thing in the world would be to meet a junior as a senior and wait for him to graduate? And helloooo?! Alumni events?!?!? Great way to meet/reunite with other grads.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 8, 2013 21:02:33 GMT -5
Actually, she has a bit of a point about the age thing. DS is almost 30 and unless he wants to date a child, which to him is just out of college, his pickings are getting pretty slim! Girls a few years younger than him are already taken!!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 8, 2013 21:52:32 GMT -5
Actually, she has a bit of a point about the age thing. DS is almost 30 and unless he wants to date a child, which to him is just out of college, his pickings are getting pretty slim! Girls a few years younger than him are already taken!! Don't worry. In another 3 or 4 years all the women who married just anyone from college - because they were afraid if they didn't they would never find a mate good enough for them - those gals will all be divorcing and on the prowl.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 9, 2013 6:11:07 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2013 7:48:07 GMT -5
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 9, 2013 8:23:42 GMT -5
OK, from reading the responses, sounds like I probably should have read the entire article before trying to interpret what I thought the author was saying... ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/undecided.png) So let me try again. Forget the author and whatever snooty bias she has. My personal take on it is that it's not a bad thing to make your kids aware that college is a good place to meet a potential life partner or to make friends that will introduce you to a potential life partner. And when I say "college" I mean whatever college you are going to because hopefully you've gone to a school where you fit academically and socially and the rest of the population is also somewhat within those parameters as well. This is not to say that every person at your college is just like you and will be an excellent match. This is not to say that certain colleges have definitively better candidates that others - just that hopefully the mix at your particular college is compatible with you. This is not to say that only people that go to college are intelligent and everybody else is a mouth-breathing knuckle dragger. This is not to say that college is the only place you will encounter intelligent people. It's just saying that in theory, your college is a target rich environment and depending on your career, may be the most target rich environment you'll be in, so that should be considered. This is reasonable and not a judgment. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/idunno.gif)
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