Thread for parents of 5-9 year olds

[thyme4change]

We talked the other day about how the challenges of different age groups need different threads.  So, I will start one for 5-9 year olds.  During this time frame, you are starting school, and getting homework for the first time, and watching your kids really venture out with friends. 

What have been your biggest challenges with this age group?
What are you currently struggling with?
What have been your successes?

What is your favorite part about having kids in this age group?

[swamp]

Challenge:  Dealing wiht DD's defiance
Struggle:  DD's defiance and DS's addiction to his Nintendo DS.
Successes:   So many and so few, depending on the day.  But in general, I feel I've raised gentle, caring, and funny kids who are well behaved when I'm not around.
Best part:  They're fun!

[Deleted]

The best part of this age group is that they're "big kids" now and they can take care of their "grooming needs" all on their own.

The worst part is cleaning up after them, because even though they can do it all by themselves, they sometimes miss. 


I keep the bar set pretty low, so every day that we make it through intact is a successful one to me! 

[singlemomky]

I'm am mostly a lurker w/a post occasionally - used to be a regular on the controlled spend board back at the old WIR.  I am a single mom to an almost 9 year old son who keeps me on my toes most days. 

What have been your biggest challenges with this age group?
I think school work is on of my biggest challenges - thankfully my DS is a great learner and enjoys school so I don't have the "don't want to go" challenges but he is already doing work that in the 3rd grade that I was learning in middle school/high school.  He loves math and although I was pretty good with math in my day (20 years ago), I'm fearful that there will soon come the day that I cannot help him with his homework.

What are you currently struggling with?
My son loves his DSi and loves to watch WWE wrestling so everyday is it either he can't have a conversation b/c it is interrupting his game or I'm dealing w/him jumping around the house 'practicing' his wrestling moves on stuffed animals & my throw pillows.  Guess I should be thankful that the moves are not being practiced on the cat.

What have been your successes?
Each day that I can wake up and realize that we are happy & healthy is a success for me.  I take great pride in the fact that I am doing it all on my own.

What is your favorite part about having kids in this age group?
Since he is almost 9, he is starting to get humor, sarcasm and subtleness - I love to see him when he gets a joke.  I also love that he is communicating more with me about his feelings/emotions and how to deal with situations - everything is not a lesson for him to be learned these days, some things are using those lessons on his own.

[Deleted]

Congratulations on doing it on your own singlemomky! 

Thankfully, I have DH around to help with math homework when the time comes.

DS's teacher calls him a "mathemagician" but he's only in 1st grade so I can still help him. There's going to come a time in the near future where he's going to be teaching me, I'm afraid. 

[thyme4change]

I could never teach my kids math.  They don't do it the same way.  They probably do it a more effective way, but the kids can't explain it to me, and if they could, they probably wouldn't need my help.

[Deleted]

I am hoping that him teaching me reinforces whatever he learned that day. We'll have to wait and see if reality matches the fantasy. 

[swamp]

They do teach math completely different!!  DS is only in first, but it's nothing I've ever seen before.  At this point, I see what they're doing and can play along, but I can see it coming where I won't have a clue how to help.

[singlemomky]

Feb 20, 2013 13:45:52 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Congratulations on doing it on your own singlemomky! 

Thankfully, I have DH around to help with math homework when the time comes.

DS's teacher calls him a "mathemagician" but he's only in 1st grade so I can still help him. There's going to come a time in the near future where he's going to be teaching me, I'm afraid. 

Thanks Beer - I am fortunate to have family close by who pinch in when I need it but the day-to-day stuff is all me. 

Maybe I should use your "mathmagician" term with my DS - he is in 3rd grade and he is already doing 5th grade math work.  We're lucky that he goes to a montessori school and can progress at his own pace b/c I think we would have a much more difficult time if he had to wait for the others to 'catch up' where math is concerned. 

[Formerly SK]

Feb 20, 2013 14:19:55 GMT -5 swamp said:

They do teach math completely different!!  DS is only in first, but it's nothing I've ever seen before.  At this point, I see what they're doing and can play along, but I can see it coming where I won't have a clue how to help.

I was trying to help DS (2nd grade) with math last night.  He had to find numbers in a number crossword that would add up to 100 (so basically 3-4 two digit numbers).  I tried to help by suggesting he look for numbers where the one's digit added to ten and then carry the one to the one's digit, and he was all confused.   Apparently they have a different strategy now for adding numbers. 

[Deleted]

Okay, LGW is 9 so this is my thread for the next few months anyway.

The good stuff. She is good academically and is pretty independant with it, she gets herself ready in the morning and gets out the door on time, she does her real chores and when she is having a good day she giggles and laughs and will try all sports good naturedly.

The challenges. She does not accept an answer she doesn't like. She will keep repeating "Please bloomy, please. Please bloomy, please" This will then initiate an all out war. Taking away electronics etc is not effective. Actually in the moment not much is effective. Then for an added bonus she will try to give me the same consequences. If I take her tablet she takes the tv remote. If I say she is not going shopping, she says she is not going to brush her teeth until I promise to take her shopping. You get the idea.

[thyme4change]

I got an email from my son's teacher.  He is behind on some assignments, and since Christmas he takes "more prodding and poking" to keep on track.  

So, now I will have to be a little more diligent with his homework time.  'oh.  I hated homework when I was a kid, and I hate it now.  This was definitely in the "con" list when we were trying to decide if we wanted kids.

[thyme4change]

Okay - so the homework thing turned into a fairly sizeable drama.  He didn't do his math homework from earlier in the week, and he didn't do ANY of his spelling packet all week long.  So, I sat there and stared at him while he did basically an entire week of homework.  It took him more than an hour to get through it all.  He is totally capable, but this week his mind has been on playing, not working.

Anyone have homework issues in this age group?  How do you keep your kids moving on getting it done?  Do you sit with them?  Do they go in their room?  What time of day do you do homework?  Do you check it?  How involved do you need to be?  Any strategies that work to getting kids to get 'er done?

[singlemomky]

Thyme -  I don't have a solution.

But I also I had an issue w/DS this week.  They have colors each day that show if they met the standard for their participation and homework.  DS 'forgot' to write on his reading log so he received a color change.  He had to write me a letter explaining why he got a color change and how his actions contributed.  I sent an email to his teacher letting her know that we had talked about responsibilities and how they were not going to let him slide just because he told them that he had read but forgot to write it down.  Her response was that she is seeing a lot of issues with the 3rd graders (they are a split 2nd/3rd room) and that this is typically the time during the school year that the 3rd graders start having issues w/being unfocused and/or lazy. 

DS does his homework during afterschool care most of the time but I check it.  My solution is to keep talking to him about his responsibilities and the consequences if he doesn't follow through.  The issue w/the reading log is that he usually does that at night before bed so he has to write it down when he is finished or in the morning.  My dilemna is do I continually ask him if he has filled it out or let him "learn" his lesson (get color changes) so that he will eventually just write it down without being prodded.

[thyme4change]

Could he lay his sheet out in the morning where he eats breakfast, so that he would remember?

My daughter gets out of bed and fills hers in every night.  She is a night owl and likes the approved reason to walk around the house after hours.  I can't encourage her to procrastinate, or I would lose her into the world of "It will be done tomorrow" forever. 

[singlemomky]

Thyme - that's a good idea I might have to try that. 

[Deleted]

LGW likes to do her homework when GW is doing hers. When that fails I sit there and colour while she is doing it. She just likes the company I guess. My challenge right now is to avoid turning everything into a power struggle. Instead of telling her to do it, I ask when she is going to do it. It seems to flow easier that way.

[NastyWoman]

Thyme, this is from really long ago (think 25 years), but I had this problem for all off 6th grade with DS1.  I finally solved it by telling him that he had to sit at the dining room table for 1.5 hours every day.  I also said that I really didn't care whether he did his homework or not, but the rule wasn't going to change until I got a report from school that he had not missed a single assignment for a week.  Nothing aside from school work was allowed on that table.  He caught on pretty fast and had exactly one relapse. Sitting there staring at the walls was obviously more boring than just getting his work done.  Horrible mom award for that year was mine 

[singlemomky]

DS went to his first non-family sleepover this weekend - glad that he actually stayed (was a little concerned that he would want to call me to come get him) but yesterday he was in such a mood b/c the boys did not go to sleep until about 3:30 AM. He went to bed at 6:00 last night and slept straight through to this morning. Hoping that he does not have any issues at school today.

[thyme4change]

LOL - I remember my daughter's first sleep over.  They stayed up very late, and the next day she put a chair in the middle of the TV room and sat and cried, quite loudly.  She got better at it as time went on, but the last two sleepovers she has had, the next day hasn't gone so well.  I think she is starting the emotional-hormone thing, so combine that with no sleep, boo! 

[singlemomky]

I figured that there would be little to no sleep but did not count on the attitude when I picked him up.  I had previously let him know that I would be picking him up at 9:00 am and that we could get breakfast and then head to church.  He seemed to have forgotten that part and just wanted to go home.  Of course he kept telling me that he wasn't tired but just wanted to go home - but at one point he said "I just want a nap" but quickly added that he wasn't tired.

[Deleted]

LGW wants me to up her allowance so she asked me for more chores this weekend. I gave her 2 more things to do and added the caveat that she had to do all her chores without complaining. If she doesn't do them all or complains she only gets her original amount.

[Clever Username]

I had a blast yesteray with Things # 2-4 in the snow yesterday.
They'd been begging to make a snowman with the last snow we got.
But it was frozen over before they had a chance.

Anyone else?

[singlemomky]

We haven't had enough snow to make snowmen ... DS did make a little hill (think beehive size) a couple weeks ago when we did get a little snow on the driveway so he could jump over it.

[973beachbum]

I almost killed my son this morning.

I really am very easy going but he has a way of just pushing and pushing until I am a screaming maniac.  It is like that old Bill Cosby skit.

[singlemomky]

Beach - been there!  I'm glad that you did not harm your son - I'm not sure the boards could afford bail

[973beachbum]

Feb 28, 2013 14:31:48 GMT -5 singlemomky said:

Beach - been there!  I'm glad that you did not harm your son - I'm not sure the boards could afford bail

The part that makes me crazy is he says "I'm sorry" like crazy to try and make me not mad but it makes me even madder.   He isn't saying I'm sorry as in I won't do it again and he actually never says that.   He is saying I'm sorry as a way to make me not mad that he did it and make it okay for the next time he does the exact same thing that he knows he is not supposed to do.   

And I just can't wait for the thread he and DD wil start about how awful I was as a mother and the horrible things we did that ruined their lives.

[Deleted]

Feb 28, 2013 14:41:23 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

Feb 28, 2013 14:31:48 GMT -5 singlemomky said:

Beach - been there!  I'm glad that you did not harm your son - I'm not sure the boards could afford bail

The part that makes me crazy is he says "I'm sorry" like crazy to try and make me not mad but it makes me even madder.   He isn't saying I'm sorry as in I won't do it again and he actually never says that.   He is saying I'm sorry as a way to make me not mad that he did it and make it okay for the next time he does the exact same thing that he knows he is not supposed to do.   

And I just can't wait for the thread he and DD wil start about how awful I was as a mother and the horrible things we did that ruined their lives.

THAT's LGW!!!! LOL

[Deleted]

What chores do you guys have the 9 year olds do?

[973beachbum]

Feb 28, 2013 15:55:05 GMT -5 @justaposter said:

What chores do you guys have the 9 year olds do?

Right now my 9 yr old is supposed to be cleaning his room.  All he really did was uncover the stickey stuff on his floor so we can see it.