The Attraction Towards A Bad Guy

[ZaireinHD]

After being dumped yet again for the bad boy types; being such a good guy myself actually. I can admit I was wrong, I am wrong for saying to her: "you must like being treated so badly cause you don't leave the relationship!" Nobody wants or deserves to be treated badly in a relationship. I guess I can understand why women choose the bad boy before getting fed up and finally they want a good guy.

The Bad Guy:
Keeps her emotions running, constantly running / he doesn't remember dates (B-Day, Anniversary, V-Day, etc) / he is selfish or very shelf absorbed, / he expects her to do just about everything / he doesn't care about how her day went / he is not interested in her family and especially her friends / he gives her sex very well but it doesn't last long enough for her / he doesn't take her advise or listen to her / they constantly argue / he says it's a loan but doesn't pay back / he keeps her crying often / she continuously wants his approval / she is always thinking of him / she wants to get her point across in hopes he will understand / she buys him thoughtful gifts he doesn't appreciate / he is not there in her time of need / he embarrasses her in public but at the same time she finds it exciting / he can show her the smallest act of kindness or approval and she is over joyed with happiness!!

The GOOD Guy:
Cares when she cries and doesn't want her to cry / Helpful to her needs and wants / listens to her and understands her feelings and her point of view / remembers her special dates / Thoughtful / predictable and boring / not very challenging / fun to be around / playful / she can laugh, smile, relax and be her true natural self / she can confide in him and know her secrets will be kept private / dependable / follows a schedule / can be trusted / can be on time




Edited by Virgil Showlion to remove strange explosion of HTML.

Edited again by mmhmm to ROFL at Virgil's strange explosion.

[steff]

Actually, the "bad boy" is usually incredibly good in bed...which makes the other crap tolerable until the next bad boy comes along and curls her toes & makes her shudder better than the last bad boy. 

and if your gf dumped you, look at the bright side, you can now openly go after women instead of having to half ass it & act like it's just for "friendship".

[Jaguar]

Is everyone else seeing a bunch of code in Zaire's first post ?

[steff]

Feb 14, 2013 22:48:55 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

Is everyone else seeing a bunch of code in Zaire's first post ?

yes...

[busymom]

Some women "crave" drama in their lives.  Others grew up with it, & don't think they can have a relationship without the drama.  And some women think they can change "bad boys", because they are "special". 


I like calm in my life.  I like to go home & have it be a place of "sanctuary" from the rest of the world.  But, that's not what everyone wants....

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Well, that opening post of Zaire's was obviously copied from a web-page - and the garbled text below it is comments that other people posted on whatever site he got it from.

[Deleted]

I see the code crap too, a lot of it.

The question isn't why she is attracted to the bad boy, it is why you are attracted to a woman so screwed up she is attracted to a guy that treats her like crap. There are lots nice women out there who's only flaw is not being screwed up enough for you.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Zaire should be concentrating on his own personal life and relationship with is live-in G/F instead of worrying about all this other crap day in and day out. Poor girl probably feels pretty unimportant if he's spending all his time focusing on this other stuff 24/7. I know I would be thoroughly pissed if my B/F, husband or significant other was spending all his time thinking about this other stuff (or other person) all the time.

[Virgil Showlion]

I don't know, Zaire.

But if she's gaga for men who borrow money from her and then never pay her back, I say get in there and 'borrow' some money.

I mean you're not going to find a more win-win situation than that.

[weltschmerz]

Feb 14, 2013 22:46:09 GMT -5 steff said:

Actually, the "bad boy" is usually incredibly good in bed...which makes the other crap tolerable until the next bad boy comes along and curls her toes & makes her shudder better than the last bad boy. 

and if your gf dumped you, look at the bright side, you can now openly go after women instead of having to half ass it & act like it's just for "friendship".

Well, on his weight-loss thread, he made dinner for himself and his girlfriend this very evening. I think he's referring to his ex best friend, in which case, it's not really ANY OF HIS BUSINESS.

[weltschmerz]

The GOOD Guy:
Cares when she cries and doesn't want her to cry / Helpful to her needs and wants / listens to her and understands her feelings and her point of view / remembers her special dates / Thoughtful / predictable and boring / not very challenging / fun to be around / playful / she can laugh, smile, relax and be her true natural self / she can confide in him and know her secrets will be kept private / dependable / follows a schedule / can be trusted / can be on time
---------------
Sounds more like a favourite cousin or a pet cocker spaniel. Women don't usually look for a guy who is predictable and boring, not very challenging, follows a schedule and is on time. They want a guy who can blow the tops of their heads off during sex and bad boys can deliver. They've had lots of practice.
Would I marry a guy like that? No, but they're a lot of fun to play with. There's some secondary gain involved, otherwise why put up with all the other crap?

[Opti]

Feb 14, 2013 22:53:22 GMT -5 busymom said:

Some women "crave" drama in their lives.  Others grew up with it, & don't think they can have a relationship without the drama.  And some women think they can change "bad boys", because they are "special". 


I like calm in my life.  I like to go home & have it be a place of "sanctuary" from the rest of the world.  But, that's not what everyone wants....

Agreed. I don't get the bad boy thing in general, but for some
it has something to do with excitement and willingness to try things.

I'm like Busy in that for the most part I prefer calm in my life.
I do go for excitement as well like fast cars, whitewater rafting,
roller coasters, and different cuisines. We all have our preferred balance points and in general I like a calm orderly life which enables me to be very good driver, rafter, etc. in the 10% or less
of my life I push the envelope.

I'm going to guess Zaire is talking about the XBF instead of the live-in GF but really he hasn't spelled it out so *I* can't tell. In many cases like these, it is about perception. What the woman or women in the OP really liked about this/these guy(s) we don't know nor probably does Zaire. We could do the standard message board thing of telling Z he's right, she's wrong, but that really doesn't serve Z even in the short run of things.

In the end, only the woman in question really knows why she preferred what Z calls a bad boy to Z. And if it is some character flaw in said woman, just knowing that isn't going to fix it either.
People do what they do for their own reasons. Sometimes, when it is destructive and it is brought to their attention they will change but not always. Understanding people is still IMO more art than science and only the person themselves has most of the info to understand/explain their behavior.

[Opti]

Welts, I don't think you need a bad boy for good sex. Just a guy who is good in bed.

I personally have never been into nor dated bad boys. I however have dated at least one good guy who was unusual and unpredictable. Not YM material at all. We were pretty good together sexually FWIW.


I agree with Welts is sometimes what guys want to call good guys is really 'I am boring as heck, but nice' guys. I consider myself a good girl but I am also an adventure. If you were to be bored with me and being in my life, you probably have very few interests and passions compared to my many. My unusual good guy also had many interests which I think in general makes a person fun and fascinating versus people who may have no to few interests besides their job.

[weltschmerz]

Keeps her emotions running, constantly running / he doesn't remember dates (B-Day, Anniversary, V-Day, etc) / he is selfish or very shelf absorbed

In my experience, the bad boys are very shelf-absorbed. They're always putting up shelves everywhere, especially in the bedroom, to hold all the Christian Grey toys.

[weltschmerz]

I like calm in my life. I like to go home & have it be a place of "sanctuary" from the rest of the world. But, that's not what everyone wants....

My home is my sanctuary as well. That's why I never let them move in with me. Maybe I'm coming from a different place than the others, but I've been married twice and have no intention of doing it again. If I want someone to listen to me, wipe away my tears, remember birthdays, my friends do a bang-up job of it.
Since I'm not quite dead yet, I do want to know someone in the biblical sense from time to time, but that's about it. That's when I'm not looking for a guy who can be on time.

[Shooby]

  I thought you didn't believe in the Bible welts.

[Shooby]

  It doesn't really matter who, why or for whom someone would you for.  What matters is that whatever the reason, it didn't work out so that frees you to move with your life to find the person who truly loves you for YOU.  There are lots of women looking for a great guy and not looking for bad boys.

[Deleted]

Bad boys more often than not, end up with boat loads of adventurous and fading memories which lead to very lonely days, weeks, months and years at the close of their lives. Likewise women.

So I've been told. 

[ZaireinHD]

music videos, TV Shows, Commercials, to Movies.
bad guys don't commit - move to one woman after the next
good guys stay, and listen

bad guys are not playful - and fun in bed, there really is no love making
good guys care and caress, playful, fondle, takes time and effort, foreplay.

Good guy makes a much better lover over a bad guy
a bad guy is in for sex for himself and we all know how quick that can be, and not satisfying to her
where as the good guy can be rough at times! but not all the time

[ZaireinHD]

*That's just about enough, Zaire.  I'm taking this post out, and I'm taking out the one following it.  You are not to insult other posters.  I hope I'm making myself clear because the next step will involve your inability to post for awhile. - mmhmm, Administrator 

[weltschmerz]

Feb 16, 2013 1:37:06 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

music videos, TV Shows, Commercials, to Movies.
bad guys don't commit - move to one woman after the next
good guys stay, and listen

bad guys are not playful - and fun in bed, there really is no love making
good guys care and caress, playful, fondle, takes time and effort, foreplay.

Good guy makes a much better lover over a bad guy
a bad guy is in for sex for himself and we all know how quick that can be, and not satisfying to her
where as the good guy can be rough at times! but not all the time

Lol! How many bad boys have you been with in bed? Or nice guys, for that matter?
 

[Reckless Roselia]

Bad guys = Players

[Reckless Roselia]

I have a tendency for falling for the charms of a bad guy but I'm glad it doesn't last long. 

[Deleted]

The worst part is, bad boys are much more fun and exciting. sighhhhhhh

[ZaireinHD]

Feb 16, 2013 1:41:08 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

*That's just about enough, Zaire.  I'm taking this post out, and I'm taking out the one following it.  You are not to insult other posters.  I hope I'm making myself clear because the next step will involve your inability to post for awhile. - mmhmm, Administrator 

that is a perfect example mmhmm

[ZaireinHD]

so bad guys are exciting and I guess crying and being upset is a part of that relationship

but

good guy is fun to be around, gives a good laugh, passionate.

[Deleted]

Feb 16, 2013 11:46:25 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

so bad guys are exciting and I guess crying and being upset is a part of that relationship

but

good guy is fun to be around, gives a good laugh, passionate.

I guess crying and being upset is YOUR choice. 

Not all "good" guys turn out to be "good guys", time tells another story often.

[moon/Laura]

Zaire, after seeing the posts that were removed, I am going to reiterate something.

If you don't like the comments people make about your situation, then STOP POSTING YOUR PERSONAL DETAILS!!! You are the one who put your laundry out there to begin with. you can't expect people *not* to comment on it after you've done so.

[Reckless Roselia]

A relationship with a bad boy cannot be long lasting. 

[Deleted]

Any real life relationship has its challenges.
I wonder if some women lump all the men that them into the category of "bad boys"?