Deleted
Joined: May 19, 2024 0:49:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2013 22:12:25 GMT -5
GW gets out of the way when it starts. She thinks LGW is unreasonable. Don't get the wrong idea with my posts. There are fun times with LGW and part of the challenge here is my lack of experience.
|
|
motherto2
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 15:42:27 GMT -5
Posts: 1,719
|
Post by motherto2 on Jan 26, 2013 8:43:51 GMT -5
Later, I totally get where you are coming from. Of course LGW is a wonderful kid. She just has issues just like the rest of our kids. And has had a lot more emotionally to overcome than ours.
I've read all your posts on the other threads, and have always admired you for taking on both girls. Not an easy task, especially by yourself. You are doing a great job. She's testing you for boundaries, just like all kids. My DD was so much easier in that department than DS, but it all turns out ok.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 19, 2024 0:49:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2013 9:34:12 GMT -5
Okay, it is easing up! I am getting the hang of it. I tell her this is what she needs to do or this is what will happen, say I don't care which one she chooses and then ignore her. I am getting the hang of it. It was a rough month but we have turned a corner.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,443
|
Post by thyme4change on Feb 5, 2013 10:49:47 GMT -5
Okay, it is easing up! I am getting the hang of it. I tell her this is what she needs to do or this is what will happen, say I don't care which one she chooses and then ignore her. I am getting the hang of it. It was a rough month but we have turned a corner. That's awesome. Often it takes some hard work for just a few weeks, and then you lay the groundwork for things to go better. Congrats on sticking through it. You are now christened as a full-fledged parent.
|
|
Clever Username
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 27, 2011 14:15:59 GMT -5
Posts: 1,313
|
Post by Clever Username on Feb 5, 2013 14:29:06 GMT -5
Reminds me of one of my go-to lines.
You train a child the same way you train a dolphin or spouse. Ignore the negative. Reinforce the positive.
If/when there is a tantrum, ignore it. Pull out your iPhone and read up on posts here or something.
A proper tantrum must be witnessed. Without an adult paying attention to the child, it will stop. Because it was all about gaining attention and control in the first place.
|
|
happyscooter
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 9:04:06 GMT -5
Posts: 2,416
|
Post by happyscooter on Feb 17, 2013 7:29:21 GMT -5
Yep, I am in agreement with the majority of posters. You can do it, in your own room with the door shut. And nothing had better be broken, thrown or torn up during the time. If she wants to roll all over the floor or cry or pout or kick the air (just the air-no wall or door or furniture), let her go ahead.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Feb 17, 2013 8:01:00 GMT -5
My 11 yr old DD will stomp up to her room , slam the door, and then sometimes scream into her pillow.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 17, 2013 13:37:42 GMT -5
Anyone have any suggestions for me? DS1 is almost 3, and has multiple tantrums almost daily. He now has a 4 1/2 month younger brother, and I think the tantrum s originate from his wanting more attention and jealousy of his baby brother. He no longer wants to feed himself and wants to sit on our laps at dinner. Ignoring him seems to make the tantrum worse. Sometimes sending him to his room to cool off helps.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Feb 17, 2013 13:46:42 GMT -5
I think you just wait it out. Try to spend some individual time with him as he might be regressing because of the baby. Engage his help from folding laundry to helping you with other household chores and praise him for being a big boy. When he does melt down, he is probably tired, hungry, etc. Just let him have his moment, then give him a hug and move on and it will get better. If he is having a lot of meltdowns, maybe he needs more nap time.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 19, 2024 0:49:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2013 15:21:48 GMT -5
Anyone have any suggestions for me? DS1 is almost 3, and has multiple tantrums almost daily. He now has a 4 1/2 month younger brother, and I think the tantrum s originate from his wanting more attention and jealousy of his baby brother. He no longer wants to feed himself and wants to sit on our laps at dinner. Ignoring him seems to make the tantrum worse. Sometimes sending him to his room to cool off helps. Okay, keep in mind I am new to this and it might be coincidence, but giving them the attention seems to have worked for me twice now. The first time was with GW. She was on a mission to get LGW out of the house. I got someone to take LGW for the day and took GW shopping and out for dinner and she completely turned around. I didn't even talk about her feelings about LGW, but that seemed to reassure her that she wasn't getting lost in the shuffle. LGW has been a challenge since moving in. Yesterday she/we had a Valentine's Day party and it is like she has taken a perfect kid pill. The party has done more than any number of "consequences". I'm not sure how long this will last but I'm loving it right now.
|
|
mrsdutt
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 12, 2012 7:39:38 GMT -5
Posts: 2,097
|
Post by mrsdutt on Feb 17, 2013 16:42:56 GMT -5
I'm going with very smart kid.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 17, 2013 21:54:19 GMT -5
Thanks Shooby & Laterbloomer. It does seem to help to give him more individual attention. DH took him out to play in the snow this afternoon and DS was more cooperative at dinner. I just feel stuck when he's in the throws of his tantrum s. I can't give in, because he'll just be more likely to do it in the future, but if he doesn't get a little something out of it then it just gets worse & worse. If the cause is that he needs more attention, I'm rewarding the tantrum by giving him that attention. Sort of a catch22.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Feb 18, 2013 0:45:52 GMT -5
I don't agree with the "you must never give in mindset". There are ways to soothe a child without just taking a hard line approach. I think it depends on their age. And, there are times you CAN give in. There are times that maybe you just have reflexively said "no" and after reconsidering you can let the child do whatever it is they wanted. So, i don't think it is an "all or nothing" thing in every situation. But ,in general just understand that there is nothing wrong with your child expressing his emotion of anger, displeasure and so forth and that they can learn to do express this in an appropriate way. Throwing things, etc is not an appropriate response. But, crying or "hating me" in that moment, is OK. And, understand that the child just have to have a good cry sometimes. After the tantrum, then you can just give the child a hug and redirect them to something else. Your kid is no different than anyone's and just don't take the melt downs personally.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 18, 2013 8:32:08 GMT -5
3 is a hard age. Try to do things with him before the tantrum? Or tell him (and then follow though) that at x you and he will do y.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,759
|
Post by raeoflyte on Feb 18, 2013 9:04:36 GMT -5
I agree with shooby. When ds has a tantrum (which have been more frequent because of adjusting to a new baby as well) we get down to his level and try to talk to him. Doesn't always mean that he can have what he wants but we want him to know that he is heard.
The weather has derailed us but we try to get him out for some good physical activity early in the morning which seems to help. On the regression at meal times you can see if letting him sit on your lap calms him. We felt like ds was the person whose life would change the most once the baby got here and he was the least equipped to deal with the changes. I think he will decide its more fun to be a big kid once he feels more secure that the baby isn't usurping his place in the family.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 19, 2013 12:05:21 GMT -5
More time playing outside with dad after work yesterday seemed to help. Now my boss today tells me he wants me to work 45 he's a week instead of 40. Great...what do I do? There was already a crunch of time after work.
|
|