This is Taking How Long?(Foster License) update #80

[TheOtherMe]

Fantastic news.

I had a friend who got licensed to foster.  By the time everything go approved, his job was no longer secure.  He was hoping to adopt the child or children he fostered.  He didn't want to disrupt a child again, so he chose to no longer pursue it.

He did talk about going through catalogs of pictures and stories and going to events where these kids were there to mingle with prospective foster families.  

I hope you find "your" child soon.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Congratulations!  And yay for progress. 

[shanendoah]

TheOtherMe - Now it's websites (think petfinder, only with kids), but there are also events where you go to meet kids, too. We're scheduled for one in April a couple hours drive north of where we live.

[Chocolate Lover]

Feb 26, 2013 18:24:24 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Death by Chocolate-I don't necessarily need cute. I have a Beagle for that. We are trying to stay away from kids on medication therapy (harder than you might think when dealing with the foster system). It's not to say we'd rule them out entirely, but there would have to be a lot going for the kid in order for us to take that on. One of the joys about adopting an older kid from foster care is that you get to pick at least some of the issues you're willing to deal with.

Aww come on!!! He's at least as adorable as your beagle  

It's only ADHD, a walk in the park compared to some others that need medicating

[shanendoah]

Chocolate Lover - I have no doubt he's cute, though as cute as my Beagle is hard for anyone to pull off. I mean, she's the whole reason I started the Daily Dose of Cuteness thread. I'm not saying it can't be done- Aussie and Corgi puppies can pull it off -but it's a pretty high bar.
And no, ADHD is not that bad, and something we're willing to consider, just not at this second.
Besides, your son already has parents who love him and will do everything in their power to help him succeed. I think he might be pretty mad at you if you sent him to us. We're kind of looking for a kid that will be excited to have us as their "real" parents.

[Chocolate Lover]

Feb 27, 2013 15:35:21 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Chocolate Lover - I have no doubt he's cute, though as cute as my Beagle is hard for anyone to pull off. I mean, she's the whole reason I started the Daily Dose of Cuteness thread. I'm not saying it can't be done- Aussie and Corgi puppies can pull it off -but it's a pretty high bar.
And no, ADHD is not that bad, and something we're willing to consider, just not at this second.
Besides, your son already has parents who love him and will do everything in their power to help him succeed. I think he might be pretty mad at you if you sent him to us. We're kind of looking for a kid that will be excited to have us as their "real" parents.

He might be more willing to trade me in than you think but his dad NEVER!!!

I'm sure you'll find a great kid who will be beyond excited to have you guys as parents.

[TheOtherMe]

Feb 27, 2013 11:22:42 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

TheOtherMe - Now it's websites (think petfinder, only with kids), but there are also events where you go to meet kids, too. We're scheduled for one in April a couple hours drive north of where we live.

He may have been given a catalog with large format printing because he is legally blind.  That almost cost him a license, but it didn't in the end.  He had one child he particularly wanted to foster and then adopt that me met at the event.  He had seen him in the catalog or website and sought the child out at the event.

[Sam_2.0]

The thought of meeting kids at an event like that is actually kind of sad to me. Can you imagine being the kid who keeps going but no one wants to meet you? I've told DH over & over that I want to foster/adopt once our kids are older and we are in a place where I can be a SAHM.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I think I may want to get into fostering older kids, once ours are older.  Dh doesn't think we can afford to but I'm pretty sure we can make it work, if we want to.  But it's not an issue even close to on the table right now. 

[shanendoah]

TheOtherMe - I don't think we'll get a list of the kids who are there, but I'm not certain. It will be our first time attending one of those events.

Sam_2.0 - what I am positive of is that it won't be like an adoption event at Petsmart. The kids aren't going to be just sitting in their own little area waiting for people to come meet them. I believe there are activities and lots of things to do- a chance for kids and waiting families to meet and interact. Yes, it's hard to come to terms with "shopping for a child" but the honest truth is, how else do you learn about the kids, find one that might be a good match for your family? How do the kids meet you and have a say in the matter (and older kids do have a say). There has to be a way for kids and families to meet and interact.
But I don't think kids are ever told about inquiries about them by families until the families and social workers are working specifically on a match between them.

Wisconsin Beth - I guess I am not certain how expensive fostering will be. You do get a stipend each month from the state. You don't provide the medical coverage. Social workers may often be the one to drive kids around to counseling/meetings etc. And FMLA does protect your time off (up to 12 weeks) if you take time when the child is first placed in your home (even if you don't intend to adopt).
What might be expensive are some of the changes you need to make around your house in order to pass the home inspection for a foster care license, but the kids themselves should be less expensive than your own kids (unless they are destructive, I guess).

[Wisconsin Beth]

Which is more or less what I thought, money wise.

We're not in a place (emotionally, timewise, etc.) to start the process.  Our kids are 3+ and almost 5.  I'd want to get all the baby/toddler crap out of our house before even starting to do my research. 

[shanendoah]

Beth is gonna lose 10 lbs. -Oh, I certainly would not take on foster care right now, if I were you, certainly not with kids the age of yours. Most kids in foster care are going to need quite a bit of your attention when they come in the house, so your kids need to be at a point where they need less and can understand why the other kids need more.
But if you're at a point where your kids are older and you do have some room in your budget, I certainly would not let money be the reason you don't take in foster kids, if it is something you really want to do. (But I would also say, don't commit to anything until you've taken all of the training. C and I started training in April 2009 and didn't decide to move forward until Jan 2012. Having the emotional capacity is even more important than having the financial capacity.)

[shanendoah]

An update for those who have not seen this elsewhere.

About noon on April 30, C and I received an email looking for a possible same day placement for a 9 year old girl (henceforth known at Pop Tart). She arrived in our home about 10:15pm that night. There's not a lot I can share, other than to say she's a great kid, very sweet. We do hope to adopt her, but that is minimum still 5 months away, and most likely a year or more out.

My last day at my job was May 3 (and I really wasn't going into the office anyway), so I've been able to be home with C and Pop Tart for the last 7 weeks, just like if I had FMLA. It's been pretty fabulous.

Today is the first weekday of summer break, so the we'll be adapting to a new schedule.
And with luck, I'll be offered a new position this afternoon. (I'm one of the top two candidates. They are making their decision today and will call after 3pm local time.)

On the financial side, our stipend from the state was $500 for May. Our plan is to split that money up into some reimbursement for us, long term savings for her, and savings to toward a possible family vacation. The state will also reimburse us for our mileage, as we were asked to keep her in the same school she'd been in for the end of the school year, which was 18.5 miles away from where we live. (Took about 2.5-3 hours of our day just getting her two and from school.)

[Deleted]

Congratulations to you and "Pop Tart" shanendoah!  Glad to hear you are all getting along swimmingly!!!

Good luck on the new position, too! 

[taz157]

shane - Congrats on your 9 year old placement! Good luck on your job hunt too!

[Wisconsin Beth]

She's settling in ok then?  Or is she on her best behavior because Pop Tart isn't expecting to stay long with you guys?  I guess what I'm asking is Has she been in the system for a while?  I'm thinking of some of the stuff that Later talked about with her 2nd (LGW? maybe?)

Edited - you may not be able to answer, I know that.  But I'm nosy. 

[muttleynfelix]

Congrats Shannen!

[shanendoah]

Wisconsin Beth - She has been in the system a while and we did have a "honeymoon" period, but that had ended. Saturday, she had a mini-meltdown while shoe shopping because we told her she would have to do some school work with C over the summer. (This was not our first melt-down, though it was the first one in public.)

Still, at this point, Pop Tart has not officially been told that we are a long term placement. Her social worker was supposed to come on Friday, and she would have gotten the official word that we are not just respite care, but an adoptive home, but the social worker got in a car accident. But I think she's figured it out, or at least has an idea.

[Deleted]

Congrats and good luck!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Ok, thanks. 

Hey, some questions about fostering.  My neighbors foster.  I know they've got a roughly 1 year old boy (born 3 months early so his developmental stuff is off) and they've had other kids come and go.  Is it kinda normal for kids to come and go?  Last year htey had 2 girls ages 9 and 10.  This summer they have the 9 and a 4 year old.  But the 4 year old's been gone the last couple of weeks or so. 

And is it rude to ask them about all of this?  I haven't been, unless I get a blatant opening because I'm not really sure what's going on and who's who and why they're there.  And it's truly not my business and I don't want to say something offensive so I've been keeping my mouth shut. 

[shanendoah]

Wisconsin Beth - Yes, it is normal for kids to come and go from traditional foster homes (ie non foster to adopt homes).
Pop Tart was in two placements that were intended to be temporary. One was the "emergency" placement when she was first removed from her birth family- these last anywhere from 1-2 nights to a month or so, and another longer term foster home while it was decided whether or not she would return to her birth family or if the state would seek to terminate rights. Kids can be in these homes for months or years.
Some kids leave the foster home to go back to their birth families, others move into foster to adopt homes (like ours).

I could never be a traditional foster parent. I think it's really hard work to care for these kids knowing that it is temporary, and that sometimes they will go back to the exact same situation that state pulled them from to begin with.

[raeoflyte]

Congrats shanendoah! Great news about pop tart and best of luck with the job!

[Jaguar]

Congrats on your new family member.

[Deleted]

Jun 17, 2013 11:56:15 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Ok, thanks. 

Hey, some questions about fostering.  My neighbors foster.  I know they've got a roughly 1 year old boy (born 3 months early so his developmental stuff is off) and they've had other kids come and go.  Is it kinda normal for kids to come and go?  Last year htey had 2 girls ages 9 and 10.  This summer they have the 9 and a 4 year old.  But the 4 year old's been gone the last couple of weeks or so. 

And is it rude to ask them about all of this?  I haven't been, unless I get a blatant opening because I'm not really sure what's going on and who's who and why they're there.  And it's truly not my business and I don't want to say something offensive so I've been keeping my mouth shut. 

It is normal for kids to come and go. The goal is to have the parents straighten out their act so the kids can go home. As for questions, I don't mind them at all. I don't think anyone thinks it's rude.

[thyme4change]

Good luck to you.  I hope you and C and Pop Tart have a great time together.  

If it makes you feel any better, my perfectly reasonable 9 year old girl has melt-downs, too.  I think we are getting some hormones started.  And the weirdest thing sets them off.  Did you know a missing sneaker is the end of the world?  That was brand-new information to me.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thanks. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 17, 2013 13:07:32 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Good luck to you.  I hope you and C and Pop Tart have a great time together.  

If it makes you feel any better, my perfectly reasonable 9 year old girl has melt-downs, too.  I think we are getting some hormones started.  And the weirdest thing sets them off.  Did you know a missing sneaker is the end of the world?  That was brand-new information to me.  

Yes, it is.  Because how can she sneak with only 1/2 a pair of sneakers?  She can only sne and therefore won't get away with stuff. 

[thyme4change]

LOL.  

[Queen of Interesting Nuts]

Oh dear seems my eyes have sprung a leak.

[Queen of Interesting Nuts]

The fantastically melt downs occur at age 12 (and don't end until .... wait I will let you know when it does)