shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Dec 28, 2012 12:28:55 GMT -5
Beth: Mine have all been for Heifer International or the Animal Rescue Site lately (probably because all of my family's christmas gifts came via the Animal Rescue site), that at the moment, the top one is for some kind of drug and the bottom one is for embassy suites
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 28, 2012 12:29:15 GMT -5
That's where being a Casa or a Gal is a huge help. First, you've jumped through a lot of the background hoops and also, caseworkers know you. You also get a feel for if you can even do this.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Dec 28, 2012 12:47:25 GMT -5
GRG: I love my agency and chose them for specific reasons, so I don't mind sharing who I'm going with. We are going through Amara amaraparenting.org/[/url. They have been in the Seattle area for 90 years. We chose them for a number of reasons. 1) We can be both on a foster to adopt and an infant relinquishment track at the same time 2) Their fees for infant relinquishment adoptions are on a sliding scale based on income. Instead of starting at $25,000, as most agencies in the area do, they top out at $25k. Based on their scale, our fees will be less than $15k. (This does not include legal fees, but no agency does.) 3) If we adopt via foster care, the cost to us will be $2k total (which we've already paid), which covers our home study, background checks, and having an advocate. 4) The agency we are going through shares our same social values (ie not religious, socially liberal, open to all kinds of families). Adoption laws can vary a lot by state. If you are looking only to foster and not adopt, there won't be a lot of private agencies to go through. In our area, the only private agency I know of that helps foster parents is Catholic Family Services. Every other agency works only with the foster to adopt program. I don't think we've ruled out adoption. We mostly just want to offer a stable, relatively sane (LOL), safe place for a child to live in. We're reasonably socially liberal (by Catholic standards, anyway, which I guess means we really are liberal, LOL). As I think about it, our primary criteria is that the child not be completely broken or mentally ill -- ONLY because I know we don't have the skill set for those issues and therefore we would likely only add to the child's pain. Does that make sense? I sincerely mean no judgement -- just a true census of our own abilities.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Dec 28, 2012 12:49:02 GMT -5
That's where being a Casa or a Gal is a huge help. First, you've jumped through a lot of the background hoops and also, caseworkers know you. You also get a feel for if you can even do this. I am sure people already working/volunteering in the system have a good sense of a particular child's issues. Have you thought about branching off a little and advising adoptive parents?
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Dec 28, 2012 12:53:08 GMT -5
GRG: I'm with you. We're willing to take a kid with asthma, but not a kid with FES. We're willing to take a kid who might have some learning disabilities, but not one with Downs or CP. I have huge respect for people who are able to take on the kids with greater challenges, but, I'm not one of them. If I have the chance to choose a healthy, normal child, why would I ever put myself/my marriage through something else?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 28, 2012 14:21:58 GMT -5
- i don't think i'd get approved. Not only do we have a vegan household - but i travel for work and am gone for up to 4 days sometimes. but maybe I watch too much TV? Maybe I should apply and see what they say? i just hate to put muself under that kind of scrutiny.... You might be surprised at the level of scrutiny. My DH is a recovering addict. I thought that was going to permanently close the door on us being potential foster parents/adopting. As it turns out, for foster care, we have to simply disclose that he is recovery. If we want anything more permanent, we simply need his therapist (maybe mine too-they are both in the same practice) to write a letter saying that we're all good. Apparently, this is is a fairly routine procedure for the practice. On another board I frequent, a husband and wife both are bi-polar. But they are both managing it actively with medication. They just adopted their third kid within the past 2 or 3 months. So, it seems like you'd probably have a chance when you applied.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2012 14:25:12 GMT -5
When I worked at the charter school, we had a family who were foster parents. The "dad" was a convicted murderer who spent 20 years in prison, yet they still approved them to foster. I always thought that was weird, but it was a very true situation.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 30, 2012 15:48:13 GMT -5
I think it would depend on the reasoning behind the murder. If a man raped me and my father killed him, to me that's different than just hitting granny on the head with a hammer because you want to steal her money.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Dec 31, 2012 11:55:38 GMT -5
I think the only things that can truly rule you out are a history or child or elder abuse or being a current addict. A history of violence, as long as it wasn't against children, or those otherwise in your care, can be overlooked as long as you can prove you've gotten counseling, etc.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jan 2, 2013 18:44:38 GMT -5
shanendoah, I'm sorry to hear of the lengthy red tape. I'm also sorry I haven't been keeping in touch!! This does seem frustrating (although I admire your attitude about it). I really hope you guys get a child soon - you and Mr. Shanendoah will be such wonderful parents and I can't wait to see you as a mommy I really love what you said about kids coming in their own time regardless of your schedule. So true.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 25, 2013 18:04:42 GMT -5
Just thought I'd update. The home study is complete. We are waiting for our foster license (should be another 3-4 weeks).
However, we are now officially in the "child search" portion of adoption. Which means I'm shopping for a kid.
Anyone got one they want to sell cheap?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Feb 25, 2013 18:13:16 GMT -5
SQUEEEEE CHILD SHOPPING!!! Mine isn't for sale but if you get a boy feel free to join the Facebook quest for her hand I'm so excited for you, you'll be such a great mommy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2013 18:19:20 GMT -5
My God you are a patient woman. It seems to have taken forever! Congratulations.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 25, 2013 18:29:47 GMT -5
Firebird - Child shopping is almost exactly like looking for a new pet on petfinder.com. It's exciting and a little depressing and a bit surreal, all at once. @justaposter - Well, considering we made the decision that we definitely wanted to adopt over a year ago, yes, yes it does seem to have taken forever. Hopefully the state does not sit on the actual foster license the way they did the background checks.
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midjd
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Your Money Admin
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Post by midjd on Feb 25, 2013 19:46:26 GMT -5
Congrats on the progress!
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Feb 25, 2013 21:52:52 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2013 2:26:05 GMT -5
Do you want a 20 year old? LOL
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Feb 26, 2013 10:24:23 GMT -5
Firebird - Child shopping is almost exactly like looking for a new pet on petfinder.com. It's exciting and a little depressing and a bit surreal, all at once. @justaposter - Well, considering we made the decision that we definitely wanted to adopt over a year ago, yes, yes it does seem to have taken forever. Hopefully the state does not sit on the actual foster license the way they did the background checks.
Are there infants/toddlers available for adoption? Or are you looking for an older child? Do you foster the child first? How does it work?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2013 10:30:20 GMT -5
CONGRATULATIONS shanendoah!!!!
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 26, 2013 10:46:47 GMT -5
skubikky - So our foster license is going to be for children anywhere from 0-15 years old. We're not likely to start with a 15 year old, but if there's a 12 or 13 year old we like, this gives us room in case the process takes a while. We originally planned on getting our license for 0-6 years old, but then we started looking at the children listed on the publicly available website. On there, most of the young children have significant medical issues, which we are not prepared to deal with. There were a couple of young teens who interested us, so we went with the expanded age range. (There is a non-publicly available website that has many more children, including younger children who don't have the significant issues.) While we would still prefer to find a younger child that is the right match for us, we don't want to turn our back on older kids who need a permanent home just as much and that we feel confident in our ability to parent. There is also the possibility that we could adopt not from foster care but via infant relinquishment (birth parents working with our agency). However, there are at least 30 families in the infant relinquishment program and only about 10 babies a year. We are much more likely to adopt from foster care. But that could be an infant as easily as it could be an older child. If we adopt from foster care, then yes, we will foster the child first. That is because they like as few moves for the child as possible and to give the kid a chance to get used to the new situation before it's officially permanent (obviously matters more for older kids than it does toddlers). So the child will come to us while they are still in foster care and then we'll begin the adoption process.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 26, 2013 11:33:38 GMT -5
Just thought I'd update. The home study is complete. We are waiting for our foster license (should be another 3-4 weeks).
However, we are now officially in the "child search" portion of adoption. Which means I'm shopping for a kid.
Anyone got one they want to sell cheap? Family Dollar Store has lots of really good deals.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Feb 26, 2013 15:30:39 GMT -5
Just thought I'd update. The home study is complete. We are waiting for our foster license (should be another 3-4 weeks).
However, we are now officially in the "child search" portion of adoption. Which means I'm shopping for a kid.
Anyone got one they want to sell cheap? I have an adorable 8 year old I'll pay you to take. Well, some days.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 26, 2013 15:40:05 GMT -5
Tennesseer - a better deal than free? because if we adopt from foster care, we're done paying money.
Chocolate Lover- tell me about this 8 year old- performing at grade level? interests? prone to violent outbursts? we won't settle for just any kid. it needs to be the right match. if I were willing to just risk it, I would have just gotten pregnant.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Feb 26, 2013 15:45:01 GMT -5
He's really smart, and cute, and loves Minecraft & other games, and plays well with younger kids, and cute, and loves anything with wheels, and cute, and only has violent outbursts with the same regularity as other kids while he's medicated, and he's cute and not shy and did I mention that he's cute?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2013 15:47:40 GMT -5
LOL I love it!
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 26, 2013 18:24:24 GMT -5
Death by Chocolate-I don't necessarily need cute. I have a Beagle for that. We are trying to stay away from kids on medication therapy (harder than you might think when dealing with the foster system). It's not to say we'd rule them out entirely, but there would have to be a lot going for the kid in order for us to take that on. One of the joys about adopting an older kid from foster care is that you get to pick at least some of the issues you're willing to deal with.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Feb 26, 2013 20:46:49 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2013 20:49:04 GMT -5
Foster care is notorious for medicating, often over medicating.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 26, 2013 21:36:50 GMT -5
I should thank everyone for the congratulations. I often forget that.
oped - don't we know it. that's why medication therapy is not an absolute no, it could be that the kid will be fine once in a stable home with parents who are paying attention and have the time and means to seek out alternate therapies and solutions.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Feb 26, 2013 21:51:34 GMT -5
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