InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Dec 17, 2012 15:07:21 GMT -5
Feel like killing a few people today. 1. One of my husband's 'friend' has been hitting on me. It started less than 48 hours after my husband was found dead. Thankfully, he 100 miles away and has never been here. But still, that's beyond being an asshole. 2. My husband's sister has asked me if I even really loved my husband. And the day of the viewing asks me if I needed her husband to go over the budget and let me know what kind of shape I was really in. I told her no thanks, I have always taken care of the bills and I knew what was going on. She told that's not possible to do. Women do NOT take care of that sort of thing. She then the day after the funeral told me I should have gotten up to look for a job. And that any money I do have and any that I will be given should be given to either her husband or my FIL to handle because women can't. I want to seriously hurt both of them. I think both of them are pieces of shits. Now, I know I am hurting. And I know they are both hurting. And I also know that people do crazy things when they are hurting. But am I wrong to feel rage when I think of them two asshats?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 17, 2012 15:08:40 GMT -5
Go ahead and smack them. They're both giant douches.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Dec 17, 2012 15:12:38 GMT -5
Don't smack 'em - we don't want you to land in jail. But they are both scumbags. Wow, especially your sister-in-law. I think I'd just try to forget the first stupid question. But the one about the money, do you think she really believe women can't handle money - or is she just trying to latch on to whatever you may have?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 17, 2012 15:12:56 GMT -5
ETA: To Swamp's post...about douches.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 17, 2012 15:14:12 GMT -5
Wow. Your SIL is a bitch. I'd be tempted to say "Yep, I really loved my husband but I sure as hell don't care for you".
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Dec 17, 2012 15:14:20 GMT -5
#1 Ignore him or call him out on it and say it's inappropriate and discrespectful #2 Ignore her or call her out and tell her not to project her way of doing things or in this case not doing things onto you
It's your call but if it's bothering you I wouldn't bottle it all up right now because you've got more important things to deal with. Best wishes.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 17, 2012 15:15:04 GMT -5
Shit of a bitches!
Go whale on a pillow, punching bag, whatever's handy (but not their faces - as Waffle says, we don't want you to land in jail!)
It sounds like both have some major ulterior motives. Particularly your SIL. If someone told me I needed to hand over all my money because I couldn't handle it, the RED ALERT signs would start going off.
Preying on those who have recently suffered a huge loss is one of the absolute lowest things you can do, IMO.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Dec 17, 2012 15:18:22 GMT -5
I think I'd go with the 'Keep your mouth shut but keep them at arms length' strategy. People act really crazy when someone dies. And there is a chance that you're misinterpreting something or that they'll come to their senses in time.
But definitely avoid these people for the time being. No matter what the reasons are, they're not acting like the type of people a grieving widdow needs to have around.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Dec 17, 2012 15:19:54 GMT -5
People do it all the time though. This is one reason it is never a good idea to let people you do business with that you recently lost your husband.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Dec 17, 2012 15:22:56 GMT -5
Stay away from both of them. There is no real way to tell if they are acting weird because they just lost their brother/best friend or if they are trying to take advantage of you in your time of loss. I would avoid them both for now and make a decision on their motives sometime a long time from now. This is not something you should have to deal with right now.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 17, 2012 15:23:34 GMT -5
What a matched pair of douchecanoes these two are. Can you introduce them to one another? They sound like they go together perfectly.
And stay away from both of them, if possible. You don't need to deal with people like these two at a time like this.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 17, 2012 15:25:33 GMT -5
Do you have any friends! I find having a good friend around whenever I deal with a-holes always shuts the a-holes up.
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daisylu
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Post by daisylu on Dec 17, 2012 15:28:43 GMT -5
NO. There is nothing wrong with feeling anger towards these 2 jackasses. I hope they stay far away from away.
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Dec 17, 2012 15:57:55 GMT -5
Both remarks are absolutely rude and completely uncalled for. My best advice: 1) Ignore the husband's friend - sadly there are still many men in this world who see a widow (no matter how new they are to the circumstances) as an "opportunity" 2) As for the SIL - all I can say is WOW!!! And again, sadly there are still many people, men and women, who believe only a man can handle finances. If someone in my father's family had said something like that to my Mama after Daddy passed, the explosion would have been seen in Asia but in her case, relatives hung back acting like they were scared she would ask for financial help - which she never had to do. ;D In any case, you can handle her in one of two ways. You can stick to your guns and keep telling her you have it handled and do not need the help of BIL or FIL OR you can fib and say one of your male relatives will be assisting you in these matters just to shut her up. Of course, my feeling is that there is some nosiness going on here from her and the BIL/FIL and they will still push for info if you fib about the help so I'd be firm but polite about your ability to handle things until there comes a time to not be so polite. I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. Some people just don't think (and others are just plain @$$ hats).
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Bluerobin
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Post by Bluerobin on Dec 17, 2012 15:59:56 GMT -5
ICN, there are actually some folks that believe that! Tell them you hired an accountant and are satisfied. Tell Romeo that you will be in mourning for at least a year or two.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 17, 2012 16:01:53 GMT -5
People do it all the time though. This is one reason it is never a good idea to let people you do business with that you recently lost your husband. Kind of hard to hide that when you live in a small town.
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sapphire12
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Post by sapphire12 on Dec 17, 2012 16:02:27 GMT -5
Hugs to you!
These two are are a piece of work that you need to keep away from you.
Please don't smack them, though you might have mitigating circumstances to avoid jail time.
Best wishes as you continue during this difficult time.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Dec 17, 2012 16:03:14 GMT -5
Oh please! Can I meet your SIL? I now want to beat the shit out of her (I'm still pissed about the shooting and just read two threads)! I won't because I am civilized but I can do it with words. I would lay her out flat. What an obnoxious, rude moron!!!
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 17, 2012 16:03:16 GMT -5
Wow. Your SIL is a bitch. I'd be tempted to say "Yep, I really loved my husband but I sure as hell don't care for you".
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 17, 2012 16:03:23 GMT -5
You don't even have to hide it for the vultures to seek you out.
There have been many reports of scams in which the perps scan the "survived by" section of the obituaries looking for targets.
Either way, not really applicable to ICN's situation. I doubt she could have hidden her DH's death from her sister-in-law or her DH's friend.
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Jake 48
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Post by Jake 48 on Dec 17, 2012 16:12:29 GMT -5
ICN, its ok to feel rage with these 2 asshats, I agree w/ kari, keep them away. K4U
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2012 16:20:06 GMT -5
Hmm. My first reaction is actually to ask whether or not your in-laws have money problems and if they are way too interested in whether or not your DH had life insurance. The financial shenanigans in my adoptive family when people have died or been ill have to be seen to be believed. If she's genuinely concerned about your ability to support yourself and your family then you might reassure her in generic terms that everything is taken care of. Sorry you are dealing with this as well.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 17, 2012 17:17:06 GMT -5
ICN - I don't have anything to add except to let you know I'm thinking about you during this season and sending you virtual hugs. Sorry you have to deal with cromagnon man and nosey SIL. Ignore them and lean on your friends who love you.
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Dec 17, 2012 17:37:47 GMT -5
I have 'hidden' myself on facebook where the friend 'talks' to me at. So I only have to reply when i feel like it.
My MIL and FIL are on my side in terms of going to work. They don't think right this minute would be good for the kids. I will get a job more than likely within the year, just not in the next few months. I'm currently a basket case. My sil has always acted like I wasn't good enough for her brother. She acts like me being a sahm is the worse thing ever, nevermind that she is one with teens. She certainly doesn't need money her husband is very well to do. She said that I would spend the money all on stupid stuff. And if thats how I had been then I would understand that, but I have always paid the bills. we've never bought just stupid shit.
I'm try to remember that the way they act is their karma and the way I react is mine.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2012 18:17:44 GMT -5
I agree to keep them both as far away as possible. But if you have a good relationship with your MIL and FIL, I'm sure you want to preserve that, so as far as SIL goes, it might be easier said than done.
I would probably tell SIL that I appreciate her concern, and that I am deeply sorry that she is not (intelligent, savvy, smart, frugal, whatever) enough to deal with money, but she needn't worry, because you are. ;-)
I find your DH's best friend's attitude positively revolting. This said, my sister ended up with her late DH's best friend. But, he was a gentleman, he was free, he was local, and things happened VERY slowly. My BIL died 16 years ago, and my sister and his best friend have been together for 14 years.
This guy just sounds like a vulture, and I'd stay well away from him.
I am SO sorry you are dealing with these idjuts, on top of everything else you have to deal with. I think you are doing a great job keeping it all together.
I'm glad your MIL and FIL are on your side, that makes things easier.
Many hugs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2012 18:23:16 GMT -5
You are a better person than I will ever be.
Seriously, I don't know how you ladies stay composed when folks are making those comments.
I am my mama's child and as she said to a lately that was messing with her: "Honey, I may act well to do and civilized but cross me one more time and I will go gettho on your ass"
God I love my mama!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 17, 2012 18:27:50 GMT -5
My Dad was barely cold when our family Dentist hit on my mom. When he was unsuccessful, he hit on me. Disgusting.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2012 18:28:25 GMT -5
Carl, personally, I'd definitely unfriend the asshat friend, or at least hide his feed. (I don't have a problem unfriending people on FB but some people do.)
But if the OP is going to maintain a relationship with her in-laws, so the kids can continue to see their grandparents, crossing her SIL (their daughter) forever more is NOT constructive. With five kids I think it's better if she tries to get along with them. That does NOT mean she should do what the SIL says, AT ALL, but ICN knows that! ;-)
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Dec 17, 2012 18:29:38 GMT -5
::1. One of my husband's 'friend' has been hitting on me. It started less than 48 hours after my husband was found dead. Thankfully, he 100 miles away and has never been here. But still, that's beyond being an asshole. ::
I'd be REALLY sure that he's hitting on you. Sometimes it's hard for guys to try to be caring without coming across as hitting on you. And women tend to think that EVERYONE is hitting on them, since in general guys don't bother talking to you unless they actually are. But I can also imagine how tough it might be to make sure someone knows you're available to help out, and trying to keep up the contact to make you feel like you're not alone, without coming off as flirting.
There's "I think he's hitting on me" and then there's "He directly said I should have sex with him". Given that you 2 haven't seen one another, so nothing physical was attempted, I'd be really sure before I decided to cut out one of my late-partner's friends.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Dec 17, 2012 18:31:44 GMT -5
I want to seriously hurt both of them. I think both of them are pieces of shits. (in best south side accent) hey, you want me to go pay them a visit? I'll even be nice and bring the wooden bat instead of the aluminum one...
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