Optimist's metaphysical & RL journey love, BK, job

[Opti]

Library computer is seizing up on trying to comment on a post so I'll just use quick reply.
Words don't fail me. Apparently reading comprehension wasn't entirely there for Miss R?
My lengthy tome confused?

I blamed myself for taking bad advice. I'm not sure clearer I could have been. *I* don't want to create a job in house cleaning. *I* want to create jobs in film, and other artistic pursuits. It is what has made my journey unique and incomprehensible to some.

Working too many hours in a place with no upward movement to anything I want(PT job) is something I will no longer do. Clear?

[Opti]

Well for those who like what I write or least enjoy it somewhat I found something cool.

Some dude named Jeremy Clark has some fun quotes about cars.

Here's the link (NOT!) Can't seem to get the copy
working here. Check out www.ridelust.com
and perhaps search for 25 awesome Jeremy Clark quotes. I love the first one about the Ferrari and #5 about speed. To paraphrase, it is not speed that kills you it is the suddenly becoming stationary.

All for now. I can tell the world is still in a state of chaos.  Wonder if Mercury is retrograde in some new and fun way. It is almost fun now to see who and or what will self destruct next.

[NancysSummerSip]

It's Jeremy Clarkson, and he is not "some dude."

He is an internationally known author and television presenter (what the Brits call their TV hosts) on one of the most popular TV shows in the world, Top Gear. The show (which is on BBC America) is so huge that in spite of the BBC's attempts to end it, due to the expense of making it, they can't. Viewers and sponsors won't let them. American and Australian versions of the show are also on TV, but neither is anywhere near as good as the original, now in it's 19th season.

[Opti]

Alrighty then. Sorry for getting his name wrong.
I haven't had even basic cable since the first month or so of 2007
so I had no idea who he was. Never watched Top Gear BBC. Never
had the opporuntity to do so.

Lonewolf thanks for the support. I don't want to solve my dilemna the way most peple would prefer so I have to keep my own counsel. Had the author of Harry Potter, JK Rowlings, listened to everyone I doubt she would have preservered and wrote the novels that eventually made her one of the richest women in the world. Instead she could have listened to well-meaning advice, stopped writing and getting fired from admin jobs and been stuck in a better fitting lower level admin job for life.

I know I am not handling this the best way I could. However, I need things that will work for me, not work for MissR. or others that would injure my soul and will to go on. Sticking with the PT job and taking as many hours as possible has been the wrong decision - for me. It has kept me trapped in a job that cannot support me instead of using it just enough to leverage me into something better. Everyone is different. Some of you have way more energy than I and can work lots of hours and still be motivated to find work. That's never been me. I also find selling myself for a job less pleasant than most people feel about going to the dentist. I'd much rather go to the dentist than have to do the job search thing. That's me.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 6:40:01 GMT -5 Opti said:

I need things that will work for me, not work for MissR. or others that would injure my soul and will to go on. Sticking with the PT job and taking as many hours as possible has been the wrong decision - for me. It has kept me trapped in a job that cannot support me instead of using it just enough to leverage me into something better. Everyone is different. Some of you have way more energy than I and can work lots of hours and still be motivated to find work. That's never been me. I also find selling myself for a job less pleasant than most people feel about going to the dentist. I'd much rather go to the dentist than have to do the job search thing. That's me.

WTF? I and others would injure your soul and will to go on? Are you freaking kidding?

And you don't have the energy to work part time and still be motivated to find work?

Here's what: quit obsessing over what you can't do, what doesn't work for you, what you used to do and be and have, and whether or not you're hydrated enough.

I used to do and be and have lots of things. That was then. This is now. I did more than merely rub elbows with the rich and famous and was offered (and took) jobs that were far and away more than I ever dreamed I could do, and I did them well, lived in a house that TGH and I owned outright and a hair more than $1 million. Now I don't. I don't spend time mourning what I used to do and be and have because at the end of the day, what matters is how I live the rest of my life.

There was a time as a single parent of three kids, I worked four jobs--one full time with mandatory overtime, and three part-time because it was what needed to be done. And no, I didn't have the energy for it or for the 12-hour class load I was carrying or any other damned thing. I was exhausted but we had what we needed to keep on keeping on.

A real paying job by tax day? Only in your dreams unless you get up off your dead center and get busy finding a job rather than bemoaning the fact that you don't have one and that the part-time job do you have is beneath you. Guess what? IMO, since you won't do anything to make your life better, that job that insults your intelligence and is beneath your dignity, is all you deserve. You're making a career of being put upon, downtrodden, misunderstood, overwhelmed and underhydrated and of being a Tragic Figure.

You're no optimist. Optimists get up every morning with the attitude that they have another opportunity to make it a better day than the one before. So far I haven't detected a single note of optimism in your postings. Your "two-pronged" metaphysical and RL life approach isn't working, and until and unless you dismount from your high horse and get over yourself, it won't.  And if it's all the same to you, quit pointing your finger at me, at others, at circumstances or at any other outside forces for your sorry situation. So you didn't bring it on yourself, but you have certainly perpetuated it.

One more thing: I didn't tell you that you had to go out and do what I'm doing. As I recall, I offered it as a way to make your own hours while searching for a job and to make enough money to keep body and soul together because you were, once again, whining about circling the financial drain.

Yup. I guess this could be and probably will be seen as a personal attack, but yanno? your nasty comments about me are pretty damned personal, too.

[NancysSummerSip]

Could.not.have.said.it.better, MissR. And spoken by someone who really does know real life from an honest perspective. It seems that some folks just cannot do what needs to be done unless they hit whatever version of rock bottom they need to hit. Pessimism, victimization, tragic figure, downtrodden damsel. Whatever. Most of us have dreams, but we do what we have to in order to reach them.

And I should add that in the seven-year period that it too JK Rowling to write the first Harry Potter novel, which was published in 1997, she did work, and dealt with the loss of her mother, her marriage and poverty-level living conditions.  She was employed as a researcher for Amnesty International, and did not give up the work until she was financially able to do so. Writing the first in the series of books did not mean not working, though no doubt, those long days and nights dealing with personal issues, work issues and child issues (she has three children) must have made her wish she could.

[Deleted]

Hey Optimist,

How are things going with you? 

[Opti]

Quick update as I am sans home Internet for now.

My bankruptcy was granted mid April 2013. I'm still behind on my Verizon bill, gas & electric bill, and paying off the IRS. Now, I wish I had waited to file after April 15th so I could have included my back taxes, but dodging the final collection law firm cost me at least $110 even though I was "judgement proof" and I barely was able to make rent one time because of them freezing a small bank account.


Interestingly I am somewhat sans Internet because of my bankruptcy fees. What few people tell you is that getting breaks or waived fees doesn't always happen even if you qualify. The programs at cutoffs are set by law and they really don't care if you actually don't have the money to pay. I had to let Verizon become a month or more behind in order to pay my payments for BK fees. While it was split over 4 months, it wasn't low enough to prevent me from needing to dig bigger holes with Verizon and PSE&G to pay it. If it weren't for the payments I would have been granted my bankruptcy in March 60 days after my court date but it was granted in April after my last payment. I was actually sweating was I getting it even though the actual court appearance went well. My lawyer didn't know if it would be granted in April or March.

(Verizon, cut my Internet & phone off because my check didn't get there fast enough and crossed their notice in the mail. So for the lack of $64.03, I'm without Internet and long distance.  I told the not so competent rep I couldn't pay until my 9/6 paycheck
so I'm not sure how I'm going to pull off the online payment I was going to try so it wouldn't take them 7 to 9 days to post my payment! )

[Deleted]

Swallow your pride and take additional hours or an additional shit job (seasonal retail).

You have too many instances of 'no money for food' or 'no money for monthly bills' to EVER be turning down extra hours, yet you have done that repeatedly and post here of how insane work was for expecting you to answer a phone call when you had a car oil change scheduled, or how insensitive they are to offer you hours at night when your night vision for driving is not good.

Reality check is that you are not prioritizing your basic needs first & then your 'wants' for artistic endeavors second.

Did you ever get yourself on to Medicaid so that you can address the health issues you needed to tend to?  I suspect those are still an issue and are holding you back from planning/prioritizing in a healthier fashion.

[Opti]

I'm looking for FT work. The $10/hr. job is Section 8 housing territory and I don't have the
funds to wait to get section 8.


What I'm doing isn't perfect, but I'm actually doing better IMO than two married friends with health issues. Lucikly for them they have spouses as neither have worked this past year or even recently. I found a free health clinic that will address my sinus infection issues so I'm OK for now. So compared to shingles, MS, or eye problems so bad one can't drive ... I'm doing OK.


I'm going to stick with my plan to find a FT job plan even though I know some posters disagree. My back is stil not good so I'm avoiding retail on purpose. Hard to get $10/hr. plus there anyway. Its hiring season in direct care for developmentally disabled plus I think soon they will fire one of the PT receptionists because mgmt is unhappy with the constant call outs so I hope to convince  my new boss to give the hours to me. End of November if I'm still looking I can likely cover the Fters maternity leave.


Plan to get something this month though.. Just got to get the new resume stuff ready and launch.

[Opti]

"& then your 'wants' for artistic endeavors second."




Would this be my artistic endeavors of getting my car fixed when my scheduled car appt
finally comes up or something else? Not really spending time and certainly not money
on much at all except the basics. Both my lawyer and the judge were visibly shocked on
how bare bones my spending is.