susanb
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Post by susanb on Nov 28, 2012 12:12:54 GMT -5
I have been wanting to ask this since the last Doxie thread, but decided to let all of that drama die down first.
Do you think about your career/financial/relationship/parenting success relative to the success of your parents?
DH and I take a lot of pride in being more successful than our parents, but we both come from fairly modest backgrounds so that makes it easier in some ways and harder in others.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Nov 28, 2012 12:15:17 GMT -5
I did in my 20s. I surpassed them at about age 27 and then I didn't think about it anymore.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 28, 2012 12:17:41 GMT -5
Neither of my parents went to college, and both were blue collar workers. My mom was a hairdresser, my dad was a firefighter.
My sister and I both have doctorate degrees, my brother has a bachelors.
My parents made sure our education was a priority. They also enrolled us in lots of extracurriculars, and made us be polite, respectful, and well behaved.
DH's parents are both HS dropouts. His mom went back to school as an adult and has a masters in teaching.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2012 12:20:28 GMT -5
Neither of my parents went to college, and both were blue collar workers. My mom was a hairdresser, my dad was a firefighter. My sister and I both have doctorate degrees, my brother has a bachelors. My parents made sure our education was a priority. They also enrolled us in lots of extracurriculars, and made us be polite, respectful, and well behaved. DH's parents are both HS dropouts. His mom went back to school as an adult and has a masters in teaching. my father was an enlisted man in the navy, and then a gs worker at a federal prison my mother was a waitress they raised 5 kids.....and at times things were really tight but....they wanted more from their kids....and some of us have done very well because of how we were raised
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 28, 2012 12:21:36 GMT -5
My parents didn't go to college. My dad went through 8th grade. Of course that was in Europe so it's the equivalent of America high school degree. Mom had a little college but then a music scholarship to the Chicago conservatory. Me getting a college degree was the fulfillment of their dream for me.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Nov 28, 2012 12:28:10 GMT -5
Do you think about your career/financial/relationship/parenting success relative to the success of your parents? No. I only wish I can achieve what they did. My Dad holds an MBA and is a managing director of a regional healthcare system (a group of hospitals) in the north. Mom was a CPA and owned her own firm where she employed 5 other CPAs. MIL is a doctor and FIL owns his own business. Both DH and I hold Masters degrees (DH has double Masters) and we both make excellent money working in IT. So in terms of education we are probably at par with our parents. In terms of money though, I think we are nowhere near. When it comes to relationships, both set of parents have 2 kids each and have been married for years, first marriages for both of them. I hope we can continue the tradition.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 28, 2012 12:28:16 GMT -5
I'm at the same point in my career as my dad was at his at 31. We have the same degree and same career. I doubt I will be as successful as my dad because I don't want to own my own business. I'm not as successful as my brother (in the same career) because I like working for a small company and am not a good manager (by 30, my brother was in a superviser roll). But in the grand scheme of things the difference in my success and that of my other family members is measured in very small differences. Everyone in my family has at least a bachelor's degree. My mom and sister are SAHMs (although my sister has the most advanced degree of any of us). My brother's wife is a SAHM; my DH is a SAHD. My sis's DH probably earns the largest salary, but they live in by far the most expensive living area. On the flip side, she is enough older than me that they got in and bought their house before the housing bubble (bought in 1997) and her mortgage is about the same as mine (that is really depressing). Being 5 years younger than my brother and 7 years younger than my sister I have to temper comparing what they have right now vs what I want right now. They've had that much additional time to get there. I have to do the same with my parents. I'm younger than my parents were when I was born, so I need to keep in mind even when things were tight when I was in elementary school, my parents were in their late 30s and early 40s at the time. Just because they've been on cruise control the last 15 years does not mean that it was always like that.
Bottom line, I have no desire to be "more successful" than my parents. I want to be just as successful, but if I can give my kids the same life my parents gave me, I will be happy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2012 12:38:49 GMT -5
I don't think I'll be as well off as my parents were/are. My Mom and Stepdad never went to college, but my Mom worked for the same company for 45 years and worked her way up slowly. She retired this January with a big pension and a fat retirement account. Stepdad was in the Army and then worked for the Army Corps of Engineers for 30 years as a crane operator. He retired a few years ago, but sets wind turbines for something like $80 an hour just for spending cash (like, buying a new 50K truck spending cash, LOL).
My Dad has his masters degree and was a chemical engineer for the same company for something like 30 years. He is retiring next week. Stepmom also has her masters and was a book buyer for Barnes and Noble at the corporate level.
I have a bachelors degree, but don't make much. My only shot at a comfortable retirement is that I've always been a saver, so even on a meager salary, I've accumulated a decent amount.
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aliciar6
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Post by aliciar6 on Nov 28, 2012 12:42:04 GMT -5
kind of....i know that where i am now is better off than where my parents were at my age...but i took a different path than they did. My dad didn't go to college until after I was born and I went right after high school. We are both engineers, we both were military (my dad was in 15 years longer than me and retired as a LTC). I have a Masters. But they had a successful marriage, I am on marriage number 2. Number 1 was a disaster of epic proportions.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Nov 28, 2012 12:45:39 GMT -5
My dad was a self made success. He started working in construction and worked his way up into management. He made a couple of wise real estate decisions and always lived within his means. Mom was a SAHW. Dad insisted that we at least try college. DH and I have college degrees and financially we are in about the same place as my Dad was at this time. The big difference??
It has taken 2 incomes to get here instead of one.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2012 12:48:45 GMT -5
My residency year paid more than my mother made as a teacher (or any of the secretary positions she has had over the years). I surpassed my father's highest income (also a teacher, but with a Masters and many more years experience) with my second job (age 27). And I have increased my income since then.
But then, I got a clinical doctorate and work in a high demand field.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 28, 2012 12:52:05 GMT -5
Well, if you look at absolute values, then no. But if you take age into account it's about even, though i'm probably slightly ahead because I got started in a real career path sooner than they did.
My dad and I both work for the government. He didn't start until he was 27, I started at 22. He's one grade and a lot of steps higher than me, but I'm only one grade below him at 28. We'll probably end up about the same grade, but I'll max out sooner (since I started younger). I may or may not end up as a higher grade than him, we'll see. However, even though I'll max out sooner than he will (making more money over a lifetime at the same grade) he's under the old civil service retirement system and will get a better pension. But I'll have more years to pay into retirement funds and am saving more at a younger age.
It's probably pretty much a wash or me coming out slightly ahead.
I made more at 24 than my mother ever did in 20 years of working in insurance.
Education wise we're about on par. I have a bachelor's and so does my dad. My mother has a masters and so does my sister.
My sister is a CPA and has a masters. Should make a decent salary. But I don't think it will be gobs of money more than the rest of us.
So, all in all, when accounting for ages I might be slightly ahead of where they were in their late 20's, but not much. But my parents have been reasonably successful so it's not easy to top.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Nov 28, 2012 13:19:55 GMT -5
Dad was a blue collar union worker, mom housewife until she was 40 then she went postal for 20 years. They had some rental properties and a vacation home at different points and got pensions and paid off the last house more than 35 years ago. They saved a couple of hundred thousand. They stayed married until dad died after 47 years which helped them.
I am different since I am divorced, no pension and still have a mortgage and I have a college degree. I have much more saved than they did and my house is bigger than theirs was but may not be better off financially. Mom is now 86 with way more income than expenses, sold the house on contract at 5% interest. Her cost of living is about 2K a month and income more than 3K.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Nov 28, 2012 13:25:16 GMT -5
It's hard for me to judge - my parent's were older - so the late 60's (when they would have been in their late 40's early 50's) was alot different than now (I'm 48... My mom was 48 with a 3 year old - me! and my 3 older brothers). My parents both graduated HS - my mom was a SAHM my dad worked for what is now NICOR as a 'service man'. He fought in WWII. The pictures from the 60's are pretty cheery and happy - 4 kids, a house, a car, yearly family vacations and then a couple other short trips to visit friends in the MidWest... I don't remember any of this - it was before I was born and just after. I don't remember much before the age of 4... just bits and peices. I suspect I've surpassed them wealthwise - but then I don't have a hubby or 4 kids.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2012 13:36:18 GMT -5
For a lot of years I considered myself less succesful financially than my parents. Now I would say it is a draw. On an emotional level I think I am much more succesful than my parents.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Nov 28, 2012 13:40:03 GMT -5
I think I'm a little ahead of where they were when they there my age, but will probably end up about even. My father never graduated college although he went for 3 years, my mother went back after having kids to get her degree, whereas I got mine out of college. My father is self-employed and my mother worked various office jobs. I currently make about what my mother does for similar work, and she's got 28 years on me.
I'm just hoping to end up about the same. All their kids moved out, they have the house paid off, have enough in savings/investments to do fun things (they've taken trips to England, and they are reenactors, so they have a cannon and spend tons on clothes and gear). Bills are paid and they aren't worried about retirement.
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violagirl
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Post by violagirl on Nov 28, 2012 13:41:21 GMT -5
My mother dropped out of highschool and my father has a middle school education. Dad worked as a mechanic, so we managed a moderately lower middle class lifestyle. Which was a step above our immediate relatives who work minimum wage jobs - when they work. I'm the first in family to have a university education. Education was never a huge deal for my parents. They never pushed us (except my younger brother because he needed it). We all went to college. So we all surpassed parents financially in our mid 20s. I think the more interesting comparison is comparing my brothers and I. Both brothers are very laid back. Younger brother still needs to be pushed. I just discovered that my new salary is slightly above my younger brother who has several children to support. Careerwise he is 10 years ahead of me. So that feels weird to me. On the other hand, he probably has a better balance between his work/home life than my husband and I. I still have a lot of room to grow in my career, I'd hate to be stuck at a salary cap that low. And have added responsibility of kids etc on top of that.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Nov 28, 2012 13:43:27 GMT -5
I have a feeling DH and I will be in the middle between his parents and mine. DH's dad was a successful broker and got out right before the big crash. He retired at 45 and is doing very well. DH is following in his dad's footsteps but is working for an independent firm (= no salary for the past three years essentially). Thankfully he's starting to turn things around this year and next year should be really good.
My dad started at 21 as an accountant & moved to an IT programmer. He works for the same company I do now. I started at 22. In the seven years I have been here, I have gone from earning 1/3rd of his salary to about 2/3rds now although we work in completely different departments.
I think its funny both DH and I followed our dads into their lines of work. Both our moms SAH and home schooled. I don't know if that's in my future but I don't see it happening any time soon.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Nov 28, 2012 13:48:16 GMT -5
I'm not as successful as my parents, but that is due to my not making the same sacrifices they made, or marrying as well as they did, or having as few children as they did.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Nov 28, 2012 13:49:50 GMT -5
A little hard for me to judge. My dad got a 2 yr STEM degree while working as a cook in a restaurant. My mom got pregnant with my brother while she and my dad were engaged so they ended up getting married sooner than planned (that's a whole other story). My dad finished his associate's degree, started at the bottom and worked his way up. I think it was pretty rough for them financially the first 5 yrs or so. They bought their first home when my brother was 7 yrs old and I was just 6 months. Mom was SAHM until I was about 10 yrs old. She went back and took some computer classes and worked her way up at an insurance company. I grew up pretty much middle class I guess. I was really lucky in that my parents were both very frugal and financially sound people. As for me, I have 2 degrees and make 50K a yr. My brother has a 2 yr degree and has worked at the same company for 25 yrs. I would say we both had it pretty easy in our 20's compared to the struggles my parents dealt with and ended up middle of the road just like my parents did.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2012 13:52:38 GMT -5
It depends on what you mean by "success". My mom was a great success in my eyes as a person, mom, etc even though she never went past HS. My dad was a mechanical engineer. I surpassed them in terms of education and income. But, i don't gauge success only by that. I know some great people who don't have much in the terms of traditional education but are just fantastic human beings as well. So, it really isn't something i think about i guess.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Nov 28, 2012 14:14:56 GMT -5
I agree with lynnerself. We are in about the same position as our parents but it took two incomes to get there.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2012 14:17:47 GMT -5
Currently my wife and I are doing better then either my parents or my inlaws were doing at this point in their lifes. But crap, I don't know if I am going to be able to hang in there and work for 40 years like they did.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Nov 28, 2012 14:49:17 GMT -5
I don't really think about it much. My dad is kind of a loser, and my mom was a school teacher. Surpassing them earnings wise isn't exactly a high bar to get over. My dad split on my mom when my sister was 2, I was 1, and my oldest younger brother was still a bun in the oven. Never paid a dime of child support and barely had any contact with us over the years. So, surpassing him as a parent is a ridiculously low bar. Relationship wise my mom went from my loser dad, to the abusive addict dickhead that was in and out of prison/rehab in between putting her in the hospital before she finally wised up and got rid of him for good. Getting a dog would be a healthier relationship than either of the two she had.
This sounds really harsh. Don't get the wrong idea, I love my mom. She's not exactly a role model of good choices financially or emotionally though, and my father and stepfather are even worse.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Nov 28, 2012 15:04:59 GMT -5
In terms of education, yes. Mom had HS with a few college classes, Dad worked in skilled construction trades. As far as eduction, me and my brothers all got bachelors degrees (engineering, accounting and music engineering). Of the three kids, I would say I'm doing better, one brother doing slightly better and one not as good. Some of the reasons for not doing better seem to be related to spouse choices and unemployment (not related to current economy, though)
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reader79
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Post by reader79 on Nov 28, 2012 15:12:05 GMT -5
Do you think about your career/financial/relationship/parenting success relative to the success of your parents? I think about it, but try not to get obsessive. Career-wise, I have been working for the same company since I was 20 (thirteen years almost,) and my parents hadn't found themselves yet at my age. But I have not finished my degree yet, and my mother has a masters and various other professional certifications. Dad got expelled from a university for reasons that no one will speak of, even thirty years after the fact. He was self-employed while we were in elementary school, and my mom was a SAH parent. She is now an assistant principal making $90K+, and dad finally got a W-2 job making around $47K. I have been steadily promoted and now make just over $60K. Financially, I save for retirement off the top (401K is around $51K depending on the Dow swings,) and pretty much spend the rest. I paid off my student loan on Monday, but I do have quite a bit of CC debt. I remember that in her forties the IRS was still garnishing their income tax refunds for my mother's defaulted student loans. They do not have significant retirement savings, but expect to receive a pension and two SS checks in a few years. Relationship-wise, I am a failure. Single, no prospects, and I am a hermit. They have been married for 36 years, and have six children. They still hold hands and stuff. It's cute.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Nov 28, 2012 15:27:27 GMT -5
Education-wise, both my brother and I have passed our parents. My mom and dad each have a bachelor's degree. My brother has a PhD and I have a Master's.
Money-wise, I am pretty sure we both passed my dad's highest wage a few years ago (about age 25 for me and 28 for my brother). But I think the highest my dad ever made was like 40k.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Nov 28, 2012 15:30:06 GMT -5
I agree with lynnerself. We are in about the same position as our parents but it took two incomes to get there. Not only that, but 2 college educated incomes to one HS only, beginning as a laborer income. Times have changed.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 28, 2012 15:37:28 GMT -5
I'm not sure we can really compare because my parents had 7 kids between the two of them (step dad was my dad most of my life with step siblings) and they had a military pension with full benefits when retired(he was an officer). DH's parents had 4 kids and his dad has a pension from his government job and his mom was a SAHM/W. Salary wise we are much higher and have a nicer (newer/contemporary/better neighborhood) house than they did. We have more in savings than they did but is it comparable to the cost of living when they worked? I guess how we do in retirement and what we saved will be the true test. But now - yes. We are in much better shape and both of us made/make higher salaries compared to when they worked. We never had kids though.
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daisylu
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Post by daisylu on Nov 28, 2012 15:50:55 GMT -5
I do, and it creates a huge mix of emotions. Though they worked hard, my parents have always had it rough - but never accepted help (even still) from anyone. I found out about a month ago that they were neglecting their health and diet because of their pride. I was able to get them to accept a grocery gift card that time. I often feel guilty that I am doing so well while they still struggle, because I would not be in the position that I am had I not had their encouragement and resources to get where I am.
As a mom, it also makes me feel somewhat inadequate. At a young age, I learned a lot of lessons that my parents did not intend. We often lived among welfare queens, prostitutes, and drug addicts - some of those being family. But I saw how my parents handled themselves. They were cautious of everyone, but caring too. It is hard to describe. Mostly, I worry that sometimes my kids have it a little too easy and that they will not learn how to buck up and pick themselves up when things get hard.
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