Your success relative to your parents'

[Deleted]

I'm single and my parents are still married. I think I am more succesful relationship ways than them. I'm serious.

[Deleted]

My folks have me beat relationship-wise. Income-wise, I don't know what they make, but my mom stayed home for a lot of years with us, so I'll probably pass her up at some point. Probably not my dad. Education-wise, I win, but only by a little.

But I have a cute little dog and they don't. So there's that...

[busymom]

Success is kind of a mixed bag here. I was the first to graduate college & earn a BA. My Mom completed business college, & Dad quit school after 8th grade to work on the family farm. (He did get his GED later in life.) Then World War II came, & Dad enlisted & was in the service about 3-4 years. Mom worked until the babies started to arrive, & then was a stay-at-home mom. My folks had a tight budget, but managed on my Dad's income.

My house & garage are bigger than my parent's, but Dad had a pension, which neither DH nor I have. Success is all in how you look at it.

[lurkyloo]

I think the biggest difference is that I'm a grownup who takes responsibility for my own decisions and actions, and I'm happily married. My mother is none of these things, and bitter, angry and childish to boot. My father is a grownup, or was...but definitely not happily married.

Not quite sure how we compare financially. My mother was a teacher for several years who quit to SAH when my brother was born and never went back...she has an MA but it's from a fairly crappy university. Dad was a professor (had a PhD, as this implies) who did fairly well; I would guess if you adjust for age difference and inflation my salary is probably comparable or slightly below (of course if you adjust for COLA I'm way behind). That's me personally. Adding DH to the equation blows it out of the water; he earns much more than Dad did. However, Dad was more aggressive about investing than either of us are. Both DH and I have PhDs from a top-tier school.

Finally, DH's parents were a blue-collar factory worker and a nurse who worked her way up to nurse-practitioner. They were comfortable eventually but they built their life up gradually; both of them came from humble beginnings if not downright poverty. They too are still fairly happily married, although DMIL is grumpy about DFIL's health problems and the limitations they impose. (Not trying to judge there because caregiving can really suck...just trying to keep it accurate.)

[Deleted]

I dunno, ask me when I'm 70. They both retired at 55 and have good pensions. While we make many times what they did, I don't know what the next 20 years will bring yet.

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

Education-wise, half my siblings have surpassed our parents. They both dropped out of jr college without degrees. Three of us have at least a BA (I have a Masters) while the other children have high school diplomas.

Financially, I and my DSB are doing better than they were. I surpassed my DSM's income when I was 25 and my parent's income together (DSM/DF-DM passed away when we were small) at age 29. My DSB is a blue collar worker and works massive amounts of OT and always has something going on (Rentals, investments, etc) so he has surpassed our parents as well.

The retirement front is what concerns me. I had more in savings than my DSM at age 23. I had more in retirement savings than the two of the them together at age 24. I worry about them because business is slowing down in both of their fields and they are getting older so the physical work is harder to do. I plan to help them in retirement so they can enjoy life and be comfortable. They were fabulous, top notch parents and deserve the best!

[constanz22]

Hmmm, that's a little tough to compare. My parents are 64 and 73. Most people did not go to college then, they got jobs and worked for the same company their entire life. Dad was one of 13 children. Dad served in the Navy, then got a job at a state utility company, starting out as a line man, but worked his way up to high level supervisor before he retired (at 55) with a great pension. Mom worked as a para-legal for most of her career, with the same law firm, and later in life started a small business. She just retired last year, at age 64. They bought a newly built house a couple years after they were first married (mom was only 16) and raised 3 kids there. We had a pretty middle class upbringing in a small town, LCOL area.

My brother has a PhD and teaches at a college. I have a BS in Criminal Justice and Psychology. Dsis had a baby at 18 and never went to college. I'd say Bro and I are probably pretty comparable to my parents at our ages. Although, I feel I'm probably behind, just for the fact that I went into a low paying field (social work), have never been married, and was pretty stupid with money and racked up a lot of debt early on.

[sheilaincali]

I don't think I will ever be as successful as my parents (particularly my dad). Both my parents put themselves through college after they were married and my brother was born. My mom moved back home when dad was overseas during Vietnam and finished up her bachelor's degree. When my dad came back from the service he and mom both worked full time while my dad finished his bachelor's degree. They struggled when we were younger but having 4 kids in 7 years will do that to you I guess.

I'm 37 now, when he was this age he bought his first company. By the time he was 50 he employed over 100 people had owned 3 companies with locations in 5 different cities. He is a highly regarded member of the industry and has sat on numerous boards and committees. He sold the largest company when he was 58 for several millions and still owns the two other companies.

I have more disposable income than he did at my age because he had a large loan from buying the business and 4 kids. My mom has always worked but never at jobs making much money. She is not overly motivated and even though she holds bachelor's degrees in English and Accounting (got the accounting one like 12 years ago) she isn't really interested in being more than the Payroll Clerk for one of the companies. Prior to that she was the receptionist at a bank.

DH's mom is a retired teacher and his step father is a retired Army Sargent Major and retired from his position with a Defense Contractor.

FWIW- my family places is very high value on College Educations. Except for one uncle all of my aunts and uncles (4 on mom's side and 6 on dad's side) all have bachelor's degrees. My grandpa finished his bachelor's degree the year before my brother did so he could say he graduated before his grandkids did. My SIL is a DVM, my brother is finishing his PhD, my sister is a CPA, my brother is a moron, and I have a bachelor's degree.

[thyme4change]

My father was a very successful man - so I am not sure I will ever feel like I measured up. Also, my parents were mature, smart and fiscally responsible - so even at a young age, they had assets and a nice house.

However, my sister pointed out that I made more in one year than my mother made in her whole life. My mom is a super-hard worker, and she took great pride in running an amazing house (house is always clean, chores are always done, errands are always run, and dinner is always on the table when the clock struck 6 pm.) I remember having a day off from school and watching her just go-go-go. She was amazing. So, monetarily, I may out earn her, but if she was raised differently (different time, different place) she could have built bridges and conquered the working world. She has nothing to be ashamed of.

[happyhoix]

Hmm, if you compare me to my mom, financially I am eons ahead. She had most of a college degree, then dropped out with one semester to go and was a SAHM the rest of her life. Since she basically lived on a weekly budget that dad gave her, she was financially ignorant about taxes, savings plans, investments, etc - so I'm doing better than she did in that regard as well.

Looking at the family income level, I probably make about what my dad did, adjusted for inflation, but he had a wife and four kids to support, and he paid for college for all of us. DH works, so our net income is greater, plus we only had one child to put through college, although his college costs far exceeded what dad had to pay for us, due to the tremendous increase in college tuition.

As a parent, I think I'm better than either mom or dad. Mom was crazy and took it out on the kids, and dad pretended not to know what was going on. DH and I are both involved with our DS, and neither of us are (overly) crazy.

They out did me in kids and grandkids. They had the four kids and five grandkids, I'm hopeful to have a couple grandkids at some point, but I'll never have the same type of crowd around the Thanksgiving table they did, so they did better than I did in that respect.

[p8nt]

My sister and I both have more education and more income than our parents. My sister has a fantastic six figure job that she loves. I chose to move to a small town where the opportunities have become less and less. I make a great wage for where I live, but I'm quitting in 33 days to seek teaching opportunities. So, I'll never be rich living here.

Our mother is a welfare mooch who hasn't worked a day since 1988 (she was the age I am now) and believes the world owes her everything. Ironically, it works for her. Her dryer broke, neighbors had one for her. Her car broke down, church people had one to give her. My grandparents bought her two houses, she never repaid a dime. When they deeded the second one over to her, she said she "deserved it because she had worked hard on the yard." Ummm... it wasn't their house, it was yours. You didn't do them any favors.

Our father has some college and has always been a hard worker. He provided a good life for us when we were younger, then his business partner decided to reinvest in cocaine and they eventually went belly up. My dad was ready to retire 2 years ago, but the economy has prevented that. He still works 30-40 hours a week, but plans to retire next fall and move back to CA. He wants a little no-brainer job working at an electrical parts house or something just to keep him busy. I assume he wants to go to my sister's city because there are more opportunities there, but I have the land to put a small house on for him, so we will see what happens. I'd love to have him.

[Deleted]

I think it depends on how you define "success".

My deceased mother would say that she successfully raised two children, ran in a couple of full marathons, was married for 38 years and had her own business. She would not have mentioned her bankruptcy and divorce at age 58 nor the fact that when she died her estate was about $400k negative. She would have been my age today (51) in 1989. The real estate market would have just hit a peak and I think this is about when my father and she bought two Remax franchises. They had no experience owning a business but wound up buying 2! With the market downturn, the businesses drained their finances to the point that they filed BK in 1996 and filed for divorce a couple of months later. Mom picked herself up and moved on. Dad is still pretty bitter even though he's currently in a really sweet situation living with his S.O.

DH and I are a lot more risk adverse. We've made our share of mistakes for sure. We've worked hard but also been pretty lucky. We've also more diversified and never leveraged our properties they way my folks did. I'll probably never know what was their peak NW during a bubble period but I would be surprised if it was ever more than $1M. They sure churned through a lot of money!

[Deleted]

It's really hard to compare success- it's measured so many ways. My parents were very discreet about throwing dollar figures around and it's hard to compare numbers from 30 years ago with current figures. But, here goes.

Education: Dad was the first in his family to go to college- got an Engineering degree in the Co-Op program at U. of Cincinnati. I've got a BA, so we're even there. Other 4 siblings include an MD, an MBA and 2 other 4-year degrees. Mom was a SAHM. She took her job seriously and did it well.

Career/income: Dad was in the steel industry and was working as a regional manager when he was "demoted". I still remember that. I was in my early 30s and was visiting them at the time. He'd worked himself up from working shifts in the steel mills (yes, that's how they started the college boys then) to running one district and then moving to a second one. He'd always saved and invested, so he decided to retire (mid-50s then) and get a job with a major brokerage as a financial planner. They moved to Myrtle Beach and paid cash for the house. Dad worked REALLY hard to build up business but got fed up with the BS (being told to push certain products) and left. They're still in Myrtle Beach, in their early 80s, bless them. They live frugally, but have what they want. They'll be flying to DS' wedding next year. They haven't missed a wedding or graduation of their 12 grandchildren. Last I heard they had about $1 million, so they should be fine.

Lifestyle: all of us surpass them there, but we had fewer kids. In the case of a couple of my brothers and my sister, they've probably surpassed them in income when adjusted for inflation. My other brother is in the chemical industry which isn't exactly thriving, and I've been coasting at VP level and will likely retire there. Parents didn't really have any "splurges" other than golf- their vacations usually involved road trips and once they bought a house they stayed in it till a job change took them elsewhere. Dad is really handy and any home improvements were DIY. Mom wasn't into jewelry, Dad never owned a bespoke suit, they've never been to Europe on vacation (although Dad has on business). So, yeah, I've got more and done more but that just means I spent more on myself and not on putting 5 kids through college.

Retirement: as mentioned, Dad pretty much stopped working before he hit 60 and they've managed well. Dad's pension was taken over by PBGC so I doubt it's much, and 401(k)s started maybe the last 10 years of his career. I'm the oldest at 59 and the youngest is 52 and we're all still working. My sister (age 57) and I both recently changed jobs and are very happy with the new ones. My guess is that all 5 of us will have decent retirements but we're definitely working longer.

As I write this, I'm really grateful for the good examples we had in terms of education, work ethic and saving for the future.

[cottoncandyclouds]

My father had three years of college before dropping out to never return. My mother was a high school dropout who never went back to get her diploma. Finishing high school was my mother's dream for me. Finishing college and landing a career is my father's and mine. I've finished my mothers dream and am now in the process of finishing my fathers,and mine.