The older kid thread

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Would she listen to her pediatrican if he/she talked to her about medication? 

I just have experience with DH but he tends to listen to "authority" way better than he does me, even if I said the exact same thing.

Maybe Pop Tart would respond better to someone with "authority".  Not saying you don't have it just that "white coat syndrome" exists for a reason.

[shanendoah]

whoisjohngalt - in foster care, co-sleeping is NOT allowed. We have allowed her to sleep in our room during thunderstorms this summer (thunder scares her) and after bad dreams. We tried saying she could sleep in our room the night before Thanksgiving, but after getting her in here and settled, C left the room and when he hadn't come back five minutes later, she then had to be taken to urgent care again. (The night before Thanksgiving really was an attention grab as much as it was anything. While K is my cousin, she is 16 years younger than me, and we have a relationship much more like aunt/niece than cousins, and for many years, C was the only positive male role model in her life. I think Pop Tart was picking up on that dynamic, and was feeling like it was encroaching on her place in our life.)
On a long term basis, sleeping in our room is not an option. Besides not being in the co-sleeping camp, I had a very difficult time adjusting to sleeping with one other person to begin with. (I'm one of those weird married people who sleeps just fine when I'm away or C is away. I miss him, but I have no problems sleeping alone.) Adding a third person to the bed makes it near impossible for me to sleep. And I selfishly believe that I have the right to get a good night's sleep. (I skipped the infant stage for a reason. )And our house does not have a master bedroom, so there isn't a room for another bed in our room.

NomoreDramaQ1015 - she definitely has white coat syndrome. It's why I have started holding on to the printed doctor's orders regarding her meds and other treatments, so I can refer back to them with the authority of "this is what the doctor said". At her next checkup, having her pediatrician talk to her about the dangers of taking medicine when we don't actually need it might be a good idea.


I want to thank everyone for their thoughts. I do feel a little bit like Doxie, saying "that's interesting but I can't do that because", but I do want you to know your comments are giving me things to think about, and helping me think about our situation in a different way. And even typing out why I think some of these ideas won't work for us helps me become more clear about the actual problems and separating the different issues.

[whoisjohngalt]

no no no no - not in the same bed.  Even if I was in co-sleeping camp (and I am not), I think she is too old for that. 

But I would have a cot or a mattress or something for her in your room for now - anything at all you can fit?

and NO, I don't think it's a long term solution either. 

and while YM crown thinks that I do 99% of the parenting things wrong, I tend to look at the big picture and many things I do bc it works for NOW.  And once it doesn't, I revisit them.  And I think for "now", she needs to feel secure and trusted during night time and I think having her sleep in your room might be the answer.  And she might not even want to do it every night or any night, sometimes just knowing that you can helps - if that makes any sense.

I don't think you are like Doxie, at all.  I think your situation is unique and I can only speak for myself, obviously, but I can only offer things that I know and I don't know anything about your situation, so I just try to offer suggestions that "I" would do, which, I recognize might be 100% useless.  wow, that was a long sentence. 

and yet another idea, again might not work depending on your house, I might try a "sick" room?  may be set something up where you can stay with her through the night if she is "not feeling well". 

or would it help her if you put a monitor in her room so she can know that you are "hear" her if she needs something if she starts not feeling well?

also, my kids have classical music station playing at night in their rooms to cancel out "scary" noises, such as thunder, etc.

[Wisconsin Beth]

You don't do 99% of your parenting wrong Lena - it's more like 96%    I'm joking although my early morning humor is odd.  You're a sahm with 3 kids under the age of 5/6, hell, I'd be a drunken basket case.  And I like your parenting posts because they DO make me think about what I'm doing.  I'm moving out of survival mode and into something else, although I'm not sure what, exactly.  It does seem to involve lots of yelling though. 

And Shane, I don't think you're like Doxie.  You've got a different situation than most of us.  And you're considering the ideas and not shooting them down right away.  I think alot of us do feel like Doxie when we post questions/concerns because it's hard to get all the details into a post short enough to keep people reading. 

Back to Poptart, maybe explain that you have lots of love for a whole bunch of people, including/esp. her and being with those people doesn't mean there's less love for her?  I think she's 10? so that might be too babyish of an explanation but start there and build on it? 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Now I'm curious, cosleeping parents - when did your kids stop sleeping with you?  I'm not a cosleeper, per se although I'm ok with the kids crawling in around 5amish. 

[Deleted]

Dec 10, 2013 1:36:26 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

no no no no - not in the same bed.  Even if I was in co-sleeping camp (and I am not), I think she is too old for that. 

But I would have a cot or a mattress or something for her in your room for now - anything at all you can fit?

and NO, I don't think it's a long term solution either. 

and while YM crown thinks that I do 99% of the parenting things wrong, I tend to look at the big picture and many things I do bc it works for NOW.  And once it doesn't, I revisit them.  And I think for "now", she needs to feel secure and trusted during night time and I think having her sleep in your room might be the answer.  And she might not even want to do it every night or any night, sometimes just knowing that you can helps - if that makes any sense.

I don't think you are like Doxie, at all.  I think your situation is unique and I can only speak for myself, obviously, but I can only offer things that I know and I don't know anything about your situation, so I just try to offer suggestions that "I" would do, which, I recognize might be 100% useless.  wow, that was a long sentence. 

and yet another idea, again might not work depending on your house, I might try a "sick" room?  may be set something up where you can stay with her through the night if she is "not feeling well". 

or would it help her if you put a monitor in her room so she can know that you are "hear" her if she needs something if she starts not feeling well?

also, my kids have classical music station playing at night in their rooms to cancel out "scary" noises, such as thunder, etc.

Says who?

Besides, there is no "right way" anyway! 

[Deleted]

Back to Poptart, maybe explain that you have lots of love for a whole bunch of people, including/esp. her and being with those people doesn't mean there's less love for her? I think she's 10? so that might be too babyish of an explanation but start there and build on it?

Chronologically she's 10. She could be "emotionally" younger.


I think your explanation is a good one! Since this is her first experience with a "forever family" she might not realize that love is infinite. It's is going to take some time for it to sink in that she's not going anywhere and to learn what being in a loving family is all about.

[whoisjohngalt]

Dec 10, 2013 8:57:06 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

You don't do 99% of your parenting wrong Lena - it's more like 96%    I'm joking although my early morning humor is odd.  You're a sahm with 3 kids under the age of 5/6, hell, I'd be a drunken basket case.  And I like your parenting posts because they DO make me think about what I'm doing.  I'm moving out of survival mode and into something else, although I'm not sure what, exactly.  It does seem to involve lots of yelling though. 

ooohhhh, thank you.  Should I work on trying to get that number lower?

[Wisconsin Beth]

No.  You should be you.  And your parenting style should also be you.  Why would you want to be like everyone else? 

[whoisjohngalt]

Dec 10, 2013 9:11:33 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Dec 10, 2013 1:36:26 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

no no no no - not in the same bed.  Even if I was in co-sleeping camp (and I am not), I think she is too old for that. 

But I would have a cot or a mattress or something for her in your room for now - anything at all you can fit?

and NO, I don't think it's a long term solution either. 

and while YM crown thinks that I do 99% of the parenting things wrong, I tend to look at the big picture and many things I do bc it works for NOW.  And once it doesn't, I revisit them.  And I think for "now", she needs to feel secure and trusted during night time and I think having her sleep in your room might be the answer.  And she might not even want to do it every night or any night, sometimes just knowing that you can helps - if that makes any sense.

I don't think you are like Doxie, at all.  I think your situation is unique and I can only speak for myself, obviously, but I can only offer things that I know and I don't know anything about your situation, so I just try to offer suggestions that "I" would do, which, I recognize might be 100% useless.  wow, that was a long sentence. 

and yet another idea, again might not work depending on your house, I might try a "sick" room?  may be set something up where you can stay with her through the night if she is "not feeling well". 

or would it help her if you put a monitor in her room so she can know that you are "hear" her if she needs something if she starts not feeling well?

also, my kids have classical music station playing at night in their rooms to cancel out "scary" noises, such as thunder, etc.

Says who?

Besides, there is no "right way" anyway! 

OMG, are  you kidding me?  I was told that I am raising hooligans bc I don't see a big deal when my boys fight.  I was told that I am raising future inconsiderate assholes bc I don't expect my toddlers to behave a certain way and understand certain things.  And the biggest one was when I said I don't necessarily punish them when they screw up.  Yeah.....

And YES, there is a right away.  Just ask the posters who are "raised my children like this and they are great and if you are not raising them the same way, you are doing it all wrong"

[Deleted]

That's why I don't ask! 

ETA: MIL is a big believer in unsolicited advice, so I don't off scot-free 

[Wisconsin Beth]

The end goal is healthy, happy productive members of society.  I don't care how you get your kids there, as long as they don't beat up mine! 

[Deleted]

[whoisjohngalt]

Dec 10, 2013 9:29:49 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

No.  You should be you.  And your parenting style should also be you.  Why would you want to be like everyone else? 

That's it, though.  I don't have a parenting style.  I do what works.  And a lot of times I do what works NOW bc many of the things will be obsolete later, so I am not wasting  my time on it now.

Like you know how every parenting book tells you not to feed your kids in their cribs?  yeah, well, I did.  Bc I LOVE my sleep and if that shut them up, so be it.   None of them still want to eat in their bed.  As a matter of fact, food is not allowed upstairs at all. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Lena, just accept you're a YM failure
 
To be honest do we really want our kids to turn out like certain YM-ers?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Those who can't do, teach? 

[Deleted]

I am not one to give advice! I had to sit on my 8 year old to get socks and shoes on her feet this morning.


Her socks all feel "weird" lately and I was damned if she was going to miss the bus again over it. *sigh*....

[Wisconsin Beth]

Do you every turn her socks inside out and check for strings and fuzzies?  Athlete's foot? 

[Wisconsin Beth]

And I've got to get some work done now.  See you all later. 

[Deleted]

Bye Beth!

MIL was an Occupational Therapist and she thinks DD may have Sensory Processing Disorder. She was nice enough to order a copy of The Out of Synch Child for me for Christmas. 

I think I need to make an appointment with the Pediatrician... 

[whoisjohngalt]

Dec 10, 2013 9:41:39 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

I am not one to give advice! I had to sit on my 8 year old to get socks and shoes on her feet this morning.


Her socks all feel "weird" lately and I was damned if she was going to miss the bus again over it. *sigh*....

does she have to wear socks in school?  if not, tell her she can take them off when she gets there.

[steph08]

My DH is very particular about socks, and I guess I used to be as a kid. What about turning her socks inside out or finding seamless socks? My DH hates the seams rubbing his toes/feet.

[Deleted]

I live in the tundra so yes, she needs to wear socks. 

It all started in the spring and it is getting progressively worse. At first she didn't like tags (fine, neither does 1/2 of my family). Then she didn't like long sleeves (summer time is coming...OK by me!). Then anything on her legs (again, warm weather = OK by me).

We have culled 5 outfits that she says she can tolerate but there are days she won't even wear those! I have her choose her outfit at bedtime and have her sleep in it so we don't have to go through this every morning.

She has a sweatshirt she likes so she wears that to cover her arms. We're supposed to get hit with the ice storm today so I packed her pajama pants in her backpack and told her to put them on if her legs get cold. 

I'm back to washing her clothes in Dreft just in case it's something chemical. We definitely need to get into the Peds office for my sanity! 

[whoisjohngalt]

oh that sounds tough, I am sorry. 

[Deleted]

It's frustrating because I'm pretty sure she's not doing it just to piss me off. I figure I've got a few more years before that starts. 

[raeoflyte]

Dec 10, 2013 8:59:53 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Now I'm curious, cosleeping parents - when did your kids stop sleeping with you?  I'm not a cosleeper, per se although I'm ok with the kids crawling in around 5amish. 

I'll let you know when we get there...  I'm confident that we would be there with Connor if we hadn't had Evie.  Once Evie started getting independent we regressed in the cosleeping department.  

At the next house I plan on having a futon in the bedroom and transitioning Connor to that when he needs to sleep in our room.  

[shanendoah]

@beerwench- I need to get off to a meeting, but could it be that she's developing an allergy to cotton or spandex or polyester, all of which are common materials in clothes? (Which would suck, but at least then you'd know.)
C actually has claustrophobia issues regarding his feet. As a child, he would occasionally, in the middle of the school day need to take off his shoes and socks or suffer from a panic attack. Even now, I can't make the bed, because he has to be able to kick his feet out from under the covers during the night, or he'll wake up in full on panic attack.

[Deleted]

HA! I need to kick my feet out at night too! 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I can't sleep in socks, no matter how cold my feet are.  I don't get panic attacks but I can't do it.  I have a hard time with pj pants too.  I usually wear oversize t-shirts or nighties to bed. 

Funny-ish story about DD:
She's 5.5 and a couple of times in the last week or so she's been unhappy with me saying no.  So she heads off to her room and draws.  She comes out, hands me a drawing and then heads back to her room.  The drawings have my name, sometimes a stick figure of me, with an X though it.  And a heart, with an x though it.  I think it's funny, DH not so much. 

[raeoflyte]

Ah Beth--I get what your dh is saying but I'd so prefer that kind of communication over a meltdown.  I was always the "I don't love YOU" child and I think it is a much healthier attitude to have as an adult.  My sister had the "you don't love me" attitude and in many ways she's still a victim of circumstance, where as I'm more inclined to take action to change my situation.   (Not that I've had a lot of luck with my actions, but still I know I CAN!)