Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2012 13:52:46 GMT -5
Who says you are crazy? It is your right & obligation to protect your children - they don't need to be exposed to an alcoholic relative.
Your aunt etc may have felt "obligated" to invite mom, but that is her choice & your choice is yours. I wouldn't feel bad at all about not going. You have made your position clear that you will not attend events with your mother. Their actions then lie with them since this was a known situation.
Good Luck & I hope your life is good despite mom's huge issues.
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Deleted
Joined: Apr 29, 2024 9:03:03 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2012 23:46:54 GMT -5
I know how it is. I come from a family of enablers that excel at pretending things never happened. A few years ago, there was a particular serious issue that I wouldn't keep quiet about or try to cover up. I was on the hot seat for some time, but I didn't back down from the truth. The chips had to fall wherever they fell. I haven't been as close to my family since then because they wanted to sweep it under the rug and I understood then how deeply rooted the fear of facing the truth and dealing with it is. I also realized I had learned the same behaviors and I needed to work on correcting them.
Your Aunt and Grandmother don't want to face the truth about your Mother. But good for you for protecting yourself and your children. I'm very family oriented, but I realize that some people you have to love from a healthy distance. You are absolutely doing the right thing.
My crazy family member was my step grandfather. He was a horrible person. One example, one night my Grandma's kids, grandkids, and great grandkids were visiting her. My son was 2 months old at the time and my aunt was sitting in front of the living room window holding him. Somebody shot through the window. It was my grandfather. He'd come home and was mad that he couldn't get in the driveway because of all the cars, so he shot through the window. I had to hustle my ex-husband away from there before he beat my grandfather's ass.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,865
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 24, 2012 8:01:49 GMT -5
Shoulda let him. Imagine that crazy man with a shotgun doing that to anyone. I can see being mad and coming in and asking people to move some cars, after all, it was his house, but to shoot at the house? Geez.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,865
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 24, 2012 8:03:19 GMT -5
I have to admit, now that I don't have thanksgiving with my EXs family anymore, no drama! Not that I miss it because I wouldn't want my kids exposed to it either, I'm glad my kids are smart enough to wait a long time and meet family over and over again before making any dumb decisions!
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Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Nov 24, 2012 14:02:34 GMT -5
Thanks all again. And yea when I think about it, or seem to talk to anyone outside of the family it does seem that the blindingly obvious is to stay far away from my parents. The hard part comes in with the constant defending it to my aunt and grandmother, and when it comes to them I most likely do still have some colored glasses on. I don't want to see them as not normal, I don't want to see them as damage, I want to have a good relationship with them, I want my girls to have a good relationship with them, but I'm not willing to compromise where my parents are concerned. I just wish that they could respect and understand our choice with my parents. Breaking the cycle is hard, not because of what I lose from my parents, but the collateral damage to other interwoven relationships. We will be going down to my ILs, which will be a wonderful time. My ILs are the karma balance for my parents. Then don't defend your decision. Just state plainly "Dh and I have decided that we will not expose DD1 and DD2 to their grandmother's violence, addiction, and dysfunction." They already know why, they just choose not to accept reality. They aren't going to accept reality simply because you defend your position yet again. You don't have to defend anything. You just do what you know is best for your dds.
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