Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Oct 22, 2012 23:28:04 GMT -5
There are some licensed therapists that advertise as life coaches. They're not all quacks. The difference between therapy and coaching is therapy is talking about the past and analyzing how you feel about things while coaching is more about setting goals and coming up with a plan for the future. Depending on the problem you're having, our group (and other message boards) don't always make the best life coaches. I don't think our message board will ever be a substitute for professional help, like medical advice from a doctor or legal advice from a lawyer, but we have (mostly) smart and experienced posters. Chances are pretty good somebody here has faced what you're facing at one time or another. Or can provide sound third party advice.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Oct 23, 2012 6:21:22 GMT -5
That's why we have been so successful helping Doxie.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Oct 23, 2012 6:33:59 GMT -5
That's it! I was looking for a new career. I'll be a LIFE COACH/PET PSYCHIC. I was at a horse trail trial and one of the riders there was telling me about a horse psychic.......whoa Nelly? The psychic was hired by a woman who'd had an accident on her horse. She wanted to know what the horse was thinking. Never heard what the outcome was???
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 23, 2012 7:05:19 GMT -5
Oh no - my mother is very kind and generous with people outside her family - at least to their faces. She volunteers for all kinds of organizations that help people that are in a rough spot, and she expresses an unending about of grief for people who have a hard lot in life, but then proceeds to call her daughters and cut them off at the knees. I'm actually beginning to wonder if this is a life lead with no confidence. Since she questions every decision - critically, it would make sense that she would criticially question any decision that was the opposite of the last decision. At least that is what I'm telling myself after listening to her bemoun her poor grandchildren for the past 10 years because having a working mom just puts their life into the shitter, and then when I told her I'm going to part time so I can put the kids on the bus in the morning and pick them up from the bus in the afternoon - and she response with "Why would you do that! Can't you keep working?" What the hell? How did I not see that coming? Thyme I think our mothers might be the same woman. My mom nagged my big sister and I about how our kids would be out roaming the streets getting in trouble and the girls would be pregnant by the time they were 14 because my big sister and I both worked full time. Then she told my little sister, who is a SAHM, that if she didn't hurry up and get a job and start working full time she would die in poverty. WTH??? And my mom, like your mom, seems to be the sweetest, most helpful kind little old lady - with everyone except her own family. In my mom's case, we figured out that when she isn't actually in charge of something she is full of advice - and you are ALWAYS doing it wrong. For most of her life, she let our dad make the important decisions for her and bitched freely after he made them. When Dad died, she started trying to force her children to make the important decisions for her, but if we did, they were the wrong decisions. We got wise to that and stopped giving our input and literally she became unable to make up her mind, terrified she would make the wrong choice and have no one to blame for it but herself. Now that she's had a stroke and become partially incapacitated, she's happy again - she can go back to complaining that everything we do for her is wrong, wrong, wrong, where she is living is horrible, we're spending her money badly, etc etc. And this makes her very happy.
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olderburgher
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Post by olderburgher on Oct 23, 2012 8:09:07 GMT -5
Life coach = a waste of time
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 23, 2012 9:43:51 GMT -5
It is actually making me happy to hear that my mother isn't the only one who is full of contradictions and criticism. I think about this often and try to think about what I try to say to my daughter. I'm hoping to break the cycle. Although, I'm thinking if I can just lessen the cycle.
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mandyms
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Post by mandyms on Oct 23, 2012 11:01:40 GMT -5
Isn't Tony Robins a life coach...or does he actually have some "credentials"? Never really heard his spiel (except when I watch Shallow Hal), but that's who I immediately think when I hear life coach.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 23, 2012 11:04:51 GMT -5
Tony Robbins is a motivational speaker and author. I don't think he ever did any personal coaching or really much one on one work. I think he started in promotions and seminars. But, I could be wrong.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 23, 2012 11:19:23 GMT -5
It is actually making me happy to hear that my mother isn't the only one who is full of contradictions and criticism. I think about this often and try to think about what I try to say to my daughter. I'm hoping to break the cycle. Although, I'm thinking if I can just lessen the cycle. Yeah I think that's the best we can do, not visit our mom's mistakes on our own kids. I made a rule when I had my son that I would always look for and praise greatly anything he did well, and I would refrain from the grand, far reaching statements of failure my mom loved to do ("You will never be a success in life because... You will never get married because...." You will never get through college because...." ) Once, when he was a teenager, I was encouraging my son to try something new and I was telling him I thought he would be marvelous at it. He rolled his eyes at me and said "Yeah but you're biased, Moms ALWAYS think their kids are great." Mentally, I thought Yah!! I'm not my mother !!! I don't know a lot about mental illness, there is probably some kind of term for parents that are overly critcal and contemptuous of their kids. There certainly seem to be plenty of them out there.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 23, 2012 11:22:10 GMT -5
Yeah! Happy to hear that it can be done. I tell my daughter every day how cute she looks (because she always looks so cute!) But every once in a while I'll tell her that her hair needs to be brushed or her clothes don't match, and then I feel really bad. I'm not sure what is helpful in creating a kid who has basic knowledge of fashion rules and hygiene, and what is criticism.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Oct 23, 2012 11:28:51 GMT -5
Isn't Tony Robins a life coach...or does he actually have some "credentials"? Never really heard his spiel (except when I watch Shallow Hal), but that's who I immediately think when I hear life coach. Life coaches work one on one and almost always give homework. Not at all like a motivational speaker like Tony Robbins. Some are certified, some are not. Like anything some are good and some not so much. I have an unemployed friend who has been working on her coaching license and planning to do her version of Life Coaching. I agree with the OP in that this is definitely an optional luxury service. Some people have been helped a lot by having an objective observer in their life helping them clarify what they really want and making steps to get there.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 23, 2012 11:40:08 GMT -5
I've actually considered one in helping me work through my mid-life whatever I'm having. I have no goals and no real direction for the first time in my life. I am really not handing well.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2012 11:45:21 GMT -5
You get used to it after a while, thyme. ;D
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 23, 2012 11:46:19 GMT -5
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 23, 2012 11:51:50 GMT -5
Really? This is it? I have accomplished everything I am going to accomplish, and I'm just going to ride it out until I die.
ugh!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2012 11:56:08 GMT -5
Or, you can look at it as though you're leaving yourself open for whatever pleasant surprise life has in store for you....
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 23, 2012 11:56:11 GMT -5
Nah, now's the time to come up with the crazier things you want to do before you get too old
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2012 11:57:11 GMT -5
Tony Robbins has giant hands.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2012 11:58:30 GMT -5
Have you met him personally Arch?
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Oct 23, 2012 12:04:09 GMT -5
I know a lot of slackers and so far I'm not seeing too many pleasant surprises that just land in the laps of those going through the motions. An oops baby here or there, but that's it really. No mid life epiphanies, amazing job offers out of the blue, weird inventions, etc. Same old same old job, same relationship or pattern of relationships, old age, retirement if you're lucky, and death. Those are the pleasant surprises life is waiting to give you.
If you want something else you have to go get it. Not sit around and hope life throws it in your path for no reason.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2012 12:05:46 GMT -5
Fine, then! She can use this time to figure out what she wants to go out and get. (ETA: I do not have a lot of experience giving pep talks to high achievers)
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 23, 2012 12:11:15 GMT -5
I'm not sure I am a high achiever - I think dumb luck has a bigger part of my "success" than anything else. Woo Hoo for dumb luck!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Oct 23, 2012 12:11:52 GMT -5
I don't know what to tell her either, but I know that if she doesn't change anything nothing will change.
Stole that from a fortune cookie. Shh, let's keep that between us.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2012 12:12:51 GMT -5
The cookie has spoken! ;D
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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So well rounded, I'm pointless...
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Oct 23, 2012 12:13:59 GMT -5
A fortune cookie: The ultimate life coach
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Oct 23, 2012 12:16:05 GMT -5
I hope not. My last one said you would make a good lawyer. Nothing against the lawyers here. I have no interest in going back to school for six years though.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2012 12:19:43 GMT -5
What about a Magic 8-ball then?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 23, 2012 12:25:34 GMT -5
A few years ago my daughter got a talking meatball from a McDonald's happy meal. Like the 8-ball, you ask a question and it gives you the answers "The Meatball says No", "Ask again later" and something else, that probably means yes. We use that often to make family decisions.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Oct 23, 2012 13:08:57 GMT -5
Yeah! Happy to hear that it can be done. I tell my daughter every day how cute she looks (because she always looks so cute!) But every once in a while I'll tell her that her hair needs to be brushed or her clothes don't match, and then I feel really bad. I'm not sure what is helpful in creating a kid who has basic knowledge of fashion rules and hygiene, and what is criticism. Well I only had a son, so fashion rules weren't an issue, and I figured if I got him out the door with somewhat clean clothes that covered his indecent parts it was a success, so I can't help you there LOL.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Oct 23, 2012 13:11:54 GMT -5
Actually - I work a heck of a lot more with my son on fashion rules. My daughter has an opinion on what looks good together. But I refuse to be that mother that lets her son go off to college thinking red shorts and an orange t-shirt look good together. Or, basketball shorts with a sweater vest (he wanted to look nice.) No...no, no, no, no, no, no.
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