Spouses and Finances

[susanb]

There have been a lot of threads that touch on the interaction between spouses and financial success.

How much of your financial success or burden do you attribute to your choice of spouse?

[Miss Tequila]

I was going to say none, because we have separate finances. But we both pitch in as needed when the other one is going through a crunch time at work. If he was a douche who didn't help out I would have a harder time being successful at work..mainly becuase I would have divorced his pathetic ass and it is difficult to travel as a single mom

[swamp]

I was a partner before I got married, so probably not very much. However, he is very supportive of my career and sucks it up when I'm really busy at work. He also isn't a real big spender, so I don't really worry about him frittering away money.

He is much more conservative in investments than I would like, though.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

In theory I'd probably be better off finanically without DH since he's a spender, but then he'd probably be better off without me since I brought $30k of student loan debt into the marriage. He saves more for short term married to me and he made me start saving for retirement.

So it evens out I guess. Neither one of us can take more credit than the other.

[midjd]

How much of your financial success or burden do you attribute to your choice of spouse?

I would say quite a bit. Having two incomes has definitely helped us get farther together than either of us would have alone. And there are a lot of things I'd have to hire out if he wasn't around (landscaping/tree removal, electrical work, car repairs). He's more of a spender than I am, but we're on the same page most of the time.

If he lived alone, he'd probably be in a seedy apartment and spend all his money on vehicles. If I lived alone, I'd probably be in a seedy apartment eating rice and beans and socking away 80% of my income. So we're both better off together

[thyme4change]

We earn the same now. He had more debt coming in, and took years off to go to law school - but his earnings now make it worth it. Especially now that I want to quit my job.

The real key is that he is terrified that one day we will be in debt. He wants to make sure we are saving enough and not going overboard. So, he is judicious with our money. That is the biggest help.

[swasat]

Mine is very financially savvy. I mean I was never very un-savvy myself but he has always been more into financial planning than I have ever been.

He was saving and planning and investing since before I met him. Once we started dating he started helping me in investing and other financial decisions. He was the one who sat down with me during our courtship days and looked through the 401K stock options, explained them to me and advised me. The day after we got married we combined our bank accounts and since then he is the one who takes care of most of the financial planning. I am fully aware of what goes where but the burden is his ;D

So I can honestly say he has brought me more financial success. He can be a burden in other ways but never financially.

[Deleted]

I'e got a good woman. She is all right.

[Abby Normal]

I think we'd be better off, but he was a spender for the early years of our marriage. He didn't see the benefit of saving for retirement so we did not do as much as I would have liked. It took a while, but I got him to come over to the evil dark side.

[Driftr]

Sept 7, 2012 12:59:55 GMT -5 susanb said:

How much of your financial success or burden do you attribute to your choice of spouse?

50%

[Peace Of Mind]

Much better off. When DH was younger he used to think he had to spend it all before it even came in. But he's not that way now and he is good at making money. We are partners in almost every way possible and he is very responsible. I think I'll keep him.

[happyhoix]

Hmm, I'm having a hard time calculating that.

On the one hand, DH showed me how to be frugal and save. It wasn't that I was in a lot of debt when we married, I just didn't really think about saving much of what I earned, and initially I had a bad case of keeping up with the Jones', especially when it came to our house and cars. Also I had zero education on finances from my parents. DH helped me learn how to save back more in short term, long term and retirement savings, and I got my 'cash only' attitude from him. He's also saved us a bundle by being a frugal shopper - he does all the grocery shopping - and he is frugal to a fault when it comes to his own clothing and car choices.

On the other hand, I've always out earned him. Right now I earn slightly more than twice what he does. So I guess if you only look at our incomes, he's benefited financially from being married to me more in that respect. (Although I would have saved a lot less if it wasn't for him).

Then we have the areas we both suck at - neither one of us has an interest in creating budgets or researching investment vehicles. If either of us were better at those we would probably have a greater net worth.

[lynnerself]

I'd say quite a lot of our success is due to DH.
Most of our 37 years together he has made more money than I and that enabled me to work part time while our kids were in grade and middle school.
We are both on the same page with spending and saving, with him being even more of a saver than I am.
Although not terribly ambitious he has been steadily employed and increased his salary during our life together.
(And by not ambitious I mean he didn't want to work more than 40 hours a week or weekends to get ahead)
I received a substantial inheritance which really allowed us to be comfortable, but he stands to inherit one also in the next 10 years or so.
I feel blessed that we have been so compatible in our attitudes toward spending and saving.

[giramomma]

Sept 7, 2012 12:59:55 GMT -5 susanb said:

How much of your financial success or burden do you attribute to your choice of spouse?

Well, one of the things I looked for in a marriage partner was a saver. (I'm also a saver.) I just didn't see what the point was of arguing over money when it could be helped. I don't believe there's only one person out there for us. I think we can have multiple "right" people for us.

My husband also brought a good chunk of assets to our marriage.

But, I'm the one that manages the finances in our marriage, and in our marriage, I'm the one that does the income getting. But, DH does most of the grocery shopping, etc. And he's pretty good at saving us money. He also cooks most of the time, which also saves us from eating out 24/7.

I dunno how to calculate that.

[muttleynfelix]

I don't think I can calculate that. With another spouse, I doubt we would have had $20k out of our $25k in med bills over the last 5 years. I doubt another DH would be a SAHD which has definitely allowed me to earn more money. He also owned a home before we were married which netted $20k when he sold it. He was a spender in general, but he lets me handle the finances and we don't fight about them. I can't imagine being married to anyone else and on my own I wouldn't have my awesome DS (and DD on the way) which each has their own financial consequences. Single who knows where I would be. I probably would have gone to grad school and taken on loans for that.

[Sum Dum Gai]

50%

Ditto.

[raeoflyte]

I think it's safe to say that financially I would have been better off without dh (but that doesn't mean I'm ditching him at this point either).

We were too young to be in a committed relationship and not nearly grown up enough to realize and work on communication issues. It took me forever to realize that he included available credit on his card as 'cash'. I've outearned him since we were 19, and supported us through 2 of his college degrees, but he still makes 15-20k less than me (and I'm not a high earner). He was depressed for several years and again being young and immature I tried to spend us into happiness.

We really need to increase our income to move forward at this point, and I don't have much hope that any of that will come from dh.

We're much closer to being on the same page now and are able to communicate goals and plans so its getting better. We both built up a lot of bad habits that we have to break though.

[Loopdilou]

Sept 7, 2012 14:46:34 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

50%

Ditto.

That is the correct answer. You may live.

[Bluerobin]

From day 1, Crabby and I pooled our money. Never any problems. We are both careful with spending, because we both grew up with widowed mothers who had to watch every expense. Generally, if we want something, we get it. If we don't have enough, we save up. Thank God we agree on finances. She does the bills, I do the investments. That has worked well for us.

[Bob Ross]

Sept 7, 2012 13:10:06 GMT -5 swamp said:

He is much more conservative in investments than I would like, though.

Would his conservative investment strategies venture into the realm of boatlessness?

If so, divorce the b@stard!

[hoops902]

My wife doesn't earn a lot (or at least not as much as I do, and I don't think I really earn "a lot"), on the flip side she doesn't have expensive tastes. I think overall it balances out for now but in the long-run probably helps immensely. She's still young, I expect her earning power to grow over the years (hopefully), but can't see her ever going for the high end expensive things.

[Deleted]

We are definately we. I think we're better together than we either would be indivdiually.

[Deleted]

DH has always earned a good salary but when I met him he was definitely more of spender and didn't think twice about financing it "because I can afford the payments".

When I met DH I had just gone through a major (for me) financial meltdown. At one point I was working 3 jobs. I grew up in a house where my parents had had some serious financial upheavals and I knew that what appeared to be prosperity could be a sign that someone was up to his eyeballs in debt!

Although DH has always significantly out-earned me and later in our marriage inherited some money, I'm a better manager and record keeper and pretty cheap to keep.

We're both better off together as a team than we would have been by ourselves.

[tcu2003]

I think we're both better off. DH owned a house when we met, while I was still renting, and had more saved in retirement funds thanks to having been in the workforce longer than me. He now contributes more than just what his company will match, as do I, so in that respect, we're both doing better. And we're both savers, so that helps - he's more of a saver than me, but neither of us has to worry about the other going on a spending spree that the other one will object to. And having a dual income definitely allows us to save more.

[tcu2003]

Forgot to say that we both make about the same income (within 10%, and probably closer to within 5%, depending on bonuses), so that helps. And DH doesn't pay attention at all to what we invest our retirement money in - so for him, getting married at least means someone is looking at it. I may not be perfect at picking from our options, but I at least try.

[8 Bit WWBG]

All of both.

Fortunately thanks to some maturing and increasing in income, there should be more prosperity than burden going forward.

[telephus44]

We're kind of in reversed roles from happyhoix - DH is a spender, and he has racked up some CC debt from time to time but nothing unmanagable (he might have carried 10K on the cards but was making 50K). I'm the one who pays the bill and worries about things like paying in full to get the annual discount, shopping around for a better price, putting aside money for retirement, etc. OTOH, he's always out earned me, and given his career choice he probably always will. Right now he probably makes twice what I do if you count his bonuses.

We both got married young enough that neither of us had substantial assets to bring to the marraige. I had some student loans (maybe 12K?) and DH had some CC's.

Right now we spend more than I'd like, I'd prefer to save more, but I'm glad that DH doesn't go overboard with the spending. For example, he went out and spent about $500 this week on stuff for his workshop in the basement. That I can handle. He emailed me a link to a used car that he wants, but when I told him it was an ok price, he responded that he wants to get his current car up to 234,567 miles first. So he's not going to run out an overspend on a new car he needs.

[Deleted]

I don't attribute anything to my present spouse; we've only been married three years. We are older adults and have separate finances. He doesn't do debt and fortunately sold his townhouse in Phoenix before the bubble burst because several years before we married, he wanted to be completely debt-free including housing.

I probably owe my ex some credit. I learned my aversion to debt from my life with him. It honestly took getting a divorce to get out of it, even if that wasn't why we divorced. We refinanced the house "one more time," and that was the last time I didn't pay off a CC in full at the end of the month. I'll admit that it still freaks me out when I see about $1200 on CCS during a month even though I am trying to put almost everything on the CC for points.

Other than the debt aversion, I give myself credit (and blame) for all my choices.

[quince]

None of the burden, 90% of the success, and we've been married nearly two months now.

When we got together I had a ton of CC debt, although positive net worth, and the debt was being eroded. (Slowly but surely!) We moved in together, and I paid off CC debt that was about 50% of my gross annual income in just over a year (It's NICE having someone pay half the bills!), and now between the two of us we have cash reserves that are very close to a year of expenses. By the end of the year we should be there, and then some, and that's with us making doubled-up payments on the mortgage beginning this month.

[morrisr2d2]

Summary... I whipped our finances into shaped, while partner whipped my sex life into shape. We each know what we bring to the table. :-p