Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2012 11:08:06 GMT -5
The spouse makes a huge difference. I've always been a saver, have invested since I was 19, knew how to balance bargain-shopping in some areas of life with a few luxuries in other areas and still put money away.
Then I met Husband #1. Lots of flash, no cash, spent everything he had and then some, maxed out credit cards, had very expensive tastes. It was OK while he was employed but the spending didn't stop very much when he was no longer bringing in $$$. On top of that, he was a drag on my career- did very little of the work around the house, criticized me for everything I did, and couldn't stand it when I went out of town on business.
Current DH- kind supportive, good source of common sense on office politics questions, pretty simple tastes except wanting to fly Business class on long-hauls (we can afford it once a year). He doesn't want to bother with investing so he hands over what's left of his SS at the end of every month, and dividend checks from his small business, and they go into my account. When we finally sold his house in NJ a year after we moved, he handed me another $100K. Also in my account. Yes, he trusts me very much! We still keep finances separate- for some wacky reason I don't care what he withdraws from his own checking account or buys with his debit card, but it would drive me crazy to see $200 disappear from a joint account. Works for us, and we've been married 9 years.
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on Sept 8, 2012 12:41:23 GMT -5
How much of your financial success or burden do you attribute to your choice of spouse? DH and I have been married 36 years, pooling all income and expenses from Day 1. We're a team, so from that standpoint it's 50/50. While I was working, our salaries were fairly comparable. Some years he would earn more, some years I would earn more. His salary started rising in about '99 which is when I stopped working outside the home. Since '99, he's been the sole bread earner. We've both been frugal in our spending and dedicated in our savings. It's funny... even though I'm the accountant of the family and I knew all about stocks in theory, it was my DH who first brought up the idea of investing in the stock market. Thank goodness! I wasn't against investing, I was just a novice too chicken to try it initially. But we both got into our companies' employee stock purchase programs. That usually worked out well. We invested some with an investment adviser. That only worked out so-so. However, when IRAs and 401(k)'s came into existence, we both were on the same page about maxing out contributions. That has been wonderful! Because of fully investing in them, we are well positioned for when DH wants to retire. I give my DH a lot of credit for being astute when it comes to investments. The one thing DH definitely gets credit for, I guess, is the inheritance we received from his uncle. But I like to tease DH because, actually, his uncle left the same 6-figure amount to me as he did to DH. As I tell DH, his uncle must have liked me more because he left me money when I wasn't even related to him by blood!
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Sept 8, 2012 13:04:16 GMT -5
My ex was hand to mouth, no debt and no assets when we met. He didn't care about money for the future at all so if he had some he spent it. He had an aversion to debt and didn't have or want a checking account or credit cards. He was 35 when I was 18 but I at least had a savings account. I hated hand to mouth living so would save money when he wasn't watching then he would find it and spend it. He wouldn't let me save for retirement because I was too young. I learned to handle him financially. I got a checking account and let him have deposit slips and one check but he didn't know how much money we had so had to ask before writing his check. I talked him into buying a house so his spending was stuff for the house to add some value figuring at least someday we would have a house paid for. I paid extra on the mortgage to keep money out of the bank so he didn't spend it. At least he started working harder after the first year of marriage, before that if he had enough money he didn't work anymore that week.
I am so much better off without him, now I can save half my income and nobody but me can spend it. My ISO isn't good with money but earns a lot so I benefit from his income because he will pay for things like recreation and pay me rent and buy things like ant poison to feed our ants. I offer to pay him back for stuff but he declines and I buy him things like clothes and usually decline payment. We are both pretty generous with each other but we don't share money. I am better off for having him with me because he does a lot of work like today he changed a reel on my fishing rod and headed down to the river to get us some free salmon. I should go down to the river to get free salmon too <:#)###><
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Sept 8, 2012 15:14:21 GMT -5
'I should go down to the river to get free salmon too <:#)###>< '
Are you taking about saks?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 10, 2012 12:30:30 GMT -5
Pretty much a SAHM with a spouse who worked his butt off, to the point of physically damaging his body, just to make sure we came out of the tunnel financially secure. Not trying to stir the pot here, I'm honestly curious. Was there an alternative to him "working his butt off to the point of physically damaging his body" that would have made you guys equally secure in the end? That seems like a high price to me. DH and I have... well, we haven't come as far as I'd like but our net worth has increased since we got together. He recently started his first 401k - assuming we both get bonuses this year, they will go to fully funding ROTHs for both of us. We're in the process of selling property, and if we can get a good price for it we might really start making serious progress. We both want to get rid of our interest-bearing debt (at this time, that's about $17k) and DH wants to get a new car which is... not what I would call a necessity but it's not a bad idea either. The car he wants should last for a very long time and it's a good family car so whatevs If there's any left over after that, I want to use it as an emergency fund. But even if there's not - without the debt to worry about, we should be able to kick up the savings pretty significantly in '13. And having a baby ought to be decent motivation for really getting our savings rate up to where it should have been all along. Long story short - we've got a ways to go. But I'm happier to be learning and making mistakes with him than I was doing more things "right" on my own.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Sept 10, 2012 12:54:27 GMT -5
100%.
This response is based on the premise that you are married. In that context, your spouse can easily spend you into oblivion. So 100% of your financial success is the result of them not destroying your financial well being.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 10, 2012 13:39:48 GMT -5
In that context, your spouse can easily spend you into oblivion.
Not if he wants to stay married to me, he can't...
(Seriously - deliberate financial ruin is one of my dealbreakers.)
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susanb
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Joined: Jun 21, 2012 14:16:56 GMT -5
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Post by susanb on Sept 10, 2012 13:40:47 GMT -5
100%. This response is based on the premise that you are married. In that context, your spouse can easily spend you into oblivion. So 100% of your financial success is the result of them not destroying your financial well being. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and have to agree.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 11, 2012 8:21:48 GMT -5
Me, three. Guys I acted after my divorce seemed to be financial train wrecks. Even those who made more than me didn't seem to be able to manage their money. Thanks but no thanks.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 11, 2012 8:22:13 GMT -5
Dated, sorry.
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