parenting style quiz

[Firebird]

So, i think the tiger mom thing is somewhat defeating to what your ultimate goal is.

Kind of depends on what that ultimate goal is, don't you think? I mean, if she was looking to raise accomplished, smart, talented, dedicated, driven kids she won bigtime.

[Deleted]

Yes. Good point. I guess i more interested in raising my kids to be kind, decent and hardworking. I really am not impressed with Harvard degrees and all of that. I don't care about that at all. If my kid pumps gas for a living but is a kind and generous person and works hard to take care of his/her family i consider that a great success.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I mean, if she was looking to raise accomplished, smart, talented kids she won bigtime.

Yeah, but how much of that was her? Her kids were born smart. They would have been smart no matter what she did. Accomplished and talented both stem from that, and might have also come no matter what she did. Within reason obviously. If she severely neglected or beat them then they're going to have issues. But, you get my point. Nobody can really say with any certainty that her running her kids lives like a dictator really had anything to do with how they eventually turned out.

They could be accomplished, smart, and talented because of her, or in spite of her. We'll never know.

[Deleted]

I'm a diplomat...

[milee]

Not only that, but with certain kids, the Tiger Mom approach can completely backfire. You get a kid with a strong will and try that and you're likely to end up with the exact opposite of what you want.

[Deleted]

Amy Chua can do what she wants. I however have NO desire to make my kids practice the piano 3 hours a night or whatever.

[midjd]

I'm a diplomat.

[Firebird]

Not only that, but with certain kids, the Tiger Mom approach can completely backfire. You get a kid with a strong will and try that and you're likely to end up with the exact opposite of what you want.

She had some rebellion with her younger daughter but when she decided to "do her own thing" and pursue a different area, the discipline and dedication her mom had hardwired into her from an early age helped her progress really fast.

I hear you, Dark, about some of it being genetic. True enough. But you've said yourself that a lot of whether a kid is "good" at sports or not has zero to do with how talented they are - it's more to do with how hard they work, so a kid who is taught to work hard at everything is going to naturally progress much faster than an equally-talented kid who isn't pushed as hard.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I hear you, Dark, about some of it being genetic. True enough. But you've said yourself that a lot of whether a kid is "good" at sports or not has zero to do with how talented they are - it's more to do with how hard they work, so a kid who is taught to work hard at everything is going to naturally progress much faster than an equally-talented kid who isn't pushed as hard.

Totally true. However, pushing your kids to do something can also cause them to lose interest in whatever they were interested in to begin with. There's a fine line between encouragement, schedule, gentle prodding, hard work, or whatever you want to call it, and soul sucking drudgery that your crazy mother is forcing on you when you just want to quit.

That's not to bash on Tiger Momma. I thought she had some great points, and by and large American parents do tend to let our kids get away with really minimal effort and a lot of slacking off. I'm just saying that you can go too far the other direction, and more importantly, our kid's accomplishments are only partially a reflection of our parenting skills. They are their own people, and a lot of how they eventually turn out has nothing to do with us. For example, if my step dad ever tried to take credit for anything I've done I'd punch that sum' bitch square in the mouth. Repeatedly. I've turned out relatively all right in spite of that asshole, not because of him.

[zibazinski]

That is so true. My ex tried to take credit one time for something the kids did and they both looked at him and then said he wouldn't have even known about it if I hadn't told him about it. He only showed up because he thought he'd get HIS picture in the paper or they'd quote HIM.

[Firebird]

I'm just saying that you can go too far the other direction, and more importantly, our kid's accomplishments are only partially a reflection of our parenting skills. They are their own people, and a lot of how they eventually turn out has nothing to do with us

Definitely a good thing to remember - and incidentally, why I get pretty squicked by the idea of children as "extensions of the self" the way Chua describes. That was the only part of the book I didn't like. I do NOT want my kids to be "extensions of me" in any way, shape or form. I see my job as a parent in supporting them while THEY figure out who they are.

[thyme4change]

our kid's accomplishments are only partially a reflection of our parenting skills

I'm taking credit for every great thing my kids do. However, any of their bad behavior is clearly a flaw in their genetic material, and there is nothing I can do to "parent" it out of them.

[quince]

Diplomat. I hope that holds up when I actually have irritating little humans to deal with, making me eat my words and whine to my husband "But I never did that when I was a kid!"

[mmhmm]

Diplomat. I'm not shocked.

[swamp]

Aug 16, 2012 19:57:15 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

our kid's accomplishments are only partially a reflection of our parenting skills

I'm taking credit for every great thing my kids do. However, any of their bad behavior is clearly a flaw in their genetic material, and there is nothing I can do to "parent" it out of them.

I'm not supposed to do that?

[Deleted]

diplomat. Not sure how accurate that is though.

[Deleted]

Ostrich

[busymom]

Ack! I'm a tiger mom. I was never ANYTHING like that woman who wrote the book, but I do have the kids sit down & do their homework after school, and practice their music. Gee, and all these years I just thought I was a MEAN mom....


Oh, and by the way. I thought all moms blamed the dad's side of the family when the kids were acting up! ;D

[raeoflyte]

Diplomat, but as always those kinds of quizzes leave a lot to be desired. Not to mention since ds is only 3 I'm mostly just assuming how I'll react in those situations. I wholly admit I'm just winging it and hoping for the best...

our kid's accomplishments are only partially a reflection of our parenting skills. They are their own people, and a lot of how they eventually turn out has nothing to do with us.

100% agree. I guess I would change 'a lot' to 'most'. Milee had the best analogy about nature vs. nurture...so of course I forgot to bookmark it.

[Deleted]

I am an ostrich mom apparently. But I think the test is pretty bogus. So many questions needed more than 1 answer depending on the kid and the age.

[Deleted]

My cousin is a Tiger Mom and she drives me absolutely INSANE!!!!

[Deleted]

Diplomat

[The Captain]

Aug 16, 2012 15:57:26 GMT -5 Loopdilou said:

Diplomat, but those answers sucked.. I wanted to be select multiple options on almost every one.

I'm a diplomat. Not sure DD would agree...

[happyhoix]

Aug 16, 2012 15:49:11 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I came out as an Ostrich mom but I don't know how entirely accurate that is. I am pretty laid about about some things but I have found I am suprisingly old school when it comes to others.

Yeah none of these things were what I would count as "big" items. After growing up with an overly controlling mom, I tried very hard to not sweat the small stuff, and most stuff is small stuff.

And most of them were age dependent. I never cared much when my 5 year old trashed the house. Now that he's 23 he gets a serious earful.

[Deleted]

Diplomat.

[Phoenix84]

Apparantly I'm a tiger "mom" but this is all hypothetical.

Anyway, it was hard to answer some of the questions because none of the answers fit. For exampple. if my kid was fighting on the playground, what i'd do would depend on the circumstances. who started it? What is "fighting" and
what was the disaggreement?
And many times I'd take a multiple pronged strategy. for example, I'd call the talk to the teacher and my kid and find out why they got a bad grade, and then my appraoch may be incrrasing tutoring or lecturing or checking the kids homwork depending on what I thught the problem was. Sometimes I would do empathy and other times I'd be disciplinary.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Aug 16, 2012 15:57:26 GMT -5 Loopdilou said:

Diplomat, but those answers sucked.. I wanted to be select multiple options on almost every one.

I wanted "other" for most of them.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Yeah none of these things were what I would count as "big" items. After growing up with an overly controlling mom, I tried very hard to not sweat the small stuff, and most stuff is small stuff

Exactly. Plus like everyone else I wanted more choices.

I didn't like the "Your kid won't eat dinner so what do you do" question. Well it really depends. I chose "Whatever, if she doesn't want to she doesn't want to eat" and apparently that makes me an ostrich.

Gwen is two. I chose when and what she will eat. She gets to choose if she will eat and how much. I don't think that makes me an ostrich. I don't let her dictate what I cook and when we have dinner, but I don't believe in trying to make a kid clean her plate if she isn't hungry.


As she gets older I'll start pushing the three bite rule but I'd love to see the quiz writer try to "make" a two year old eat. Good luck.

[zibazinski]

No kidding. I figure no child will actually starve theirself to death so if they don't eat a meal, so what? But no way am I cooking anything else.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

That's what my pediatrican said. He said at Gwen's age it is more trouble than it is worth to try to make her eat. No two year old is capable of starving herself to death, just keep giving it to her and eventually she'll eat it. Apparently my pediatrician is an ostrich mom.