I'm busier than you!

[susanb]

Not really, but....

I have been taking some evening classes this summer through the outreach program at my local university. Some are for fun and some are for professional development. Anyhow, I have told a couple of professionals and friends about my classes when explaining a scheduling conflict (oh, Monday won't work for me, I am taking an X class, how about Tues or Thursday?) and have gotten a lot of:

"Oh, I wish I had the time to take classes." or

"It must be nice to have so much free time to do things like that."

Clearly, these comments are about the people saying them, not about me. I don't take them personally, but it made me wonder if people are constantly trying to out busy each other these days.

Also, I am not sure if out busying people is a female sport or if guys do it too.

Do you know people who talk about how busy they are or try to out busy you? Is out busying people something women are more likely to do?

[midjd]

I was JUST reading a NYT editorial on that subject yesterday...let me dig it up when I get to a computer. But yes, people out-busy each other as a measure of status ("Look how much demand there is for my time! My life is important!") when really, a lot of what makes us busy is pretty meaningless...

[happyhoix]

I have one sibling who whines about being busy all the time. A lot of that is self inflicted, though. She has a part time job that goes along with the school year, which means she gets two months off in the summer. She has two kids but they're old enough they take care of themselves. However she over crams their lives with scout meetings, day camps, various sport lessons, visits to parks/museums, ets. All of which is fine and good, but you don't then get to bitch about how busy your life is. Nothing wrong with letting the kids goof off at home now and then.

She whines a lot about other things, too, though, like being broke, which is also self -inflicted (won't work a full time job) so maybe the problem is just that my sister is a whiner.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

When I enrolled in the DrPH program several years ago, I got this a LOT. Where I work has incredible benefits and I just couldn't see not taking advantage of them. I figured once I got my degree, I would go back and take all the classes I thought were interesting, but did not have the time.

However, years later and I am ABD (which I'm writing now). The idea of having my life scheduled down to the gnat's ass again has no appeal whatsoever. So right now, I don't know if I will consider going back to take those classes that I want to take for mere interest.

Taking classes, particularly when you're in some sort of program becomes a time consuming treadmill that you know you cannot get off of or you'll never get back on it.

[Deleted]

Busy? I wish I could be busier in the evenings, on the weekends or on holidays.

[CarolinaKat]

I read the title as "I'm BUSTIER than you" which is really funny

[midjd]

Here's that article: opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/

If you live in America in the 21st century you’ve probably had to listen to a lot of people tell you how busy they are. It’s become the default response when you ask anyone how they’re doing: “Busy!” “So busy.” “Crazy busy.” It is, pretty obviously, a boast disguised as a complaint. And the stock response is a kind of congratulation: “That’s a good problem to have,” or “Better than the opposite.”

Notice it isn’t generally people pulling back-to-back shifts in the I.C.U. or commuting by bus to three minimum-wage jobs who tell you how busy they are; what those people are is not busy but tired. Exhausted. Dead on their feet. It’s almost always people whose lamented busyness is purely self-imposed: work and obligations they’ve taken on voluntarily, classes and activities they’ve “encouraged” their kids to participate in. They’re busy because of their own ambition or drive or anxiety, because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they might have to face in its absence. <snip> Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.

[Apple]

Jul 11, 2012 7:54:01 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

I read the title as "I'm BUSTIER than you" which is really funny

Me too. Dyslexics, UNTIE!

[movingforward]

I have a FB friend who is one of those who wants to give a play by play of their life on FB. She is constantly saying how busy she is and I am always thinking obviously you aren't too busy to stop and post on FB every minute of the day. Then she will post how she wishes she had time to exercise and in the next post will talk about what she watched on TV last night. Hmmmm... okay...

[CarolinaKat]

Jul 11, 2012 8:02:21 GMT -5 Apple said:

Jul 11, 2012 7:54:01 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

I read the title as "I'm BUSTIER than you" which is really funny

Me too. Dyslexics, UNTIE!

WOOOOOOO

Yay for simplier words

[Green Eyed Lady]

I have a sister who says stuff like that everytime she doesn't want to do something. If mom's yard needs work, she says, "You don't have a family. You have more time. I have a child and a full-time job."

Yet, she spends more time shopping than anybody I have ever known. Besides. I have a dog.

[midjd]

My friend is a SAHM to 4 boys - 3 of them under age 4 - and is pretty heavily involved in a ton of their (and her own) activities. I have NEVER heard her complain about being busy. Never. So anyone else's complaints are taken with a big grain of salt.

[movingforward]

Jul 11, 2012 8:12:41 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Jul 11, 2012 8:07:27 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I have a FB friend who is one of those who wants to give a play by play of their life on FB. She is constantly saying how busy she is and I am always thinking obviously you aren't too busy to stop and post on FB every minute of the day. Then she will post how she wishes she had time to exercise and in the next post will talk about what she watched on TV last night. Hmmmm... okay...

YES!!!! A thousand times over. What is with people who constantly do this?
I really don't want to know what time you went poo or walked your dog today.

I have gotten to where I rarely check FB any more because most of it is just pure nonsense. I don't care that you had an awesome burger for lunch and for sure don't need to see a picture of it. The only reason I really used FB was to get in contact with some old HS and college friends. The novelty of FB to me has completely worn off..

ETA: I do have a friend who met up with her old HS sweetheart on FB 20 yrs later and they just got married last year so I guess it can be good for something

[happyhoix]

One person I know on FB documents every millisecond of her kid's life with updates and pictures and links to video of her kid blowing snot bubbles or whatever cute thing he's just done that day.

Then there are two others that love to search the web, find stuff they like, and post it to FB for the rest of us to enjoy, so you open FB and there are 30 posts in a row from one of them.

I don't see the allure of it. One association I belong to posts their meeting notices and other info on their FB page and that's the only reason I look at it anymore.

[Formerly SK]

It doesn't take much for me to feel busy - I think my anxiety levels are easy to trigger. I do complain a lot about how busy we are - it seems like we are always going somewhere. That said, I also know that I choose these things. I WANT my kids in swim lessons and gymnastics. I also WANT to do Meals on Wheels every Friday. I WANT to get my blog going again and get back into photography. And yes it is completely my choice that I WANT my house/yard maintained at a certain level. Heck, if I'm honest I WANT several more things in my life that I can't even start due to time restraints. DH was teaching DD how to hit a ball last weekend and she picked it up like a pro and I immediately wanted to sign her up on a team. DS needs daily help with reading/writing to maintain his skills over the summer, and he has feeding therapy every day (OK...those are needs not wants).

What reminds me that I'm not as busy as I feel is I do spend quite a bit of time on this board and a few others. Like I woke up 50 minutes ago, got some coffee, and started reading. That's an hour wasted so far today. I could have cleaned the kitchen and started a load of laundry instead. So, I'm not THAT busy.

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Jul 11, 2012 7:59:34 GMT -5 midjd said:

Here's that article: opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/

This is really interesting, I'd never really thought about it!

I expect some people to be very busy, like my working sister with three kids & a hubby. On the other hand, I've been told several times how busy my schedule is, but it doesn't seem that bad to me. I don't think I do it intentionally, I just have things I want to learn and try. Hmmm, maybe it's food for thought!

[Jaguar]

I get this all the time from my sister upstairs. I'm too busy, I'm too tired etc. Isn't this in the same vein as my illness is worse than yours. Or I had it way worse than anyone else. Which to me is pure bull crap.

[phil5185]

The TV ad for Angie's List - a perky gal says "I'm busy busy busy busy - I have Angie on Speed Dial." It sure doesn't work for me.

[susanb]

I agree with the author and others who have noted that it is usually isn't the people with the most responsibilities/most hectic schedules that complain about being busy.

A couple of years ago I had a friend who worked 25 hours a week and had one child who was in school, but the kid was activitied up the wazoo. She was kind of a selfish driver, which didn't bother me in the least, but she would excuse cutting in construction lines and such with how busy she was. She would actually say "I know I am cutting in front of people, but I am one of the busiest people in this city." I live in a metro area with millions of people.

I think when people talk about how busy they are, they are really trying to say how important they are, and some of them how much more important they are than you. Recently, I had a meeting with the CEO of a publicly traded company. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't humble. He let me know how important he is. I bet he works 70+ hours a week, but the word busy never came out of his mouth.

[susanb]

Jul 11, 2012 7:54:01 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

I read the title as "I'm BUSTIER than you" which is really funny

That too. Maybe I should start another thread......

[Phoenix84]

I'm doing grad school in the evenings in the fall. I'm not doing it to out busy anyone but for my personal and professional development.

I also never understood trying to purposefully make yourself busy. To me having free time is a goal to aspire towards, but then again maybe I'm lazy. A lot of the stuff most people do is pointless, and many could afford to simplify your life. You only get so much time on this earth, so try to enjoy it.

[Phoenix84]

"Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day."

Interesting and true. I know when I am not busy with something depression sets in and I realize how empnty and meaningless my life is.

[susanb]

Jul 11, 2012 13:08:24 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I'm doing grad school in the evenings in the fall. I'm not doing it to out busy anyone but for my personal and professional development.

I also never understood trying to purposefully make yourself busy. To me having free time is a goal to aspire towards, but then again maybe I'm lazy. A lot of the stuff most people do is pointless, and many could afford to simplify your life. You only get so much time on this earth, so try to enjoy it.

I don't think people go to grad school to out busy people. I worked full time and went to grad school and took on a GA position. Never once talked about how busy I was. How tired I was? Yes, I did complain about that.

However, you might find out how busy other people are when you start your program. Most people will be happy for you and encouraging, but there might be a couple of people who feel threatened by the fact that you are going to grad school while they are not. You will be amazed at how busy they are. That is why they can't go to grad school.

[Deleted]

Jul 11, 2012 13:13:11 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

"Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day."

Interesting and true. I know when I am not busy with something depression sets in and I realize how empnty and meaningless my life is.

I can see how that could happen. All of my single friends and co-workers are either workaholics or they cram their free time with lots of parties, volunteering, committee work, etc. My BFF was lamenting about how she can't find a decent guy the last time we we were hanging out. I pointed out that she has a full time job and takes on additional per diem cases thereby leaving herself no time or energy to engage in anything fun where she could meet someone. She agreed with me and promised to stop taking any additional cases, and then the next time we spoke she had started 3 new cases.

[Deleted]

I have a friend that takes it one step further and tries to reschedule plans or outright cancels them on the pretext that she is so busy/important. I've gotten to the point that I try not to get sucked in but most of the time I forget and actually turn other invites down because I am supposed to have plans with her. I feel really stupid when she then cancels her plans with me because someone asked her to do something else. I am at the point that I won't reschedule a dozen times. I also make plans with her and someone else and when she can't make it, I keep the date with the other person and she misses out.

[Phoenix84]

"However, you might find out how busy other people are when you start your program. Most people will be happy for you and encouraging, but there might be a couple of people who feel threatened by the fact that you are going to grad school while they are not. You will be amazed at how busy they are. That is why they can't go to grad school."

Yes, I see your point. Some people are threatened by other people doing things to better themselves, and they make excuses (like being too busy) to not go out and do it. I always reasoned if it's really important to you, you'll do it and fine the time.

[Jaguar]

Jul 11, 2012 14:30:04 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Yes, I see your point. Some people are threatened by other people doing things to better themselves, and they make excuses (like being too busy) to not go out and do it. I always reasoned if it's really important to you, you'll do it and fine the time.

I get this a lot from my siblings. I'm into a lot of things to better my world and I've had tons of success with it. When I told them about it I always got shot down in the past, so I don't tell them now. I'm still growing, but I've left them behind.

[Cookies Galore]

Jul 11, 2012 10:18:35 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

It doesn't take much for me to feel busy - I think my anxiety levels are easy to trigger. I do complain a lot about how busy we are - it seems like we are always going somewhere. That said, I also know that I choose these things. I WANT my kids in swim lessons and gymnastics. I also WANT to do Meals on Wheels every Friday. I WANT to get my blog going again and get back into photography. And yes it is completely my choice that I WANT my house/yard maintained at a certain level. Heck, if I'm honest I WANT several more things in my life that I can't even start due to time restraints. DH was teaching DD how to hit a ball last weekend and she picked it up like a pro and I immediately wanted to sign her up on a team. DS needs daily help with reading/writing to maintain his skills over the summer, and he has feeding therapy every day (OK...those are needs not wants).

What reminds me that I'm not as busy as I feel is I do spend quite a bit of time on this board and a few others. Like I woke up 50 minutes ago, got some coffee, and started reading. That's an hour wasted so far today. I could have cleaned the kitchen and started a load of laundry instead. So, I'm not THAT busy.

Same here. I have anxiety and just thinking about doing something out of usual routine puts me in panic.

That said, I can't remember the last weekend we had to just do nothing, but that's because we choose to have an active social life. I would like to get my Masters, but I know I choose to be lazy with my weeknight time. I get done work at 4, so I have no excuse to not go back to school, but I enjoy my lazy time. I have an active social life that makes us legitimately busy on the weekends, but am I busy? Hell no.

[Deleted]

Yes. I am amazed at how "busy" some people always are. I just find it kind of annoying when people say that because the implication is that their life is much more important than whatever you need to do. I have been busy with 3 kids, a job, career, business, spouse, pet and on and on. But, i find time to do what i want to do. And, so can others if they choose too.

[susanb]

Right. I mean we all have 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week.