marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Jun 14, 2012 7:22:57 GMT -5
I am currently ticked off at my DDs. My bday is coming up. Usually when it is a holiday/event that all the family sides would be celebrating they ask IF we can get together a day or 2 before or after the specific date. I ALWAYS agree. This time they did NOT ask. Simply told me we would be getting together after my actual bday. I feel that my bday is MINE & s/b celebrated/acknowledged ON my bday.
I am ticked. Am I wrong?
I think I will just go out for breakfast/brunch and treat my self to a mani/pedi on my REAL bday. Good treat for myself for only $21.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 14, 2012 7:33:28 GMT -5
I'm probably not the best person to respond, since I tend to forget my birthday til people say something...but yeah, you may be overreacting a little bit. Sounds like it wasn't the late celebration that's the issue, but the fact that they TOLD instead of asked? If so, you might bring that up (since it can apply to other situations and may help stave off a future tiff) - but I wouldn't go into the "I wanted to do something ON my birthday" issue. I'm not sure there's any way to couch it without coming off as a diva. Birthdays are almost always more important to the ones having them
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2012 7:35:38 GMT -5
I would ask them why they didn't ask you this year. It's not just about your birthday - it's about years of doing it one way (that involved your input) and then suddenly doing it another and not asking you what you thought.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jun 14, 2012 7:38:56 GMT -5
I tend to get a little bananas about birthdays. I come by it honest. My dad took the day off of work EVERY YEAR on his birthday, no matter what was going on. Test day? Too bad, someone else's problem. Lab practicle? Not doing it, go find a TA or something. Fortunately for me (or unforuntately depending on how you look at it) my BFF is one of the bananas about birthdays people so she NEVER forgets mine and there's hell to pay if I forget hers, so I don't I would do exactly whay you're doing, go have a nice breafast and go have mani/pedi. Invite some friends if you have some that like going with you. Go to a park and read a nice book under a tree or whatever makes you happy.
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Jun 14, 2012 7:42:04 GMT -5
Perhaps they didn't ask because there is a conflict with something else on your birthday. Asking you about it won't get rid of the conflict. Just be glad that they remembered your birthday and are planning something. Don't jump to conclusions. See what happens on your birthday before you decide to be mad about it.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jun 14, 2012 7:47:27 GMT -5
Funny Story...
One year I planned a surprise party for my mom on her birthday. I told her that we were going to have a low key thing with just her and dad and DBF and I. Meanwhile I had called all the family and invited them to come over for 2pm on her birthday. Set it up weeks in advance. So then about a week before her birthday mom starts calling everyone and telling them that since her daughter wasn't going to invite everyone over she wanted everyone to come over around 2pm on her birthday and that she was going to bake herself a birthday cake and she was going to throw herself a party!!! I was horribly embarassed... My cousin who is the best baker in the family told me to make sure my mother DID NOT bake a cake, and my surprise party was ruined... I learned my lesson about surprise parties
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quotequeen
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Post by quotequeen on Jun 14, 2012 7:59:51 GMT -5
I feel that my bday is MINE & s/b celebrated/acknowledged ON my bday. Your birthday is yours but that doesn't mean everybody else's life has to revolve around it. They should at least call you/send a card or something to acknowledge your birthday on the actual day, but they are not obligated to take you out that day or throw you a party that day or anything else. You should be happy that they are wanting to get together at all and should work with their schedules. It would be wrong if they just told you "we are getting together on Friday at 5" without your input, but they don't need to ask your permission to not see you on your actual birthday.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2012 8:02:59 GMT -5
I don't think OP is being a diva. I think she's hurt that no one asked for her input and it's HER birthday that's being celebrated. I wouldn't like that either.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Jun 14, 2012 8:27:13 GMT -5
How did you respond when they told you? FWIW, I think they were wrong to just tell you. But, I think you should ask them why they did it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 14, 2012 8:33:44 GMT -5
I'm a diva about my birthday but this year with my mother dying and our house in shambles, I just wanted to forget it. DF tried as did my kids but it just wasn't my year.
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jitterbug
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Post by jitterbug on Jun 14, 2012 8:49:53 GMT -5
My birthday is at Thanksgiving - consequently, it is always celebrated ON Thanksgiving, no matter the actual date. So I feel like I never really actually get a birthday. I get Thanksgiving. Other people get "their day" - and I get turkey! Actually, it's kind of okay because I prefer pie over cake anyway. But sometimes I get irritated because I'd like to know what it feels like to have a "special day that's all about me" for a change! And I know other people have a Christmas birthday - but I think people try very hard to segregate Christmas from the birthday in those cases. But that doesn't happen with Thanksgiving!
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kindthatjingles
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Post by kindthatjingles on Jun 14, 2012 9:06:37 GMT -5
With young families and people going every which way this was probably the only day that would work for them.
Feel blessed that you are all going to be together and that they care enough about you to want to celebrate your day.
There has been so much loss on the boards lately, I would think that this is a molehill and not a mountain
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2012 9:30:01 GMT -5
My birthday is at Thanksgiving - consequently, it is always celebrated ON Thanksgiving, no matter the actual date. So I feel like I never really actually get a birthday. I get Thanksgiving. Other people get "their day" - and I get turkey! Actually, it's kind of okay because I prefer pie over cake anyway. But sometimes I get irritated because I'd like to know what it feels like to have a "special day that's all about me" for a change! And I know other people have a Christmas birthday - but I think people try very hard to segregate Christmas from the birthday in those cases. But that doesn't happen with Thanksgiving! Awww......have you ever told the people close to you that you'd like to celebrate it separately? If I mentioned it to one of my sisters or to DH I am sure they would arrange a separate party for me at least once.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2012 9:31:24 GMT -5
With young families and people going every which way this was probably the only day that would work for them. Feel blessed that you are all going to be together and that they care enough about you to want to celebrate your day. There has been so much loss on the boards lately, I would think that this is a molehill and not a mountain Look at it as you getting two celebrations! You get to do what you want on your actual B-day and enjoy yourself at your party.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Jun 14, 2012 9:38:26 GMT -5
"Funny Story...
One year I planned a surprise party for my mom on her birthday. I told her that we were going to have a low key thing with just her and dad and DBF and I. Meanwhile I had called all the family and invited them to come over for 2pm on her birthday. Set it up weeks in advance. So then about a week before her birthday mom starts calling everyone and telling them that since her daughter wasn't going to invite everyone over she wanted everyone to come over around 2pm on her birthday and that she was going to bake herself a birthday cake and she was going to throw herself a party!!! I was horribly embarassed... My cousin who is the best baker in the family told me to make sure my mother DID NOT bake a cake, and my surprise party was ruined... I learned my lesson about surprise parties"
That's awful! What did your mother say when she found out?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 14, 2012 9:42:44 GMT -5
To clarify, I never said OP "was" a diva - I said if she makes a huge deal out of this, she will come off as a diva.
I agree with Kindthatjingles that this is a molehill, not a mountain.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jun 14, 2012 9:46:35 GMT -5
Mom thought the whole thing was a complete riot! She laughed and laughed She thought it was especially funny we picked the same start time for the party. Told me that I should know better than to try and plan a surprise party! Turns out we had 2 cakes anyway. My cousin (the baker) brought one of her special cakes and my mom's BFF brought one of her cakes too! My aunts brought party decorations and I made party food and it was a really great time. Moral of the story: If you think like your mother, don't try to surprise her.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 14, 2012 9:51:34 GMT -5
More and more I am seeing that when it comes to issues like this, there is no point explaining it to others. They can no more comprehend (or care about) your interpretation than you can of theirs.
I avoided a silly argument with DW last night by basically saying that the mere fact there almost WAS an argument proved that discussing the issue was pointless because she was already coming at it with the attitude that she was right.
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The J
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Post by The J on Jun 14, 2012 9:52:07 GMT -5
I feel that my bday is MINE & s/b celebrated/acknowledged ON my bday. Your birthday is yours but that doesn't mean everybody else's life has to revolve around it. They should at least call you/send a card or something to acknowledge your birthday on the actual day, but they are not obligated to take you out that day or throw you a party that day or anything else. You should be happy that they are wanting to get together at all and should work with their schedules. It would be wrong if they just told you "we are getting together on Friday at 5" without your input, but they don't need to ask your permission to not see you on your actual birthday. Yesterday was my mom's birthday. I took her out last weekend for brunch. I didn't "dictate" the schedule, but I asked her if she would be available for brunch last weekend and she understood it was for her birthday. I let her pick which day was convenient for her. If she hadn't been available last weekend when I was, she understood that we might not be able to celebrate for a couple of weeks. It happens. She got a call yesterday (she got the card at brunch). If last weekend hadn't worked for her, and she was insistent that it be sometime this coming weekend because it was her birthday, whether or not that worked for me, she wouldn't see me for it at all. I could understand if I had an 8 year old child complaining about not celebrating their birthday on the right day. My mom's 65 however, not 8. The only person in my family right now who could insist on a celebration without pissing people off (though she never would) is my grandmother, but you get to do that when you're 96 going on 97.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2012 9:53:51 GMT -5
you all are missing the part where they DID dictate to her when they were celebrating her birthday without asking her. I think's she's pissed about that part.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 14, 2012 9:56:42 GMT -5
My mom was always flexible about her birthday, along with Mother's Day. We would pick the weekend closest to the day, since both of us were working (and for that matter, she also worked until less than a year before her death at age 83). If she was already busy, no biggie, we just picked another day the next weekend. It was the thought, plus the fact that we could all actually agree on a good date, that mattered. No one ever dictated to anyone that it had to be on the precise date. Besides, her social life was better than mine. She always had more stuff lined up. The dictating part would be annoying to anyone at any age, I would think. If they ask if it's OK to celebrate on a day other than the actual birthday, then that's fine. It just gives you two days to party - one on your own, one with family.
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quotequeen
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Post by quotequeen on Jun 14, 2012 10:01:32 GMT -5
you all are missing the part where they DID dictate to her when they were celebrating her birthday without asking her. I think's she's pissed about that part. That's not how I interpreted the post. The OP said that the daughters told her they were going to celebrate after her actual birthday. The OP did not say that the daughters told her they were going to celebrate at a particular time on a particular day. The OP is upset that her daughters didn't say "is it ok with you if we don't celebrate your birthday on the actual day," which implies to me that the OP thinks she is entitled to have people join her ON her birthday and they need permission to do anything else.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Jun 14, 2012 10:06:45 GMT -5
But she said in the past, she had always agreed to a different day when they had asked. I think the sticking point is that they did not ask this time, they just assumed.
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quotequeen
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Post by quotequeen on Jun 14, 2012 10:07:49 GMT -5
But she said in the past, she had always agreed to a different day when they had asked. I think the sticking point is that they did not ask this time, they just assumed. That doesn't mean they assumed that a particular day was ok. They assumed that it would be ok to celebrate on a day other than the OP's birthday. And since the OP is not entitled to have people cater to her whims on a particular day that happens to be her birthday, I don't see the issue.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jun 14, 2012 10:09:45 GMT -5
My parents live in different states from their kids. They get calls on their birthdays. Sometimes they get calls a couple of days before their birthdays because I know I'm going to be swamped on their actual birthday. For her 60th birthday, my mother decided to take a trip to Hawaii, with the same friend she had shared her 16th birthday with. She called me before they left because she didn't want to have to worry about answering the phone on her vacation.
My birthday is 4 days before Christmas. As a kid, I had to share my birthday parties with BFF's little sister, because her birthday was Christmas. Even if your family tries to segregate the two, you still always end up celebrating your birthday on a day that's NOT your birthday, or opening your birthday presents the same day everyone else got presents, too. I actually loved it when my mom started giving me my gifts at Thanksgiving- I was spending every other Christmas with my dad, so I wasn't always around on my birthday to begin with. At Thanksgiving, we had all the family around and I was the only one getting gifts- so it worked for me. Worked so well that I now give my goddaughter (whose birthday is New Years Eve) her gift on Thanksgiving.
My point is- the day doesn't really matter. I know sometimes we want it to, but what matters is the kids still want to celebrate you, even if they can't do it on your actual birthday. Sure I'd be mad they didn't ask me if this other time worked for me, simply told me to be someplace at such and such time on such and such date, but that's about courtesy, not your birthday.
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Post by isabella on Jun 14, 2012 10:10:56 GMT -5
you all are missing the part where they DID dictate to her when they were celebrating her birthday without asking her. I think's she's pissed about that part. The OP has the option to let everyone know she's not available that day as well, nothing is dictated to her. As far as I'm concerned a phone call or text message is plenty on my b-day for someone to acknowlege my day. My b-day was 45 days ago, we still haven't figured out a day that works to go out to dinner to celebrate.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2012 10:11:29 GMT -5
At least they are doing something - so yes, you are wrong.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 14, 2012 10:11:44 GMT -5
My former MIL birthday sometimes fell on Thanksgiving. We always had key lime pie because that was what she wanted for dessert and her birthday. I think it's worse if it's Christmas. Old bf bd was on Boxing Day and people always gave him joint presents and he hated it. Even when he was supposedly and adult, he still hAted it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2012 10:12:28 GMT -5
But she said in the past, she had always agreed to a different day when they had asked. I think the sticking point is that they did not ask this time, they just assumed. That doesn't mean they assumed that a particular day was ok. They assumed that it would be ok to celebrate on a day other than the OP's birthday. And since the OP is not entitled to have people cater to her whims on a particular day that happens to be her birthday, I don't see the issue. but what's wrong with just asking if that's okay? It sounds like she would have agreed to celebrate on a different day. If you asked me for 17 years and all of a sudden you just assume, I'd be a little bent out of shape. Since when does requesting that you be asked about when you celebrate your own birthday reveal entitlement issues?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2012 10:14:17 GMT -5
Well, she can either stew over the gaffe or she can let it go this time and enjoy her day. I say if it bothers her this much and it happens again then she should speak up.
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