Ever broken up over money?

[Firebird]

There seems to be a lot of talk about recognizing financial warning signs in a relationship and getting out if you and your Schmoopy don't share financial values. Which makes sense - money is a very contentious issue in marriage, after all.

I'm just wondering how many of us took our own advice. Personally, I've never ended a relationship over different money values but that's partially because prior to DH, none of my relationships got serious enough to where money was an issue. They ended over other irreconcilable differences well before we reached a point of living together, splitting finances, etc.

If you've done it, did your partner think you were crazy for giving up a great relationship over something so "silly" as money?

[Deleted]

To me "money" is not a silly thing and my wife knew it from Day 1 and I rather be single than be with someone that will drive me to financial ruin.

I've been thru the bills not getting paid, dodging bill collectors, gas/light being shut off, not having enough money to buy needs let alone wants.

Yes money isn't everything, but the peace of mind it provides at this point of my life is essential. I've done my time , I have no intentions of going back and will work myself to the bones before I do.

I don't care for fancy cars, big houses, fancy clothes etc. I don't need millions... I just want to be able to pay my bills, cover my needs and some of my wants. I am finally getting there and I like the feeling.

[Deleted]

I haven't ended a relationship over money, but there have been a few relationships I didn't pursue because of money.

I love it when they disclose all the red flags on the first couple of dates... so much more efficient.

[midjd]

Ever broken up over money?

Surprisingly*, no.

*Money is pretty important to me and I dated a lot, a LOT, in college...

[zibazinski]

I have and I'd do it again. No way am I supporting some able bodied person for any reason. My mom thought it was sad that I didn't remarry five seconds after my divorce was final but every one that I know that did, ended up financially ruined.

[Deleted]

May 15, 2012 18:36:01 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

My mom thought it was sad that I didn't remarry five seconds after my divorce was final but every one that I know that did, ended up financially ruined.

I started dating DH about 5 minutes after my divorce was final but took 6 years to marry him. Part of it was that I wanted to really make sure this time that what I saw was what I got. My first husband was all flash behind a facade of debts and maxed-out credit cards. Fortunately, the second time around has been a real blessing.

[cronewitch]

May 15, 2012 18:27:35 GMT -5 @craftysarah said:

I haven't ended a relationship over money, but there have been a few relationships I didn't pursue because of money.

I love it when they disclose all the red flags on the first couple of dates... so much more efficient.

I met a blind date for coffee. He owned a roofing business and I said that is nice you can make as much money as you want. He said he just works until he has enough for the bills then takes the rest of the week off. He wasn't a money grubbing capitalist like me so we decided not to have any more to do with each other. He dumped me but he was right we couldn't have gotten along since I like money too much to suit him.

[constanz22]

Yup, it wasn't completely about money, but it was a BIG part. He also was/is an alcoholic which also played a big part in the break up. He couldn't/wouldn't keep a job, when he worked it was barely over minimum wage. He'd quit jobs with no notice, just stop showing up. Then, he'd "hang out" for about a month or so til he'd make any attempts to find a new job, then he'd intentionally get a job in like August doing blacktop or construction, something that he knew was seasonal and allow him to collect unemployment all winter so he could sit on his ass, oh, and drink...yeah, that didn't work out so well. Last I heard, he got a fairly big workers comp settlement for a probably bogus injury, bought a cheap, like 25k house, and lost it within a year. Also defaulted on some other loans and stuff. Yeah, can we say "train wreck"?! And I made some horribly bad decisions when we were together, like getting joint auto loans with him (for him), putting him on my insurance, getting loans for crap for his kids (ATV, dirt bike, etc). THANK GOD when we broke up the last time (cuz of course I went back to him more than once) he was working, had fairly decent credit after being on all kinds of loans with me and was able to get all his crap in his own name and got my name off it all. I thank God every day for not bringing me down with him cuz that was just a disaster waiting to happen...we were engaged, but never married. We also had contracts on 2 or 3 houses that fell through. Again, THANK GOD!

[Deleted]

Yes!! When I was younger, money didn't mean that much. As long as we had "Love", everything was, ok.

When I was in my early 30's, my SO and I bought a house together. I realized then, that "Love" would not pay the bills. Unfortunately,
my SO did not change his view. His money went to fun, and when it was time to pitch in for the bills, he never had any to give. Ugh! We
fought all the time about money, until I couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him. It was a long drawn out process because we owned
the house together, but I learned a huge, huge lesson! Actually, quite a few lessons from that experience!

[Formerly SK]

My XH was a nut case and there were financial facets of that. He was vehemently anti-debt unless it was for something HE wanted. I didn't leave him for financial purposes, but one big fight we had towards the end was I wanted to finish my degree and he thought it was a waste. He wouldn't agree to me taking out loans for it, and I couldn't cash flow it without sacrifices in our lifestyle. Course, as soon as I left him he went and bought a brand new car on credit and then bought a house (with a mortgage...and I know he had no savings so no dp either). Both of those things were things he refused to use credit for when we were married.

I almost broke up with current DH about money when we were first dating. He was a financial train wreck when we met. Had a CPA but was earning like 28K and instead of making OT during tax season he would just use it as comp time so he could not work and fish all summer. Oh, and he lived with his parents (at age 25) and was about 50-55K in debt. It's amazing how different he is now - leaves the house at 6:30am and is gone for 11-12 hours. Has a higher pressure job (CFO) with the corresponding salary. Supports a wife and 2 kids and his r&r time is watching TV from 9pm till bedtime. Course, he does golf 1x/wk about 7-8 months of the year so his life doesn't totally suck. Still, I'm going to have to give him a big kiss when he gets home (he's golfing tonight).

[Deleted]

I dumped a HS freshman when I was in 8th grade because she didn't have a job.

[quotequeen]

I thought you promised schmoopy was going to be confined to that one thread.

[lexpenguin]

Nope, never broken up over money - but it was an issue in my first marriage. So when I was ready to date again, I looked for financially stable, educated guys (along with a bunch of other more exciting traits!).

[Deleted]

"I have and I'd do it again. No way am I supporting some able bodied person for any reason."

Oh yeah, BTDT. I wish I could blame him for it all but I sure was young and dumb. Classic co-dependent situation. Glad I ended it when I was young and before we had kids!

[zibazinski]

I already had kids and said I was supporting two and not a third. Funny, he didn't get that idea at all.

[happyhoix]

Not specifically for money, but more the whole "live for the moment, who cares about money" attitude.

As a young adult I was attracted to the rebel without a clue types who flaunted authority, didn't care about money, never thought about the future, etc etc. I dated a series of them, and eventually they would do something truly foolish, and I would think to myself 'will this guy be quite as cute 20 years from now when he still doesn't have a job, still smokes, still slouches through life like James Dean wanna be?'

Thank God I grew out of that phase.

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 16, 2012 7:26:46 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

We've never had any disagreements over spending money, but I've sure seen it cause a lot of problems with couples I know.
I think, and this is a little OT, but from what I've noticed, with those I know, is that many of these breakups have more to do with one of the spouse's getting bored and breaking away from the family nucleus and venturing out on his or her own. Going back to school, starting their own business, deciding to go back to work, when it's not really needed, not going to work when needed or drastically changing careers. IMHO, anything that disrupts the common family plan seems to cause couples to split up.
Am I off base in my observations?

I don't know that you're off base, Lone, but I do think it depends on the couple. I encouraged DH to go back to school, switch jobs and sometimes to take vacation days home alone. And I'm being as supportive as I can though the health issues he's been having. If a couple is on the same page for ANY major changes, I think they're more likely to hold the center for their marriage/family.

[raeoflyte]

May 16, 2012 7:26:46 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

We've never had any disagreements over spending money, but I've sure seen it cause a lot of problems with couples I know.
I think, and this is a little OT, but from what I've noticed, with those I know, is that many of these breakups have more to do with one of the spouse's getting bored and breaking away from the family nucleus and venturing out on his or her own. Going back to school, starting their own business, deciding to go back to work, when it's not really needed, not going to work when needed or drastically changing careers. IMHO, anything that disrupts the common family plan seems to cause couples to split up.
Am I off base in my observations?

My guess is that those relationships would have been rocky and could have ended even if the person decided to stay status quo. There was something that needed fixing, and trying something new was the tool they tried to fix it with. If they had done nothing, there would still be a problem.

Sometimes I think dh wants to live in the past, and he thinks I want to completely abandon our old lives/priorities. Neither is true, but it is a balancing act.

[Cookies Galore]

I never ended a relationship over money, but I have told Bf that if 30-year-old Meghan met him instead of 25-year-old Meghan, we would not have moved in together so quickly! I mean, wow are we lucky he a) wasn't a serial killer and b) didn't stiff me with any bills. Bf was a serious money train wreck when we got together, but he really has improved over the past five years. Im glad impulsive Meghan met him.

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 16, 2012 8:13:39 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

I don't know that you're off base, Lone, but I do think it depends on the couple. I encouraged DH to go back to school, switch jobs and sometimes to take vacation days home alone. And I'm being as supportive as I can though the health issues he's been having. If a couple is on the same page for ANY major changes, I think they're more likely to hold the center for their marriage/family.

It seems that you're both on the same page.

We try. But I admit, I was ready to have a hissy fit this morning and leave him to deal with the kids. It was a whiny morning in our house, including me...

[Taxman10]

May 15, 2012 18:33:55 GMT -5 midjd said:

Ever broken up over money?

Surprisingly*, no.

*Money is pretty important to me and I dated a lot, a LOT, in college...

so you get around huh?? NICE :-)

[Taxman10]

May 15, 2012 21:07:11 GMT -5 @mmc said:

I dumped a HS freshman when I was in 8th grade because she didn't have a job.

you taught her a lesson!

[Deleted]

May 16, 2012 9:36:19 GMT -5 Taxman10 said:

May 15, 2012 18:33:55 GMT -5 midjd said:

Surprisingly*, no.

*Money is pretty important to me and I dated a lot, a LOT, in college...

so you get around huh?? NICE :-)

LOL! I was thinking that too, but I didn't want to mar Mid's reputation.

[midjd]

ROFL Tax and Jenny. Not anymore.

And I did mean dated and not "dated".

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Almost. When I was first with DH he was a train wreck and happy to just cost thru life using the bank of mom and dad.

I was getting ready to go to off to college, it had been a fun summer but I wasn't sure I wanted to continue a relationship with someone like him.

So I told him grow the fuck up or we are done. I was fully prepared to walk and never look back.

He surprised me by growing up, cutting the apron strings and getting his shit together.

If I met him today as he used to be I don't think I would have given him the chance to clean up his act. He has made a ton of progress, he is almost a totally different person than he was seven years ago. However it's been rocky at times and caused strain on our relationship.

[Taxman10]

May 16, 2012 9:41:30 GMT -5 midjd said:

ROFL Tax and Jenny. Not anymore.

And I did mean dated and not "dated".

hey I'm not judging...money is tight in college...you do what you have to for a free meal and movie.

I dated...er..."dated"...er...wait...I had a lot of sex in college -- whichever "dated" means that - that's the one I did.

But to answer the OP - no, I never broke up over money...

[Firebird]

May 15, 2012 22:32:24 GMT -5 quotequeen said:

I thought you promised schmoopy was going to be confined to that one thread.

I promised to stop calling DH Schmoopy - never promised not to use the term itself again

[Bob Ross]

Yep. Freeloading ex didn't like to work, but sure liked to scream. And scream and scream. And scream.
In retrospect, I think it was a combination of the money and the screaming that did us in. And a few dozen other things.

[Miss Tequila]

Bob, I'm confused...I thought guys liked screamers???

[Bob Ross]

May 16, 2012 11:08:19 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Bob, I'm confused...I thought guys liked screamers???

There's a time and a place for it.