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Post by jennml on Jan 21, 2011 9:56:22 GMT -5
So this topic has come up on other threads and I was just curious as to what everyone thought about such arrangements, either between BF/GF or Husband/Wife. I want everyone's personal opinion as applied to themselves and maybe how you came to your viewpoint. I'll go first. Ideally, my romantic self would prefer a 100% monogamous relationship. I haven't really been in that many long term relationships (my longest having lasted only 2.5 years). But I did notice that while in an exclusive relationship I had no inclination towards anyone besides my partner. When I stopped wanting him, I kinda became asexual until we broke up...then all hell broke loose LOL. Now, after several negative experiences wherein almost every guy who has approached me is in a relationship, I almost feel like it would be more realistic to just have an open relationship. I know not every guy cheats. But I almost feel like I'm a cheater magnet or something. Do I have "other woman" stamped on my forehead??? I have no problems with my significant other being with someone else as long as it's an agreed upon thing that we both can do it. Plus that we're both as safe as possible. Part of me almost feels that if "cheating" were allowed it wouldn't happen, since the thrill wouldn't be there. Then again this could all be BS since I haven't actually put into practice. Thoughts? Comments? Annecdotes?
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Post by efco on Jan 21, 2011 10:00:04 GMT -5
I would not cheat and would not want my GF/wife ta cheat. It is not the kinda thing you do to the one you love. I'M JOOS SAYIN'
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 21, 2011 10:01:09 GMT -5
I personally don't have an open relationship, although the thought intrigues me. I'm not sure how I would seriously address the issue with DH and how we would find the third wheel, so to speak.
I don't care what anyone else does in bed as long as it's consenting adults.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2011 10:03:51 GMT -5
I personally don't have an open relationship, although the thought intrigues me. I'm not sure how I would seriously address the issue with DH and how we would find the third wheel, so to speak. I don't care what anyone else does in bed as long as it's consenting adults. And I don't want to watch the same sex partners.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 21, 2011 10:04:27 GMT -5
I personally don't have an open relationship, although the thought intrigues me. I'm not sure how I would seriously address the issue with DH and how we would find the third wheel, so to speak. I don't care what anyone else does in bed as long as it's consenting adults. I wanted an open relationship so I got divorced. Seemed like the thing to do
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 21, 2011 10:04:46 GMT -5
I personally don't have an open relationship, although the thought intrigues me. I'm not sure how I would seriously address the issue with DH and how we would find the third wheel, so to speak. I don't care what anyone else does in bed as long as it's consenting adults. And I don't want to watch the same sex partners. REally?! Most guys I've talked to really, really, really want to watch 2 women.
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Post by jarhead1976 on Jan 21, 2011 10:07:22 GMT -5
Your words speak volumes. Add in your age, confidence level and being secure with what you want ... go for it . It just gets better with age? Monogamy is so much safer .... lol ... Enjoy! RESPECTS
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Post by jennml on Jan 21, 2011 10:09:53 GMT -5
That's the thing...how could it work?
Would you tell each other when you stepped out? or keep it quiet?
Would there be rules? i.e. only one night stands, only one freebie a year, the other person has to know the deal too, etc. etc.
Do you approve each other's hook-ups?
The questions could drive you mad! I guess, in the end, it's just another way to try and protect your heart and keep a relationship viable. The general idea sounds good but then when you try to make it work it seems impossible.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 21, 2011 10:10:13 GMT -5
Not into it myself. Personally if I were then I would not have gotten married. Not because I believe so much in mongamy but because it makes no sense to legally tie myself to a person who is having sex with other people.
If we just co-habitated (no common law marriage in my state), then if suddenly he decided he liked his other partner more than me we could just part ways. Divorcing is a lot messier.
Since I got married, I believe part of the contract is that we only sleep with each other.
Don't care what other people do personally and if it makes them happy and their marriage/commitment is strong more power to them.
Dh and I have discussed swinging because a friend of his brought it up. Personally not comfortable with it, especially with someone we know. I think it'd make things really awkward to swing with another couple we are friends with, what if the sex really sucks? Then you have to see each other the next day.
I said if we were going to do it I'd rather do it with people that if it sucked we'd just part ways. Not completely random strangers, but definetly not close friends that are considered members of his family.
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Post by jennml on Jan 21, 2011 10:12:21 GMT -5
And I don't want to watch the same sex partners. REally?! Most guys I've talked to really, really, really want to watch 2 women. Ditto...almost every guy I know would LOVE to watch two girls, especially if they can join in. Although, most men can't even handle one of us SMDH...what do they think they can do with 2???
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2011 10:13:53 GMT -5
And I don't want to watch the same sex partners. REally?! Most guys I've talked to really, really, really want to watch 2 women. I get the same enthusiasm for my hunting/fishing buddies. Does nothing for me. I used to use the sex scenes on one of those vampire TV shows my wife watches as bathroom break time.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2011 10:14:05 GMT -5
I saw a show on TLC (I think ) called Strange Sex. It was about a woman who had two live in boyfriends, one of which she had a baby with.
It was really interesting, but I couldn't wrap my head around actually living like that.
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Post by efco on Jan 21, 2011 10:15:48 GMT -5
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Jan 21, 2011 10:17:25 GMT -5
Open is ok by me, polyamorous is creepy that said - it isn't my business. Just always make sure that your original partner isn't just agreeing to an open relationship to make you happy.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2011 10:19:18 GMT -5
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Post by greeneyedchicka on Jan 21, 2011 10:22:44 GMT -5
This is something that I have thought about too, but would not know how it would work IRL. What happens if you or your SO becomes attached to someone else in the process? What happens if the OW gets pregnant? What if the other person's SO doesn't know and comes after you? So many questions.... On a different note, I was approached by a friend of mine and asked to be a third person in bed to help her DH's fantasy of being with two women come true I gently declined and told her that it would put a really different spin on our relationship, and I didn't want to chance ruining what we had.
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Jan 21, 2011 10:26:00 GMT -5
...imo, the words "open relationship" refers to physical behaviors rather than emotional bonds... iow, an addiction could be just as influential as another person... and since I value strong unity and intimacy in marriage, I try hard to keep all the stuff that can jeopardize that at bay...
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Post by efco on Jan 21, 2011 10:27:26 GMT -5
Open is ok by me, polyamorous is creepy that said - it isn't my business. Just always make sure that your original partner isn't just agreeing to an open relationship to make you happy. Wasn't that a story line on a "House" episode. Yea, I think so.
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Jan 21, 2011 10:29:26 GMT -5
It totally was an episode of House. They cover all these important life questions
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kimber45
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Post by kimber45 on Jan 21, 2011 10:30:24 GMT -5
Been there, done that. The two women thing
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 21, 2011 10:32:25 GMT -5
I saw a show on TLC (I think ) called Strange Sex. It was about a woman who had two live in boyfriends, one of which she had a baby with. It was really interesting, but I couldn't wrap my head around actually living like that. I"ve seen that a few times. I don't get it either. One guy in my house is enough to pick up after, have to listen to them snore, leave pubes on the toilet seat, leave crumbs on the kitchen counter, etc.
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Post by jennml on Jan 21, 2011 10:32:56 GMT -5
Dh and I have discussed swinging because a friend of his brought it up. Personally not comfortable with it, especially with someone we know. I think it'd make things really awkward to swing with another couple we are friends with, what if the sex really sucks? Then you have to see each other the next day. I said if we were going to do it I'd rather do it with people that if it sucked we'd just part ways. Not completely random strangers, but definetly not close friends that are considered members of his family. Yeah swinging is one of those things that sound really cool but then the reality is anything but. Everyone is always afraid that their partner will prefer the other couple. But it's true...what if they do suck and you're friends. What the heck do you do or say? I think the idea of doing a threesome or swinging with people you know feels safer emotionally (plus you're on firmer ground with STD stuff). But the morning after is always the issue.
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Post by jennml on Jan 21, 2011 10:33:40 GMT -5
You're full of yourself, Jenn. Nah...I'm just that good
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Post by efco on Jan 21, 2011 10:34:37 GMT -5
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Post by jarhead1976 on Jan 21, 2011 10:38:28 GMT -5
It will work for a while , but eventually you will meet someone that you will care deeply about .... then your faced with another conundrum, "The power lies with the one who cares the least!" sad but true!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2011 10:40:57 GMT -5
I saw a show on TLC (I think ) called Strange Sex. It was about a woman who had two live in boyfriends, one of which she had a baby with. It was really interesting, but I couldn't wrap my head around actually living like that. I"ve seen that a few times. I don't get it either. One guy in my house is enough to pick up after, have to listen to them snore, leave pubes on the toilet seat, leave crumbs on the kitchen counter, etc. It's just the opposite at our house. I'm the neat one while my wife makes messes every where.
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Post by jennml on Jan 21, 2011 10:42:57 GMT -5
I guess another part of it is how much discussion and disclosure has to happen first. Kinda takes the fun out of it.
Has anyone ever seen "Cherry 2000"? It's a pretty cheesy post-apocalyptic 80s movie, but in it no one has sex without first being vetting by showing a brief clip of their um...abilities and then signing several legal docs with their lawyers present. The main character prefers his Cherry robot to all that hassle LMAO
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Post by efco on Jan 21, 2011 10:49:21 GMT -5
uh.....no.
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on Jan 21, 2011 10:56:17 GMT -5
I would not cheat and would not want my GF/wife ta cheat. It is not the kinda thing you do to the one you love. I'M JOOS SAYIN' Said beautifully! I of course daydream about having 5 husbands, one to cook, one to clean, and three to bring in money.
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Post by efco on Jan 21, 2011 11:03:37 GMT -5
TY for the kind words. I do all three.
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