How did you know your man was cheating?

[naggie1972]

??

[femmefatale]

[naggie1972]

I know right.

Very funny dear....

[naggie1972]

No really, how do you know/find out that your man is cheating on you?

[naggie1972]

Anything a little less obvious?

[naggie1972]

I guess I haven't really noticed any tells, hmmm. I will have to study him on the sly.

[naggie1972]

hhmmm that is interesting, that could be a possible sign. What about overly long dinner "business meetings"?

[naggie1972]

I guess I will just ask him.

[lexxy703]

Naggie, look for any change in his patterns. Does he work late? Did he change his wardrobe? Decide to try silk boxers perhaps? Start playing raquetball or whatever after work with his buddies? Look just a little sheepish when he comes home?

Those were all signs my ex exhibited when he was cheating.

[Deleted]

My man was spending an inordinate amount of time chatting to people on an online message board. That is when I knew.

[thyme4change]

One thing he does when trying to pull something over on me is to run his fingers through his hair, from front to back.

I've never seen anyone run their fingers through their hair back to front, or side-to-side. That would be weird.

[naggie1972]

Well I did notice that he brushed his teeth before a dinner meeting (twice). He was able to come home before going to the dinner meeting. That piqued my attention. I am hesitant to straight out ask at this point because really he ain't going to tell me the truth. He has had a lot of dinner meetings lately, he usually has them but one week it was every night. HMMM Just have to keep paying attention.

[dancinmama]

naggie: Are you really serious?

They say that the wife is the last to know, but I don't think this is true. I think that most "know" deep down inside, but are in denial.

Back in the day, I had a co-worker who it happened to. In hindsight she noted that "all of a sudden" he had started to lose weight, started to work out, and paid a lot more attention to how he dressed.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

If a person's lying or avoiding a question, they'll likely dart their eyes to one side (usually their right) when they're thinking of their response. They probably won't look at you directly when answering.

[Deleted]

Isn't there one of those reality shows you can submit him to - I think it is called Cheaters. They follow the guy until they catch him with the other woman & then they bring the wife on location to "catch them" or if time doesn't allow they show her the video of the encounter.

Lots of dinner meetings - maybe, maybe not. Coming home before the meeting is kind of weird - it's much more stealthy to keep the toothbrush and stuff at work so it just looks like an extended day of work to the spouse. Whenever our execs were in town, we had to attend many after work functions with them & drink a lot (you know, back when that was in vogue). So you might be expected to show up almost every night for a week. I used to hate that.

If he just doesn't come home one night & tries to tell you that he had too much to drink and just crashed at a friends house, well, then the jig is up.

Here's what Cosmo has to say on the topic:
1. He’s superprotective of his gadgets. “The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills,” says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he’s being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he’s more evasive.

2. He steps up the grooming. “This is so obvious, but it’s a sign many women miss: If your man starts grooming down there without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he’s spending more time naked,” says Vranich. You can actually thank porn for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his sexual prowess, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He’s spending more time at the gym.

3. He smells different. “When he comes home, if he doesn’t smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn’t the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he’s showered at her place,” offers Vranich. So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying “the nose knows” might very well be true.

4. Nothing fazes him anymore. “If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added sex and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy,” Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships: “If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.”

[Deleted]

And another set of watch for's from womansavers

Cheating Man: Top 10 Signs of a Cheating Man
A cheating man can only hide his cheating ways for so long before he gets caught. The longer a man cheats, the higher probability he will get caught. In this busy day and age, it is difficult to carry on more than one relationship. However, with inventions like the internet, accessibility to willing partners has become easier than ever. There are various ways of how to tell if your man is cheating. We have listed the top 10 signs of a cheating man below. How to know if your man is cheating? If your man exhibits any of the below, it may be time to take a closer look.
1. Spends less time with you. A cheating man must use the excuse of working long hours, extra meetings and dinners or other unexplained functions so he will have time with his 'other' woman.
2. Isn't as affectionate any more. Your sex life is almost non-existent because of his other commitments. He doesn't want to cuddle, watch a movie, hold hands or do many of the touchy things he used to.
3. He changes his physical appearance. A cheating man usually starts buying new clothes, gets a new hair style or begins working out because he wants to be attractive to the other woman in his life besides you.
4. Car changes. The passenger seat in the car has been moved or there is an unknown hair on the car seat. Perhaps the radio station is on an irregular station because that's what she likes.
5. Cheating man becomes more short-tempered because of the guilty feelings as a result of the infidelity. Things that usually did not bother them suddenly start bothering them.
6. A cheating man may smell of perfume, smoke or alcohol, especially if he hasn't had time to change them from meeting with her.
7. Behavioral changes. A cheating man frequently becomes defensive when questioned about his whereabouts. He may turn it around to accuse you of being insecure, possessive or snoopy.
8. Cell phone changes. A cheating man can not leave his telephone turned on when with you because his other woman may phone him. He may leave the room to have a telephone conversation or say strange things after he picks up a message from his lover. Watch for calls in the middle of the night. If you have access to his telephone bill, check it closely. Look for repeated unknown numbers, times and durations.
9. Computer usage changes. A cheating man may utilize a computer to seek out partners or communicate with. If your man is on his computer for long periods of time at night and he closes the door so you won't see him, he may be communicating or chatting with his love interest.
10. Changes in spending habits. You can tell if your man is cheating if he is suddenly always broke. He's broke because he is spending all of his money on the other woman. Watch as to whether he is paying with cash and making more frequent ATM withdrawals to cover his paper trail. Check any receipts, bill's or stubs that you may have access to.
Once you know if your man is cheating or not, make sure you have a plan of action that you will take after you accuse him. You need to decide whether it's time for you to move on or whether this relationship may be worth a second chance.
Written by Stephany Alexander, www.womansavers.com ©

[rileyoday]

Before you ask him put your EF and money accounts in your control. Dont be afraid to, this wont matter in divorce court. You wont have to be broke.

Good Luck, hope you're OK.

[KindeBabe's Kupid Kiss]

ALL cheaters are revealed in time...some longer- some shorter and even at funerals when too many She or He 'friends' with their obvious display of loss, or by confession by the cheater out of guilty conscience...it is ALL revealed eventually.

[naggie1972]

Shit.

I have never had the password to his PC and he left his phone in the toilet last weekend but he had a password swipe on it. Though I have seen him do it many times before I couldn't believe my luck but couldn't get into his phone. Then like the idiot I am I told him that I found his phone, and he said "Yeah I know" I am like you in no way remembered you had left your phone in the toilet. No way did he rememember. He said I am glad that you didn't trigger the phone to wipe after not gettting in, which I suppose is possible.

I am not sure if he is having sex but I think he has a fling/crush on the side.

[lilyofcourse]

If your gut tells you something is wrong then listen to it. How did I know? Change in showering habits. The way he groomed himself changed. His attitude toward me changed. His attitude in general changed. he started buying his own underwear and would come in and go straight to the shower. Money would be missing. And then there was the late nights or hours during the day when he couldnt be found. You know. You may not want to accept it or admit it. But you know.

[MarleyKeezy78]

I don't think I would handle it well and I would follow his ass to his mettings without him knowing. Getting proof of it before and then handing his ass to him is what I would do. I haven't ever been suspisious of anything, and have mellowed over the years but DH knows I have some of my mothers temper and that's some crazy no one wants to see I'm sorry, I hope it turns out to be nothing

[naggie1972]

If my car was working I actually thought about that, he mostly tells me what restaurant he is at. I don't know why my gut is telling me something but it. It has never told me anything like this before but we have gone through a tough time (well me) last year that I am no longer able to trust anything.

[femmefatale]

There are always signs. Is he ignoring you more? Is he more distant than usual? How about the intimacy...is it the same? Does he still come home at normal hours? Does he constantly make excuses? Those sort of things.

[MarleyKeezy78]

If you lived close to me I'd drive

[achelois]

His girlfriends mother called my house wanting to talk to him...

[swamp]

Jan 11, 2012 19:55:07 GMT -5 @rj said:

Jan 10, 2012 22:08:49 GMT -5 @naggie1972 said:

hhmmm that is interesting, that could be a possible sign. What about overly long dinner "business meetings"?

Just try and give him a BJ after one of his long meetings and see if he ask to shower first

Check the cell phone bill or the call log on the phone.

[achelois]

Jan 11, 2012 19:55:07 GMT -5 @rj said:

Jan 10, 2012 22:08:49 GMT -5 @naggie1972 said:

hhmmm that is interesting, that could be a possible sign. What about overly long dinner "business meetings"?

Just try and give him a BJ after one of his long meetings and see if he ask to shower first

Oh, god, no, Rick...what if he has had sex with another woman, but LETS you anyway...without the shower.

[swamp]

Jan 16, 2012 18:46:13 GMT -5 achelois said:

Jan 11, 2012 19:55:07 GMT -5 @rj said:

Just try and give him a BJ after one of his long meetings and see if he ask to shower first

Oh, god, no, Rick...what if he has had sex with another woman, but LETS you anyway...without the shower.

You'd know, so then you can call him on it.

[cranberry49]

My ex cheated on me and I just 'felt' it. It's something one cannot really put their finger on. I am, in no way, natured a jealous woman. But, I constantly felt 'uncomfortable' with 'something' about my ex'es behavior. Sure enough, he got caught is so many lies; not only by me, but my kids constantly saw him where he should not be. So, to make a long story short. I bid my time. Got my act together, ignored him as much as possible and left as soon as I could! I did not argue the fact. Did not threaten, etc...I figure if someone does not want me, I damn sure aint gonna fight for them! Turned out it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I now have a wonderful, truly devoted husband!

[achelois]

I filed for divorce the next day.

Was very glad I hadnt mingled finances and that I owned the houses etc. made things a lot simpler. Not much cheaper, but a lot simpler.

Divorce final in 90 days.