Thank you all.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I like this.

www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/03/mothers_and_gardening_a_daughter_remembers_her_mother_s_green_thumb.html

This essay is reprinted from What My Mother Gave Me: Thirty-one Women on the Gifts That Mattered Most, edited by Elizabeth Benedict and out April 2 from Algonquin Books.

I was raised in a greenhouse.

My mother, born of Iraqi Jews who had migrated to India, married a Canadian who brought her home to a glass house in Ottawa. As a toddler, I barely noticed that most of the house was made of windows, but it wasn’t me paying the heating bills. What I did notice was that every window was always and forever mounded with plants. Delicate African violets and cactuses bloomed, and avocado trees stood sentry over the living room. They must all have been as baffled by the endless Canadian winters as my mother. But more pressing in my memory, we were running a plant infirmary at my house, in which root tipping, stem reinforcing, and plant healing happened in tiny glass jars and chipped mugs on every windowsill.

It was as if my brothers and I had a whole host of plant half-siblings guiding us through our childhoods, hopping along on their little plant wheelchairs and slings and crutches.

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Of course when I started college, I bought plants for my dorm rooms, and I even have a vague, blurred memory of my mother once walking me through a root transplant over the phone, in the manner of Hawkeye Pierce on M.A.S.H., talking some rookie surgeon through an amputation by walkie-talkie. When my parents finally moved to the desert, my mother’s green world exploded into the outdoors. Suddenly there was jasmine, and hibiscus, and lemon trees so fat with fruit the neighbors would come by with shopping bags. Plants outside the house! If I call her and the phone rings and rings, it just means my mom is out in her garden, snapping off dried leaves and picking out tiny weeds and doing something with something that will someday bloom into something extraordinary.*

But then came the plant she gave me when my first son was being born. A painful and violent labor turned into a painful and violent delivery and then got worse. It was going so badly that when my parents left the hospital the first night, my mother tore the printed message off the top of the little card they’d stuck in the plant at the hospital gift shop that had read "Welcome new baby" or some such. A joyous welcome was no longer certain. A few hours later, soon after Coby emerged, I saw a new, flowering plant by my bed and only the torn bottom half of a card.

I took out the worst of my postpartum derangement syndrome on that poor plant. I couldn’t help but wonder how my mother imagined I could take care of a tiny white flowering plant over and above the colicky, deranged, sleepless bucket-of-hair that came out of me crying and couldn’t stop for three-and-a-half months (but who’s counting?). I wanted to drown that plant. Taking care of it was too much to ask of me.

My son did stop crying, but only after my mother sat up rocking him all night long, so my husband and I could sleep for a few hours and not phone the divorce attorneys. Eight-and-a-half years later, the plant still blooms in an upstairs dormer window. I forget to water it and it lives, I overwater it and it coughs up a lung and then thrives again. Tiny white flowers greet me almost every morning, despite my best efforts to forget it. I once dragged my mother over to the plant and demanded that she explain why it looked so droopy in places. 

“Yes, they do that,” she said.                             

Even with its perilous beginnings, that plant is the most precious thing my mother has ever given me. Most of what I know about parenting and patience and life I’ve learned by watching it. Of my kids, I now mostly think, “Yes, they do that.” At some point, I asked my mother what this type of plant is called, and she said, “It’s a Grandma Rose plant,” because my grandmother, her mother-in-law, had loved them so much. When my son turned 3, he planted strawberries all over the backyard garden, and they produce similarly tiny white flowers that—I secretly hope, every spring—might just grow into my Grandma Rose. 

My second son, Sopher, was born without a plant entourage but with a green thumb in his mouth. He started popping seeds into the garden as soon as he could toddle, and the row dedicated to “peas” is still labeled “pesa” because he was 4 and couldn’t spell, and really, shouldn’t they have been called pesa in the first place? Last summer, when he was 5, Sopher and I ended up in Home Depot or Lowe’s or one of those huge wretched “home improvement” stores with no windows anywhere, and he circled four times around a rack of broken, dead, and diseased plants generously described by a sign as "lonely plants" but largely marked by their crypt-like odor. He begged for one. We now have three. He waters them and names them and tells me he is the “plant whisperer,” just like his grandmother.

His sunflower grew so big it finally fell over. His tomatoes are still glorious. Even the pesa. I worry that the neighbors will come with shopping bags for the pesa. I watch him out there in wonder.

Voltaire famously concluded Candide with the advice, "But let us cultivate our garden." He understood that there is something about caring for the plant world that makes us more apt to behave well in the human world. One has the notion that things raised in hothouses come out delicate and fragile. But I think the opposite is true: I think they are raised with an understanding of how life runs deep and sure and all around.

We consider ourselves a green family. Prius, check. Compost heap, check. But I don't shiver in anticipation at the thought of splitting tubers or transplanting peonies, as my mother does. She reminds me what it is to be of the earth and to fight for the Earth, not by way of bumper stickers and committee meetings and petitions, but by just planting and tending and weeding and never giving up on even a broken bit of spider plant. I see that in my son now, too—happy with dirt in his green rubber boots and a watering can and a watermelon seed. When I go to visit my parents, my first stop is my mother’s garden. When his lonely plant goes yellow at the edges, my son asks to put in a call to his grandparents. The earth and the garden have rooted us all to one another when nobody was looking. We cultivate our garden and let life take it from there.

 “The Plant Whisperer” is from What My Mother Gave Me: Thirty-one Women on the Gifts That Mattered Most, edited by Elizabeth Benedict (Algonquin, April 2013). Read more about the book here.

Correction, March 27, 2012: This article originally misspelled the name of the character Hawkeye Pierce. (Return to the corrected sentence.)

[Wisconsin Beth]

I saw Liz last night.  I babbled and laughed a lot.  Talked about family, mine and DH's.  And my brother.  Whom I think I will see tonight. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I saw my brother the other day.  Thought I posted about it but guess not.  Basically, he did NOT want to discuss.  So after finding out yes, he's in therapy and yes, he's on meds (one of which is sertaline, the same thing I'm on) I let it drop. 

Easter went pretty well.  I melted down some last night when the kids wouldn't go to sleep or even stay in their rooms.    Finally told them that I was going to yell if they came out any more, including Daddy, who was in our room then.  He'd gone to bed at 9 and I'd shut down the house shortly after that.  We have about 3.5 lbs of ham left.  I got 2 spiral hams, each around 3.5 lbs.  We didn't touch one.  I am so not cooking tonight.  Or doing dishes.  I ran the dishwasher twice yesterday and did some of the pots.  I left the lids in the sink.  DH is home sick today. 

I talked to L (BIL's wife) some.  She's frustrated with BIL.  He had surgery for a deviated septum? and he's apparently leaving a trail of nasty towels, kleenex, etc. around the house.  And she says the bathroom looks like an ax murderer was in there.  She's refusing to clean it or even go in there, as of yesterday.  I IM'd her when I was catching up on Words w/ Friends last night and asked how she was after getting home.  She said he was saying he was bored.  I told her there's apparently a bathroom that needs cleaning....  MIL swears he's been like this since he was a kid and even though she tried, he just never took notice or something.  I'm not sure I buy that, I've seen her wait on him.  And she still tends to wait on FIL hand and foot. 

DN#6 said something about my house/cooking/something yesterday and I got to give her a hard time about it.  Everything she said just made it worse and I finally told her that she had her foot so deep in her throat she was going to need help getting it out.  She couldn't answer, she was laughing so hard.  I wasn't really upset, it was just funny.  She knew that.  I think she had fun yesterday.  She and L bought the kids these little candy dispenser things that make sounds.  DD's says Happy Easter in a voice similar to Elmo and DS's just chirps.  But I made DN#6 figure out how to get the candy out and teach the kids. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

My weekend was ok.  I hauled the kids to the Zoo on Sat.  Turned out it was free day and there were what felt like 6,000 people there.  If I'd have known, I'd have gone to the park or something.  I just wanted the kids to run around some, which they did.  We got ice cream cones there too.    DH did the grocery shopping while we were gone. 

Well, DN#6 is in more trouble.  I guess L is even more peeved at BIL.  They did get the bathroom clean and then he had a temper tantrum and emptied all the drawers and then left everything all over the counters and possibly the floor. 

I melted down yesterday.  Tonight, when we're both calm, I'm going to ask DH to try harder to step forward when I'm starting to lose it with the kids.  If he does, maybe I can stop myself before I get to the insane with rage stage. 

I see Liz tomorrow too.  And L came though with 3 books for me.  So I need to read them. 

We finally did our taxes.  We're getting just under $4K back from both the state and the feds.  DH wants to take some and go to a B&B, without the kids.  I want to do that too but it feels selfish.  Plus we also want to take the kids to Disney and I'd like to do something with our kitchen.  L asked me over Easter which of us would get our kitchens done first.  I told her me, because I'm ready to start ripping mine apart now and hire a contractor after the demo's done....  I think the vacation fund, the tax returns and the extra from the refi (because we are so NOT trying to change anything with this damn thing, it'll extend it another month at least) we'll have at least $10K to work with.  And once the refi goes though, there's going to be an "extra" $200+ a month in the budget.  I think I'm going to suggest we take $50 each and put it in our IRAs.  They need the help. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I saw Liz last night.  We talked about my meltdown and how DH agreed to try to step in more.  She recommended that we talk a bit about it to make sure we both see/hear the same signals and know when to step in.  DH also said that I should do the same with him.  My period is here so I'm guessing that I had a hormonal surge over the weekend/PMS. 

We also talked a bit about my parental guilt.  Basically, she said it's always going to be there, so shove it to the back and do what needs to be done.  In this particular instance, it's arrange a getaway for me and DH.  So my homework was to start working on my potential babysitters - my Mom and my younger sister.  Part of the guilt is knowing that we're going to need someone to keep them for a weekend in June so we can prep the land for summer (mow the lawn, weed-whack the path, etc.) and the camper.  So I talked to Mom about it last night too.  She's agreed to take the kids for a weekend, pending our ability to work out a weekend.  May is pretty much off the books, there's 2 family parties, 1 graduation, 1 concert Mom and I are both in and Mom and Dad want to open their trailer in Door County.  The next 2 weekends, DH and I have auctions to go to for school and church.  So we're looking at the last weekend in April or June. 

She thought the picking out of paint for the living room was a good start.  Agreed that not telling Keira I was thinking about painting her room was a good idea.  Hmmm, one of the usual auction items at church is having someone else paint 2 rooms. 

We're supposed to refi tonight.  I'm not holding my breath on it though.  Scott's going to drop the kids off at his Mom's, so we can read the paperwork in peace. 

And I think we're going to take some of the tax/refi money and deal with the electrical in the house, particularly the kitchen. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

We refi'd last night!  Woohoo!  Paperwork showed we started the process on 11/29/12 and ended on 4/10/13 - by my calculator that makes 132 days. 

Well, if we want to b&b before June, it has to be the weekend of 4/27.  And my parents have a commitment but said if we can find a babysitter, for at their house for that timeframe, they will take the kids.  So now I'm scrounging to find a sitter for Sat. night for a few hours.  It's not going real well.   

I'm tired of the damn rain.  I'm tired of gray skies.  I'm just tired. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

This morning has hit a new level of suckitude.  Although I'm not sure if that's up or down...  Anyway, my van's in the shop with a flat tire, the kids were obnoxious this morning and IT'S STILL FUCKING RAINING.  grrrrrrrrrrrrr  

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thank God it's stopped raining.  There's sun outside my window!  Woohoo!  The grass is starting to green.  The winter boots for the kids are both pretty much dead so please God, no more snow. 

We're b&bing this weekend.  Had to swap due to an inability to get a sitter for Sat. 4/27.  We have one for 4/20 and DN#3 doesn't care if she's at Grandma's or our house, so that works out.  So DH made the reservations, found a bunch of places he can eat at and we're discussing stuff to bring w/ us.  No wifi as far as we can tell but that's ok.  So I want to tidy up the house before we leave and get laundry caught up (it's actually in an ok spot right now.)  I need to work out arrangements for kid pickups on Friday as we're hoping to leave home mid-afternoon. 

Keira knows, sort of, that we're going away this weekend.  At least she knows she's spending the weekend with Grandma E and is looking forward to it.  Cabe doesn't know anything yet.  I don't know how to tell him either.  We'll figure it out somehow.  Grandma E is also dog sitting for my younger sister's dog this weekend while she and her family go visit her BIL out of state.  The kids love Buddy and he's very easygoing (he lets the kids use him as a pillow) so hopefully they will all tire each other out.  Buddy's a 100 lbish golden retriever. 

I've warned Scott he might not be able to pry me out of the bed and/or hottub once we get in.  He looked for delivery but most of the places he can eat at are about 30 minutes/miles from the b&b so if I want to eat, I'll have to get up and dressed.    He's also found an outdoor Farmer's Market.  We may wander though that on Sat.  We'll see.  At least I think it's Sat.  It might be Sunday.  I wasn't listening very well when he was telling me about it.   

And I guess I need to pack some breathe right strips so I won't keep DH up all night or get poked every couple of hours.    I wouldn't object to being POKED poked but the poking to make me roll over, not so much. 

[taz157]

Have a great time!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Apr 17, 2013 12:51:04 GMT -5 taz157 said:

Have a great time!

That is the plan.  Lots of sleep, tubtime, sex and uninterrupted meals.  Aaaahhhh.  Bliss.  Joy.  Heaven.  The downside is I did tell DH I'd watch episodes of "The Adventures of Briscoe County Jr" but even that's not horribly bad.  Cheesy, yes.  Bad, no.  I'm taking 4 hrs. of vacation tomorrow so I can pack and get the kids stuff packed and hauled over to Mom's.  I was going to do that tonight but the laundry isn't all done plus Cabe was up from 230-430 before I finally told him that if he came out of his room again, I was going to yell.  And then after I left he started crying.  And I ignored him.    But I don't think there's enough caffeine in the world to get me to do that tonight. 

Cabe found a blue marker and a piece of scratch paper a couple of days ago.  He scribbled on the paper and then kept showing it to us and saying "It's a TIME MACHINE"  I'm thinking Dr Who might be on our tv a bit too much lately....  It was even similar to TARDIS blue... 

Summer schedule for Keira is mostly settled.  Cabe's routine won't really change for summer.  dcp 3 days a week and the grandparents the other 2.  But Keira will be at my parents on T and W.  The ILs on M and F.  And they're going to alternate TH.  There's a couple of known problem dates (4th of July week and the weekends that bookend it) but we'll figure it out. 

God, I'm officially on vacation in like 28 hrs.  And there's like $40K in the assorted checking accounts right now.  Admittedly it's all earmarked for stuff but still.  I feel rich! 

[taz157]

Apr 18, 2013 7:48:57 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

God, I'm officially on vacation in like 28 hrs.  And there's like $40K in the assorted checking accounts right now.  Admittedly it's all earmarked for stuff but still.  I feel rich! 

Give you a round of applause (just don't have time to find the emoticon for it though).

I would feel rich too if we have $40K in assorted checking accounts instead of what we currently have been that and savings. Supporting 2 households and have CC balances for the 1st time in 6 years isn't all it's cracked up to be.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thanks.  I think about $36K of it is earmarked for stuff - vacation land payoff, house taxes and insurance, rv insurance, med bills and Disney. 

[anciana]

Woo hoo, Beth! I picked the perfect day to check in

Congratulations on your succesful refi! And enjoy your weekend/vacation. Hope you get lots of rest and have fun.

[Wisconsin Beth]

It was an amazingly awesome weekend.  We had no idea how badly we needed this until we were there.  I mean, we knew we needed a break but didn't realize the extent. 

Now it's back to the routine but at least I feel happier.    Lots of good food, sex, hottub time and no calls for "mommy" the second I walk into the bathroom will do that. 

We checked in Friday night, relaxed in our room, went out for dinner, came back and vegged.  Sat. we had breakfast downstairs and then wandered around the Madison Farmer's Market.  Went to lunch, came back and veggied/napped/hottubbed.  Went out for dinner, called to check in on kids (they were NOT missing us at all) and vegged yet again when we got back, around 10pm.  I snored a lot on Sat. night I guess.  But we had breakfast and DH got one last quick hottub in before we left. 

Liz is going to be so surprised tomorrow when I tell her that we already went to the b&b.  My "homework" was to work on babysitters not actually go.   

I really want to work on the house some, after staying in a clean, fixed up place.  DH is going to run the numbers and see if we can keep up to 10K of the land payoff money and use it on the house.  The screen back door handle died for good just before we left.  And there's rumors I'm going to get a raise this summer.  The Mayor proposed it without talking to the Common Council about it so they're annoyed because if they turn it down, they're the bad guys.  So it sounds like it's going to go though, once they get done posturing about it.  I did the math, it'll be like $55 a month, pretax.  But every little bit counts. 

And for some reason my Harley Quinn comics are in demand.  I think I'm going to send them off to auction and see what happens.  I think I can get somewhere between $60-$100 for all 38 issues.  They could go higher if I can get a bunch of competing bids on them.  The site I use basically says that, on average, all 38 issues had 20 people put it on their want list in the last 6 months.  With around 100 (again, on average) total having it on their want lists.  And it'd be 38 more issues out of my house. 

[taz157]

I'm glad you had a great time with DH over the weekend with no kiddos! I'm sure Liz will be pleased with your "homework".

Good luck getting your house fixed up and fingers crossed on the raise. Great potential news on the comics too!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thanks Taz. 

Liz was VERY surprised.  And pleased.  I rambled on when I saw her last night.  I ended with what I probably should have begun with - the mess at my Church and Cabe coming home with no underwear on from dcp one day recently.  I think we're going to move me to once a month sessions after the next appt. 

No homework, so I'm going to work on the house I think.  Or at least try to.  We have Keira's b-day party on 5/4 so it'd be nice to have some progress done. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

It was an, um, interesting weekend.  DN#6 spent a lot of time with us.  I suspect we're going to be doing a lot of it over the summer.  BIL and his wife (L) have reached a new peak (or maybe low?) and DN#6 needs us/a calm(relatively speaking) place.  And I guess we're it. 

DH and I talked about it a bit, not a whole lot because L asked me to not talk about most of it.  But the upshot is that we're more or less on the same page and we're ok with this.  We're in a decent enough spot to manage having her over, so we will. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

So, how do you figure out if you're taking advantage of someone?  Even if they're willing to be taken advantage of? 

Keira prefers my Mom pick her up after school.  Mom also drops her off and lately the mornings include getting Keira dressed, fed and teeth brushed  (Keira's preference and I haven't been too concerned so I haven't been fighting her on this.)  Mom doesn't seem to mind at all.  Keira wants Mom to pick her up for a few reasons: 1. Mom gets there earlier than I do. 2. Mom usually has cookies or pretzels for snack.  3. Keira's good friends with the girls across the street from Mom's and now that the weather's decent, they watch for each other so they can play until dinner time. 

Mom said something this morning about not minding picking up Keira but not wanting to have me miss pickup.  I think because Keira's all excited about her day and getting out of school and she just chatters on and on about what happened.  It's sweet.  I told Mom I don't mind missing pickup but I don't want to take advantage/impose, esp. since she's already doing so much in the mornings.  And I've offered them money to pay for gas (school's about 8 blocks from their house) and food (my kids eat like starving hounds.)  Mom and Dad have both declined money but I think they appreciate that I ask every so often. 

My parents love all of their grandchildren - there's a total of 10, counting mine.  The other 8 are 13-23.  Mom and Dad do/did as many of the grandparent school functions and go to sporting events/concerts as they can/could.  I swear there were weekends when they were out of the house by 730 and not home until 430pm on Sat. and then repeated it after church on Sunday.  And I'm rambling.  And I guess the answer to my question is to talk to Mom.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Keira had her 5 year well child visit.  sniff, my baby is almost 5!  And she was invited on a playdate!  woohoo!  Cabe pitched as absolute fit over not being allowed to go to the doctor's office with Keira.  MissM and I pried him off me and I literally ran for the door while he screamed behind me.   

And we've been leaving him cry himself to sleep at night.  We snuggle with him and he just WON'T go to sleep even though he's exhausted.  We've chased the monsters out and all that.  I eventually get exasperated and tell him that he can't come out of his room or I'll yell.  That's keeping him in his room (although he does open the door every few minutes) wailing like the world's about to end.    I hate it.  But we can't spend 2+ hours a night getting him to sleep, every night. 

He scared me this morning.  I was asleep and all of a sudden there was this quiet "hello mommy" about 2 centimeters from my face...  At 4am or so.   

[Wisconsin Beth]

I saw Liz last night.  It was good.  We talked about a "dark corner" of me, then segued into child abuse, suicide/homicides and DN#6.  Yeah, it was a weird conversation.  And Liz is NOT concerned about me having/being child abusive, suicidal or homicidal.  It's just the way the topics went. 

She also said that she understood my "corner" and we talked about it.  And she got what I meant.  I'm not going into details here because I'd either write a book or leave you all really confused about what I'm trying to say.  She had some advice for me too, but actually, just getting the topic out there helped. 

And when I got home, I ran a chunk of the conversation by DH, who also got it.  So yay. 

She also agreed that getting more involved with DN#6 is going to be good for DN#6.  That the poor kid needs a chance to see what "closer to normal family" looks like.  I know you all have been telling me to get more involved and I finally feel like I can actually do that without it being just another chore to do on an endless chore list. 

And Liz thought my idea of a present for L (b-day/mother's day) was really good.  So I'm going to do a bit of research into it and see if I can pull it off.  It might piss off my MIL but too bad. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Keep your fingers crossed that the weather holds here.  I bought 2 flats of petunias and I'd like to get them planted Friday afternoon, before I go to "Muffins with Mom" at Cabe's dcp. 

Got most of the Mother's Day stuff for the ILs and my Mom done.  Since we spent over $600 on our weekend away, we're not really doing much for Mother's Day/Father's Day this year.  I'm demanding flowers, which isn't really a surprise to DH.  And I've asked to be allowed to sleep in on the weekend.  DH is home sick today so I'm hoping that still happens.  But I made the request in front of the kids and Keira objected.    Stinker.  And by sleeping in, I mean to 8am or so.  I know damn well the kids will wake me up but not having to get out of bed would be awesome. 

And I guess there was an email sent out about Teacher Appreciation week, which I never got.  So when I pick up Keira today, it's back to Target for a gift card, cards and shorts for her and Cabe.  Oh and kid meds. 

I still want to make Black Forest Cake for L, but I think it's going to be an Unbirthday Gift as I won't get it done by this weekend.  I have to find the clear cherry brandy stuff.  And I want to stick that on Scott so he can drink some too.  Guess I need to remember to tell him about this plan/plot...

[Wisconsin Beth]

Scott's agreed to find the kirsch/cherry brandy stuff.  Didn't take much.   

I drugged Cabe last night - got some kid benedryl and gave him some.  He crashed around 0830 and slept the night though.  I'm going to repeat this weekend because the kid is SO freaking overtired.  And so am I.  Both kids slept the night though last night and I did too.  So I feel more rested today. 

It's cold and rainy today so no planting flowers today.  I may prep the area though.  I never pulled up the dead stuff last fall.   

And I hit another car last night.  Thank God he's ok, I'm ok and Keira's ok (she wanted to know what the "bump" was.)  And he said the damage to his car was all previous damage and he didn't see a need to do anything.  This was completely my fault.  I gave him a hug before leaving.  There were people watching from the laundry-mat across the street from us and they cheered when I hugged him.  Not sure if it was because black guy/white girl or happy resolution.  But whatever.  Sadly, he felt a need to thank me for stopping.  I said something about it being the right thing to do.  But I think it sucks that people DON'T stop when it's their own fault for causing an accident.  Anyway, I do believe in karma (on my own terms) and I'm pretty sure last night emptied my karma account with the universe (kids slept, had an accident but no need to contact insurance company and no one injured (seriously, that's the most important part) but I can live with that while I rebuild it.   

[Wisconsin Beth]

I had a good Mother's Day.  And a good weekend overall.  I babbled about a lot of it on the Parenting thread and the decluttering thread. 

I had a lot of fun playing in the dirt though. 

And then came this morning. 

DH sprang it on me that he's depressed.  And needed a hug.  And worried because he thinks he's got an infection but doesn't want to take antibiotics.  And he's hurting in a certain area again.  And he's not thrilled with his job.  Once I got over my surprise (and woke up because I think I was about 3 minutes when he told me) I asked how I can help.  He said he didn't know.  I asked if he wanted to talk to Liz.  He said not yet.  So once my brain started functioning again, I remembered that Liz told me early on to do stuff to make me happy.  So I told him that and while he's not sure what will make him happy, he's going to think about it and we'll start doing stuff that makes him happy.  I don't see Liz again until mid June but all I'd be able to do is tell her what's going on.  She can't recommend stuff for him, really, because he's not her patient and everything is filtered though me so it's biased and not necessarily accurate.  He also might prefer to see someone who doesn't have a history with me, which is fine too. 

*-*-*-*-

And Sat night we were at MIL's for dinner - a combo b-day for L/Mother's Day thing.  DH's brother got offended at a comment L (his wife) made and stalked out of the house.  He didn't come back while we were there.  They live less than 5 minutes from MIL's house and was seen headed toward their house.  We all assumed he was walking home.  L said he didn't have keys.  I didn't really think the comment was all that much but .  So I hauled L out for a brief walk since she was staring at her b-day cake and not eating it.  Told DH he needed to take over kitchen duty with the kids (they were pigging out on ice cream.)  and she and I talked and walked.  L is going out of town for work this week.  It's going to be good for her.  4 nights without dealing with family sh!t.  I told her to get room service one night and be a slug.  We're watching DN#6 overnight on Friday so DH's brother can pick her up at the airport on Sat. am. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

So this morning DH has a doctor appt. with our family practitioner.  yay!  I remind him to mention the depression stuff.  He says he feels so much better today, depression wise he's not sure if he will.  And then when he calls me to say the appt. is over, he forgot to bring it up.     He also forgot to bring something else up.  Oh well. 

Oh well.  I'm guessing he's feeling relief in just getting it out in the open.  Plus it's sunny and supposed to be warm today.  And we loved last night.  I did mention last night that if he wanted to see someone other than Liz, that works too.  He said he wasn't sure if he'd want to see Liz or someone else.  There's advantages and disadvantages to him seeing Liz, I get that.  I don't much care who he sees, if/when he gets to that point.  Which I've tried to make clear to him. 

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We also talked about feeding the kids more veggies and fruits.  Which they probably need.  I'm pretty sure our dinners (mine and the kids) are a fail for balanced nutrition.  So we'll work on it together. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

My plan is to get my flowers in the front flower beds today. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

The front flowers are in.  With "help" from Keira and the 2 girls next door. 

DN#6 is spending tonight at our house.  L is on a business trip and BIL needs to pick her up at odark hundred from the airport.  Or something like that.  Kids are looking forward to having her over. 

And Powerball is at an estimated $550 MILLION jackpot, with a cash payout of $350 Million.    Accounting for a 40% tax rate, that cash payout becomes $210 Million.  Yeah, I'd take that. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Bah humbug.  Cabe woke up repeatedly between 2-4am and from 430 on I'm pretty sure he was awake.  I crawled into his bed and drifted in and out.  Everytime I checked, he was wide awake.  Meanwhile, I'm and my ass is really dragging this morning. 

On the up side, my conference call isn't until 1pm instead of 10am today.  And I only have 3 days at work this week. 

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We ended up with DN#6 on Friday and Sat. night.  Friday night because L asked and it was implied she was coming home at odarkhundred on Sat. am.  Turned out she was coming in around 630PM on Sat. night.  I'm guessing that L didn't want DN#6 home with BIL alone that long.  But I've been wrong before.  L's flight was late on Sat. night and we had dinner plans.  So it just seemed easier to keep her a 2nd night.  We ran her home for meds and clean clothes before dinner. 

My parents are carless right now.  The transmission died on their minivan.  $2100 to get if fixed.  So they have my van today to get Keira to school.  Although they might walk.  It's not that far but we were supposed to get rain this morning.  So far it's still dry. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

And now we get to deal with the fallout from the weekend.  Sigh.

DN#6 told Keira that not wearing bottoms with her nightie was "disgusting"  DH heard it and immediately started damage control because we're trying to BREAK Keira of this need to wear bottoms with all of her nighties. 

I also think DN#6 has a boyfriend or someone she likes anyway.  AT the restaurant on Sat. night, the kids were drawing on the paper tablecloth and Keira drew DN#6 "and your boyfriend"  DN#6 promptly denied it and we let it drop.  I IM'd L about stuff last night (leftovers and makeup left behind) and mentioned it to her.  She'd like us to see if we can get anything else out of Keira on this. 

And the makeup DN#6 left behind is L's.  DN#6 apparently swiped it from her room.  So I'm holding onto it until I can get it back to L.  DN#6 is 13.  I get that makeup is something she'd interested in (boys too) but jeez, if your Mom doesn't want you having it, don't stupidly leave it behind after an overnight.  I'm more frustrated at DN#6's stupidity, you know? 

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DH doesn't want DN#6 spending weekends with us anymore, unless it's an emergency.  He finds it just too much.  1 night will be ok but not 2.  And DN#6 did make some other comments too.  Keira came out and told me that DN#6 said she didn't like her (DD)  I have no idea if it was said or not.  I'm thinking it was because Keira's 5.  She doesn't really lie yet. 

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We're going to work on clearing the living room tonight so I can wash walls and the ceiling.  So the china hutch, 1 curio cabinet, 1 CD/DVD rack and 2 bookshelves need new homes.  I need to doublecheck that the free couch is still ours and once get the old couch out.  I think I'm going to leave it in when I wash the walls since I'm sleeping on it most of the time.  But it's going before paint goes on the walls. 

[taz157]

Beth - Sorry to hear about the fallout over the weekend with DN#6.

[Wisconsin Beth]

We'll deal.  I just wish I'd remember/think faster on my feet and used some of the moments as teaching moments. 

Like the "she doesn't like me anymore" comment.  I didn't say anything, I just gave her a big hug.  But I could have asked her if she'd told DN#6 that hurt her feelings and wasn't a nice thing to say.  Stuff like that.