Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Jan 12, 2011 9:51:25 GMT -5
Anyone ever deal with a toucher...i.e someone who, when they talk to you, ocassionally touches you on the arm, shoulder, knee if you're sitting, etc? I've got this semi-new coworker with whom I'm working with on a project, and she's a toucher. As I'm an introvert who likes ample space, this is definitely bothering me. I think it's innocent, but if it's not, her efforts are futile since I'm taken, she's a coworker, and she looks sort of like Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife Beth with less of the boobs and more of the ugly. Translation: Anyways, anyone have any good ideas on how to deal with this situation short of direct confrontation, which could create future tension on the project (or worse if she's psycho), or dropping the sexual harassment bomb, which is probably overkill at this point?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 12, 2011 9:56:29 GMT -5
She probably doesn't even realize she's doing it. Being touched by strangers freaks me out too, but I just deal with it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2011 9:57:01 GMT -5
Can you keep a desk between the two of you at all times? You could also say - real casually, that you're a 'personal space' kind of guy and get uncomfortable when touched.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 12, 2011 9:59:19 GMT -5
Bob, I also dislike the chronic touchers (and don't get me started on the huggers). If you are in a position to do so, step back or move your chair back when she reaches out. It's a subtle way of letting her know that you are re-establishing your personal space boundaries. And as far as the "less boob that Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife" goes....well, if it's only a little less, wouldn't that establish some space all by itself? Or are you afraid of a little suffocation, should she decide to move on from touching to hugging?
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The J
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Post by The J on Jan 12, 2011 10:05:49 GMT -5
You could just say something to her, if you're that uncomfortable.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2011 10:11:45 GMT -5
I finally got the toucher to at least reduce the amount of times she touches me. I hate touchers too... unless you're cute. Then you can touch all you want.
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Jan 12, 2011 10:13:11 GMT -5
...you know, I really appreciate how you're trying to reassure me with your patting my arm and stuff... but I feel like you're petting me or something... and a thumbs up would work just fine... what do you think?
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 12, 2011 10:15:52 GMT -5
Definitely say something. Make it simple like I notice you are a toucher however, I really don't like being touched so it would help when we work together that you don't touch me. Thanks.
I think a simple direct approach is going to be more effective than saying nothing. MHO.
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Post by jennml on Jan 12, 2011 10:20:29 GMT -5
Bob, I also dislike the chronic touchers (and don't get me started on the huggers). Ditto. I am definitely a personal space kinda person with co-workers and strangers in general. I don't even like shopping during sales or holidays because of the crowd and my low tolerance for unnecessary invasions of my personal space. There are several ladies I work with who are very huggy. One in particular, likes touching my arm while we talk or hugging me if I stand too close, which disturbs me so I stay as far as I can. She's really tall and I think feels like I'm a little kid or something. If I was getting a sexual vibe from anyone touching me, I would immediately say back off (unless they were hot ). but if you think she's just like that with everyone, try and avoid sitting or standing too close and casually drop into a conversation how you hate people who invade your personal space...it works for me Although, I hear people say I'm a B-word
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The J
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Post by The J on Jan 12, 2011 10:23:37 GMT -5
I finally got the toucher to at least reduce the amount of times she touches me. I hate touchers too... unless you're cute. Then you can touch all you want. <<touch>>
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Jan 12, 2011 10:30:40 GMT -5
I would say, "don't touch me" at your earliest opportunity. Coworkers/casual acquaintances/random strangers have no valid reason to be petting and should be called out for being creepy. I suppose you should be nice about it though.
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Post by efco on Jan 12, 2011 10:31:42 GMT -5
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Befferz
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Post by Befferz on Jan 12, 2011 10:36:25 GMT -5
I wish I had the problems you all have. I can't even pay people to touch me. Well, maybe if you had a longer commute it would be different...
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Post by efco on Jan 12, 2011 10:38:05 GMT -5
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Post by unrepentant_spendthrift on Jan 12, 2011 10:39:37 GMT -5
LOL, EFCO..
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 12, 2011 10:48:37 GMT -5
Honey, you keep throwing rocks at the hornet nest and you are going to be touched plenty!!
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Cheesy FL-Vol
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Post by Cheesy FL-Vol on Jan 12, 2011 10:51:16 GMT -5
I wish I had the problems you all have. I can't even pay people to touch me. Are you channeling MU, where your "dates" flee before the salad course is done?
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Befferz
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Post by Befferz on Jan 12, 2011 10:51:48 GMT -5
Honey, you keep throwing rocks at the hornet nest and you are going to be touched plenty!! Psssst...I think that's what he's hoping!
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dancinmama
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Post by dancinmama on Jan 12, 2011 10:52:49 GMT -5
Anyone ever deal with a toucher...i.e someone who, when they talk to you, ocassionally touches you on the arm, shoulder, knee if you're sitting, etc? I've got this semi-new coworker with whom I'm working with on a project, and she's a toucher. As I'm an introvert who likes ample space, this is definitely bothering me. I think it's innocent, but if it's not, her efforts are futile since I'm taken, she's a coworker, and she looks sort of like Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife Beth with less of the boobs and more of the ugly. I didn't mind your talking about your problem UNTIL I read the part about how the "toucher" looks. So would you be okay with it if she was good looking? Just wonderin'.
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kimber45
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Post by kimber45 on Jan 12, 2011 10:53:46 GMT -5
I grew up in a family of non-touchers and married into a family of huggers. For the most part, I don't mind it, but if are BFU or I don't like you, then hands off
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2011 10:56:09 GMT -5
I finally got the toucher to at least reduce the amount of times she touches me. I hate touchers too... unless you're cute. Then you can touch all you want. <<touch>>
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Post by efco on Jan 12, 2011 11:00:44 GMT -5
Your :)s are a little uneven...but I still likeum.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2011 11:02:02 GMT -5
UGH....me too! At least it's just hello and goodbye. MIL and I are on the outs so I haven't seen much of them in the past year.
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Bluerobin
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Post by Bluerobin on Jan 12, 2011 11:06:05 GMT -5
I would just go to HR and complain. Let them deal with it. You never know the kind of stress you may get by dealing with it on your own.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2011 11:06:45 GMT -5
Pay attention to when she is touching you. Some people use it as a tactic to get your attention if they think you aren't fully engaged in the conversation. If that is why she's doing it, making sure it is clear you are paying attention will handle it.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 12, 2011 11:06:54 GMT -5
Anyone ever deal with a toucher...i.e someone who, when they talk to you, ocassionally touches you on the arm, shoulder, knee if you're sitting, etc? I've got this semi-new coworker with whom I'm working with on a project, and she's a toucher. As I'm an introvert who likes ample space, this is definitely bothering me. I think it's innocent, but if it's not, her efforts are futile since I'm taken, she's a coworker, and she looks sort of like Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife Beth with less of the boobs and more of the ugly. I didn't mind your talking about your problem UNTIL I read the part about how the "toucher" looks. So would you be okay with it if she was good looking? Just wonderin'. It's Bob Ross...of course he would be ok with the touching if she were hot!
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Bluerobin
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Post by Bluerobin on Jan 12, 2011 11:10:16 GMT -5
Great avatar Tina!!!
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gambler
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Post by gambler on Jan 12, 2011 11:16:19 GMT -5
I would have to tell her that you perfer not being touched my comfort is more important then her feeling, unless of course you all work for the TSA than it is all hands on
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Regie
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Post by Regie on Jan 12, 2011 11:23:50 GMT -5
Work on your stop them dead look and use it. I had one person who would gaze at my chest occasionally(not at work). I caught him doing it and just put on the look and waited. Never caught him doing it again. This look works best if you stop all else and just look at the person.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jan 12, 2011 11:47:50 GMT -5
If someone's a 'toucher' and you're not comfortable with it, you might try shifting your body back slightly when contact is made. EG: If they're on your right and touch your right shoulder or arm, shift slightly to the left and then look them in the eye. It helps send a 'signal' that it's not wanted. Repeat as needed. Body language sometimes speaks volumes.
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