Laughter is the Best Medicine for a Healthy Life

[weezybear]

As they were approching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronounciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As the stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle as argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are..very slowly? The blone girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrr,Gerrrrr,Kiiiiiing."

[Deleted]

Fuuuuuuny

[weezybear]

A ventriliquist walked up to an Indial and said "I bet I can make your horse talk."
Indian;"Horse no talk."
Ventriliquist: "sure watch this Hi Horse How does your master treat you?"
Horse:"Oh, he is good to me, He gives me food, water,and he keeps me out of the sun."
Ventriliquist:"I bet I can make your dog talk ."
Indian: "Dog no talk>"
Ventriliquist:"Sure watch this, Dog, how are you? Does your master treat you good?"
DOg:"Oh,He treats me good. He feeds me, waters me and he plays ball with me."
Ventriliquist:"Ibet I can make your sheep talk"
Indian: "Sheep Lie! Sheep Lie!"

[Deleted]

Haaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

[Deleted]

Weezy.. Have one .. ..

You deserve that one!

[darla44]

Church Bulletin Bloopers

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door

[femmefatale]

I laugh a lot. Sometimes over the dumbest of things. My bf and I sit around just randomly being goofy and laughing at the smallest remarks each other make. It's great to laugh and have someone laugh with you. Being around a miserable person who never laughs, makes me want to not smile.

[nannatexasrose51]

I always say this!~ Laughter is the best medicine.. which is why I always laugh...plus I like it! ;D

[femmefatale]

Oct 21, 2011 18:39:12 GMT -5 @nannatexasrose51 said:

I always say this!~ Laughter is the best medicine.. which is why I always laugh...plus I like it! ;D

And You have a Beautiful smile. Just thought you needed to know.

[sparkle]

[sparkle]

PLANKING BULL

[weezybear]

I took my wife out to the restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the runmp steak rare, please"
He said " Aren't you worried about mad cow?"
Now, she can order for herself"
And thats how the fight started....

[femmefatale]

Oct 22, 2011 11:03:14 GMT -5 weezybear said:

I took my wife out to the restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the runmp steak rare, please"
He said " Aren't you worried about mad cow?"
Now, she can order for herself"
And thats how the fight started....

LOL

[Deleted]

Oh gosh, Weezy.. Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy

[weezybear]

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out.Five minutes later the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window and jumps out again.
Five minutes later, he reappears and repeates the whole thing.
About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the heck are you doing that?"
The first guy responds"Oh, itst really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises. if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk."
"WOW" exclaims the second man,"I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidwalk below.
The bartender looks over to the first man and says,"Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk"

[toomuchreality]

weezy, you are so funny!

What do you get when you take the circumference
of a pumpkin and divide it by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi


How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch!

Did you know that pumpkins are not a vegetable - they are a fruit! Pumpkins, like gourds, and other varieties of squash are all members of the Cucurbitacae family , which also includes cucumbers, gherkins, and melons.

[weezybear]

A man goes into the goverment office in Tehran and asks to sspeak to an official about emigrating to America.
"OK" the clerk says, " So you want to leave and live in America. Why do you want to do this? Are you happy with your Goverment?"
"I have no complaints", replied the man.
"Then perhaps you do not like your job?"
"I have no complaints" again replied the man
"Are you not happy with your wives? They only let you have one wife in America"
"I have no complaints" the man sais a third time.

The clerk, obviosly a little frustrated, then says "If you are so happy with your job, and your wives and your goverment, then why do you want to leave the great country of Iran to live in America?"

"Because there,I can have complaints."

[Mkitty is pro kitty]

What's the best medicine for the laughing sickness?

[Deleted]

Hmmmm.. Don't know.

Laughter sickness? Does that mean an individual laughs too much, like someone I know when nothing at all is funny? Or, does 'laughter sickness' means a person is incapable to laugh? (When appropriate, mind you.)

Oh gosh.. I cannot imagine being in either rut. I love belly laughing and giggling and chuckling and crying while laughing too..

I would love to know the answer.

[weezybear]

we live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming any yelling like the pasengers in his car

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act it.

The early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.

[kimber45]

You know it's going to be a bad day when you set your hair on fire lighting up the first cigarette of the morning . True story, it happened to me just this morning.

[weezybear]

The Other Stall:

Travelling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom,
I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restroom.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know
what got into me,
But I answered, somewhat embaressed,
"Doin' jist fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre
so i say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you traveling!"??

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another
question.
"Can I come over?"

OK, this question is just to wierd for me but I figured I could just be polite
and end the conversation..I tell them

"No..I'm a little busy right now!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the next stall who
keeps answering all my questions.

Cell phones, don't you just love them!

[Forever Sunshine]

[Deleted]

Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazeeeeee...

[darla44]

Clever use of words:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with

Giraffiti: Vandalism, spray-painted very, very high

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late

Defacalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk

And a twist of words told to me this morning: "I have nothing to turk a curkey in"

[Deleted]

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places

[toomuchreality]

Nov 19, 2011 12:45:09 GMT -5 @heart2heart said:

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places

.... ...

[Deleted]

A young lad was interested in a young lady, so he asked her for her phone number.. She wrote her number down, folded the paper she wrote the number on and gave it to her suitor..They talked a few more minutes and went their separate ways..

The excited young lad got home quickly to call the young lady.. He pulled the paper out of his pocket with her phone number..

Her phone number was.. 1-800-uninterested..

[toomuchreality]

Gift Wrapping With Ferrets (my apologies to those that have seen this before!)


1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
3. Open door and remove ferret from closet.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5.
6. Go back and remove ferret from cupboard.
7. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc...
8. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
9. Go back to drawer to get string, remove ferret that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.
10. Remove present from bag.
11. Remove ferret from bag.
12. Open box to check present, remove ferret from box, replace present.
13. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
14. Try and smooth out paper, realize ferret is underneath and remove ferret.
15. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
16. Throw away first sheet as ferret chased the scissors, and tore the paper.
17. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting ferret in the bag the present came in.
18. Place present on paper.
19. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize ferret is between present and paper. Remove ferret.
20. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.
21. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from ferret with pair of nail scissors.
22. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
23. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase ferret down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.
24. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
25. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to ferret's enthusiastic ribbon chase.
26. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.
27. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.
28. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
29. Remove sting, open box and remove ferret.
30. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.
31. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.
32. Remove ferret from box, unlock door, put ferret outside door, close and relock.
33. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear ferret from outside door)
34. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)
35. Discover ferret has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because ferret helped with this last year as well.
36. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
37. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.
38. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.
39. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed ferret.
40. Spend 15 minutes looking for ferret until coming to obvious conclusion.
41. Unwrap present, untie box and remove ferret.
42. Go to store and buy a gift bag.


Okay... Who let them in, to watch us wrap gifts?!



-Author Unknown