sparkle
Familiar Member
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Posts: 720
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Post by sparkle on Sept 23, 2011 9:40:26 GMT -5
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Mad Dawg Wiccan
Administrator
Rest in Peace 
Only Bites Whiners
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 20:40:24 GMT -5
Posts: 9,693
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Post by Mad Dawg Wiccan on Sept 23, 2011 20:08:35 GMT -5
Sparkle, what a cutie pie! Your dog?
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sparkle
Familiar Member
Joined: Aug 31, 2011 14:56:53 GMT -5
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Post by sparkle on Sept 23, 2011 21:39:01 GMT -5
[quotSparkle, what a cutie pie! Your dog?e][/quote]
Nope not my doggie Mad Dawg, thought he strikes fair resemblance to Charles Laughton when he played the role of the hunchback of notre dame ;D
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Post by darla44 on Sept 24, 2011 9:54:39 GMT -5
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Post by darla44 on Sept 24, 2011 9:55:35 GMT -5
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weezybear
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Post by weezybear on Sept 24, 2011 11:31:59 GMT -5
Actually you can have a healthy sex life well into your later years. assuming you can stand the sight of people your age naked.
Ever notice how people who tell uou to calm down are the ones who get mad i the first place.
A friend will always tell you exactly what she thinks! So I guess that makes me frends with everyone.
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weezybear
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Post by weezybear on Sept 26, 2011 14:59:07 GMT -5
I make it a policy to never take home with me...unless office supplies count.
AH! the thrill of kicking, blocking, tackling, running....but enought about fall sales at the mall.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2011 16:42:17 GMT -5
 Weezy.. Now that first joke was funnnnny.. Oh gosh. Just wantcha' to know, my bod is bruteeful..  Especially when covered up.. |
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sparkle
Familiar Member
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Post by sparkle on Sept 27, 2011 11:14:45 GMT -5
Talk about being weighed down and carrying a heavy load! I've got these little critters in my back yard.  |
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weezybear
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Post by weezybear on Sept 27, 2011 12:08:31 GMT -5
One year I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetary plot for christmas as a christmas giift....
The next year I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked why? I replied " Well you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year"
And thats how the fight started....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2011 18:55:37 GMT -5
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weezybear
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Post by weezybear on Sept 28, 2011 11:22:50 GMT -5
Grandmother and her grandson sitting down for dinner when the Grandson says" Hey Gran, I can't find my pills, have you seen them anywhere, there marked LSD,"
Grandmother turns and says fuck your pills boy we have bigger problems" check out the dragons in the Kitchen.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2011 13:19:41 GMT -5
Oh gosh.. Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy  Grandma's words betrayed her for sure.. Craaaaaaaaazy  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2011 4:52:00 GMT -5
Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see someone you dislike backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your you know what. ;D
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2011 7:43:27 GMT -5
There was a Minister whose wife was expecting a baby. The Minister went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Minister's family expanded, so would his pay check.
After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Minister's pay situation. You can imagine there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the Minister got up and spoke to the crowd, "Having children is an act of God!"
In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up, and in his frail voice said... "Snow and Rain are also 'acts of God', but when we get too much, we wear rubbers!"
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weezybear
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Post by weezybear on Oct 1, 2011 9:31:08 GMT -5
An elderly couple are attending church services. About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.
It says,"I just let out a silent fart..what do you think I should do?"
Hescribbles back,"Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2011 19:28:04 GMT -5
[img src=" smileyshack.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/smileyslaughing_lol_hehe_100-102.gif?w=32&h=33"] A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf." |
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weezybear
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Post by weezybear on Oct 2, 2011 9:46:57 GMT -5
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for super. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it is they know what it is- so he doesn't tell them.
His little boy keeps asking him, "what's for dinner>"
"You'll see", says his dad.
They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what their eating.
"OK" says her dad, "Here's a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me."
"we're eating asshole!!" she screams.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2011 11:13:42 GMT -5
I am screaming!!!!! Weezy, that is soooooo funny. Teeeeheeee.. Phew!  |
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weezybear
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Post by weezybear on Oct 4, 2011 9:09:39 GMT -5
A teenage granddaughter
comes downstaies for her date
with this see-through blouse on and no bra
Her grandmother just pitched a fit,
telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her
'Loosen up Grams.
These are the modern times.
You gotta let your rose buds show!"
and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes down stairs,
and the grandmother is sitting ther with no top on
The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother
that she has friends coming over
and that it is just not appropriate.....
The grandmother says,
Loosen up, Sweetit.
If you can show off your rose buds,
then I can display my hanging baskets."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2011 9:18:44 GMT -5
O MY GOSH! CRAAAAAAAZY funny!! I am so doggone sleepy Weezy and crazy tickled over your post.. SOOOOOOO FUNNY.. Guess granny showed her.  |
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weezybear
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Post by weezybear on Oct 5, 2011 10:48:59 GMT -5
the first kid comes up to her and says "Mommy, why did you call me Rose?"
And the mother sais,"when you were a baby, I dropped a rose on your head."
And the second kid comes up to her and says "Mommy, wy did you call me daisy."
And mother said "When you were a baby, I dropped a daisy on your head."
And the third kid comes up to her asd says "Rarrfgxdbgarblock"
And the mother said,"not now Brick"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 6, 2011 13:07:41 GMT -5
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weezybear
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Post by weezybear on Oct 7, 2011 14:48:40 GMT -5
Home computers are the perfect thing for women who don't feel that Men provide them with enough frustration
I had to give up Blackjack. The other players would say," HIT ME!" and the reflexes would take over.
Age doesn't make you forgetful
Having way too many stupid thinngs
to remember makes you forgetful.
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Mad Dawg Wiccan
Administrator
Rest in Peace
Only Bites Whiners
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 20:40:24 GMT -5
Posts: 9,693
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Post by Mad Dawg Wiccan on Oct 7, 2011 16:37:32 GMT -5
An Indian boy asks his father how he and his sibs got their names. His father replied, "When each of my children were born, I came out of the birth teepee and named them after the first thing that caught my eye. So your sister is Moon On Water, and your brother is Soaring Eagle. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Screwing?
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Mad Dawg Wiccan
Administrator
Rest in Peace
Only Bites Whiners
Joined: Jan 12, 2011 20:40:24 GMT -5
Posts: 9,693
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Post by Mad Dawg Wiccan on Oct 7, 2011 16:41:39 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2011 9:39:22 GMT -5
You are a chicken
A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"
The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?"
"Two years," says the man.
"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."
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weezybear
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Post by weezybear on Oct 8, 2011 11:02:06 GMT -5
getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger that anything else on the menu.
When the neighbour plays music too loud, I dance naked, Shuts 'em down pretty quick.
Don't let aging get you down. Its too hard to get back up.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2011 20:19:15 GMT -5
 You know you're getting older when...Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work. You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere. Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D. Your children are beginning to look middle-aged. Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep. You look forward to a dull evening. Your knees buckle and your belt won't. Your back goes out more than you do. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions. |
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weezybear
Senior Member
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Posts: 2,227
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Post by weezybear on Oct 10, 2011 10:58:16 GMT -5
what do you call a booerang that doesn't work
- a stiick
what do eskimoes get from sitting on ice too long
- poliroides
How do crazy people go through the forest?
- They take the psycopath
What do you call santa's helpers?
-subordinate clause.
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