The NFL thread

[Shooby]

Ok well what is he supposed to do NOW? Should he fall on his sword and commit hari kari ? Obviously he will soon disappear from the public eye. He will pay for this crime in many ways. But ,there may be a chilling effect. Women who now KNOW they may lose the golden calf may be far more inclined to NOT report. On the other hand, women who are losing their relationship with the golden calf may also threaten to falsely report to extort or blackmail.

[Angel!]

Sept 9, 2014 8:32:37 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

I wonder if he put her up to that posting. Or if she really is that brainwashed. Or if her self-esteem really is that low. Or all of the above.

I don't get it, Janey. There are other men out there. Don't you deserve to be loved by one who doesn't hit you? Don't you understand that this won't be the last time, but the next time could be the last time? Don't you care about your little girl, and the fact that even years from now, she will still be able to view that video?

This is why I hold you accountable. You weren't legally tied to the man at the time, yet you went ahead with it anyway, after  he knocked you down and dragged you out. Why are you defending him? And accusing the media of using it to gain ratings? Really? It should just be swept under the carpet like an inconsequential dust bunny? You make it sound like it's the public's fault for seeing it, instead of his problem for committing it.

You know something? I hate to say this, kiddo, but maybe you do deserve each other. Your daughter, however, deserves better than to be the next link in the chain of violence. She didn't ask for it. You're courting it.

I hope the NFL learns from this and institutes a domestic violence course, which should be required by all newbie draftees (along with a financial/money management course). I realize that this kind of schooling is a bit late in life, but better late than never. It may prevent another Ray Rice.

I'm sorry it is so hard for you to understand how women end up in this situation and why they don't leave. Well, actually I guess I am glad for you because that means you haven't been through it.

But, it is hard as someone that has been through it to hear someone so cavelierly proclaim how stupid someone is for staying.  You think women of domestic violence have self-esteem issues, what do you think happens when they hear women like you tell them they are weak & stupid & deserve it for staying?

I'm glad it would be so easy for you to turn your back on someone you loved after one mistake.  For some it isn't that easy & to be constantly told there is something wrong with us because it isn't easy makes it worse.  And then you find your support system crumbling around you & all you are left with is the person who caused the whole problem in the first place.

What she is going through would be hard enough without the whole country watching & judging.  We always talk about victim blaming when it comes to rape, I'm starting to notice just as much goes on when it comes to DV. People completely ignore the psychology involved in the relationship & get upset when the woman doesn't just up & walk away as though there are no feelings or emotions involved in the decision.

[Angel!]

FWIW, I filed for legal separation & he moved out when he hit me.  It was also the first and last time he ever did, although I am guessing many people assumed otherwise.  And I cried & cried & cried.  Because regardless of the circumstances that was someone I loved & you don't just get over that.  I stayed with my parents for a while.  The first day I came home I couldn't stop crying because everything in the house reminded me of him.  The basement he finished & now wouldn't get to enjoy, the pictures of us on the wall.  All because of a few minutes of our lives that changed everything.  A few minutes that we both would have given anything to change, but you can't change it.  It happened & changed everything going forward.

It sucked.  What made it suck worse is the people that didn't understand why it was hard, that didn't understand why it sucked.  The people that said I should be happy he is gone.  I should be happy my marriage ended?   How the hell am I supposed to feel happy about that? 

[Shooby]

BTW, is it possible for people to make mistakes in life and then go on to become better people?? Is it possible that bringing this to light and him having to face this squarely in the eye, might actually help him become a better man in the long run? And, if he does, is he then allowed to go on and enjoy his life or does nothing he ever will do from that point on ever matter?

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 9, 2014 15:40:29 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Sept 9, 2014 8:32:37 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

I wonder if he put her up to that posting. Or if she really is that brainwashed. Or if her self-esteem really is that low. Or all of the above.

I don't get it, Janey. There are other men out there. Don't you deserve to be loved by one who doesn't hit you? Don't you understand that this won't be the last time, but the next time could be the last time? Don't you care about your little girl, and the fact that even years from now, she will still be able to view that video?

This is why I hold you accountable. You weren't legally tied to the man at the time, yet you went ahead with it anyway, after  he knocked you down and dragged you out. Why are you defending him? And accusing the media of using it to gain ratings? Really? It should just be swept under the carpet like an inconsequential dust bunny? You make it sound like it's the public's fault for seeing it, instead of his problem for committing it.

You know something? I hate to say this, kiddo, but maybe you do deserve each other. Your daughter, however, deserves better than to be the next link in the chain of violence. She didn't ask for it. You're courting it.

I hope the NFL learns from this and institutes a domestic violence course, which should be required by all newbie draftees (along with a financial/money management course). I realize that this kind of schooling is a bit late in life, but better late than never. It may prevent another Ray Rice.

I'm sorry it is so hard for you to understand how women end up in this situation and why they don't leave. Well, actually I guess I am glad for you because that means you haven't been through it.

But, it is hard as someone that has been through it to hear someone so cavelierly proclaim how stupid someone is for staying.  You think women of domestic violence have self-esteem issues, what do you think happens when they hear women like you tell them they are weak & stupid & deserve it for staying?

I'm glad it would be so easy for you to turn your back on someone you loved after one mistake.  For some it isn't that easy & to be constantly told there is something wrong with us because it isn't easy makes it worse.  And then you find your support system crumbling around you & all you are left with is the person who caused the whole problem in the first place.

What she is going through would be hard enough without the whole country watching & judging.  We always talk about victim blaming when it comes to rape, I'm starting to notice just as much goes on when it comes to DV. People completely ignore the psychology involved in the relationship & get upset when the woman doesn't just up & walk away as though there are no feelings or emotions involved in the decision.

I never said it would be easy. But compared to staying and facing the possibility of death, it seems like a good option. And from watching the video, I have to repeat what I said: it's not their first time in the arena.
And she had no legal reason to work this out, Angel. They were not married. She stayed, and married the man who knocked her unconscious. She had time to make a thoughtful decision. Her Instagram post is one from a woman who wants to place the blame on anyone else but where it should be.

Do I think she loves him? Sure, just like you loved your XH. She loves the man she has glimpsed on his good days, not the monster who dragged her out of the elevator.

An act of domestic violence is not a mistake. An act of domestic violence is a decision by one partner to exert control over another by force. And it is rarely a single act. It starts out verbal and escalates. You know this, that's why you got out when you did.

Her support system isn't crumbling because she did something. It may be crumbling because she didn't. She didn't leave. She may not have reached out for help. She did not contact police, or the team. Now of course people are going to look at the situation and say, "WTF is she thinking? Of course she stayed for his money." I'm not suggesting it's right, only how it looks.

[billisonboard]

Sept 10, 2014 8:50:47 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

...

An act of domestic violence is not a mistake. An act of domestic violence is a decision by one partner to exert control over another by force. And it is rarely a single act. ...

You do realize the video shows her hitting him and crossing the elevator after he had moved away from her?

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 9, 2014 16:05:21 GMT -5 Angel! said:

FWIW, I filed for legal separation & he moved out when he hit me.  It was also the first and last time he ever did, although I am guessing many people assumed otherwise.  And I cried & cried & cried.  Because regardless of the circumstances that was someone I loved & you don't just get over that.  I stayed with my parents for a while.  The first day I came home I couldn't stop crying because everything in the house reminded me of him.  The basement he finished & now wouldn't get to enjoy, the pictures of us on the wall.  All because of a few minutes of our lives that changed everything.  A few minutes that we both would have given anything to change, but you can't change it.  It happened & changed everything going forward.

It sucked.  What made it suck worse is the people that didn't understand why it was hard, that didn't understand why it sucked.  The people that said I should be happy he is gone.  I should be happy my marriage ended?   How the hell am I supposed to feel happy about that? 

I recall a thread you posted recently about your XH and recent contact you've had with him.

Your happiness is defined differently now from what it was when you were with him. Or perhaps I should state it differently: your happiness with him was likely punctuated with fear and anxiety as well. If I recall correctly, he was a drug user, right? And he was out of the house, in place unknown, for long periods? And also in trouble with the law?

So yes, you had happiness in your marriage. No doubt Janay Rice did, and does as well. But that's when the "normal" mask is work by the abuser. When that mask is removed and the real person shows up, it's hell within those four walls.
Is it worth the trade-off, is what I would be compelled to ask. Do you look good in front of everyone you know, have respectability, a marriage that appears stable, a nice home and nice things, at the expense of never knowing where the next out-of-control rage will come from, when the next hole in the bedroom wall will appear, or how you will find the funds to bail him out of jail yet again?

This is what we have to learn. That it's OK to draw that line and walk at the first sign of trouble, and not come back, and have the means to mean what we say when we say we will not take it. All children need to learn young that love never hurts, not even once. The cycle of violence will never end if that lesson does not take hold.

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 10, 2014 9:03:34 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Sept 10, 2014 8:50:47 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

...

An act of domestic violence is not a mistake. An act of domestic violence is a decision by one partner to exert control over another by force. And it is rarely a single act. ...

You do realize the video shows her hitting him and crossing the elevator after he had moved away from her?

Yes. That's why I hold them both accountable. Domestic violence is wrong, no matter who hits who, no matter who starts it.

And FWIW, domestic abuse against men is a huge and underreported problem. Estimates are very difficult to come up with because men just don't discuss it. According to the website Battered Men, it's about 5.4 million men each year.

[billisonboard]

Sept 10, 2014 9:07:22 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

... Yes. That's why I hold them both accountable. ...

Guess I missed the post where you did that.

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 10, 2014 9:17:30 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Sept 10, 2014 9:07:22 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

... Yes. That's why I hold them both accountable. ...

Guess I missed the post where you did that.

No problem. I'm a short person. I get missed a lot.

[Angel!]

Sept 10, 2014 7:11:09 GMT -5 Shooby said:

BTW, is it possible for people to make mistakes in life and then go on to become better people?? Is it possible that bringing this to light and him having to face this squarely in the eye, might actually help him become a better man in the long run? And, if he does, is he then allowed to go on and enjoy his life or does nothing he ever will do from that point on ever matter?

Nope. Literally one hit and they are labeled an abuser. People assume it has been going on behind closed doors for years. People will tell you next time he will kill you and you need to leave or you will end up dead. Then they will get angry and upset if you don't. You will lose support in the most difficult time of your life because you are doing what they what you to do.

The situation royally sucks. I feel very bad for her.

[Angel!]

Sept 10, 2014 9:03:41 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Sept 9, 2014 16:05:21 GMT -5 Angel! said:

FWIW, I filed for legal separation & he moved out when he hit me.  It was also the first and last time he ever did, although I am guessing many people assumed otherwise.  And I cried & cried & cried.  Because regardless of the circumstances that was someone I loved & you don't just get over that.  I stayed with my parents for a while.  The first day I came home I couldn't stop crying because everything in the house reminded me of him.  The basement he finished & now wouldn't get to enjoy, the pictures of us on the wall.  All because of a few minutes of our lives that changed everything.  A few minutes that we both would have given anything to change, but you can't change it.  It happened & changed everything going forward.

It sucked.  What made it suck worse is the people that didn't understand why it was hard, that didn't understand why it sucked.  The people that said I should be happy he is gone.  I should be happy my marriage ended?   How the hell am I supposed to feel happy about that? 

I recall a thread you posted recently about your XH and recent contact you've had with him.

Your happiness is defined differently now from what it was when you were with him. Or perhaps I should state it differently: your happiness with him was likely punctuated with fear and anxiety as well. If I recall correctly, he was a drug user, right? And he was out of the house, in place unknown, for long periods? And also in trouble with the law?

So yes, you had happiness in your marriage. No doubt Janay Rice did, and does as well. But that's when the "normal" mask is work by the abuser. When that mask is removed and the real person shows up, it's hell within those four walls.
Is it worth the trade-off, is what I would be compelled to ask. Do you look good in front of everyone you know, have respectability, a marriage that appears stable, a nice home and nice things, at the expense of never knowing where the next out-of-control rage will come from, when the next hole in the bedroom wall will appear, or how you will find the funds to bail him out of jail yet again?

This is what we have to learn. That it's OK to draw that line and walk at the first sign of trouble, and not come back, and have the means to mean what we say when we say we will not take it. All children need to learn young that love never hurts, not even once. The cycle of violence will never end if that lesson does not take hold.

The problem is drawing the line. Does the line always get drawn at the first hit? For you it clearly does. When it is you life and your love and you realize you were both part of the incident, the first hit doesn't seem like such a clear cut line.

[Angel!]

Sept 10, 2014 8:50:47 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Her support system isn't crumbling because she did something. It may be crumbling because she didn't. She didn't leave.

On losing a support system...my parents stopped speaking to me because I decided not to walk away from my underwater house and move in with them. We didn't speak for over a month and things were tense for a very long time. This was a few weeks after the incident when he had already moved out.

Then my friends didn't understand really either. Lost one friend and things became awkward with another. And this was when I was doing what I supposed to, we were separated legally and physically. But it just wasn't enough for some because I wasn't acting and doing what they thought I should. I got no credit for what I did do and that I was doing the best I could.

It was awful. I never felt so alone in my life. No one understood and people were literally turning their backs on me.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sept 10, 2014 10:22:04 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Sept 10, 2014 9:03:41 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

I recall a thread you posted recently about your XH and recent contact you've had with him.

Your happiness is defined differently now from what it was when you were with him. Or perhaps I should state it differently: your happiness with him was likely punctuated with fear and anxiety as well. If I recall correctly, he was a drug user, right? And he was out of the house, in place unknown, for long periods? And also in trouble with the law?

So yes, you had happiness in your marriage. No doubt Janay Rice did, and does as well. But that's when the "normal" mask is work by the abuser. When that mask is removed and the real person shows up, it's hell within those four walls.
Is it worth the trade-off, is what I would be compelled to ask. Do you look good in front of everyone you know, have respectability, a marriage that appears stable, a nice home and nice things, at the expense of never knowing where the next out-of-control rage will come from, when the next hole in the bedroom wall will appear, or how you will find the funds to bail him out of jail yet again?

This is what we have to learn. That it's OK to draw that line and walk at the first sign of trouble, and not come back, and have the means to mean what we say when we say we will not take it. All children need to learn young that love never hurts, not even once. The cycle of violence will never end if that lesson does not take hold.

The problem is drawing the line. Does the line always get drawn at the first hit? For you it clearly does. When it is you life and your love and you realize you were both part of the incident, the first hit doesn't seem like such a clear cut line.

I used to say I'd give a S/O 1 hit - because I know I can extremely hard to be with sometimes. 

As I've gotten older and dealt with a verbal/emotionally abusive relationship, I've come to the conclusion it's not that cut and dried.  But adults shouldn't be hitting one another.  Period.  We're supposed to have enough control to back off/out of the situation.  And yeah, I realize they were in an elevator where there wasn't room to avoid each other. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sept 10, 2014 10:38:39 GMT -5 Angel! said:

And losing a support system...my parents stopped speaking to me because I decided not to walk away from my underwater house and move in with them. We didn't speak for over a month and things were tense for a very long time. This was a few weeks after the incident when he had already moved out.

Then my friends didn't understand really either. Lost one friend and things became awkward with another. And this was when I was doing what I supposed to, we were separated legally and physically. But it just wasn't enough for some because I wasn't acting and doing what they thought I should. I got no credit for what I did do and that I was doing the best I could.

It was awful. I never felt so alone in my life. No one understood and people were literally turning their backs on me.

  I'm sorry you lost your support system. 

If I"m being honest, I'd be one of the awkward friends too.  But I'd try to be there. 

[Angel!]

Sept 10, 2014 10:44:49 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Sept 10, 2014 10:38:39 GMT -5 Angel! said:

And losing a support system...my parents stopped speaking to me because I decided not to walk away from my underwater house and move in with them. We didn't speak for over a month and things were tense for a very long time. This was a few weeks after the incident when he had already moved out.

Then my friends didn't understand really either. Lost one friend and things became awkward with another. And this was when I was doing what I supposed to, we were separated legally and physically. But it just wasn't enough for some because I wasn't acting and doing what they thought I should. I got no credit for what I did do and that I was doing the best I could.

It was awful. I never felt so alone in my life. No one understood and people were literally turning their backs on me.

  I'm sorry you lost your support system. 

If I"m being honest, I'd be one of the awkward friends too.  But I'd try to be there. 

Thanks.

It is funny, nothing about this topic has upset me until. Remembering that was actually very upsetting. I guess I never really got over that feeling of being abandoned. That was way worse than being hit. The hit sucked, but the aftermath and the fact it messed up my entire life and all my relationships was awful. That moment literally changed everything. And I totally get why women hide dv. If he had hit me again, I would have hid it too. The aftermath of having everyone know is just horrible. You get judged by everyone. They all suddenly feel they know best and get very angry if you aren't doing what they want. They comment if you don't feel how they should. More than once I had to hear about I shouldn't be sad, shouldn't be crying.

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 10, 2014 10:22:04 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Sept 10, 2014 9:03:41 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

I recall a thread you posted recently about your XH and recent contact you've had with him.

Your happiness is defined differently now from what it was when you were with him. Or perhaps I should state it differently: your happiness with him was likely punctuated with fear and anxiety as well. If I recall correctly, he was a drug user, right? And he was out of the house, in place unknown, for long periods? And also in trouble with the law?

So yes, you had happiness in your marriage. No doubt Janay Rice did, and does as well. But that's when the "normal" mask is work by the abuser. When that mask is removed and the real person shows up, it's hell within those four walls.
Is it worth the trade-off, is what I would be compelled to ask. Do you look good in front of everyone you know, have respectability, a marriage that appears stable, a nice home and nice things, at the expense of never knowing where the next out-of-control rage will come from, when the next hole in the bedroom wall will appear, or how you will find the funds to bail him out of jail yet again?

This is what we have to learn. That it's OK to draw that line and walk at the first sign of trouble, and not come back, and have the means to mean what we say when we say we will not take it. All children need to learn young that love never hurts, not even once. The cycle of violence will never end if that lesson does not take hold.

The problem is drawing the line. Does the line always get drawn at the first hit? For you it clearly does. When it is you life and your love and you realize you were both part of the incident, the first hit doesn't seem like such a clear cut line.

Yes, I'd have to draw the line. But that's because of several factors:

I view the line from a professional side. I've seen too many cases of fatal beatings come after the line was not drawn one time. 

My upbringing never included domestic violence in my house, my husband's house or any home either of us was acquainted with.

There are always two people in the incident. That's a given. To take the blame and say, "Well, I was part of the incident, therefore I have to stay and fix my part of the problem" is part of the problem.

And in my posts, I never said someone has to leave forever. Nor would I ever say that a person cannot fix what's gone wrong, provided they get help. But the cycle has to end somewhere, with someone making a sane move away from the situation. Drawing the line at that first hit means you have made a statement. It means you will not tolerate this, not ever. It means you can and will stand up for yourself. It means you both can do better than this. Does it always work out? Clearly, as a lot of our posters know, it does not. But to many abusers, staying after that first hit is the equivalent of giving carte blanche to continue. My point is that victims have to take a stand and know that it is never, ever worth the risk, and the safest thing to do, before things escalate, is to get out, establish some safe distance and get help.

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 10, 2014 11:02:44 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Sept 10, 2014 10:44:49 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

  I'm sorry you lost your support system. 

If I"m being honest, I'd be one of the awkward friends too.  But I'd try to be there. 

Thanks.

It is funny, nothing about this topic has upset me until. Remembering that was actually very upsetting. I guess I never really got over that feeling of being abandoned. That was way worse than being hit. The hit sucked, but the aftermath and the fact it messed up my entire life and all my relationships was awful. That moment literally changed everything. And I totally get why women hide dv. If he had hit me again, I would have hid it too. The aftermath of having everyone know is just horrible. You get judged by everyone. They all suddenly feel they know best and get very angry if you aren't doing what they want. They comment if you don't feel how they should. More than once I had to hear about I shouldn't be sad, shouldn't be crying.

Your reaction is totally normal. You lost support, your own parents stopped speaking to you and your friends thought you were nuts. But you did what you had to do and you still do it. You have kids, and in the end, no matter how it makes you feel personally, you do not want your kids to perpetuate what happened under your roof.

And FWIW, had I been there, I would not have been an awkward friend. I'd have killed and buried your XH. They'd still be looking for the body.

[NancysSummerSip]

And something else here, although no doubt this discussion will continue:

This thread could have very easily disintegrated into a serious virtual shouting match. It hasn't.

We have differing opinions on this subject, because we come at it from differing life experiences.

We all know posters have left because they felt slighted when they were shouted down, or their views were disrespected.

This is not one of those threads that would cause that. I think everyone has said something to give cause for thought and consideration, and although I hope it never comes to it, taking action on behalf of themselves or a loved one, should domestic violence occur.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I think Carl's got a thread going on this (This is Why? or something along those lines) - maybe all the shouting is in that one?  I haven't read it and I'm not going to. 

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 10, 2014 11:26:20 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I think Carl's got a thread going on this (This is Why? or something along those lines) - maybe all the shouting is in that one?  I haven't read it and I'm not going to. 

I did read it. It is, shall we say, lively.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Ok, I'm not trying to obnoxious or anything other than a Goodell hater with this post.  He knew - he'd seen the video and he gave a 2 game suspension for it. 

deadspin.com/someone-is-lying-about-whether-the-nfl-saw-the-ray-rice-1631901404  And it's probably easier to ready (formatting wise) at deadspin. 

Now that we've all seen video of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice knocking out his then-fiancée Janay Palmer, a set of related and legitimate questions comes up. Who all saw this video before today? When did they see it? Did the NFL use it to determine Rice's two-game suspension?
Video: Ray Rice Knocks Out His Fiancée In An Elevator

Here's SI's Peter King, back in July:

There is one other thing I did not write or refer to, and that is the other videotape the NFL and some Ravens officials have seen, from the security camera inside the elevator at the time of the physical altercation between Rice and his fiancée.

And here's ESPN's Chris Mortensen, also from July.

We saw the TMZ video of what happened outside—when he was dragging her out unconscious—but inside, I'm told from those who have seen the video, it wasn't pretty. In fact, she attacks him—we don't know the reason why—and he strikes her, strikes her hard. And her head—according to the sources I've spoken to—struck the rail inside the elevator and she was unconscious.

Which is exactly what today's video shows.

Here's ESPN's Jane McManus, today:

And what evidence did police have? Back in July, Ravens PR told us this in an email:

Only thing we know for sure is that police who arrested Ray and Janay and then let them leave together that night saw the video.

But outwardly, and possibly for reasons having to do with both the legal elements of the case and with public relations, the NFL itself was opaque on whether it had seen the video.

Privately, top reporters were told in no uncertain terms that the video existed, that the NFL had seen it, that it showed Janay Palmer acting violently toward Rice, and that, if released, it would go some way toward mitigating the anger against him. One of the league's most devoted mouthpieces described the video for us on an off-the-record basis, going off what his sources had told him. The implication was clear: If you saw this video, you'd know why Rice only got two games.

Now that the video's out, the NFL and the Ravens are reversing course.

There are three possible explanations here. The first is that every single reporter who said the NFL had seen the video was lying. This seems unlikely, since they were all telling the same lie, both for public consumption and in their off-the-record talks with us.

The second is that the NFL was lying to all of the top football reporters back then about having seen the video, in some attempt to smear Janay Palmer.

The third is that the NFL is lying now about not having seen the video—that league officials saw what everyone has now seen, for whatever reason actually found it exculpatory, and are now making false claims to protect the league's image. This interpretation is supported by an employee of the Revel, the Atlantic City casino where the fight took place. He tells TMZ that the NFL saw the footage before disciplining Rice.

Whatever the case, it's almost certain that the NFL lied at some stage here, and that the league played a handful of its most loyal reporters in the process, suborning them into a smear campaign against a victim of domestic violence. Those reporters, who regularly and uncritically pass along the league's party line but are rarely exposed like this, are the ones who look foolish now. Maybe it's time for them to cut these particular puppet strings and name the sources who burned them so badly, which would do something to show that they're reporters, and not stooges. If you'd like to outsource the job to us, feel free to email us.

[NancysSummerSip]

Good post, Beth. I've read that Goodell did in fact know about the video from inside the elevator before handing out the initial two-game suspension. He claims he asked police for it in order to actually view it, but they refused. Could certainly be the case (and if anyone is wondering how TMZ would have gotten the tape ahead of the NFL, that would be entirely possible. It's called a really good payday for some casino employee).

The NFL trying to protect one of their own would certainly make sense. But there might be more to it as well. Women make up almost half of the sport's fan base, and have the majority say in the consumer buying power in football-viewing households. The NFL bigwigs have to walk a very fine line here. They don't want to lose the female fan base. And they may have figured the two-game suspension would pacify everybody and serve as sufficient punishment, while not alienating too many fans. With the season just starting, they may have been hoping this would just be over with and done and the season move along normally.

In the end, I think the sport will move on. But there are fewer dark recesses and scary places for the bad apples of the league to hide, now that this has come to light. The league will benefit, if there is follow-up.

[Shooby]

If the video is out there why is he not being charged with domestic abuse.

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 10, 2014 15:36:57 GMT -5 Shooby said:

If the video is out there why is he not being charged with domestic abuse.

Good question.

He can be charged. So can she. There is a statute of limitations in every state concerning when a person can be charged. And it differs by state. Since this occurred in New Jersey, this is their law:

In New Jersey, there is no statute of limitations for murder or manslaughter -- meaning, someone may be prosecuted for these two offenses regardless of whether the crime was committed one year ago or fifty years ago. When it comes to other felonies, official misconduct and bribery-related offenses carry a seven-year statute of limitations, with other felonies carrying a five-year statute of limitations. When children under the age of 18 are victims of sexual assault, criminal sexual assault, and/or endangering the welfare of children, the state has five years after the victim turns 18 to prosecute the crime.

When it comes to misdemeanors in New Jersey, the state has one year to file charges for petty offenses, while most other crimes have a five- or seven-year statute of limitations.
- See more at: statelaws.findlaw.com/new-jersey-law/new-jersey-criminal-statute-of-limitations-laws.html#sthash.HkXUnEBT.dpuf 

[ArchietheDragon]

Sept 10, 2014 15:36:57 GMT -5 Shooby said:

If the video is out there why is he not being charged with domestic abuse.

He was already charged and plead down.   Probably can't be charged again. 

[Shooby]

Ok thanks.

[Shooby]

Ok let's beg the question. What is the responsibility of an employer in terms of their employee actions / or accusations.?

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 10, 2014 15:54:03 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Sept 10, 2014 15:36:57 GMT -5 Shooby said:

If the video is out there why is he not being charged with domestic abuse.

He was already charged and plead down.   Probably can't be charged again. 

He could be charged again, possibly with a greater offense (such as felony battery) if new and compelling evidence were brought forward. Question is: does the additional video comprise that new and compelling evidence? Or would it not be new, since it is all part of the same incident?

I'd have a hard time calling this one, strange as it sounds, given what I have posted. And when I say that, I say it from a legal point of view, not a personal one. If he were to be charged, then it could be difficult not to make a case to charge her as well. 

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 10, 2014 16:06:30 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Ok let's beg the question. What is the responsibility of an employer in terms of their employee actions / or accusations.?

Are you asking legal or ethical responsibility?

And when an employer does know, and let's say the employer does get involved somehow, how does the employer protect themselves in the event that the case is never filed or the accused is found not guilty?