Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2011 21:44:08 GMT -5
If you head over to ProBoards support, you may be surprised to find that one in every three of the 75 million ProBoards forums is devoted to role playing in something called "Warrior Cats" (WC).
WC is a book series by a mentally unstable writer named Erin Hunter. I've never had the misfortune of reading the books or even seeing them advertised in a bookstore (which is curious, since they're "bigger" than Harry Potter (30%), Twilight (30%), and all remaining ProBoards combined (6%) in a number-of-tweeny-boppers-creating-blogs sense).
And what pray, you ask, is WC all about?
After an undercover investigative look into several WC boards, I've discovered the shocking answer.
In WC lore, anthropomorphized cats live in harmony with nature, frittering away their hedonistic lives until they must contend with... dun dun dun... evil, resource-sucking, forest-chopping, pollution-spewing, environment-wrecking, greedy, stupid, merciless homo sapiens.
That's right--the bad guy is humanity. All humanity. You. Me. Your mother. Also, ironically enough, the tweeny-boppers suckered into self-indoctrination by reading WC (although one has to question how many of them are actually cognizant of this fact). The 25 million WC role plays are no doubt a side effect of mass psychological breakdown, with impressionable teens wanting to escape to a fantasy where they're superpowered Earth-friendly warrior cats rather than scum-sucking humans. Anything but scum-sucking humans.
You see where I'm going with this, don't you?
The same dark and deadly road that AliciaR6 followed so many months ago?
This is a ploy by the pro-leps. A kind of "gateway drug". Using pop culture to spread fantastic lies about the more common felis domesticus, brainwashing tweens into denying their own species and poisoning their minds with the same vile lies that Alicia fell prey to.
And then on book six... or whichever one comes out next... WHAM! The little forest cats run into the "great noble snow leopards". Oh surprise of surprises! These great spotted "superior warrior cats"--or whatever farcical name Hunter winds up giving them--pop up as a new "race" to save the day against the evil humans. "Oh save us, mighty leopard warriors!" Cry the tweens, as their role play boards fill to the brim with brainwashees clamoring to become arch uncia.
Pro-lep hysteria sweeps over the nation like a wave of putred goo--an orgy of self-loathing and uncial idolatry.
Motion pictures are made. James Cameron's "Leopard Warrior Cats" grosses $2.3 billion internationally, and features "noble leopard warriors" fighting off an invasion of human parasites. (... ... OK, I realize this concept has kind of already been done, but still...)
Eventually, the foul crimes of the uncia are buried beneath an unstoppable tide of pro-lep lies. My fellow crusaders and I, the ones who openly proclaim the truth about the vile uncia, are laughed out of public forums. Driven out. Ridiculed and censured.
It all starts with this "Warrior Cats" facade. Mark my words. Your ten-year-old daughter will come up to you one day and say, "Mommy, Daddy, I'm a leopard and I'm going to kill that two-legs*, Billy, because his car is killing the great emerald forests." *This is what humans are actually called in the WC books!
Mark my words.
Draw your swords and be prepared, if you have any wits at all. And for the love of humanity, burn any WC book you come across. Keep them out of your kids' hands as though they were rabid porcupines.
Yours in Humanity,
Virgil Sovereign
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2011 21:45:41 GMT -5
I need to get some of what you ingest.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2011 21:52:41 GMT -5
My drug is truth, Archie. Truth.
I inject it into my body like the very air I breathe.
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on Aug 9, 2011 21:53:52 GMT -5
![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/1-1.gif) I have a 14 yo DD. She and her friends have been reading those books for the last couple of years. They're insidious. Every time they claim to be studying, they are actually discussing plot lines and characters and completely ignoring what they are really meant to be doing. Like homework and torturing the young males of the species. Occasionally either DD or one of her friends tries to share the plot line and my eyes glaze over and I have an overwhelming urge to go clean the bathroom; a task I know no one will voluntarily join me in. ;D Got any kids, Virgil?
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2011 21:57:16 GMT -5
No kids yet. Which, depending on who you ask, isn't necessarily a bad thing. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/actnatural.png)
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on Aug 9, 2011 22:03:09 GMT -5
You ought to get some. They allow you to say and do all sorts of things and people don't go ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/50_50.gif) really?
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 9, 2011 22:07:40 GMT -5
I need to get some of what you ingest. ![](http://us.social.s-msn.com/s/images/emoticons/51_51.gif) I knew I shouldn't have talked about Virgil at work today. Darn butterfly effect. ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) Apologies to humanity, Warrior Cats, etc. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) ;D
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2011 22:08:57 GMT -5
DW and I will, eventually. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) You can bet their rooms will be stacked to the rafters with texts about religion, mathematics, science, and philosophy rather than Warrior Cats novels. ... ... Stop laughing. ![>:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/angry.png)
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Aug 9, 2011 22:13:24 GMT -5
If I take some of Virgil's drugs will it make my nose stop running? I really don't mind the hallucinations or anything, but I've been through a box of kleenex in the last two days and my nose hurts ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/sad.png)
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Aug 9, 2011 22:14:57 GMT -5
"You can bet their rooms will be stacked to the rafters with texts about religion, mathematics, science, and philosophy rather than Warrior Cats novels."
And you'll never let them out of their rooms or have friends? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him do the tango. You're dreaming, and yes, I'm laughing.
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Sammy
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Post by Sammy on Aug 9, 2011 22:17:04 GMT -5
Don't feel bad, Apple, after reading Virgils opening post I went looking for my stash of Bonine (motion sickness pills). ![](http://messenger.msn.com/MMM2006-04-19_17.00/Resource/emoticons/confused_smile.gif)
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2011 22:17:55 GMT -5
Less criticism of Virgil's obvious lack of parenting experience and more "I see your point about the Warrior Cats RP's, Virgil. I'm ridding our house of the books as we speak." ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahright.png)
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on Aug 9, 2011 22:17:58 GMT -5
Stop laughing. ![](http://messenger.msn.com/MMM2006-04-19_17.00/Resource/emoticons/red_smile.gif) Sorry, didn't think you could hear me from there. True story: I figured out that I was pregnant with DD shortly after she was conceived. I correctly predicted that she was a she, and that she'd be into Barbie's, hair and make up. ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/8.gif) Why? Why? Why? It's not like I'm like that. Or DH. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) We didn't exhibit that kind of behavior...
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 9, 2011 22:27:10 GMT -5
Less criticism of Virgil's obvious lack of parenting experience and more "I see your point about the Warrior Cats RP's, Virgil. I'm ridding our house of the books as we speak." ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahright.png) So, not looking for the "I hope I'm still here to hear your stories about your children when they are 5 to 17 years old?" ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) Are these Warrior Cats books well written or not so much? I could use some escapist fluff. The re-imagining of H. Beam Piper's classic fuzzy series was good but made me a little sad. Very good though. ![](http://us.social.s-msn.com/s/images/emoticons/thumbs_up.gif) Fuzzy Nation possibly in a local library or bookstore near you.
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on Aug 9, 2011 22:41:12 GMT -5
Opti,
I like sci fi and fantasy, but every time DD starts talking about them I cringe. I think they must be written on a 4th grade level. I could be wrong, but she's generally articulate and I just don't see the appeal.
Ever read or see the movie "Inkheart'? She was 9 or so when she described the plot and characters to me so I wanted to read it. That was worthwhile. Loved the book and the movie. These books, not sure, but they are popular with the 11-14 set around here.
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Catseye
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Post by Catseye on Aug 9, 2011 22:41:44 GMT -5
Apple, you should apply petroleum jelly or mentholated ointment to your poor nose.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Aug 9, 2011 22:46:37 GMT -5
"Draw your swords and be prepared, if you have any wits at all. And for the love of humanity, burn any WC book you come across. Keep them out of your kids' hands as though they were rabid porcupines."
Seriously? You're advocating book burning? How about banning movies like Avatar, as well? Same premise.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Aug 9, 2011 22:50:00 GMT -5
Less criticism of Virgil's obvious lack of parenting experience and more "I see your point about the Warrior Cats RP's, Virgil. I'm ridding our house of the books as we speak." ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahright.png) But I DON'T see your point! I have no problem with the premise of Warrior Cats. Furthermore, you're assumption that Sally will kill Billy Two Legs is ridiculous. My son used to play Grand Theft Auto, and he hasn't had the urge to run down and kill hookers with his car.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2011 22:50:39 GMT -5
You bet your bippy I back book burning. If the alternative is children respecting and venerating snow leopards, it's by far the lesser of two evils.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Aug 9, 2011 22:53:08 GMT -5
"Eventually, the foul crimes of the uncia are buried beneath an unstoppable tide of pro-lep lies. My fellow crusaders and I, the ones who openly proclaim the truth about the vile uncia, are laughed out of public forums. Driven out. Ridiculed and censured."
Nah....you're still here.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2011 22:54:35 GMT -5
I'm a particularly hearty strain.
I have my reasons. They give me strength.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Aug 9, 2011 22:55:01 GMT -5
Lol! I've seen your other rants. You'd probably want to ban "Heather Has Two Mommies", as well.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2011 23:02:06 GMT -5
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Aug 9, 2011 23:08:40 GMT -5
Like I said.....I've seen some of your other rants, so I wouldn't have put it past you.
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steff
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Post by steff on Aug 9, 2011 23:14:00 GMT -5
DW and I will, eventually. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) You can bet their rooms will be stacked to the rafters with texts about religion, mathematics, science, and philosophy rather than Warrior Cats novels. ... ... Stop laughing. ![>:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/angry.png) [/quote and they say liberals brainwash/indoctrinate their kids.... ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/75_75.gif)
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Aug 9, 2011 23:16:17 GMT -5
My DD read one or two of the Warrior Cat books in grade school. She said they were stupid. Virgil if we still have any around the house I will be glad to send them to you free of charge. ;D Although I think they may have gone the way of the garage sale.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2011 23:17:16 GMT -5
"Whoever has witnessed another's ideal becomes his inexorable judge and as it were his evil conscience." - Friedrich Nietzsche (EEEEEEEE-VULLLL!) ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/skins/vuncia/vuncia-hud.png)
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Aug 9, 2011 23:19:16 GMT -5
Cat lovers already know this. We are spared from their wrath because cat lovers are superior homo sapiens and are also hedonistic that bow to their wills. ![](http://messenger.msn.com/MMM2006-04-19_17.00/Resource/emoticons/tongue_smile.gif) And just to give you a heads up: Your lovely child's first request will be "Daddy, can I have a kitty?" So instead of wasting all of your money on that science nonsense I suggest you put it in a "Virgil's Therapy" savings account. Or buy stock now since your child will own the entire collection of books as will all their friends. ;D ETA: EEEEE-VULLLLL still cracks me up!
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2011 23:53:52 GMT -5
I have no problem with cats. Felis domesticus may not live up to the high standard of canis familiaris, but they're not soulless murderers.
Uncia panthera, on the other hand, are evil incarnate. That's the real problem here, POM. I've deduced that Hunter is going to use the noble house cat as a gateway to pro-uncian indoctrination.
First, get the tweens in the right state of mind by portraying common house cats as "warriors" fighting back against encroaching humanity in a war of self-preservation. Then add the poison to the mix. Whup!--housecats are suddenly being aided by uncia panthera. The tweens don't know what to think at first. But this new race is fighting on the same side as the lovable protagonists, right? They must possess the passive demeanor of a house cat and fight only as a matter of self-defense too. After all, they're just a macrocosm of Cinnamon or Mr. Fluff, the neighbourhood tabbies.
That's how it starts. Suddenly the thousands of Indian/Afghan villagers slaughtered by uncia panthera yearly aren't a "real problem". They're just mindless two-legs getting what they deserve from the noble warrior race.
And snow leopards can't be ruthless psychopaths. No ma'am, they're fighting to protect the real world equivalent of the emerald forest, defending themselves from loathsome humans.
Worst of all, Hunter (and her cohorts) will have succeeded in associating the vile uncia with the noble house cat. An attack on one will be perceived as an attack on both, no matter how contrived the linkage. As a testimonial to this fact, you insinuated in #27 that I must hate all cats because of my comments vis a vis uncia panthera. But my disparaging remarks were never once directed at house cats, and rightly so. You see the dangers I'm talking about now?
The WC books are a gateway, POM. A very dangerous gateway indeed.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Aug 10, 2011 0:04:07 GMT -5
<<pats Virgil on the head>> Sure, sweetie. I see the dangers you're talking about. It's ok. You go to bed now and sleep it off and tomorrow you will forget allllll about the eeee-vulllll uncia take over. ![](http://messenger.msn.com/MMM2006-04-19_17.00/Resource/emoticons/tongue_smile.gif)
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