Work and raising a family...

[Deleted]

And as the neighborhoods break down due to whatever, there's less oversight to the kids. It is what it is.

[muttleynfelix]

Statisticly, violent crime is at a lower level than it was when we (those of us in our late 20s) were growing up.

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2011 9:33:15 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

And as the neighborhoods break down due to whatever, there's less oversight to the kids. It is what it is.

I think kids have much more oversight than they used to. Both my parents talk about when they were young kids, leaving their house in the morning and not returning until dinner. The parents didn't know where they were.

My dad lived in a very rural area and would bike around with friends.
My mom lived in suburban NJ and would take the train into NYC with her friends.

Now parents hardly let kids out of their site.

( not that there is anything wrong with it. just my observation)

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 12, 2011 9:36:35 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Jul 12, 2011 9:33:15 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

I think kids have much more oversight than they used to. Both my parents talk about when they were young kids, leaving their house in the morning and not returning until dinner. The parents didn't know where they were.

My dad lived in a very rural area and would bike around with friends.
My mom lived in suburban NJ and would take the train into NYC with her friends.

Now parents hardly let kids out of their site.

( not that there is anything wrong with it. just my observation)

My parents always knew where we were and/or who we were with. There was hell to pay if they didn't couldn't find us anytime they needed/wanted us.

[Deleted]

We live out in the country and I kick my 9 year old out of the house all the time. Sometimes I don't know where he is for hours. Our neighbors are all friends and family for several miles and he's pretty careful about biking on the road, so I don't worry. I did break down and get him a Trac Phone for his birthday a few days ago though.

When I was a kid I was gone on my pony all day. I'd ride to a friends house 5 miles away and not be home until nightfall.

[Deleted]

We were sent outside to play right after breakfast and would only have to tell Mom where we were going if we wanted to leave the street.

[Gardening Grandma]

I think kids have much more oversight than they used to. Both my parents talk about when they were young kids, leaving their house in the morning and not returning until dinner. The parents didn't know where they were.

When I was a kid (living in another country), I'd take the train to go visit a friend, stay several days, and return when I felt like it. Neither my mother nor the friends' parents had phones. My friends would do the same.

[zibazinski]

There were weirdos but parents knew who it was and warned you to go nowhere near that person or his house. I still remember my mom pointing him out to me and threatening me with her wrath which is 10x worse than GODS if I went anywhere near that person or that house. Since ALL of us got similar warnings, we didn't do it. I always wonder now if he was a bad person or just weird? But I, also, roamed freely. My kids grew up in a neighborhood where there were a LOT of kids of varying ages who played together headed by a HUGE 12 year old girl who was BOSS. NOBODY misbehaved and EVERYBODY played nice OR ELSE!!! Love that girl!!! Still, we had a creep come in and ask some of the smaller ones about a "lost puppy." She got in that guy's face so fast he peeled out of there. Her mom was telling me the story and said she didn't know how her DD knew the "F" word. I was dying to say "Does anyone ever listen to your husband?"

[busymom]

Kids are a full-time job all by themselves. When our oldest was born, she had her days & nights mixed up for a LONG time. I couldn't imagine doing a midnight feeding, another at 3 am & another at 5 am, and then having enough energy left to go work an 8 hour shift.

DH & I handled our kids by working opposite shifts, and making him the primary wage earner. I've put my career on hold, but the kids have kept me SO busy, I've easily been putting in just as many hours as DH is at work keeping up with their activities, and making sure all of their homework & practicing gets done, etc. Add an aging parent to the mix, & you understand why I feel like I never get any down time. (Except a little time here!)

[telephus44]

When DS was born and started daycare, we started out with MIL watching him 2 days and in daycare the other 3. Then we moved to fulltime daycare due to issues with MIL. Then we moved back to 3 days MIL and 2 days daycare due to issues with daycare. Now he's in full-time preschool, but MIL watches him before and after.

I think my MIL wants to watch him because she HATES daycare - she tried it once in the 70's and hated it, so all daycare is evil. This was one of those battles - she and FIL worked opposite shifts so they didn't have to use it, so we should just make the same choice because that's "best." Oh yes, your MIL will tell you how to raise your kids.....

In addition, she's retired, and I think she would be bored without DS - she's always taking him places and doing things with him when he's there - I think he's her excuse to get out of the house.

We haven't broached the subject yet about what we would do when #2 gets here. I'm sure MIL would be happy to watch him, but we've had enough issues previously on how to deal with a baby (don't prop him in front of the TV, yes we'd like to use breastmilk instead of formula, etc.) that I'm not sure if we're going to ask if she'd watch a baby fulltime. We've tossed around a couple of ideas, but not sure yet which way we would go.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 12, 2011 10:11:54 GMT -5 busymom said:

Kids are a full-time job all by themselves. When our oldest was born, she had her days & nights mixed up for a LONG time. I couldn't imagine doing a midnight feeding, another at 3 am & another at 5 am, and then having enough energy left to go work an 8 hour shift.

I don't know how I did it but I did. And then I'd go pump every 2.5 hours or so at work. You just keep plodding along, sometimes in a fog but it had to be done.

[swamp]

Jul 12, 2011 10:28:09 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jul 12, 2011 10:11:54 GMT -5 busymom said:

Kids are a full-time job all by themselves. When our oldest was born, she had her days & nights mixed up for a LONG time. I couldn't imagine doing a midnight feeding, another at 3 am & another at 5 am, and then having enough energy left to go work an 8 hour shift.

I don't know how I did it but I did. And then I'd go pump every 2.5 hours or so at work. You just keep plodding along, sometimes in a fog but it had to be done.

You're exactly right. You do what you have to do.

[Taxman10]

Jul 12, 2011 10:29:05 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jul 12, 2011 10:28:09 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I don't know how I did it but I did. And then I'd go pump every 2.5 hours or so at work. You just keep plodding along, sometimes in a fog but it had to be done.

You're exactly right. You do what you have to do.

Your parents did it, their parents did. I did it (well not BF'ing) your friends did it.

Honestly since the beginning of time, everyone's procreated :-)

[midjd]

That's what I keep telling myself... It can't be THAT hard, everyone else does it! But damn, I don't get enough sleep as is! Maybe I need MIL to move in with us before we have a kid...

[Deleted]

That's what I keep telling myself... It can't be THAT hard, everyone else does it!

They do it because they HAVE to. It's not like you can just give them back. LOL But no mistake, it can be VERY hard sometimes.

[Deleted]

If I didn't love my kids as much as I do, I would have run away from home a looooong time ago!

[Miss Tequila]

Jul 12, 2011 10:48:45 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

If I didn't love my kids as much as I do, I would have run away from home a looooong time ago!

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2011 10:48:45 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

If I didn't love my kids as much as I do, I would have run away from home a looooong time ago!

I would say the same thing about my wife.

[swamp]

Jul 12, 2011 10:57:02 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Jul 12, 2011 10:48:45 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

If I didn't love my kids as much as I do, I would have run away from home a looooong time ago!

Ditto.

[Angel!]

Jul 12, 2011 10:29:05 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jul 12, 2011 10:28:09 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I don't know how I did it but I did. And then I'd go pump every 2.5 hours or so at work. You just keep plodding along, sometimes in a fog but it had to be done.

You're exactly right. You do what you have to do.

The baby becomes the priority & everything else in your life changes to adjust to that priority. I think back & wonder what I used to do with all my time & money before I had children.

One of the best things you can do is find a family friendly job. My job is awesome & great in understanding that when you have kids sometimes they take priority over work.

[Taxman10]

Jul 12, 2011 10:39:50 GMT -5 midjd said:

That's what I keep telling myself... It can't be THAT hard, everyone else does it!

Maybe I need MIL to move in with us before we have a kid...

;D

[Deleted]

I have to disagree some with the idea that things get a whole lot better when they are in elementary school. During day care they do the same thing every day... once school starts, then you have to do holidays and summers and snow days and delays... and you invariably have more activities, which they can't drive themselves to... dance or sports or scouts or classes....

And I may get slammed for this... and I know we all have our own ideas, (and i sometimes think I would have liked to stay home when they were young, but it wasn't feasible)... but a baby really doesn't care who diapers its bum and gives it food... as long as some one does. Its later when you don't want to loose connection and influence over your child...

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2011 11:17:18 GMT -5 oped said:

I have to disagree some with the idea that things get a whole lot better when they are in elementary school. During day care they do the same thing every day... once school starts, then you have to do holidays and summers and snow days and delays... and you invariably have more activities, which they can't drive themselves to... dance or sports or scouts or classes....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Say it ain't so!

ETA: I've already contemplated paying a deposit to the daycare for their after school/holiday program. *sigh*

And I may get slammed for this... and I know we all have our own ideas, (and i sometimes think I would have liked to stay home when they were young, but it wasn't feasible)... but a baby really doesn't care who diapers its bum and gives it food... as long as some one does. Its later when you don't want to loose connection and influence over your child...

No slamming here. Makes sense to me.

[swamp]

Jul 12, 2011 11:17:18 GMT -5 oped said:

I have to disagree some with the idea that things get a whole lot better when they are in elementary school. During day care they do the same thing every day... once school starts, then you have to do holidays and summers and snow days and delays... and you invariably have more activities, which they can't drive themselves to... dance or sports or scouts or classes....

My kids are only 3 and 5, but sometimes it feels like all I do is drive them places. During the school year, they both are in dance, DH played hockey in the winter, and they're both in swimming now. It's only going to get worse.

[luckyme]

" I have to disagree some with the idea that things get a whole lot better when they are in elementary school. During day care they do the same thing every day... once school starts, then you have to do holidays and summers and snow days and delays... and you invariably have more activities, which they can't drive themselves to... dance or sports or scouts or classes.... "

Beat me to this oped. ;D
I think I post this every time it comes up. Daycare is expensive, but it's easy and consistent. Once they hit school age, it gets a lot more complicated. You also have early dismissals. in service days, spring break, late starts. Also in our area, there is no bus service for some of the kids in middle school, and none at all for high school. So that means driving the kids to and from school everyday.

Everyone that I know, dual income, have enough money to pay people to take care of their kids, or they have a lot of family they rely on to take care of their kids, or they split schedules so they can do it, with only some help from family.

I became a SAHP, for the most part. It worked for us. I didn't want my kids in daycare, I wanted to be with them. DH would have been OK w/ me working, but preferred I stay home. We made financial sacrifices, but we live modestly, so it wasn't a big deal. Having a partner on the same page is truly a blessing.

Kids can be stressful enough, neither one of us wanted to add the additional stress of trying to juggle it all. Plus, DH often worked split shifts, rotating shifts, weekends, on his current job, he sometimes travels for a few weeks, with little notice. So, that would have put a lot more pressure on me.

We didn't have the extra cash, but I think we have a great life. We had time for the kids, time for each other, normal stressers, but not the craziness.

You need to decide what is most important to you, and set up a game plan on how to achieve that.

[busymom]

Remember hearing years back when Marie Osmond "ran away" from her family for a short time? I guess anyone can burn out at parenting, even the rich & famous....

[Gardening Grandma]

Jul 12, 2011 10:46:04 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

That's what I keep telling myself... It can't be THAT hard, everyone else does it!

They do it because they HAVE to. It's not like you can just give them back. LOL But no mistake, it can be VERY hard sometimes.

Actually, parenting is one of those things that is very hard to do well and so easy to do badly. And, no matter how hard you try, you are going to make mistakes.

The other thing is some babies are so easy and some are difficult. That can change radically as they grow. They may turn out to be the teens from Leave it to Beaver or hellions. And you don't know in advance.

The only thing for sure is that once you have kids, your life as you know it will never be the same.

[ohmomto2boys]

I didn't read the whole thread.....

I get to work part-time - 25 hrs per week (5 hrs per day). My kids are 5 & 3. I now hate my schedule and I am looking for a job that will give me summers off. My husband is on-board with this too. As my kids get older, I want them to be kids in the summer - not sent to "camp" every day during the summer. I do however want to work while they are in school - that is why I am starting to look now. I am a "secretary", but I will do pretty much anything within a school system that doesn't require a certificate - lunch lady, secretary, hall monitor, etc. I have actually started sending out resumes now. I'm not very optimistic, because there are a lot of people who would like to have summers off. Worst case - 10 mths from now - I ask my current employer to only work 2 days in the summer - just get by and then catch up in September. We'll see......
It is all about balance. The past 5 yrs haven't bothered me so much having the kids in daycare year round (they really do enjoy it), but this summer it is really bugging me.

[Deleted]

What about bus driver? One of my SAH friends became a bus driver when her youngest when to kindergarten. And we were all shocked because she hadn't had a driver's license up until then!

[bluevette]

Dh and I both work full-time. We have a 16 month old and a 2nd on the way due in Dec. Things had been going pretty well. Most of the first year was really hard with sleep deprivation. Also, I was breastfeeding and pumping at work, and that was very demanding. MIL takes care of Ariella during the day 4 days a week, and I work from home 1 day a week (although lately work has been so demanding that sometimes I have to come in on Fridays, and even when I don't MIL has been coming over for at least part of the day).

In the morning, after work, through the night (when needed), and on weekends, I do probably 80% of baby care. Now that I'm pregnant with #2 it's been even harder. I'm very burned out. I had a huge project at work that I had been putting in 60-70 hours per week on for a couple of months. It's finally released now and has been very successful, but there are political issues with it within the company as some groups feel threatened by its success. I am trying to put some distance between myself and this project and have gotten my hours back into a more reasonable range, but it's been hard. I am concerned with how things will go once the new baby arrives.

Ariella is completely the little joy in my life. I spend as much time with her as possible when I'm at home. But, she does require a lot of energy which is hard after a long day. My life changed a LOT. I learned to rely more on MIL. I don't have hobbies like I used to. TV is mostly relegated to after Ariella's bedtime. DH's life has changed less drastically, although it has still changed. He still goes to his guitar lesson once a week, and he still goes out with friends sometimes on weekends, usually at least every month. I had tried to get us going with a monthly date night type thing, but after the first month, we missed the next month and so on. But, I'm going to try to get us back with that. I bought us movie tickets for this weekend, so that should be fun.

Your life will change - a lot. Your focus will change - a lot. It is stressful and can be overwhelming, but to me it's been worth it. I've never been a "baby" person. I think things will get easier once they're a little older and not quite so dependent. But, you'll get into a new rhythm (and then things will change on you, and you'll have to find another new rhythm - rinse and repeat).