Work and raising a family...

[Deleted]

Obviously you shouldn't expect grandparents to watch them, but it's different if they WANT to and offer. I had to pull my 9 year old out of 3 different camps this summer because his grandparents all had a fit when they heard he was booked up. So I got my $500 or so dollars back and he's spending one week at his Dad's parents, one week with my Mom and one week with my Dad (divorced).

My husband's mother would LOVE to watch our one year old full-time, but she lives over an hour away so it's just not feasible. She actually got an apartment next door to his younger brother's house for a couple years to help him with his 3 kids for a couple years, so I know she's sincere about wanting to help.

[cael]

Jul 12, 2011 8:12:17 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

cael, I found out I was pregnant a month after I found out I was accepted to grad school. We're relatively young (I'm 28 DH is 27) and it took us 10 months to conceive. Honestly, if I knew then what I know now, I would have either deferred my enrollment or withdrew my acceptance altogether. This past spring I took two classes while working FT. I was tired, cranky, and stressed all the time. I felt like I never got to enjoy my pregnancy until now (and I really can't even now since I have a final project due Friday for a summer course) - and I wouldn't call this part enjoyable!

Like you, we didn't want to wait until I was 30 to start having kids, and we want to be done by the time I'm 35. In a way I guess it is good to do it all now while you have more energy. I must say that our place reached new levels of filth while I was in school - there was just no way I was able to do lots of homework/studying, resting, running errands, and maintaining a clean house!

I wish you the bst of luck with it all.

We're both 28 too, I always had this fantasy of having my kids young - not happening obviously, lol, which is fine, but we'd like to have 2 kids, relatively close together, and do it soon-ish. I am kind of questioning whether I want to be in school and pregnant... I will likely be part-time at school anyway so I can work, so if I need to take a semester off for example, I wouldn't be too upset as long as it wouldn't mess around with my completion of the program. If our plan works out I'll have our first when we're 30, then hopefully the second when we're 32 or 33. It'll be tough for a few years but I feel in the end it'll be worth it

[swasat]

Jul 12, 2011 7:45:02 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jul 12, 2011 6:16:07 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

You figure it out as you go. No one knows what they are doing when they start.

Ain't that the truth.

I work fulltime, as does DH. I provide health insurance, he dealing with life insurance. He makes about 5k a year more than I do. I would go insane as a SAHP and so would he.

We have a 3+ year old DD and an 20+ month DS. 2 days a week assorted grandparents come to the house and watch the kids. My parents and I swap cars and they take the kids back to their house and I pick them up from there. The ILs stay at our house all day. The other 3 days the kids are at dcp.

5am - DH gets up
6am - I get up
6:45am - we get the kids up.
7-7:15am - we're out the door to dcp.
7:30am - start times for both DH and me at work.
4:15ish - I leave work to pick up the kids from dcp. My parents live across the street from dcp and the kids are well aware of that. We usually go over there for 10-45 minutes (last night we mooched a meal)
5-5:30pm - get home, start dinner.
6-6:45ish - eat/watch tv with kids (Curious George is the current favorite)
7pm - brush teeth, pjs and start bedtime routines.
7:15-7:30 - done with kids and can start chores.
7:45 - go back in to resettle DD.
8:15 - go back in to resettle DD.
7:30-9:30 - clean house, do dishes, deal with laundry, prep for tomorrow if possible.
9:30ish, go to sleep
2-4amish - go in by DS and resettle him. May take 5 minutes, may take 2+ hours.
5:10am - curse DH for forgetting to turn the alarm off when he got up.
Start all over again.

On the days the grandparents watch the kids, we don't have to get them up and out of the house. We let them sleep in. We're big believers in "kids needs a bedtime structure and 12-14 hrs. of sleep in a 24 hr. period." The tradeoff is that we get very little time with the kids.

Their needs trump mine and DH's.

ETA - I did the bfing/pumping thing for about 9-10 months for each kid. I'm still climbing out of the sleep deprivation pit/zombie zone I was in from that. I have very understanding bosses and 5 weeks of paid vacation a year, which helps on the sick kid front. I'm not permitted to use sick leave for anything other than my own illnesses or to cover an excused FMLA absence. So when we have a sick kid, DH and I debate our deadlines and whoever's deadline is less mission critical calls in (we're both IT.) In extreme cases, the grandparents will take them when sick but it's not the optimal solution.

ALMOST ditto for me.

Except that my kids are 6 and 3 and we have no family around to help us. Both set of grandparents live far away so we have to rely completely on daycare for DD and after school care for DS.
We are both IT too, have a lot of flexibility and DH works 10 min from home. My commute is about 30 min but his working so close to home and dayacre means he picks up the bulk responsibility for sick kids pickup, outside chores etc.

I have also learned to be very organized. I am a freezer/cook-ahead type mom. On Sunday I spend about 3-5 hours in the kitchen getting 4-5 meals ready or prepped up. I pick up the kids and home by 5:30ish. Then its just reheating the food or a little cooking involved to get the dinner on the table. Lunches are leftovers brown bagged.

Laundry gets done as it accumulates. I couldn't have done without a great DH. He is an IMMENSE help around the house. And of course I have a house cleaner once or twice every month:D

[cael]

Jul 12, 2011 8:14:09 GMT -5 swamp said:

Pregnancy is overrated. I found nothing about it enjoyable. I would have more children if they just sprang from me fully cooked.

I am kind of dreading actually being pregnant, the thought of it has always really freaked me out - but I really want kids, so oh well!


and on the subject of grandparents watching the babies - my mother has volunteered several times & implied she'd never let us send our babies to daycare, so we obviously would have a conversation with them before making our plan, but I'm pretty sure she will be forcing her services at least part-time on us

[Miss Tequila]

Jul 12, 2011 8:45:55 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Obviously you shouldn't expect grandparents to watch them, but it's different if they WANT to and offer. I had to pull my 9 year old out of 3 different camps this summer because his grandparents all had a fit when they heard he was booked up. So I got my $500 or so dollars back and he's spending one week at his Dad's parents, one week with my Mom and one week with my Dad (divorced).

My husband's mother would LOVE to watch our one year old full-time, but she lives over an hour away so it's just not feasible. She actually got an apartment next door to his younger brother's house for a couple years to help him with his 3 kids for a couple years, so I know she's sincere about wanting to help.

And that's different...if a family member wants to watch the child then it is a win-win. But I would never expect someone to give up their life for my child.

[Deleted]

If we lived in NJ or Long Island, getting pregnant would be a no brainer. Our families aka culture believes and practice the "it takes a village"

My grandparents / aunts and uncles all had a hand in shaping me into the person I am today and they all had the power/liberty to discipline me as my mother.

My cousins are raising their kids somewhat the same , my mom love babysitting watching over her grand nephew/nieces and she discipline/ground them just as if she was their mother.

My mom would move to be with us if she could and I won't be surprised if she takes a leave of abscence after our child is born. Kids uin my family walk a straight line because they know they have more than a pair of eyes or two on them and heck, people you don't even know (church members, other haitians from anywhere) will have no issue telling your parents/family how you were up to no good at this event, or how did they see you at such location during school hours, etc. And they would be hell to pay.

Rule #1 that all of us kids learn early: you do not embarrass your parents out in public.

Also we were not expecting her mom to give up her life for us. She offered, we are considering it. The same way my wife mom/aunts took turns flying to Indiana to help out her cousin when she had her kids. And at the time her mom lived in Haiti, she would come to the US to go spend 3-6 months in Indiana helping out, and the other sisters/inlaws will take turns.

In my family/community family is not just mom/dad and kids. Family is mom/dad/kids/uncles/aunts/cousins/grandparents and close friends that are like family. Yes my american friends things it'sa weird and always argue how its not normal but I was raised like this and love it. I have no issue with it which is why my wife knows that eventually I would love to move back to NJ.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 12, 2011 8:45:53 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

That poster has some interesting family dynamics, as in obvious favoritism toward another sibling. That is so hurtful. My girlfriend's mom and mil each take the baby one day a week, the rest he goes to a sitter. This gives them bonding time and helps them out financially a "little." She is grateful and the moms sometimes trade days if their day doesn't work for some reason. Of course, in a pinch, they would help out more but ONLY in a pinch. Her husband is a teacher so summers he does it all.

My MIL admitted a while back to having jealousy issues over my Mom watching the kids, esp. because she still HAD to work and my Mom was retired. And DH says she doesn't want to be the grandparent(s) the kids don't know - DH and his brother didn't see 1 set of grandparents much growing up because they lived 6 hours away. And my Mom and MIL swap days too. In fact, all 8 of us are going to stay in a resort in Aug, which should be interesting... I'm sure I'll be posting about it afterwards!

[Deleted]

In my family/community family is not just mom/dad and kids. Family is mom/dad/kids/uncles/aunts/cousins/grandparents and close friends that are like family. Yes my american friends things it'sa weird and always argue how its not normal but I was raised like this and love it.

Things used to be that way here, but now people are much more self-centered (not necessarily in a derrogatory way) than they were many years ago. Kind of a shame in a way....

[saveinla]

Once the kids start going to elementary school, it will be easier to manage everything and as they grow things will be much easier. I took time off to raise my son until he was 2 and my in laws helped us after that until he went to kindergarten. So it gets better as they age. But it pays to have a flexible job and a short commute.

[CarolinaKat]

In my family, that's just how it's done. Grandparents babysit grandchildren. I went to "Grandma Daycare," it was awesome. My mother said in return for making her mother happy by letting her have me during the day, she got a well mannered child who knew how to cook and clean. I have very fond memories of being with my Grandparents when I was very young.

My Aunt encoraged her daughter to take a job nearby so she could watch her grandchildren when their mom worked. My mother has told me since I started college she intends her next career to be "Grandma Daycare" which is fine with me, since I want children in the future.

[Miss Tequila]

Jul 12, 2011 9:00:38 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

In my family/community family is not just mom/dad and kids. Family is mom/dad/kids/uncles/aunts/cousins/grandparents and close friends that are like family. Yes my american friends things it'sa weird and always argue how its not normal but I was raised like this and love it.

Things used to be that way here, but now people are much more self-centered (not necessarily in a derrogatory way) than they were many years ago. Kind of a shame in a way....

Is it self-centered or are we just busier than we were 30 years ago? Between working and all of my kids activities, I just don't have the time to buy into the "village" mentality. And unlike years ago, most mothers and grandmothers work.

[happyscooter]

I never meant to imply I expected my MIL to watch my children. We were on a daycare waiting list from the time I found out I was pregnant. However, I would think that a grandparent who had nothing to do all day except watch soap operas and complain about being bored, would offer to watch a grandchild to-1. keep them out of daycare for a few months 2. help their child out financially 3. keep grandchild away from germs, etc... 4. to enjoy time with grandchild for a few months. Again, they missed out on time to sing or read or play.

And when you factor in the favorite sibling things they did, well I'll leave it at that.

And when you factor in the fact that MIL/FIL had help when DH and his sibling was little, pay it forward.

Last post for me, I have work to do.

[swasat]

Jul 12, 2011 9:03:27 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Jul 12, 2011 9:00:38 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

In my family/community family is not just mom/dad and kids. Family is mom/dad/kids/uncles/aunts/cousins/grandparents and close friends that are like family. Yes my american friends things it'sa weird and always argue how its not normal but I was raised like this and love it.

Things used to be that way here, but now people are much more self-centered (not necessarily in a derrogatory way) than they were many years ago. Kind of a shame in a way....

Is it self-centered or are we just busier than we were 30 years ago? Between working and all of my kids activities, I just don't have the time to buy into the "village" mentality. And unlike years ago, most mothers and grandmothers work.

many people move away from the family too, for better job opportunities or just for adventure. In our case it was a combination of both. Our number one deciding factor was jobs. DH and I also wanted to experience more places than the city we grew up in. So here we are, far away from family...

[Miss Tequila]

Jul 12, 2011 9:07:12 GMT -5 happyscooter said:

I never meant to imply I expected my MIL to watch my children. We were on a daycare waiting list from the time I found out I was pregnant. However, I would think that a grandparent who had nothing to do all day except watch soap operas and complain about being bored, would offer to watch a grandchild to-1. keep them out of daycare for a few months 2. help their child out financially 3. keep grandchild away from germs, etc... 4. to enjoy time with grandchild for a few months. Again, they missed out on time to sing or read or play.

And when you factor in the favorite sibling things they did, well I'll leave it at that.

And when you factor in the fact that MIL/FIL had help when DH and his sibling was little, pay it forward.

Last post for me, I have work to do.

From what you have posted about your in-laws, I wouldn't want my children exposed to them for long periods of time each day.

And yes, it would be nice if all grandparents wanted to watch their children but honestly, I"m not sure if I will want to give up my life when I finally get to retire to take care of infants and toddlers...THEY ARE A LOT OF WORK

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2011 9:03:27 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Jul 12, 2011 9:00:38 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

In my family/community family is not just mom/dad and kids. Family is mom/dad/kids/uncles/aunts/cousins/grandparents and close friends that are like family. Yes my american friends things it'sa weird and always argue how its not normal but I was raised like this and love it.

Things used to be that way here, but now people are much more self-centered (not necessarily in a derrogatory way) than they were many years ago. Kind of a shame in a way....

Is it self-centered or are we just busier than we were 30 years ago? Between working and all of my kids activities, I just don't have the time to buy into the "village" mentality. And unlike years ago, most mothers and grandmothers work.

I think it's both - but we're busier now because there are more opportunities now. There are advantages and drawbacks to the way things are. It's also hard to plan your life around what people used to consider a given (getting married and having kids) when it's no longer a given. But we all manage.

[muttleynfelix]

My DH stays home with DS. I don't know how we would do it if he didn't. Last week, I ended up having to work 6am to 3pm. If DH had been working, he would have been on the same schedule...actually he would be on that schedule basically all summer. If DS had been in daycare, I could not have gotten to work on time. I use to work about 7:30 to 5:30 or later everyday. Since DS was born, I get to work at 8:05 and I leave at 5:05. I take stuff home to work on after DS goe to sleep if necessary, but even then it is tough to find time. DS goes to bed around 7pm and that stinks because I lose out on a lot of time with him, but that is what he needs and my want to spend more time with gets trumped by his need for sleep. It was awful last summer when he needed to be in bed at 6pm. I was running to work late because I was trying to get the most out of my morning with him and I was running out the door at 5 to get a very tired baby in bed. A late nap lead to lots and lots of nightwakings, so that was not an option. I am thinking about asking my boss about 6 to 3 schedule permanently (can't this week because the boss is out of the office) because it makes the mornings easier (I'm not trying to soak up every last minute with DS since he isn't up yet) and then I get an extra 2 hrs at night and we can actually do fun things as a family.

Meas - I cook about 3 times a week. I cook enough for 3 meals X 3 people at a time. That takes care of either a couple lunches and a supper or a couple suppers and a lunch. I usually only cook once during the week or do one crockpot meal and one other meal. I prep as much as possible after DS goes to bed at night. We don't always eat supper as a family. It just depends on DS's day and if he got lunch before or after his naps. If it is after he naps we can usually eat supper together, but if it is before, then DS needs supper as I'm getting home from work.

On my current schedule, when I get home from work DS eats and depending on what is going on DH and I may eat or we may wait until later. Then we clean up and DS plays (and watched wheel of fortune, LOL). If it is nice we go outside for a half hour or so. Then we do bedtime and DS goes to bed. Once he is in bed, every other night I start diapers in the washing machine and then clean up the toys in the living room. I try to do one household chore a night to help my DH out. He does everything else during the day. Once DS is in bed, DH usually heads outside to take care of any lawn work that needs to be done. We have 10 acres, flower gardens, and a veggie garden. No we could not do it all if one of us did not stay home. Weekends, we run errands, go to church, and have family time. DH and I don't go out a lot without DS. Lately it has been about once a month or so, but mainly because we've seen my parents about that often....of course one of those days out was for a funeral. We tend to get some quality time on the weekends during DS's nap or after he goes to bed.

[Formerly SK]

Jul 12, 2011 9:03:27 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Jul 12, 2011 9:00:38 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

In my family/community family is not just mom/dad and kids. Family is mom/dad/kids/uncles/aunts/cousins/grandparents and close friends that are like family. Yes my american friends things it'sa weird and always argue how its not normal but I was raised like this and love it.

Things used to be that way here, but now people are much more self-centered (not necessarily in a derrogatory way) than they were many years ago. Kind of a shame in a way....

Is it self-centered or are we just busier than we were 30 years ago? Between working and all of my kids activities, I just don't have the time to buy into the "village" mentality. And unlike years ago, most mothers and grandmothers work.

I think a large part of it is people moving for their careers. How can you have a "village" of family members raising a child when they live in multiple states? If everyone stayed in the same city it would be a lot easier to have that influence, regardless of how many hours/day they work.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 12, 2011 9:00:38 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

In my family/community family is not just mom/dad and kids. Family is mom/dad/kids/uncles/aunts/cousins/grandparents and close friends that are like family. Yes my american friends things it'sa weird and always argue how its not normal but I was raised like this and love it.

Things used to be that way here, but now people are much more self-centered (not necessarily in a derrogatory way) than they were many years ago. Kind of a shame in a way....

Yes, when I was about 7, I crossed a busy street not at the corner/lights. When I got home about 10 minutes later, my Mom had rec'd a phone call from someone seeing me and I got yelled at. I don't expect my kids to have that safety net.

[Deleted]

However, I would think that a grandparent who had nothing to do all day except watch soap operas and complain about being bored, would offer to watch a grandchild to-1. keep them out of daycare for a few months 2. help their child out financially 3. keep grandchild away from germs, etc... 4. to enjoy time with grandchild for a few months. Again, they missed out on time to sing or read or play.

My Mom had 2 bypass surgeries before my kids were even born. I knew going in that she would physically be unable to watch them for more than a couple of hours. Since she can't pick up more than 10 lbs, she couldn't even watch them for any extended period of time when they were infants.

MIL worked and lives about 1/2 hour away, so she wasn't a viable option either. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes Grandma Daycare isn't in the cards.

[swamp]

Jul 12, 2011 9:20:27 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jul 12, 2011 9:00:38 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

In my family/community family is not just mom/dad and kids. Family is mom/dad/kids/uncles/aunts/cousins/grandparents and close friends that are like family. Yes my american friends things it'sa weird and always argue how its not normal but I was raised like this and love it.

Things used to be that way here, but now people are much more self-centered (not necessarily in a derrogatory way) than they were many years ago. Kind of a shame in a way....

Yes, when I was about 7, I crossed a busy street not at the corner/lights. When I got home about 10 minutes later, my Mom had rec'd a phone call from someone seeing me and I got yelled at. I don't expect my kids to have that safety net.

My dad was a firefighter, so he knew all the cops and the public works employees, who are all over the city all the time. He was also in a service club with the business owners and the teachers. My mom was a hairdresser and knew everyone. I couldn't fart sideways without word getting back to my parents.

I live just outside the same city. My kids will be subject to the same scrutiny. ;D

[Deleted]

Beth - that got me thinking about stuff I did when I was younger that I don't think my kid(s) will be able to do. We had a creek by our house, and some neighborhood kids and I would often venture down there and just explore. We'd ride our bikes around the neighborhood for hours too. I feel like people can't let their kids do that anymore with all the weirdos out and about. It used to be enough to tell kids to not talk to/get into a vehicle with strangers. Is that still enough today?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 12, 2011 9:22:22 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jul 12, 2011 9:20:27 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Yes, when I was about 7, I crossed a busy street not at the corner/lights. When I got home about 10 minutes later, my Mom had rec'd a phone call from someone seeing me and I got yelled at. I don't expect my kids to have that safety net.

My dad was a firefighter, so he knew all the cops and the public works employees, who are all over the city all the time. He was also in a service club with the business owners and the teachers. My mom was a hairdresser and knew everyone. I couldn't fart sideways without word getting back to my parents.

I live just outside the same city. My kids will be subject to the same scrutiny. ;D

I live about 2 miles from the house I grew up in (my parents still live in it) and it's changed so much.

[swamp]

Jul 12, 2011 9:25:24 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

Beth - that got me thinking about stuff I did when I was younger that I don't think my kid(s) will be able to do. We had a creek by our house, and some neighborhood kids and I would often venture down there and just explore. We'd ride our bikes around the neighborhood for hours too. I feel like people can't let their kids do that anymore with all the weirdos out and about. It used to be enough to tell kids to not talk to/get into a vehicle with strangers. Is that still enough today?

I think it is....

[swamp]

Jul 12, 2011 9:26:43 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jul 12, 2011 9:22:22 GMT -5 swamp said:

My dad was a firefighter, so he knew all the cops and the public works employees, who are all over the city all the time. He was also in a service club with the business owners and the teachers. My mom was a hairdresser and knew everyone. I couldn't fart sideways without word getting back to my parents.

I live just outside the same city. My kids will be subject to the same scrutiny. ;D

I live about 2 miles from the house I grew up in (my parents still live in it) and it's changed so much.

The city has changed immensely (there's a huge oxy problem and the resulting crime that goes with it) but I still know all the cops, firefighters and DPW guys, and my kids look just like me, so I expect phone calls when they're being little twits.

[Deleted]

I don't think there's more weirdos out there, we just hear about them more now.

[lazysundays]

happy- it sounds like your parents/in laws were taken advantage of the first time they took care of grandkids, and they don't want to make that same mistake again. I guess they don't make the distinction that one set of kids are the type that would take advantage and the others wouldn't. Or maybe they think that they will appreciate and spoil grandkids more if they do it less often, vs actually raising the grandkids day to day.

[swamp]

Jul 12, 2011 9:28:32 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

I don't think there's more weirdos out there, we just hear about them more now.

Exactly. Anytime someone snatches a child, we get a nationwide Amber Alert.

Child sex abuse was not spoken of back then. It happened, but you didn't discuss it.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 12, 2011 9:25:24 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

Beth - that got me thinking about stuff I did when I was younger that I don't think my kid(s) will be able to do. We had a creek by our house, and some neighborhood kids and I would often venture down there and just explore. We'd ride our bikes around the neighborhood for hours too. I feel like people can't let their kids do that anymore with all the weirdos out and about. It used to be enough to tell kids to not talk to/get into a vehicle with strangers. Is that still enough today?

I don't know Jenny. We don't let DD play outside alone unless she's gated in the yard with the dog (no one's getting close with the dog) or if one of us is outside with her. I know the weirdos existed when I was a kid (I had an encounter when I was around 10 but fortunately nothing bad happened and I was more careful afterwards) but I do think we hear more about them now. And as the neighborhoods break down due to whatever, there's less oversight to the kids. It is what it is.

[Deleted]

swamp and BW, I'm tempted to agree with you. I'm a big believer in playing and exploring outside and getting a little dirty, and I feel like kids aren't doing that anymore.

[michelyn8]

Jul 12, 2011 9:20:27 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jul 12, 2011 9:00:38 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

In my family/community family is not just mom/dad and kids. Family is mom/dad/kids/uncles/aunts/cousins/grandparents and close friends that are like family. Yes my american friends things it'sa weird and always argue how its not normal but I was raised like this and love it.

Things used to be that way here, but now people are much more self-centered (not necessarily in a derrogatory way) than they were many years ago. Kind of a shame in a way....

Yes, when I was about 7, I crossed a busy street not at the corner/lights. When I got home about 10 minutes later, my Mom had rec'd a phone call from someone seeing me and I got yelled at. I don't expect my kids to have that safety net.

For me, this was the advantage of living and working in a small town while my children were aged 9 & 12 through 15 & 18. Everyone in town knew they were my children and where I worked even if they didn't know me by name. If my girls walked to the store after school, I would be asked if I knew they doing that. Fortunately, I always did since they knew to call me as soon as they got home from school and if/when they were going to leave the house.

I had help from my Mom when my kids were small and during a time my sister was unemployed, I paid her to babysit DD2 (win/win for both of us). When my nieces and nephews were young, I would often babysit them but it was rare I wasn't paid something. No one "assumed' they would receive help from other family members but if asked, anyone of us will step up to help out. It is just how my family does things.

FWIW, I've told DD2 that I would be willing to provide daycare one day a week if she chooses to enroll in new program at our local CC. It only requires in person attendance on Fridays, the rest is online. I'm off on Fridays and see this as a good opportunity to spend time with my grandchild. But my daughter also understands that she will have to ask for any weekend babysitting and it won't be an every weekend thing.