Okay, what to do

[zibazinski]

I always get great advice here so here goes. A young woman that used to work for us slept with my husband while we were still married. Caused me a world of hurt and grief because she also pretended to be a friend of the "family." MY family btw. DD was aware of this, probably before I even was. X and I are now divorced, of course. (She wasn't the only one or the only one who pretended to be my friend while banging my husband but that is neither here nor there) She contacted both DD and myself and wants to be facebook friends!!! DD is horrified and is just ignoring her request but I would like to say something public and snarky. Should I just ignore her as well, publically humiliate her the way she did me, or just send her a private message asking her if she was unaware of the fact that I had not had a lobotomy and therefore am very aware of what she did. Can you even imagine it? No shame at all.

[Cass]

Be the bigger person. Ignore her.

[mtntigger]

Yep, you are better than that... ignore her. Although it may make you feel better to write down your thoughts on a piece of paper and then not send it.

[Cass]

Or even type it out on FB and not send it.

[mtntigger]

Jul 11, 2011 15:05:10 GMT -5 Cass said:

Or even type it out on FB and not send it.

See, that would get me in trouble as I usually get myself so pissed that I hit send anyway.

[zibazinski]

Half of me wants to laugh but the other half of me is aghast at the nerve.

[Cass]

I'm the exact opposite. I made myself a promise to never post anything while angry/ irritated/ sad or drunk

[zibazinski]

It sure brought up a lot of feelings that I thought I had buried deep enough.

[Regie]

Just remember everything that is sent over the internet or email can and will be used against you.

[shanendoah]

The classy thing to do would be to just ignore her request. Or even hit the "block" button so that she is completely blocked from your profile and can't send you any more requests or even private messages.

Because I am not always as classy as I should be, I would consider ignoring her friend request, but also sending her a short message along the lines of:

DD & I have decided that as a general policy, we will not "friend" any of the women the Ex banged while he and I were married. Please understand that this is not personal. Its just that if we were to make one exception... Well, you understand.
-Zib

[mtntigger]

Doesn't FB send out e-vites to anyone on the person's e-mail contact list?

Yes, I'm trying to find some sort of excuse for her.

[shanendoah]

SBS: If she's new to the site, and had FB go through her email contact list, and didn't check the list before hitting send...

I did have FB go through my contact list, but I also then went through the list and removed people who weren't appropriate.

[Cass]

Jul 11, 2011 15:12:25 GMT -5 @mtntigger said:

Doesn't FB send out e-vites to anyone on the person's e-mail contact list?

Yes, I'm trying to find some sort of excuse for her.

Yes! I was horrified when I first joined that it invited exes etc. This may be what happened if she just set up an account.

[zibazinski]

Shen, perfect!!! I may not actually do it but willl send it to DD who will get a big laugh out of it!!!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 11, 2011 15:11:21 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

It sure brought up a lot of feelings that I thought I had buried deep enough.

Then maybe you need to find a talk therapist and get it all out instead of burying it.

I'd ignore her. But I love Shane's The classy thing to do would be to just ignore her request. Or even hit the "block" button so that she is completely blocked from your profile and can't send you any more requests or even private messages.

Because I am not always as classy as I should be, I would consider ignoring her friend request, but also sending her a short message along the lines of:

DD & I have decided that as a general policy, we will not "friend" any of the women the Ex banged while he and I were married. Please understand that this is not personal. Its just that if we were to make one exception... Well, you understand.
-Zib

[zibazinski]

It's just such a perfect comeback. Especially since she wasn't the only one and even knew 3 of the other women!!! I used to feel that he took advantage of her need for a father figure but DD said," Nah, she's just a slut!!!"

[muttleynfelix]

Yeah, I love Shanen's response, but really you should probably just ignore her.

[zibazinski]

I know. It's been there for awhile now. Just there was another post about Facebook and it made me think about it and then it started to bug me. Honestly, yes, past time to get over it. I'm not the first fool of a woman.

[sheilaincali]

Ignore her and then block her. The nerve of some people.

Part of me would want you to be snarky to the woman and tell her that at this time you don't want to be friends and wouldn't care to change that opinion in the future. Because DH's mistress starting stalking us after the relationship ended and we had to take a restraining order out on her I was never able to confront her. Then she died so I never got any real "closure" and never got to tell her off. But that's just me being bitter. Be the bigger person.

I keep getting friend requests from my crazy ass MIL- I keep ignoring her too

[3jsmom31]

Ignore. If you write anything, she may write back. Who wants to read e-mail with toilet paper in hand to clear away the crap. By the way, hugs..... some hurt feelings just don't go away..... It sounds like he was a serial cheater: his problem, not yours.....

I do like Shanendoah's priceless letter, but don't share it with the X's receptacle......

[debtheaven]

It's a good comeback, but by writing to her, you open the door for her to write back to you. And that's not what you want. The LAST think you need to hear is all her lame reasons.

So take the high road. I'd ignore her request (btw you can "ignore" actively rather than passively and leave that request just sitting there and bugging you.) I wouldn't bother blocking her unless she did it again. If she did, I would definitely block her.

ETA: Get one of your kids on the case. FB keeps changing its privacy parameters, the kids keep up with them. Every time DS1 comes home he commandeers my Mac so he can make sure my FB settings are fitting for his mom LOL.

[mizbear]

Even if you do make the mistake of friending her- you can always unfriend her. And block her.

My first husband cheated on me and brought the hussy to church! Don't fried her- and if you do- don't put anything snarky down.

[busymom]

Zib: Your daughter sounds like one terrific kid!


Sheila: Did you go dance on her grave?

[Regie]

Sheila,
Write it all down, shred it, burn it, spread the ashes on her grave, and dance a jig.

[mizbear]

When my ex took the woman he cheated on me with to church with him- she introduced herself to friends of ours as his GF (we weren't divorced yet) and the lay in the couple informed her that she shouldn't be bragging on being a married man's wife in church.
I have no use for cheaters.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sounds like you had good friends there mizbear.

[zibazinski]

I wish more women would stick up for their sex. I wrote DD the answer from Shenandoah. She will get a HUGE laugh out of it but I warned her not to use it!!! I told it to DF and he thought it was clever as well. ( I knew the women on here would not let me down!!!) But also said "don't send it."

[sheilaincali]

busymom, Regie-- No didn't dance on her grave. At the time we lived in CA and she lived in Mississippi. I did communicate with her ex husband a few times and he was a decent guy. We found out she passed when I googled her name a few months after she passed. Her obit popped up in the search results. She was frequently in trouble from DUIs and that sort of thing so I googled her out of curiosity and to feel superior (in the event she had been charged with DUI again).
I actually sent a text to her Ex and told him I was sorry to read that his children had lost their mother. They were young and obviously I didn't expect him to share the text with them. As bats#$t crazy as she was those kids still lost their mom.

[bluecluessubtlety]

Wow great comeback. Even better on her wall instead of private message. But everyone is right. Just ignore.

[zibazinski]

I'd LOVE to put it on her wall. I won't but I'd LOVE TO.