azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 26, 2024 17:30:34 GMT -5
Shortest home visit ever. She said we should ask mom to give us temporary guardianship which can cover up to two years. I'm not sure mom will go for that or even if it's the right choice. She said kinship care is more time and paperwork but I also think it has benefits like state insurance and other resources. Any sort of stipend we would get could be set aside for her future. I'm feeling more confused. Will call school social worker tomorrow.
Showed her teen's room but she did not want to talk to teen at all. Took my word for it that teen said mom said live where you want.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Mar 26, 2024 18:07:23 GMT -5
She said kinship care is more time and paperwork but I also think it has benefits like state insurance and other resources.
Cynic that I am, I can't help but wonder whether that really means kinship care would entail more work for her, while temporary guardianship would mean less ...
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Mar 26, 2024 20:37:07 GMT -5
azucena - I don't mean to be overly critical but have you considered that watching a show like Survivor could be exacerbating DD11's issues?
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 27, 2024 12:55:33 GMT -5
Nah, she's been watching Survivor since she was 8 and only when I'm available to watch it with her bc you never know where the story lines may lead which then prompts some interesting conversations.
Ready for more of my saga...I swear you can't make this stuff up.
Texted teen's mom to request ins card. Got a very chipper good morning text back which is weird. Then she calls and tells me she checked with walgreens and they already have it. I say ok, maybe glitch yesterday, can you text me pic of it anyway in case there's a medical emergency. She ignores that and says they have it already. I change the subject and say teen is working hard to catch up in school. She doesn't respond. I say social worker confirmed safety in visit last night ang suggested we file paperwork for temp guardianship. She doesn't speak. I say this is really hard for everyone, but I'd like to help more with hw and school but they can't talk to me. No answer. I say okay well thanks for calling and we hang up. Partial win that we've established contact?
Talked to school social work who said to bring up temp guard and see reaction bc we currently have no open case to prompt foster placement. She also shared that teen has all As and Bs and is flying thru catching up like no one she's ever seen.
Meanwhile DD11 convinced herself to go to school with an out to leave at lunchtime before all the special classes. Check with teacher and PE is before lunch which is one of her triggers. I say skip it, she says I'll manage. Got a call after PE with her crying to come get her. Man if she had told me details while we were on campus, heads woulda rolled. Got home and asked her to journal about it to process and get it off her chest. Now I had written proof in her own words what keeps happening. Some kind of game that wasn't supposed to involve tackling but did. She said she almost threw up and went into the bathroom multiple times. Ended up curled up in a corner and couldn't leave bc they're not allowed to go outside by themselves. Stupid pe teacher didn't seem to notice. She said another girl was telling the homeroom teacher what happened as we left. Yeah, she's so not doing pe for the rest of the year. I told her next time throw up all over teacher and tackle culprits which at least made her smile.
A couple of moms have reached out to me bc they've heard dd is missing so much school. I trust both of them so have been sharing some details and asking them to coach their daughters to be part of the solution without outing me/DD. They are hearing about some of the classroom chaos and both are considering going to speak to teacher and principal about it.
On a happy note, last night all 3 girls played some rowdy games of uno, squealed about a spider and made DH kill it for them, and teen and DD11 gained up on DD15 in a good way. And this morning, teen started a group text incl DD15 and DH asking for fried chicken for dinner tonight followed by gif themed 'living stereotype'. That girl makes me laugh so hard.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 27, 2024 16:05:34 GMT -5
Sounds like mom doesn't care what happens with bonus teen. How sad for her
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Mar 27, 2024 19:30:00 GMT -5
Your orchestration of all the girls is awesome, azucena. Thinking good thoughts for both your DDs and for bonus teen, and for you!
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 28, 2024 8:15:00 GMT -5
DD11's journal about PE was very telling. She's def not going back to that class for the rest of the school year. She didn't sleep well so no school again today. DH and I were up for a couple extra hours talking thru sending her to public school next year. One of her biggest issues is 4-6 of the kids in her class and because it's a static class of 20 that's not going to change from now to 8th grade. Some of them have behavior issues that our school is not equipped to deal with and their disruptions are ruining most days for DD and at least 3 of her friends. Speaking up last year didn't help. The other friends' parents aren't speaking up enough bc they don't want to rock the boat. I know conversations have been had with disruptors' parents and it's clear they don't care enough to really address it.
Yes, public school will have disruptors too but DD can find more of a friend group with more friend choices. She'll also be more challenged academically. I'm about 80% convinced to take the leap. I'd been looking at other Christian schools but most will still have the small class size problem.
Had a nice fried chicken dinner out with DH, DD15, and teen. Can't help but continue to notice how amazing teen is and how well she fits with us even though I know we're bound to have stumbles. She's mad smart and is bumping up to advanced algebra 2 next year, AP ecology and got accepted into a junior/senior program which involves student teaching a couple of hours a day - she's leaning towards math or theater so DD15 now have a game to each influence her to our side lol.
She got some major digs in on DH during dinner. At one point he was speechless which never happens.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 28, 2024 15:05:45 GMT -5
Thank God for therapy. Just had my own session. I've scheduled myself for twice a week for the next three weeks because man, I got a plate full of stuff to talk through.
School wants to meet with us about PE at 330. DH is taking the lead and I'm just going to try not to throat punch anyone.
Told DH we'll get through Easter and then move on to finding a different church too. That part was already in mix because of DD15s objections that I mostly agree with. Nothing like feeling let down alienated from a church/school home of the last 15+ years. More fodder for therapy.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 28, 2024 16:08:03 GMT -5
Good luck!
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 28, 2024 17:05:56 GMT -5
azucena I'm sorry about the church family. My sister and BIL have not been able to find a place that feels right for them since their church was shut down by the Synod. Most members felt like the Synod let them down. Some have found new church homes and families but from what sister knows, most have not. Sister and BIL have a church they attend for things like Easter and Christmas but they don't feel welcome there as their church home. They mostly do church on television but there is no shared community with that. To help grow the three teens in your life, you have to take care of you first. The PE situation sounds horrendous.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 28, 2024 18:23:07 GMT -5
PE teacher didn't notice DDs troubles at all. He also said something to the effect of I'm not a therapist as an out. I was so appalled that I didn't speak much.
The principal is willing to get on the phon3 with DDs therapist. Will need to think on that.
Didn't hear much that made me change my mind on leaving the school. Asked my mom to pop by after work and just vented to her for a couple hours which was priceless.
Since covid, I've realized how much big crowds zap my energy so I don't attend church on Easter or Christmas. Dh sometimes takes the girls to those services. This Sunday we've decided to play Christian music while we get ready for hosting family. Have asked bonus teen to think about her song requests for alexa since she's a practicing Christian as well. We can continue to culture each other.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 28, 2024 22:15:39 GMT -5
What does the principal think will be helped by talking to the therapist directly? Is it to set up accommodations for dd? It seems like an well intentioned overstep.
The pe teacher sounds like a tool.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 29, 2024 17:56:57 GMT -5
Principal is genuinely interested in how the school might help dd.
Each teen had a great night out with friends.
First psych appt with dd11 was hard but good. I trust him and he was very good at talking to dd. He said the key is going to be that dd needs to keep talking thru her emotions bc that's the best way to get her frontal lobe to process and throw out the irrational thoughts. The emotions are real and true and need to be worked thru, some of the thoughts are not. What a great explanation that I can use for myself too. Keep going with therapy. He also noticed ho2 much school anxiety is the result of other kids disruptions. He roundabout suggested getting thru this year and considering other options. He also told both of us to keep pushing as she needs to be in school. I've been worried if pushing is making things worse but will follow his guidance. Sleeping pill for immed help, Lexapro will take 4 to 6 weeks.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Mar 30, 2024 2:59:13 GMT -5
Good news, azucena, for your DD11. A good doctor is worth everything. With kids, it's tricky getting treatment right because they're developing and changing so rapidly. And meds that can help may work differently in a child than they do in an adult. I'm sure you're relieved. I'm glad.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 30, 2024 9:58:22 GMT -5
She definitely needs to be in school. Something has to be done about the PE teacher and what is happening in that class or she should get an accomodation that she doesn't have to attend that class.
When I was at my worst with anorexia, I was pulled from public school and put in a hospital setting for school 5 days a week. Also got therapy every day. That was a long time ago and there were no meds to treat depression. All I was given was valium. That doesn't do a lot by itself.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 30, 2024 12:19:18 GMT -5
DD15 and I had breakfast with my former therapist who retired and also happens to go to our church. We set this up 3 months ago when dd began struggling with the conservatism of our church. DD is amazing in her emotional intelligence, expression and thought process. The things she described today about the church and school have only solidified my resolve to pull DD11. She was able to articulate so many systemic problems that former therapist was appalled. Therapist doesn't have kids so is not connected with the school at all but I wouldn't be surprised if she speaks out to someone about the gist of our conversation without outting us of course. She's very involved and we'll respected at the church. She also made it clear that it's not on us to stay and continue to try to fight it. It's healthier for us to set boundaries and move on even though it's heartbreaking.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 30, 2024 12:21:32 GMT -5
DD11 had a great sleepover at neighbors. I've gone 24 hours without googling her new meds and overanalysing everything I'd find. DH and I both read the packet warnings and the pysch did a good job explaining to dd about speaking up about any and all changes so now we just let the meds work.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 30, 2024 12:52:48 GMT -5
My doctors always tell me Dr Google is not my friend.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 30, 2024 15:07:53 GMT -5
Teen's mom is planning to meet her at counseling on mon morning. There doesn't seem to be a way to stop mom from taking her back other than to have teen outline everything again for therapist. Unclear if she's met this therapist before.
DH took off to take her to appt bc I have dd11 at new ped at the same time. Feeling glad that he'll be there instead of me.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 30, 2024 16:50:30 GMT -5
for bonus teen and all of you
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Mar 31, 2024 2:33:38 GMT -5
Best to you and all your girls, azucena. It's very hard to manage teens and tweens with mental health challenges along with your own. I'm very glad your DH is involved and supportive.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 1, 2024 7:37:37 GMT -5
Teen's mom is planning to meet her at counseling on mon morning. There doesn't seem to be a way to stop mom from taking her back other than to have teen outline everything again for therapist. Unclear if she's met this therapist before. DH took off to take her to appt bc I have dd11 at new ped at the same time. Feeling glad that he'll be there instead of me. Good luck this morning.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Apr 2, 2024 10:16:54 GMT -5
Here is a question. Oldest is 17 and I need to set her up a doctor's appointment this summer. She will be 18 in September. The choice is to go once more to the pediatric she has seen since being 4 or set a new appointment up with my doctor. She said she doesn't know what she wants to do.
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anciana
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Post by anciana on Apr 2, 2024 11:51:23 GMT -5
Here is a question. Oldest is 17 and I need to set her up a doctor's appointment this summer. She will be 18 in September. The choice is to go once more to the pediatric she has seen since being 4 or set a new appointment up with my doctor. She said she doesn't know what she wants to do. I checked and our pediatrician will see patients until 21 years of age, so no need to change if so desired. How does she feel about the change? Would she prefer to see the a new doctor as a milestone move towards adulting or see the old one one more time before she has to change?
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Apr 2, 2024 12:17:16 GMT -5
She isn't sure, she honestly just doesn't want to see any doctor.
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anciana
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Post by anciana on Apr 2, 2024 12:55:16 GMT -5
She isn't sure, she honestly just doesn't want to see any doctor. Ah, in that case, it might not matter then, right? With the old doctor, she probably knows what to expect how it’ll go so it’ll be easier, and with the new one, if she doesn’t want to see any of them, might as well bite the bullet early. Sorry if that doesn’t help, you know her best and might be able to talk her into what you think is a better option for her at this time.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 2, 2024 15:35:44 GMT -5
If she doesn't dislike the current doctor I'd stick with that one. Trying a new one before you absolutely can't see the current ped is probably a good idea so she can go back to ped for refills and such while doctor shopping but that seems so grown up and mature. I'm not sure I could handle it.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Apr 2, 2024 15:40:47 GMT -5
Are you, your DD's and bonus teen doing well, azucena? Hope so.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Apr 3, 2024 9:41:36 GMT -5
For those that use Mirena and have other menstruating girls/women in your house, did your spotting increase? DD1 started her period in February and it seems my spotting has increased. I don’t get a period anymore but I still have spotting. It’s freaking annoying sometimes. This happening to others?
I do need to schedule my annual women’s appointment but I’ve been dragging my feet. I really wished I got my tubes tied when I had my c-section with DD2 but didn’t. DH and I are definitely done having more kids.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Apr 3, 2024 9:44:51 GMT -5
Here is a question. Oldest is 17 and I need to set her up a doctor's appointment this summer. She will be 18 in September. The choice is to go once more to the pediatric she has seen since being 4 or set a new appointment up with my doctor. She said she doesn't know what she wants to do. When I was that age, I was more comfortable with my normal doctor, or necessarily an gyno doctor. When I had my 1st gyno appointment at 18, I didn’t take my underwear off as I wasn’t having sex so I didn’t need that part of the exam. Let’s just say, I had that exam the following year as I was having sex then.
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