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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 15, 2024 8:18:17 GMT -5
Well, no worries about the 2 years of foreign language. Apparently it's a high school graduation requirement, so he'll have to do it at some point anyhow without it being mom making him do it.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 15, 2024 8:41:35 GMT -5
Poor Gwen is having a rough time. Her teeth her, she hurts from track and three of her costumes don't fit for dance. I cannot sew well enough to fix some of the issues with the costumes.
DH reached out to his sister and we're going to truck the costumes to church to see if any of the little old ladies sew. My dad said he can look at them with me and *might* be able to give me some advice but IDK if he's ever done tops I think grandma mostly made him repair his pants. He's also going to ask around.
Worst case we pay a tailor. They aren't super major alterations so shouldn't cost a lot. Gwen is freaking out because she doesn't want to be on stage looking stupid in baggy costumes. I told her we got 9 weeks we can figure it out. I'll have to jerry rig for pictures next week but nobody sees her back in those I can make it work with safety pins and clips.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Mar 15, 2024 12:16:28 GMT -5
I cannot express how happy I was to see this!
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 16, 2024 5:34:01 GMT -5
Drama - are there other dance moms who sew and might like to make a bit of money? Or find out who they use for alterations. Dressing ever-changing, growing girls is hard.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 16, 2024 9:24:25 GMT -5
She's taking her costumes to her duet rehearsal today. Her partner is a similar size but taller. What Gwen swims in may just be slightly larger on her but not noticeable on stage.
If that's the case they are going to trade.
There is a tailor I've used before we can go to she wasn't expensive.
I'm so not a dance mom I told Gwen I had no idea professional level sewing was a required skill.
I haven't used a sewing machine in years.
Guess I should have taken grandma's. I was debating on it but I have no where to put one.
My grandma's were my go to tailors. Dad can do some things but not alter a costume without a machine.
Hem tape would work to shorten stuff we oy need it to hold through recital. It's the tops and sleeves that are problems.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Mar 16, 2024 9:42:33 GMT -5
She's taking her costumes to her duet rehearsal today. Her partner is a similar size but taller. What Gwen swims in may just be slightly larger on her but not noticeable on stage. If that's the case they are going to trade. There is a tailor I've used before we can go to she wasn't expensive. I'm so not a dance mom I told Gwen I had no idea professional level sewing was a required skill. I haven't used a sewing machine in years. Guess I should have taken grandma's. I was debating on it but I have no where to put one. My grandma's were my go to tailors. Dad can do some things but not alter a costume without a machine. Hem tape would work to shorten stuff we oy need it to hold through recital. It's the tops and sleeves that are problems. Ask at the studio. When my DD was in dance I altered costumes many a time for kids I had never seen before. The owners of the studio knew I was willing to help and I would get a call can you come to studio at such and such time to meet this kid and help out.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Mar 16, 2024 17:17:31 GMT -5
Drama - tell her not to worry and please don't you worry - because they are too big it will an easy fix. I've been sewing since I was three years old (my poor mother) so if nothing else send me pix and I can tell you what to do. Setiously, PM me if you need help, even if it's just reassurance.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 19, 2024 10:17:47 GMT -5
On spring break in orange beach. Relaxing and having a great time but managed to sunburn the top of one foot yesterday - owie!
Bonus teen got released from hospital on sat when we were almost here. She's at home but mom seems to be on best behavior since folks are watching her. She told teen to live wherever she wants. Hasn't answered my intro text.
Teen has some package being delivered on weds and then my mom is going to pick her up and stay with her at my house. They've met a few times so a little awkward but best we could do. I offered to fly back but she said no way, she can manage til weds.
Made more phone calls this morning and finally got thru to kinship office and left a msg. Gov't systems suck.
Will need to help her conquer hw plan when we get back late Sat. Gave her permission to have a friend or two over bc she needs that right now. She texted dd15 that she's due for hair appt. I said make one sun or mon after school. DH may have texted her and offered to do it which earned him a funny gif.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 19, 2024 10:39:13 GMT -5
I hope the mom of bonus teen lets her stay with you. It certainly sounds like that is what is best for her.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Mar 19, 2024 14:59:00 GMT -5
Thanks for the update azucena. I don’t want to freak her out but I hope you know that all the invisible people who live in your computer are rooting for her to be OK.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 24, 2024 8:14:29 GMT -5
Drove home from the beach yesterday in 12 hours...a new record. Helps that older kids don't need to stop much.
Bonus teen and grandma bonded over shopping for phone case. Got the cutest selfie from teen of them together.
Dd15 and I will get a crash course in African American hair today as teen is way overdue for an appt. Lots of back and forth last night about her concern over cost. I said your only job now is to be the kid and mine is to handle the budget. A friend of hers took her out for nails yesterday so here's hoping she's off to school tomorrow really feeling herself.
Need to take her to Walmart to get anything else she needs but trying not to overwhelm her. Also figure she needs a debit card with a small allowance like dd15. Again trying not to get ahead of myself but also want her to feel independent. Dd already has plans this weekend with returning college friends and dh offered to drive teen if she makes her own plans.
Meanwhile, we have heard nothing back from our call to family court. Need to go there in person Monday to get our hands on the right paperwork. Beginning to piece together that filing may cause her mom to pull rank since it would mean she'd lose any benefits she gets for teen. Don't really want or need to rock that tree except that the school can't talk to us about teen and she's woeful behind so that's item number one. Will coach her thru writing an email to soph principal about her return and ask for help getting teacher leniency on catching up as best she can.
Also need to set up counseling appts. I don't think she was getting follow up care after stints in hospital. She did transfer her scripts to our pharmacy. Again, can't do much without the right paperwork.
Gotta conquer mount laundry today, help dd11 with her math hw and attempt to set her up for a good return to school tomorrow. Won't boot up my own work laptop til 6 tomorrow to assess the week off damage.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 24, 2024 8:59:39 GMT -5
That's a good update to read azucena.
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saveinla
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Post by saveinla on Mar 24, 2024 10:43:44 GMT -5
azucena - Glad to hear your updates. I know you are not looking for any help, but if you need anything from Amazon and can create like a gift registry, I will be able to buy a few things for your bonus teen. Just an FYI..
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 24, 2024 12:47:52 GMT -5
Thanks save. With my recent mega bonus, we have no problem covering her needs and some of her wants. DH and I can't help but notice God's timing on that.
DH and I double teamed the basement guest bedroom. Mostly shifting dd11s dolls and toys from it into different bedroom in several totes to be cleaned up later. Swept, mopped and emptied the dresser. Cleaned up bathroom down there. So she's all set for tonight.
Braider came here so all 4 of us are catching snipets of the process.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 24, 2024 16:50:00 GMT -5
Happy to hear you found someone to do Black hair.
A former newscaster and her husband adopted two African American babies at birth. I have watched her doing their hair on Sundays for 10 years now. Mom has definitely gotten better and now her girls are old enough to help. It was an entirely new experience that she had not thought of when they adopted.
What is sad is they lived in the lily white town where she grew up when the adoptions happened. There was so much discrimination and racist comments from people she had known all of her life, that her husband found a job in Des Moines and they moved to a mixed race neighborhood.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 25, 2024 19:37:57 GMT -5
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 25, 2024 20:02:40 GMT -5
Seemed to go okay for teen. A little snafu with prescription refills transferring to our Walgreens but no insurance coverage coming thru. Dh went to pick it up and was $230 for 3 items so he left it for now. Her mom is supposed to figure it out tomorrow and I told teen to share my number again if mom needs to talk to me. Maybe ins lapsed with job loss but wanted to at least check before paying out of pocket.
Meanwhile, dd11 couldn't make it to school. With two weeks off, we knew it was going to be rough. Dh suggested I pretend to head into the office early this morning so there was less option for her to stay home. He called me an hour into a massive meltdown so I came home. Dd didn't sleep well so I gave her benadryl at 1 am bc she was laying next to me vibrating. Talked to teacher on speaker phone who gave dd a list of options including half day, lunch in teacher room, skip music, choir, pe which dd calls the chaos classes. Will see what happens tomorrow. Therapy weds, pysch appt Fri, no school then or mon when we see new ped so just need to make it a few more days.
Filled out pysch tween anxiety and depression screenings. She said the questions were reading her brain. Was only surprised by one answer that she worries about us parents dying. Dd15 said well yeah, remember how dad was in icu and how long he took to recover from 2020 surgery. I wasn't thinking about that.
My own anxiety was pretty off the charts this morning after I let dd go back to bed. I took an extra med, did some deep breathing and minimal work for a couple hours. Then gave up and watched Survivor snuggled with dd. Therapy for me Thurs. Listened to the rain on the porch for a while after dinner and now watching Iowa game.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 25, 2024 21:05:26 GMT -5
I wish I could give you a hug.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Mar 26, 2024 4:25:09 GMT -5
azucena You might check into Goodrx for the prescriptions if the insurance doesn't work out.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Mar 26, 2024 6:46:46 GMT -5
azucena, for all you do, this bud's for you.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 26, 2024 7:13:42 GMT -5
How do I decide how hard to push her to go to school? Didn't have it in me to do much about it this morning. She's claiming she'll go half day tomorrow and saying that Weds morning classes are tolerable. Then Thurs she can go another half day and skip some art field trip in the afternoon because she's in no shape to ride in a packed bus for an hour each way. Off Fri and Mon which means we'll restart the cycle of staying home, but we'll have both dr appts under our belt and hopefully some new info and possible meds. Wish ped was first to get the lay of the land and her opinion on meds. Both are out of network so will be coughing up money for them with out of network deductible $2500 but it's what we need to do to get the appts to happen way quicker than in-network. Now to get some actual work done today. ETA - this post was about DD11, not bonus teen. my life is confusing
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 26, 2024 9:23:02 GMT -5
I think I'd look at long term goals. Graduating late, summer school to get caught up, or even a ged would all be acceptable ways for her to still launch when the goal is to set her up for a successful launch. She has other things she's tackling right now, so ideally pushing wouldn't be needed.
But you're not in a vacuum. She's staying with you - as I understand it - because her mom threw up her hands. Will it be easier to get her officially placed with you if you can show that she is "succeeding" academically or more importantly will it hurt her case if she has more absences after moving in with you. I almost wonder if you could consult with a lawyer who might have some suggestions and would get back to you faster than the social workers.
And how those decisions affect your own kids need to be factored in too. Your youngest especially. Bonus teen needs support right now, but she's also been dealing with adult situations for a while. I'd think through options, then ask to sit down with her and ask her for ideas. I'd keep things factual, so not emotional - you're there to help and support her but not shield her from the any known concerns. If you knew that her not going to school could jeopardize her staying with you, let her know that. Even if it's your boundary, you need her school attendance to be x to stay with you, have that conversation with her.
If she is placed with you officially that gives you guard rails and you can advocate more. Maybe an alternative public school or online school for a while.
I think everything could get much harder. Without even the promise of eventually getting easier, but it is a huge kindness.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Mar 26, 2024 9:42:57 GMT -5
Is it bonus teen or your DD you're asking about staying home, azucena? I read it as your DD11. I'd let her set the schedule for this week.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 26, 2024 9:52:20 GMT -5
Is it bonus teen or your DD you're asking about staying home, azucena ? I read it as your DD11. I'd let her set the schedule for this week. Edited that post to say DD11. Bonus teen is going to school pretty happily and has social worker, theater teacher, soph principal and all her friends in her court when she gets there. My gut says to push a little but mostly follow DD11s lead this week too. And focus on getting her out and about in other ways.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 26, 2024 10:25:26 GMT -5
Is it bonus teen or your DD you're asking about staying home, azucena ? I read it as your DD11. I'd let her set the schedule for this week. Edited that post to say DD11. Bonus teen is going to school pretty happily and has social worker, theater teacher, soph principal and all her friends in her court when she gets there. My gut says to push a little but mostly follow DD11s lead this week too. And focus on getting her out and about in other ways. Sorry - I misread. I'd agree to follow her lead though for now. Academically it sounds like she's ahead anyway. If she can get some tools in place before middle school it will be better for her longer term than expending energy surviving 5th grade PE.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 26, 2024 11:21:57 GMT -5
Edited that post to say DD11. Bonus teen is going to school pretty happily and has social worker, theater teacher, soph principal and all her friends in her court when she gets there. My gut says to push a little but mostly follow DD11s lead this week too. And focus on getting her out and about in other ways. Sorry - I misread. I'd agree to follow her lead though for now. Academically it sounds like she's ahead anyway. If she can get some tools in place before middle school it will be better for her longer term than expending energy surviving 5th grade PE. FWIW, reading thru your advice was still helpful. I didn't talk to bonus teen much yesterday after school because she was clearly tired. Just checked in and made sure she had what she needed, monitored her school work a bit and then let her be. During dinner she didn't eat much but shared that it wasn't bc of DH's cooking but she's been clenching her jaw at night so her teeth hurt and her meds mess with her appetite. Offered yogurt and ice cream (to which DD11 joked not fair) but she declined. I did hear her make popcorn later in the evening. Pretty sure DD15 ended up sleeping downstairs to keep her company at her request. Some joking back and forth in the car about bonus teen answering DD's phone when boyfriend called. Boyfriend is def scared of bonus teen which we all think is funny. DH did tell bonus teen to check in her phone in the kitchen by 930 which is our rule for DD as well. Dh and DD11 watched Ernest saves Christmas last night cuddled up on the couch. He knew she needed a laugh and that I needed a break.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 26, 2024 13:50:11 GMT -5
Just got a call from social worker who wants to close the hotline file from a few weeks ago. She's coming by the house at 5 to meet with DH, myself and teen to verify that teen has a safe place to stay. I was like that's fine but what about our side of the paperwork for kinship. She was kinda like not my problem, I just want to close the file. Should be an interesting convo. I def have my list of questions ready.
Then I also need to bring teen up to speed on us even trying for kinship after I pick her up from school. Not asking her to ride the bus this week, will see about next week. DD is on to her next show rehearsals already. Teen could stay even though she's not involved but needs the hw and decompress time.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Mar 26, 2024 16:29:45 GMT -5
DD11 and I had a good talk about bonus teen. The situation isn't really causing her any extra anxiety, and I believe she's got a good handle on knowing herself about that. She says teen is nice to her and it's fun to hear her and sister banter. I agreed but told her she's priority number one right now with teen a very close second so she should speak up as needed.
Bonus teen managed a 93 on history exam today. I said sweet but she's a little disappointed that she's got a B+ overall. I was like girl, grace yourself.
Filled her in on social work visit. She wasn't surprised and agreed that we should pursue kinship. Meanwhile, her mom was supposed to call or text me with insurance info before lunch today. When I said she didn't, teen cried and said why does she make everything hard. I said let's give her grace bc calling another mama about this kind of stuff is beyond embarrassing. Anyway it more than worked out because Wags lady was able to find coupons to bring total from $200+ to $40 so I may have fist bumped her. She could see last month refill covered by state aid ins but the card is no longer on file. How does that happen? Whatever, not my problem for today.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Mar 26, 2024 16:48:21 GMT -5
You are nothing short of amazing azucena . I wondered if bonus teen was causing YD stress because her big sister is less available, but it sounds like that's absolutely NOT the case. I think it's good that you remind YD that SHE is the priority. Even though your heart is CLEARLY big enough for all three.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 26, 2024 16:51:01 GMT -5
azucena You are doing great with all three teens and their individual situations. I hope you do get official custody for bonus teen. She needs some stability in her life and she seems to know it.
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