oped
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Post by oped on Oct 13, 2019 14:24:05 GMT -5
My DD was like that. In the early elementary years she was deathly afraid of skeletons and bones. Halloween was hell for us because skeletons were on porches and walking around in costumes. At school they couldn't sing any song with a reference to bones in it without her becoming completely unglued. She hated going to the doctor because she was panicked about getting a shot. Even if I said it wasn't time for a shot, she would shiver at the thought of going to the doctor. If it was time for a shot, all hell broke loose. We had to go see about stitches a few times, and that was absolutely traumatic. I think she would have preferred amputation to getting a knee stitched up. She had her wisdom teeth out, under anesthesia, and it was like the end of the world before and after. Even into the later high school years she had an absolute fear of injections. When it came time to decide on a college I informed her she'd need an additional injection to attend one college, but the other college she was considering didn't require it. She scoffed and asked, "You think I'm going to choose a school based on having to get another shot?" So she got the shot and went to that college. Then she went to medical school. Now she sees blood and guts and gore every day, stitches people up, gives injections, looks at and feels bones (sometimes poking outside the body and sometimes just on an x-ray), and sometimes even pops a dislocated joint back into place. Kids outgrow some fears. The trouble is, you don't know at the time which ones. Well this is timely. Ex 2.0 had Carrot out selling popcorn and he absolutely refused to go up to a house that was decked out for Halloween! It was broad daylight and most of it was more comical than anything, but...bones. Skeleton firefighters putting out a fire on his roof with skeleton dogs sitting on the firetruck. The guy saw them at the end of the driveway and came outside and asked if he was selling popcorn and was happy and nice and offered him an advance on Halloween candy, but Ex 2.0 had to physically drag him up the driveway. It was just bizarre. We can skip the flu shots, but before he goes to 7th grade he's going to need like 2 or 3 shots. I just don't know what I'll do! There will be no holding him down at that age. I really think I need to talk to somebody and get ahead of this. I think the poor kid is just doomed to have anxiety issues with his genes. I know he got the needle phobia from me. Never thought that could be genetic, but it sure seems that way and his dad's side has mental health issues galore. Drug him. It’s what I’d do for myself if I had to face a fear like that.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2019 14:47:07 GMT -5
Well this is timely. Ex 2.0 had Carrot out selling popcorn and he absolutely refused to go up to a house that was decked out for Halloween! It was broad daylight and most of it was more comical than anything, but...bones. Skeleton firefighters putting out a fire on his roof with skeleton dogs sitting on the firetruck. The guy saw them at the end of the driveway and came outside and asked if he was selling popcorn and was happy and nice and offered him an advance on Halloween candy, but Ex 2.0 had to physically drag him up the driveway. It was just bizarre. We can skip the flu shots, but before he goes to 7th grade he's going to need like 2 or 3 shots. I just don't know what I'll do! There will be no holding him down at that age. I really think I need to talk to somebody and get ahead of this. I think the poor kid is just doomed to have anxiety issues with his genes. I know he got the needle phobia from me. Never thought that could be genetic, but it sure seems that way and his dad's side has mental health issues galore. DD15 stood up on the table so they couldn’t reach her for 7th grade shots. I think it’s a pretty common fear 😂 What did you end up doing to get them done? Just grab her and hold her down? There's a good chance he'll be bigger than me by then.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2019 14:58:02 GMT -5
Well this is timely. Ex 2.0 had Carrot out selling popcorn and he absolutely refused to go up to a house that was decked out for Halloween! It was broad daylight and most of it was more comical than anything, but...bones. Skeleton firefighters putting out a fire on his roof with skeleton dogs sitting on the firetruck. The guy saw them at the end of the driveway and came outside and asked if he was selling popcorn and was happy and nice and offered him an advance on Halloween candy, but Ex 2.0 had to physically drag him up the driveway. It was just bizarre. We can skip the flu shots, but before he goes to 7th grade he's going to need like 2 or 3 shots. I just don't know what I'll do! There will be no holding him down at that age. I really think I need to talk to somebody and get ahead of this. I think the poor kid is just doomed to have anxiety issues with his genes. I know he got the needle phobia from me. Never thought that could be genetic, but it sure seems that way and his dad's side has mental health issues galore. Drug him. It’s what I’d do for myself if I had to face a fear like that. I actually had typed that out last night that I wish they would just drug him, but wasn't sure how that would be received. To be honest, it's how I got over my phobias. After I quit school due to passing out so much and being afraid to go, I self-medicated with alcohol to start college. A week or two of being buzzed the first day of classes and I retrained by brain and could keep going without the panic. Ex 2.0 had a lot of meds and one day before a blood draw that was freaking me out, he gave me half a xanax. Easiest freaking blood draw ever. I slept the rest of the day, but having that "I'm going to die!" panic gone was amazing. I probably repeated taking them for the next 3 or 4, but the last few years I haven't taken anything because I don't want to be all groggy the rest of the day and I'm fine. I don't like them, but it's not paralyzing fear. I'm going to talk to someone about it, but I just don't see being able to talk him through this. He is rational and fine all the way up until the nurse comes in and then it's all over. The switch flips and no amount of bribery or distraction or begging or pleading will change anything.
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oped
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Post by oped on Oct 13, 2019 15:26:00 GMT -5
Drugs. I listen to audiobooks at the dentist it helps. Play one handed video phone games. Don’t watch. Definitely talking through every step, but that isn’t always enough.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 14, 2019 7:20:31 GMT -5
K started wanting to take her teddy bear to the doctor when she's getting shots. The staff roll with it.
She's gotten better with Halloween but zombies are still a big fear. But her want for candy outweighs it, mostly.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 14, 2019 7:35:55 GMT -5
Well after getting some information this weekend DH is off the accounts. He's not allowed access to our money anymore. I am going to open him an Ally bank account that will get a flat $200-$250 a month put into it and that's it. I'm going to set up the debit card controls so it shuts off once the money is gone. He finds himself stuck in a situation where he can't pay. .. oh well it's his problem to figure out.
I will pay all bills and if he needs more money he has to come to me and ask for it. a
He's not happy about it but accepts it's the consequences of his actions. It's depressing that for a 46 year old adult it has come to this but he can't be trusted. It's either we separate finances or we separate all together because I can't keep going like this for the rest of my life.
No it wasn't drugs this time. It was lotto tickets. I can't even get myself mad at it because my brain can't process the sheer stupidity/absurdity of it.
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oped
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Post by oped on Oct 14, 2019 7:41:00 GMT -5
It’s the mentality. Is he getting therapy? If not he seems destined to just exchange one high and bust cycle for another...
I’m sorry you have to go through this.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Oct 14, 2019 8:09:40 GMT -5
Hugs, drama.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Oct 14, 2019 8:39:46 GMT -5
Sorry, drama. It sounds like it's for the best.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2019 9:01:01 GMT -5
He's had this coming for quite a while...and yeah, it is a shame that a 46 year old needs an allowance, but it is what it is.
I didn't have money issues with Ex 2.0 until towards the end, but damn that was stressful. I remember after he landed in jail and the accounts were safe how weird it was to log into the bank account and see the balance be unchanged, I continued obsessively checking for quite a long time after that before I finally was able to relax.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 14, 2019 9:12:13 GMT -5
It’s the mentality. Is he getting therapy? If not he seems destined to just exchange one high and bust cycle for another... I’m sorry you have to go through this. No he is not but that is a condition if he ever wants to be off an allowance before he dies. I can't make him go and I can't change the pace of how he processes it but I can damn well ensure it's only him that implodes at this point. Which reminds me I need to remove him from being an authorized user on our credit cards as well. This is all part of the cycle. I wish I had known better when we met what I was getting into but then how could I? My brother has screws loose but they are totally different screws. This is all way out of my wheelhouse. A good friend of his got divorced recently after I am fairly certain was close to 20+ of marriage. Hope that rattled him. I know that separating our finances is rattling him because if you think about it that's one more step. I am doing it in hopes of saving our marriage but at the same time makes it awfully easier for me to leave too.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Oct 14, 2019 9:17:10 GMT -5
I'd freeze both of your credit, and/or talk to a lawyer about a post nup. Ideally having limited funds would be enough for him to get his act together, but you should still cover all your bases in case he just gets more creative.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 14, 2019 9:23:43 GMT -5
Oh man. I'm sorry Drama.
You did remind me to check for my CC here at work. I have physically misplaced the damn thing. DH's been keeping a closer eye on the charges and it's not being used but hell if I can find it.
K's playdate on Sunday went well. The girls all had a good time. One of them is being homeschooled so they don't see each other much. I'm going to try for more playdates with her. The homeschooling that the parents are doing doesn't sound like it's particularly good. But A hates being homeschooled. The family homeschools for 6th-8th grade. I don't know why. But K and AM (the other girl) were both wondering if A is going to be ready for high school.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 14, 2019 9:25:38 GMT -5
I'd freeze both of your credit, and/or talk to a lawyer about a post nup. Ideally having limited funds would be enough for him to get his act together, but you should still cover all your bases in case he just gets more creative. A post nup could possibly help drive the seriousness home.
And if you're freezing credit, keep an eye on the girls'.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 14, 2019 9:35:15 GMT -5
Quit claim him off the house to make sure he can't get a 2nd mortgage on it.
Good luck.
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justme
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Post by justme on Oct 14, 2019 9:40:54 GMT -5
I'd freeze both of your credit, and/or talk to a lawyer about a post nup. Ideally having limited funds would be enough for him to get his act together, but you should still cover all your bases in case he just gets more creative. Agree. At the very least make sure you're checking his credit regularly to make sure he hasn't opened cards to rack up debt.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 14, 2019 10:31:52 GMT -5
Drama, he can cause problems faster than you can whack-a-mole them. He needs to be committed to not being a fucking shitty partner. Until that happens - there's always a new way he can screw you over.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 14, 2019 11:41:15 GMT -5
Yeah I know. I am so tired of being made to feel like the biggest idiot on the planet.
I want to at least try to go on this journey with him, which we're not as far along into it as I like to imagine, but he's making it almost impossible.
Well we're separating our finances, that doesn't leave much left if he continues to implode. Hope he puts it together that we are slowly moving farther and farther apart.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 14, 2019 12:05:28 GMT -5
Yeah I know. I know he says he loves me but there are days when I wonder if it's not actually love, it's just the fact I was an easy mark. I am so tired of being made to feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. Don't take on his issues as your fault in anyway. They're not.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 14, 2019 12:11:31 GMT -5
Yeah I know. I know he says he loves me but there are days when I wonder if it's not actually love, it's just the fact I was an easy mark. I am so tired of being made to feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. Don't take on his issues as your fault in anyway. They're not. I'm not I'm talking about my own issues. I tell you what if it came to divorce I am NEVER marrying or even dating ANYONE ever again as long as I live. I am so sick of other people's crap. I'll focus on the girls and myself. I can get my jollies without having to actually date someone.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 14, 2019 13:28:13 GMT -5
Yeah I know. I am so tired of being made to feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. I want to at least try to go on this journey with him, which we're not as far along into it as I like to imagine, but he's making it almost impossible. Well we're separating our finances, that doesn't leave much left if he continues to implode. Hope he puts it together that we are slowly moving farther and farther apart. I'm not trying to say you're an idiot - I hope you didn't take it that way. I'm really sad and frustrated on your behalf. I wish I knew what would make him wake tf up and be the partner you need. I'm sure you wish that too, obv. I think it's important that you're taking action to protect yourself and the girls - and I hope he really understands what it means this time.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 14, 2019 14:09:52 GMT -5
Yeah I know. I am so tired of being made to feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. I want to at least try to go on this journey with him, which we're not as far along into it as I like to imagine, but he's making it almost impossible. Well we're separating our finances, that doesn't leave much left if he continues to implode. Hope he puts it together that we are slowly moving farther and farther apart. I'm not trying to say you're an idiot - I hope you didn't take it that way. I'm really sad and frustrated on your behalf. I wish I knew what would make him wake tf up and be the partner you need. I'm sure you wish that too, obv. I think it's important that you're taking action to protect yourself and the girls - and I hope he really understands what it means this time. No I just feel like one lately. I am tired of putting my faith in some people only to have my teeth kicked in. It's not to say everything is bad he has his good traits too, but when it comes to being a partner he fails miserably. I get tired of shouldering the burden of being the adult in the marriage. I'm taking action. Thanks to his issues we don't have a lot of assets or anything. His car is in his name, mine is in mine. So if we separate finances that pretty much leaves the house and while I know I cannot know for sure unless it happens considering this was my grandmother's house I am pretty sure he'd go along with a quit claim as opposed to fighting me for it. I wouldn't fight him on custody despite being a shitty partner he is not a bad father. So I'm hoping that when we go to the bank he signs away our account it sinks in for him how close we are already to living separate lives.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 14, 2019 14:41:36 GMT -5
On a lighter note I got irritated with Abby this weekend and told her to quit being a little shithead. She told me last night that since she's going to school today she will be tired when she gets home so she'll probably be a little shit head. She just wanted to let me know. Then Gwen made herself $10 on Saturday helping me run the front of the resturant. It was just me, my brother and DH so we decided to give her all the tips in the jar. She made another $2 all on her own last night from customers who got a kick out of her running the register for me. If it didn't violate all sorts of labor laws dad would totally hire her, besides me she's the best we got for the front. She doesn't know but they plan on giving her a "bonus" as a Christmas present.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 14, 2019 15:27:47 GMT -5
On a lighter note I got irritated with Abby this weekend and told her to quit being a little shithead. She told me last night that since she's going to school today she will be tired when she gets home so she'll probably be a little shit head. She just wanted to let me know. Then Gwen made herself $10 on Saturday helping me run the front of the resturant. It was just me, my brother and DH so we decided to give her all the tips in the jar. She made another $2 all on her own last night from customers who got a kick out of her running the register for me. If it didn't violate all sorts of labor laws dad would totally hire her, besides me she's the best we got for the front. She doesn't know but they plan on giving her a "bonus" as a Christmas present. I think there are family business exceptions to child labor laws. Kids can start contributing to an IRA even when they are little working at a family business. Oped has mentioned it more than once.
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oped
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Post by oped on Oct 14, 2019 16:12:28 GMT -5
We actually didn't put kids on payroll till 14. Son has been much more regularly employed in the business than daughter. But being a contractor, there are also more regs on what kids can do than say in an office, or restaurant. You'd have to check your state, but I'm pretty sure by a least 12 she could be employed in a family business for a few hours a day, although in some states that might be parent owned not grandparent owned. Not sure.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 14, 2019 16:16:50 GMT -5
BIL had his sons on the payroll on the farm at 8 or 9. Most of my farming family has done that.
I don't know how labor laws work with a grandparent either.
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oped
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Post by oped on Oct 14, 2019 17:11:06 GMT -5
Farms are much earlier. My farm boys (like I evaluate for them as homeschoolers) are all really mature in work ethic.
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ners
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Post by ners on Oct 14, 2019 17:23:57 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2019 18:37:34 GMT -5
I looked up IA and there are no age restrictions for working at a family business as long as the parent is present, but it sounds like it needs to be parent owned, not grandparent.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 15, 2019 7:57:54 GMT -5
My sister's FIL passed away last week. He was in hospice for blocked bowels (he'd refused more surgery) so it wasn't completely unexpected. She used her funeral leave to clean out his apartment. As a result, there was a discussion about furniture that ended up in a furniture swap. We ended up with a desk for K; a twin bed frame for C; and a tv with stand.
K is really happy about her room right now. Since we were working in there, she got her wall thingy up, a bulletin board up; which resulted in her books have space. She's happy.
C didn't fall off his bed last night, so that's a win. He'd broken his last bedframe so his mattresses were on the floor. I even found nuts and bolts to secure his headboard onto the frame. He's happy.
The tv and stand is more problematic. Both kids want it in their rooms. Not happening. I think it's going into the basement, once I clear enough room to get the old tv and entertainment center out of there. We'll hook up the vcr and a dvd player, maybe the xbox. I'm not sure I'm ready for cable box to go down there. And I don't think DH is ready to pay for another box.
I think the kids are getting new Kindles for Christmas. C's is having issues charging. Amazon does have a tablet return for gift card program so I may gather up all the dead kindles and send them off.
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