gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Oct 15, 2019 8:14:16 GMT -5
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oped
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Post by oped on Oct 15, 2019 8:21:45 GMT -5
Another nice thing about parent owned sole p and llc are that kids employed don’t have to pay employment taxes till 18.
Beth, we all sleep on beds in the floor but 1. We just don’t do frames, not sure why...
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Oct 15, 2019 8:23:29 GMT -5
DD15 stood up on the table so they couldn’t reach her for 7th grade shots. I think it’s a pretty common fear 😂 What did you end up doing to get them done? Just grab her and hold her down? There's a good chance he'll be bigger than me by then. We were able to talk her down and she calmed down. I agree that medication is a good idea. Would his pediatrician prescribe 1 valium for cases like these?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 15, 2019 8:26:35 GMT -5
I don't think he's a Peter Pan, I think he's got an addictive personality and doesn't know how to channel his addictions. Many very successful people have addictive personalities, but they channel their efforts into productive areas. If we could just get him to get addicted to not being a shithead. And maybe take up running. or something not harmful to the family.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 15, 2019 8:48:59 GMT -5
I don't think he's a Peter Pan, I think he's got an addictive personality and doesn't know how to channel his addictions. Many very successful people have addictive personalities, but they channel their efforts into productive areas. If we could just get him to get addicted to not being a shithead. And maybe take up running. or something not harmful to the family. I suspect he'd channel running/exercising into becoming one of those superfit idiots who only eat 'pure' and works out daily and fusses when he can't. But maybe I'm projecting...
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 15, 2019 8:53:24 GMT -5
I don't think he's a Peter Pan, I think he's got an addictive personality and doesn't know how to channel his addictions. Many very successful people have addictive personalities, but they channel their efforts into productive areas. If we could just get him to get addicted to not being a shithead. And maybe take up running. or something not harmful to the family. I suspect he'd channel running/exercising into becoming one of those superfit idiots who only eat 'pure' and works out daily and fusses when he can't. But maybe I'm projecting... and runs until he hurts himself.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 15, 2019 9:07:58 GMT -5
I don't think he's a Peter Pan, I think he's got an addictive personality and doesn't know how to channel his addictions. Many very successful people have addictive personalities, but they channel their efforts into productive areas. If we could just get him to get addicted to not being a shithead. And maybe take up running. or something not harmful to the family. I suspect he'd channel running/exercising into becoming one of those superfit idiots who only eat 'pure' and works out daily and fusses when he can't. But maybe I'm projecting... Probably. He can't do things in moderation that's the problem. To be honest I wouldn't give two shits about lotto tickets every now and again, it's the fact he has to take it to the extreme. He made a phone call yesterday to the CHI clinic. They said the same thing I have been saying all along he has to figure out what the root cause is and deal with it. Whatever that root cause is it's scary enough he hasn't faced it since 1991. Till then he'll always be a relapsed addict. It's a serious mental illness and one we're poorly equipped to deal with in this country. Finding a chemical dependency therapist AND one on our insurance plan has been like trying to find a needle in a haystack. He can't just go to any old therapist.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 15, 2019 9:15:59 GMT -5
Can he start with a regular therapist? Would it be easier to get referred into the practice of a chemical dependency therapist that way? Or is there a total lack of options for any kind of therapist? I know you're in flyover country.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 9:23:01 GMT -5
I don't think he's a Peter Pan, I think he's got an addictive personality and doesn't know how to channel his addictions. Many very successful people have addictive personalities, but they channel their efforts into productive areas. If we could just get him to get addicted to not being a shithead. And maybe take up running. or something not harmful to the family. I suspect he'd channel running/exercising into becoming one of those superfit idiots who only eat 'pure' and works out daily and fusses when he can't. But maybe I'm projecting... Ex 2.0 does that when he's on a working out binge. He also becomes obsessive about religion. Both are a lot better than when he's getting high or drinking. It's like he has to have something that is consuming him and it's never ending, just cycling through the different things with different degrees of how harmful they are.
Although, it does seem like he is a lot more "balanced" the past few years so maybe he's finally gotten control of that. Of course, I don't live with him, so it could be he's got a basement full of knitting projects I'm not aware of.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 15, 2019 9:56:28 GMT -5
Can he start with a regular therapist? Would it be easier to get referred into the practice of a chemical dependency therapist that way? Or is there a total lack of options for any kind of therapist? I know you're in flyover country. It's there isn't a lot of them on our insurance plan. United freaking sucks. CHI has Thursday evening sessions so that works. I've been told by people that work for them that despite all the other crap CHI's mental health outlet is very good. The rest mainly serve the low income community which is not a bad thing, but it often means really long waiting lists because the priority is given to people who cannot get help elsewhere. He needs a specialist since all his issues are connected. My concern is if we start with the regular therapist it could end up doing more harm than good out of simple inexperience.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 15, 2019 11:28:06 GMT -5
I don't think he's a Peter Pan, I think he's got an addictive personality and doesn't know how to channel his addictions. Many very successful people have addictive personalities, but they channel their efforts into productive areas. If we could just get him to get addicted to not being a shithead. And maybe take up running. or something not harmful to the family. I suspect he'd channel running/exercising into becoming one of those superfit idiots who only eat 'pure' and works out daily and fusses when he can't. But maybe I'm projecting... Though to be fair the more I think about this he would be super hot if working out became his addiction. I've seen pictures of when he was younger.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 15, 2019 11:29:10 GMT -5
I suspect he'd channel running/exercising into becoming one of those superfit idiots who only eat 'pure' and works out daily and fusses when he can't. But maybe I'm projecting... Though to be fair the more I think about this he would be super hot if working out became his addiction. buy him a gym membership and send us "after" pictures.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 15, 2019 11:43:45 GMT -5
I suspect he'd channel running/exercising into becoming one of those superfit idiots who only eat 'pure' and works out daily and fusses when he can't. But maybe I'm projecting... Probably. He can't do things in moderation that's the problem. To be honest I wouldn't give two shits about lotto tickets every now and again, it's the fact he has to take it to the extreme. He made a phone call yesterday to the CHI clinic. They said the same thing I have been saying all along he has to figure out what the root cause is and deal with it. Whatever that root cause is it's scary enough he hasn't faced it since 1991. Till then he'll always be a relapsed addict. It's a serious mental illness and one we're poorly equipped to deal with in this country. Finding a chemical dependency therapist AND one on our insurance plan has been like trying to find a needle in a haystack. He can't just go to any old therapist.
What's the significance of 1991?
Pulling for you Drama.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 15, 2019 12:41:36 GMT -5
Probably. He can't do things in moderation that's the problem. To be honest I wouldn't give two shits about lotto tickets every now and again, it's the fact he has to take it to the extreme. He made a phone call yesterday to the CHI clinic. They said the same thing I have been saying all along he has to figure out what the root cause is and deal with it. Whatever that root cause is it's scary enough he hasn't faced it since 1991. Till then he'll always be a relapsed addict. It's a serious mental illness and one we're poorly equipped to deal with in this country. Finding a chemical dependency therapist AND one on our insurance plan has been like trying to find a needle in a haystack. He can't just go to any old therapist.
What's the significance of 1991?
Pulling for you Drama.
That's when he started abusing ephedrine. He was introduced to by co-workers it while working the night shift. Something clicked and the cycle began. And because I can't say it enough Kratom is the new ephedrine. The government needs to shut that down before it becomes the next opiate crisis. That's what people who can't get their pills are turning too because it's "all natural" and therefore "safer" and "less addictive". No, it's not.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 16, 2019 7:44:54 GMT -5
I left the DH to deal with the crying child who wanted to wear shorts to school. We're supposed to have a high of 50 today. I'd have let him wear the shorts but I was trying to be supportive and back up DH. Which is why I felt no guilt in leaving him to cope with C's tears.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 16, 2019 7:58:01 GMT -5
I've called Gwen's bluff regarding shorts a few times. I always put pants in her back pack when I do because I am not totally heartless. Nine times out of ten she's wearing the pants when I come to pick her up.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 16, 2019 8:39:42 GMT -5
Yeah, I was trying to be a good wife and back up DH (it's our anniversary today, 15 years) but damn, I was glad to leave the house this morning.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 16, 2019 8:41:45 GMT -5
Yeah, I was trying to be a good wife and back up DH (it's our anniversary today, 15 years) but damn, I was glad to leave the house this morning. Happy anniversary!! 🎉🎊
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 16, 2019 8:43:58 GMT -5
Thanks.
The weather here is reminiscent of our wedding day - cool, windy and overcast. Only difference is that it's not raining (yet)
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 16, 2019 8:53:42 GMT -5
My dh was fighting with the kids about changing into pj's at night and last night I told to knock it off. That of the few things the kids should get to control, clothing should be one of them--especially when we're talking about clothing to sleep in. There wasn't any reason for his nonsense. He doesn't do the laundry so its not like he's trying to cut down on how often we wash the sheets, or anything like that and practically everything the kids wear could be pajamas. He swears his fight wasn't about pj's but about getting ready for bed, which is ridiculous because what is there to do to get ready for bed besides put on pj's and brush teeth. It comes down to control and I told him to look at the underlying issue when things are escalating and take a step back. But I focused on my "I/me" phrasing and he worked on not being defensive so we'll have something to report back on to the therapist.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 16, 2019 8:54:28 GMT -5
Yeah, I was trying to be a good wife and back up DH (it's our anniversary today, 15 years) but damn, I was glad to leave the house this morning. Happy anniversary!! 🎉🎊
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 16, 2019 9:02:07 GMT -5
My dh was fighting with the kids about changing into pj's at night and last night I told to knock it off. That of the few things the kids should get to control, clothing should be one of them--especially when we're talking about clothing to sleep in. There wasn't any reason for his nonsense. He doesn't do the laundry so its not like he's trying to cut down on how often we wash the sheets, or anything like that and practically everything the kids wear could be pajamas. He swears his fight wasn't about pj's but about getting ready for bed, which is ridiculous because what is there to do to get ready for bed besides put on pj's and brush teeth. It comes down to control and I told him to look at the underlying issue when things are escalating and take a step back. But I focused on my "I/me" phrasing and he worked on not being defensive so we'll have something to report back on to the therapist. Our bedtime routine is supposed to include making sure the kids are ready for school in the morning. K figures out her clothing and repacks her bag. C is supposed to make sure his Chromebook is plugged in. Sometimes he does clothes too.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 16, 2019 9:10:45 GMT -5
We are consistently inconsistent with the evening checklist of getting ready for the next day, but even when we're doing it well if its not done by dinner its not getting done. The kids and I just can't accomplish much after that.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2019 9:11:00 GMT -5
I gave up on PJs with both of my kids. Neither one of them will wear them. Yet, for some reason I still always buy them a new pair every year for Christmas Eve. It's a tradition dammit!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 16, 2019 9:19:02 GMT -5
I don't actually care what my kids wear to bed. I say "pj time" but as long as they get out of the day's clothes, I don't care what they put on. They are both active enough that I don't want them sleeping in the clothes they've been running around all day in.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Oct 16, 2019 10:05:02 GMT -5
IDGAF what my kids wear to bed. Not a struggle I'm going to waste any energy on.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 16, 2019 10:14:16 GMT -5
Can he start with a regular therapist? Would it be easier to get referred into the practice of a chemical dependency therapist that way? Or is there a total lack of options for any kind of therapist? I know you're in flyover country. It's there isn't a lot of them on our insurance plan. United freaking sucks. CHI has Thursday evening sessions so that works. I've been told by people that work for them that despite all the other crap CHI's mental health outlet is very good. The rest mainly serve the low income community which is not a bad thing, but it often means really long waiting lists because the priority is given to people who cannot get help elsewhere. He needs a specialist since all his issues are connected. My concern is if we start with the regular therapist it could end up doing more harm than good out of simple inexperience. Have you started calling around to see if folks would take you on a sliding fee or do payment plans?
I think if I'm going to work through things, this time, DH and I need couples therapy. My insurance does not cover. But, my therapist told me that they have couples packages where the fees are significantly reduced. In grad school, I found a therapist that set up a payment plan with me.
Is your husband working his steps with a sponsor? I think it's totally cliche, but therapy and working the steps go hand and hand. IMVHO, I don't think just showing up to the meetings works. And therapy, in isolation didn't work at least for my husband.
But that's because my husband refused to truly accept he's an addict. And there was only so much a therapist could do with that.
I'm sorry you are where you are. You posted that you hope that your husband puts two and two together to figure out you are drifting apart. He probably already knows. If your DH doesn't ever believe that he's an addict deep in his gut, he won't care. At least my husband didn't.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Oct 16, 2019 10:31:45 GMT -5
Calling uncle today. The living room and playroom were over run with ants this morning. I pulled the helpless wife card and had DH come home to deal with them.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Oct 16, 2019 10:42:20 GMT -5
Happy anniversary, Beth!!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 16, 2019 10:45:22 GMT -5
It's there isn't a lot of them on our insurance plan. United freaking sucks. CHI has Thursday evening sessions so that works. I've been told by people that work for them that despite all the other crap CHI's mental health outlet is very good. The rest mainly serve the low income community which is not a bad thing, but it often means really long waiting lists because the priority is given to people who cannot get help elsewhere. He needs a specialist since all his issues are connected. My concern is if we start with the regular therapist it could end up doing more harm than good out of simple inexperience. Have you started calling around to see if folks would take you on a sliding fee or do payment plans?
I think if I'm going to work through things, this time, DH and I need couples therapy. My insurance does not cover. But, my therapist told me that they have couples packages where the fees are significantly reduced. In grad school, I found a therapist that set up a payment plan with me.
Is your husband working his steps with a sponsor? I think it's totally cliche, but therapy and working the steps go hand and hand. IMVHO, I don't think just showing up to the meetings works. And therapy, in isolation didn't work at least for my husband.
But that's because my husband refused to truly accept he's an addict. And there was only so much a therapist could do with that.
I'm sorry you are where you are. You posted that you hope that your husband puts two and two together to figure out you are drifting apart. He probably already knows. If your DH doesn't ever believe that he's an addict deep in his gut, he won't care. At least my husband didn't.
Supposedly my BIL is attending AA, with his Dad going to the meetings to support him. DH keeps referring to the meetings as Al-Anon, which is confusing me because they're not the same thing, as I understand it. But whatever. The important thing is that he's getting help. DH keeps telling me about stuff his brother tells him and I'm like "yeah, ex wife told me about that" or "ex wife was propping him up/doing all the adult stuff" while DH seems blindsided by it.
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