Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 2, 2019 11:41:37 GMT -5
andi9899 are you sure she's just being overprotective? Reading your description my first thought was that something wasn't quite right with her actions and reactions. Could you suggest she see her doctor? She may well be suffering from some form of post-partum depression. Thanks. Maybe that would help. I don't have any experience with PPD, so outside of being really sad, I wouldn't know what it looks like. Her (re)actions do seem unreasonable to me too. Like one day T1 went over there and was sniffly due to allergies. The baby coincidentally came down with a cold and she freaked out on T1 saying she obviously doesn't care about the baby since she went around him sick and how can she possibly trust her to be his godmother when she doesn't know if she would be able to take care of him in her absence since she's so reckless and on and on. She needs to talk to someone. This behavior is not healthy, but she really does have her heart in the right place. PPD isn’t just sadness - there’s also a form that’s is anxiety-based. (The two overlap, but it can present as only one or the other.) I had it with B and I didn’t even realize. I was so miserable and scared of everything all the time and determined to do things the “right” way, like that would stop all the terrible things i anticipated from coming true. I passed my PPD screening with flying colors so I thought that was just normal? (It was not, in fact.) I’m still mad at my dr who when I said “I’m overwhelmed and scared” said “well you have a 6 week old baby, it’s normal to be overwhelmed” and sent me off on my (not-so-) merry way.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 2, 2019 11:51:51 GMT -5
Thanks. Maybe that would help. I don't have any experience with PPD, so outside of being really sad, I wouldn't know what it looks like. Her (re)actions do seem unreasonable to me too. Like one day T1 went over there and was sniffly due to allergies. The baby coincidentally came down with a cold and she freaked out on T1 saying she obviously doesn't care about the baby since she went around him sick and how can she possibly trust her to be his godmother when she doesn't know if she would be able to take care of him in her absence since she's so reckless and on and on. She needs to talk to someone. This behavior is not healthy, but she really does have her heart in the right place. PPD isn’t just sadness - there’s also a form that’s is anxiety-based. (The two overlap, but it can present as only one or the other.) I had it with B and I didn’t even realize. I was so miserable and scared of everything all the time and determined to do things the “right” way, like that would stop all the terrible things i anticipated from coming true. I passed my PPD screening with flying colors so I thought that was just normal? (It was not, in fact.) I’m still mad at my dr who when I said “I’m overwhelmed and scared” said “well you have a 6 week old baby, it’s normal to be overwhelmed” and sent me off on my (not-so-) merry way. This sounds like what she's doing. Like I said, I have no experience with PPD, so I don't really know. I really hope that if she does see someone that she doesn't get the same response. If you don't mind me asking, and feel free to tell me to mind my own business, where did you go from there? I just hate for her to have the same experience and take it as affirmation that she's not "crazy" and carry on as she is now.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 2, 2019 12:00:39 GMT -5
I’m still mad at my dr who when I said “I’m overwhelmed and scared” said “well you have a 6 week old baby, it’s normal to be overwhelmed” and sent me off on my (not-so-) merry way.
Mine told me to relax more and have DH do the dishes once and awhile. This was a female doctor that said that.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 2, 2019 12:06:19 GMT -5
I’m still mad at my dr who when I said “I’m overwhelmed and scared” said “well you have a 6 week old baby, it’s normal to be overwhelmed” and sent me off on my (not-so-) merry way.Mine told me to relax more and have DH do the dishes once and awhile. This was a female doctor that said that. Mine - also a lady.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 2, 2019 12:12:14 GMT -5
PPD isn’t just sadness - there’s also a form that’s is anxiety-based. (The two overlap, but it can present as only one or the other.) I had it with B and I didn’t even realize. I was so miserable and scared of everything all the time and determined to do things the “right” way, like that would stop all the terrible things i anticipated from coming true. I passed my PPD screening with flying colors so I thought that was just normal? (It was not, in fact.) I’m still mad at my dr who when I said “I’m overwhelmed and scared” said “well you have a 6 week old baby, it’s normal to be overwhelmed” and sent me off on my (not-so-) merry way. This sounds like what she's doing. Like I said, I have no experience with PPD, so I don't really know. I really hope that if she does see someone that she doesn't get the same response. If you don't mind me asking, and feel free to tell me to mind my own business, where did you go from there? I just hate for her to have the same experience and take it as affirmation that she's not "crazy" and carry on as she is now. Umm, I continued being miserable until I weaned B and started having panic attacks and then when K was born realized I didn't feel the same way and then someone mentioned post-partum anxiety and then I did a bunch of research and went, oh yeah, that was definitely what was going on. So, my way = NOT IDEAL. Honestly, I'm not sure how you would approach it in this situation. You've never been in her shoes. You're hearing all this second-hand. I would instead broach it with your DD or her mom, and have one of them say something. Maybe google a few articles for them to show her if they agree.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 2, 2019 12:37:24 GMT -5
I was thinking about asking T1 for her mom's number so I could talk to her instead and maybe mom could say something. Since T1 has never even been pregnant, anything she's ever said has been greeted with "you wouldn't understand since you don't have kids". True, but friend is only 4 months in with her first kid, so can't honestly expect to know everything. Her mom has raised 3 kids and she's still dismissing things her mom tells her as her not knowing how babies are.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 2, 2019 15:03:36 GMT -5
Teacher got back to me. She'll keep an eye on it and ask what she's doing in the bathroom tomorrow. I said I agree she was really sick again Monday but she finally put two and two together that tummy ache = grandma and I don't want a repeat of her sister.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 2, 2019 15:10:51 GMT -5
I’m still mad at my dr who when I said “I’m overwhelmed and scared” said “well you have a 6 week old baby, it’s normal to be overwhelmed” and sent me off on my (not-so-) merry way.Mine told me to relax more and have DH do the dishes once and awhile. This was a female doctor that said that. Mine said I wasn't depressed, I was stressed. And he'd speak to DH about helping out more next time he saw him. Then about a year later casually asked DH "How's Beth's depression?" It's been about 8-9 years and I still get so pissed off. If I used my words, Moon would have to ban me for a while.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 2, 2019 15:16:04 GMT -5
I'm still mad that the doctor did not bother to go over the PPD screening questions with me. The shrink figured it out later that I operate on such a high level of anxiety already that I can't evaluate myself. My baseline is already off the charts from what would be considered "normal". I asked about that with the PPD "test" and he said that's likely what happened. He said she should have talked to me but based on the answer I got when I tried to bring it up I imagine it wouldn't have done me a fat lot of good. She made me feel even worse. LIfe would be so much easier if it really had been as simple as DH doing a load of dishes. He said that what he finds helpful in my type of situation is to have a family member or SO do the survey so he can get an outsider's perspective. DH and my mom's answers to the PPD screening would have been VERY different.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 3, 2019 7:32:38 GMT -5
Yeah, apparently me being self aware* enough to know that something wasn't right = not suffering from PPD.
*Uncontrolled sobbing while driving to the grocery store; sitting by C's bed thinking about how I'm close enough to see the pathway that parents brains go down when they murder their sleeping child.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 3, 2019 8:16:50 GMT -5
I'm sorry you guys had to deal with that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2019 9:38:02 GMT -5
Yeah, apparently me being self aware* enough to know that something wasn't right = not suffering from PPD.
*Uncontrolled sobbing while driving to the grocery store; sitting by C's bed thinking about how I'm close enough to see the pathway that parents brains go down when they murder their sleeping child.
I was there. I actually filled out one of those pre-screening forms before a doctor's appointment stating I thought of hurting myself or my child and NOBODY CARED! I'm like WTF?!? I just handed you a piece of paper with my name on it saying more than once a week I thought of suicide/murder. It scared me to death to write that thinking CPS was going to swoop in the room instead of the doctor, and it wasn't brought up at all.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 3, 2019 9:48:20 GMT -5
Yeah, apparently me being self aware* enough to know that something wasn't right = not suffering from PPD.
*Uncontrolled sobbing while driving to the grocery store; sitting by C's bed thinking about how I'm close enough to see the pathway that parents brains go down when they murder their sleeping child.
I was there. I actually filled out one of those pre-screening forms before a doctor's appointment stating I thought of hurting myself or my child and NOBODY CARED! I'm like WTF?!? I just handed you a piece of paper with my name on it saying more than once a week I thought of suicide/murder. It scared me to death to write that thinking CPS was going to swoop in the room instead of the doctor, and it wasn't brought up at all. American postpartum care is shockingly, SHOCKINGLY bad. Almost across the board.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 3, 2019 9:53:32 GMT -5
Yeah, apparently me being self aware* enough to know that something wasn't right = not suffering from PPD.
*Uncontrolled sobbing while driving to the grocery store; sitting by C's bed thinking about how I'm close enough to see the pathway that parents brains go down when they murder their sleeping child.
I was there. I actually filled out one of those pre-screening forms before a doctor's appointment stating I thought of hurting myself or my child and NOBODY CARED! I'm like WTF?!? I just handed you a piece of paper with my name on it saying more than once a week I thought of suicide/murder. It scared me to death to write that thinking CPS was going to swoop in the room instead of the doctor, and it wasn't brought up at all. Yeah, I did eventually mention that to my therapist, she asked a couple of questions to determine that I wasn't a risk and we talked a bit about it. I wasn't going to do anything but I could certainly see how one got to that point, from where I was at the time. The therapist and meds came from my current doctor, who'd been appalled when I told her about the other doctor's actions.
But PPD screening and help is still an area that needs to be brought out more in the medical communities. Support from other moms and family can only do so much.
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oped
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Post by oped on Oct 3, 2019 10:00:15 GMT -5
I was trying to explain to my daughter and her boyfriend that every parent thinks momentarily about throwing their infant out a window at some point... and the faces they made, oy....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2019 10:06:42 GMT -5
I had no issues with my first son and was just happily rocking the SAHM thing, but the unraveling of Ex 2.0 began right before Carrot was born and he lost his job right after. It was a completely different post partum world with that kid and I often wonder if his anxiety issues are because we sucked so much as parents those first few years.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Oct 3, 2019 10:11:38 GMT -5
I had no issues with my first son and was just happily rocking the SAHM thing, but the unraveling of Ex 2.0 began right before Carrot was born and he lost his job right after. It was a completely different post partum world with that kid and I often wonder if his anxiety issues are because we sucked so much as parents those first few years. Just as a reminder... YOU did not/do not suck as a parent.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2019 10:28:39 GMT -5
I had no issues with my first son and was just happily rocking the SAHM thing, but the unraveling of Ex 2.0 began right before Carrot was born and he lost his job right after. It was a completely different post partum world with that kid and I often wonder if his anxiety issues are because we sucked so much as parents those first few years. Just as a reminder... YOU did not/do not suck as a parent. Well, I'm not sure I always reacted to him appropriately either. Basically the more things spiraled out of control with him the more anxious and irrational I became. It was just this endless cycle of yuck. No wonder my hair all fell out.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Oct 3, 2019 10:59:41 GMT -5
But that doesn't mean that you sucked as a parent. You were doing the very best you could in an untenable situation.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 3, 2019 12:36:42 GMT -5
Just as a reminder... YOU did not/do not suck as a parent. Well, I'm not sure I always reacted to him appropriately either. Basically the more things spiraled out of control with him the more anxious and irrational I became. It was just this endless cycle of yuck. No wonder my hair all fell out.
There are some posters on here that had some pretty horrific child hoods. You are FAR from sucking as a parent.
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justme
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Post by justme on Oct 3, 2019 12:42:01 GMT -5
I was there. I actually filled out one of those pre-screening forms before a doctor's appointment stating I thought of hurting myself or my child and NOBODY CARED! I'm like WTF?!? I just handed you a piece of paper with my name on it saying more than once a week I thought of suicide/murder. It scared me to death to write that thinking CPS was going to swoop in the room instead of the doctor, and it wasn't brought up at all. American postpartum care is shockingly, SHOCKINGLY bad. Almost across the board. From what I gather most things "partum" in America is pretty bad. (Postpartum/prenatal why aren't the both partum!)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 3, 2019 15:31:56 GMT -5
Made it to the end of the day. No phone call. Here's hoping she's on the mend.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Oct 3, 2019 21:08:06 GMT -5
Took my baby to college last week. I cried a lot. I'm still sad. She's only 2.5 hours away, and she's called or texted me at least four times each day. Still way sad.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 4, 2019 6:18:54 GMT -5
Took my baby to college last week. I cried a lot. I'm still sad. She's only 2.5 hours away, and she's called or texted me at least four times each day. Still way sad. Hugs Chloe.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 4, 2019 8:01:25 GMT -5
Abby amused me last night. She came up to me and goes "My tummy hurts" while rubbing her chest. Oh so your stomach is up there huh? ::moves hand down:: My tummy hurts! Nice try kid.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 4, 2019 8:15:54 GMT -5
I had delayed PPD which my ob said is not a real thing. Um, I didn't consider it coincidence that when I weaned my baby at 22 months I almost immediately plummeted into deep depression. BFing hormones are real and apparently were keeping me afloat. "Fortunately" I'd dealt with depression before and was able to advocate for myself with my therapist who agreed that the ob needed to be educated.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 4, 2019 10:59:54 GMT -5
I forgot which poster it was but someone on here warned me about the hormonal whammy that comes after you wean your kids. I also ended up finding out you go thru yet another one once you are finally dried up around six months to a year later.
I didn't feel like a normal person again till Gwen was three.
Way different with Abby. I had no post partum anxiety and was prepared for the weaning roller coaster. It still sucked but at least this time I knew what was happening.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 4, 2019 11:43:26 GMT -5
I'm shopping for a gym class or personal trainer so I can mix up my routine a bit, and earlier in the week I had an appointment with a gym that does kettlebell classes. They wouldn't go into much over the phone, want you to come in for the spiel, so you know it's going to be the hard sell but none of my other options were looking very promising so I went. I knew I'd never be a regular at this kind of place, but stuck around to see if anything they had would work for me...and it won't. But in the spiel, the guy helped me figure something out for C. C hates going to classes but loves that he went when he does. It's exhausting because he won't quit anything, but it's such a fight to get him places. So most of the guys spiel was about the external motivators that you need to do things, or know you've succeeded, and that kind of stuff just doesn't work for me. I want to do it for myself, or I don't and that's it. But I asked C if there was an external motivator that would help push him past the "I don't wanna go" and we came up with a punch card and every 7 classes he goes to he can pick the restaurant we eat at. I doubt it will increase how much we eat out, just give the kids a bigger vote, but I did tell them we'd re-evaluate if necessary. I'm cautiously optimistic. E got the same offer although she is overflowing in internal motivation. She made her own punch card and decided hers should be every 10 classes.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 6, 2019 8:51:00 GMT -5
Abby was making her Xmas list at my mom's last night. She wants a Barbie camper and....her own toilet.
She's tired of standing in line.
Considering what went down the last couple weeks asking Santa for her own personal toilet is quite practical.😂
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 7, 2019 12:36:31 GMT -5
Got Abby's bed together. It's a really tight fit but we got them both in there. We talked about and talked with both of them they don't mind the cramped space so we're not going to worry about it at this time. If it does become an issue getting a similar bed to Abby's for Gwen will work. Then they can each have their own space underneath the beds like my roommate and I did in the dorms.
I updated their wall art too so they each have their "own" side of the room. Overall they are pretty happy with the arrangement.
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