NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jun 13, 2019 12:01:29 GMT -5
I just wanted to say that you Ladies all rock. Dealing with demanding jobs, kids, schools, extra-curriculars and (too often) DHs that aren't pulling their weight. You are rock stars. I am going to be 60 this year and you cannot imagine how happy I am that that period of my life is over. I enjoyed it, but it is DAMN HARD WORK!!! You forgot to add: and now I have the fun time only as a grandma
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 13, 2019 13:05:24 GMT -5
I don't actually need help with grocery shopping. I was content with curbside pick up and never asked him to help with this. But as part of another argument that dived into division of labor I told him I was done trying to give him tasks to do. 1) It's not my job to tell him basic life functions, and 2) there's no history of him actually doing them even when I ask. Based on that conversation he came back later and said he would take over grocery shopping (and medical bills) to try to contribute more. Even if he actually does both of those things consistently it probably gives me back an extra 30-45 minutes a week--being super generous and assuming that the wait for the pick up was extra long. So his idea of helping more is a drop in an ocean and he totally doesn't get it. If I try to point it out he'll shut down and go to a "nothing I do is good enough" place. I honestly see no way to get through to him. He reads the same things I read. He KNOWS this is a real problem. He just somehow thinks he's special, or I'm awful, or I don't know. Maybe if I died he'd get it? Even then I doubt it. And he actually does like 1000x more than he ever did before we had kids. He loads and unloads the dishwasher 3-4 times a week. Might handwash pots and pans 1-2 times a month. Takes his folded laundry and puts it away and tells the kids to do the same. He folds laundry every now and then. When I get super pissed he'll put some real effort into picking up every couple months or so. This is seriously a huge improvement. But it's nothing compared to everything that actually has to get done every every week and he's the one working part time. Rae - I could have bolded your whole post as things that I could have said myself, but I chose just the most noteworthy. I underlined my particular sticking point - my DH totally shuts down and goes into the I'm never going to be good enough for you anyway mode too. WTF. I chose to marry you and am choosing to stay with you despite all the unevenness and other crap, but sure throw yourself a pity party and turn into the victim in every argument. And I truly am choosing to stay, I make way more than enough to support myself and kids. Last night, another facet of the emotional labor discussion occurred to me. What is it with "man caves"? Men have so much free time that need a whole room devoted to watching tv, sports, hobbies, etc. How often does a woman prioritize herself with a whole room like that?! I will say now that pity parties were mentioned now that DH's medication is finally kicking in and seem to have teh proper dosage I've noticed a dramatic drop in pity parties. He's still having the occasional panic attack but not near as many as he was having. Doesn't excuse the rest but this prompted me to think of it and realize that I've said some pretty blunt things lately and he hasn't spiraled into a depression over it.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 13, 2019 13:42:36 GMT -5
Grandma update I wanted to tell you a couple of Grandma anecdotes. Anecdote 1: Every time I ask my DDIL to SHOW me how to do something, she says, oh no don't worry, I'll do it! She does it at the speed of light, so I never learn. We got a new car last month. We bought a car seat last year. I watched the installation video on youtube 3 times, took the car seat out to the new car, and installed it no problem! Yay me LOL! I pick DDIL and E (grandson) up at the airport (DS1 was arriving 48h later). I ask DDIL to check that I've installed the car seat correctly. She says, yes, it's perfect! We drive off. Suddenly there is a huge gust of wind (happily we're still in the airport so driving slowly). We had forgotten to activate the child safety lock, and E had opened the car door. E was all strapped in, as was his car seat. We were both horrified of course, but once DDIL activated the child safety lock and we drove off again, she started laughing like crazy. I was SO happy that she wasn't upset with me! She confessed that the last time she had rented a car, she was so concerned about attaching E into the car seat that she had forgotten to attach the car seat to the car. That was the only time that we spent an evening together without DS1, and we had so much fun. I like these anecdotes and learning what it's like from the grandparent side.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Jun 13, 2019 14:05:43 GMT -5
Birthday party advice needed. C’s birthday party is Saturday evening at a local gym place. We invited his class plus some friends from outside class plus my two nieces. My sister just texted to ask if she can bring her BF and his son. We’re already over what will be a comfortable number of kids that are coming, though technically we’re not at the max capacity. I also really don’t want to deal with that on Saturday - I’ve met the guy once for about 60 seconds outside of daycare when I was picking up M, and I’ve never met his son. My kids also haven’t met him or his son.
We also didn’t invite DH’s nieces and nephews, and if I’m going to pay extra for other kids not already on the list, I somewhat feel like it should be people C knows and is related to. I’ll also add my judgment is clouded on this issue as my sister is in the middle of a divorce and this relationship has all sorts of rebound signs to me. Plus a bunch of other factors.
So....say yes to keep the peace, or say no because that’s my preference. For what it’s worth, I doubt C would really notice.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jun 13, 2019 14:10:17 GMT -5
I'd say yes.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jun 13, 2019 14:41:10 GMT -5
I’d say No.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 13, 2019 14:43:39 GMT -5
I'd say no on the basis that your kid doesn't even know this guy and his birthday party isn't the place to introduce him to Uncle X's replacement.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jun 13, 2019 15:04:00 GMT -5
I’d say no and give the reason as you’ve hit the maximum number of participants allowed.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 13, 2019 16:02:19 GMT -5
I'd probably end up saying yes to keep the peace, but I like Chloe's answer better.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Jun 13, 2019 16:05:54 GMT -5
I'd probably end up saying yes to keep the peace, but I like Chloe's answer better.
Same!
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Jun 13, 2019 16:11:42 GMT -5
Last Grandma Anecdote (for azucena lol). We had a dinner with friends last Sat night. I told them what fun it was to (sometimes) tell DS1, here, E needs his diaper changed. My friends (all have several kids, like me) were shocked that I didn't love to change E's diaper. (I ALWAYS do it when E wakes up so DS1 and DDIL can sleep later.) It took me a few minutes to understand my friends' reaction. I said, OMG, do you really think I'm scared of a poopy diaper, after 4 kids?! One friend laughed and said, well we're wondering what else it could be! I said, we don't have a changing table anymore, and changing E on the floor just KILLS my back. I can do it 2/3 times a day, but not 5/6!
ALL my friends (all late 50s, like me) burst out laughing ... THAT they understood LOL!
azucena your girls are WELL past the age of poopy diapers LOL.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jun 13, 2019 17:45:58 GMT -5
Grandma update I wanted to tell you a couple of Grandma anecdotes. Anecdote 1: Every time I ask my DDIL to SHOW me how to do something, she says, oh no don't worry, I'll do it! She does it at the speed of light, so I never learn. We got a new car last month. We bought a car seat last year. I watched the installation video on youtube 3 times, took the car seat out to the new car, and installed it no problem! Yay me LOL! I pick DDIL and E (grandson) up at the airport (DS1 was arriving 48h later). I ask DDIL to check that I've installed the car seat correctly. She says, yes, it's perfect! We drive off. Suddenly there is a huge gust of wind (happily we're still in the airport so driving slowly). We had forgotten to activate the child safety lock, and E had opened the car door. E was all strapped in, as was his car seat. We were both horrified of course, but once DDIL activated the child safety lock and we drove off again, she started laughing like crazy. I was SO happy that she wasn't upset with me! She confessed that the last time she had rented a car, she was so concerned about attaching E into the car seat that she had forgotten to attach the car seat to the car. That was the only time that we spent an evening together without DS1, and we had so much fun. I like these anecdotes and learning what it's like from the grandparent side. Well, confession form another of the grandma's side in this group → but I have said this before: thanks to all of the moms here I have scored some major brownie points with DDIL. Not only have things really changed over time, there are things that due to my own personality I would never even have thought about. They just never would have bothered me. Yet when someone here brought up a peeve with her MIL, I read that very carefully and asked DDIL. For instance, years ago Steph mentioned that she didn't like that her MIL had given Xmas presents to her DD from "Santa" → she wanted Santa presents to come from her/DH. Not something I would have thought about at all. BUT due to that posting I asked DDIL that year what she prefered. DDIL had not really considered it but once she thought about it she prefered it the same way as Steph, so that is what we ended up doing.
FYI: I did give this group of wonderful moms credit but I thouroughly enjoyed the fact that DDIL liked the consideration
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oped
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Post by oped on Jun 13, 2019 17:53:28 GMT -5
Hope just last for today... I like them too!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 14, 2019 7:45:37 GMT -5
Woohoo! We're done with school. I swear, this school year felt like it was a 1000 days of school, not 180 or whatever it is.
And prayers, good vibes/thoughts/whatever please. My Dad could use them. His meds are upsetting his system and he's just not up to par.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jun 14, 2019 7:57:06 GMT -5
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jun 14, 2019 9:13:44 GMT -5
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 14, 2019 9:19:35 GMT -5
Thanks. I think he's going to be ok but but it sounds like he's pretty miserable right now.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 14, 2019 9:20:27 GMT -5
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 14, 2019 10:02:55 GMT -5
tcu2003, I'd say no, but I'm a bitch like that.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 14, 2019 11:01:16 GMT -5
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 14, 2019 11:05:06 GMT -5
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 14, 2019 11:15:50 GMT -5
We decided to get a hotel and stay in town for diabetes camp instead of driving 3-4 hours a day. My actual office is only 15 minutes from camp so I get some face time with work people which is nice. The hotel is way too nice, but so worth it that I did a 2nd night for tonight. Friday night drive home is awful, and Saturday drive would have kind of made up for it, but I'm exhausted so instead I'm spending too much money on convenience.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 14, 2019 11:28:07 GMT -5
Sometimes it's better to throw money at a problem. Which is not exactly a YM verse...
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jun 14, 2019 12:45:00 GMT -5
This is what ADD looks like at 26: DS and his wife spend a really great week with my parents in FL. DS leaves his work laptop at my moms house so she has to ship it to him after he leaves (he was working remotely while there).
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 14, 2019 12:55:02 GMT -5
Sometimes it's better to throw money at a problem. Which is not exactly a YM verse... I've done this twice on vacation plans. We made reservations for most of the nights, but upon further review, we made changes. Since these are camping reservations it wasn't a free cancellation. I don't even care. We didn't get all of our money back, but not out so much it is a big deal.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 14, 2019 13:10:46 GMT -5
This is what ADD looks like at 26: DS and his wife spend a really great week with my parents in FL. DS leaves his work laptop at my moms house so she has to ship it to him after he leaves (he was working remotely while there). I left my keys on the key ring at my family's place in Canada one year. Luckily I live in a condo so the HOA has a copy to get into my house so I could get my spare keys until mine got here from Canada. Takes a while via mail. Also left my work computer at home if I've moved it from the normal spot I put it.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 14, 2019 13:38:00 GMT -5
This is what ADD looks like at 26: DS and his wife spend a really great week with my parents in FL. DS leaves his work laptop at my moms house so she has to ship it to him after he leaves (he was working remotely while there). I do that kind of stuff all the time and as far as I know I don't have add or adhd. Yesterday I needed my ID to pick up the kids. Get to the school, can't find my wallet anywhere. I remembered exactly where I was when I had (I got it out to make the hotel reservation just a few hours earlier), tore bags apart, moved everything in the van, even opened up the coolers. They let me get the kids with the mailer I had from camp, but I'd need a card for the hotel, so we drove back to my office and I'm looking everywhere for it. My office mate asks me where I was when I had it last, and suddenly I think to check my back pocket. Low and behold I had it the whole time. Which is kind of best case scenario, but so embarrassing and I hate that I do stuff like that on a fairly regular basis.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 15, 2019 10:19:44 GMT -5
I'm enjoying a quiet house.
K is still aleeping. She's had a very exhausting week.
Dh and C went to the farmer's market. I think the goal was bread, salsa and plants for the garden.
I'm half ass tidying the extremely messy living room and kitchen.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2019 11:25:17 GMT -5
I can't believe I just had to convince Ex 1.0 to watch his son in the parade tomorrow. The kid has put in over 100 hours with the band prepping for this the past few weeks, and they are soooo good, the least you can do on a nice day is sit in a lawn chair and watch them perform the one and only time they are performing in town this year.
I don't complain about him much, but outside of helping with the Eagle project (and he did do a ton there), he's been so completely uninvolved the past 3 or 4 years. Never goes to concerts, homecoming field shows, speech meets...not even the awards ceremonies and never keeps track of anything he's doing even though he gets copied on all the same emails from the school and the booster clubs that I am. Today I bumped into him at a 5K and he was complaining that DS wasn't picking up his phone and he wanted him to help him with something on his truck (he only calls when he wants him to do something). I told him..."Uh, he's on a parade tour and has two of them today in towns over 100 miles away, so he's not going to be able to help you with your truck".
There are only 11 months before he graduates high school and so many of these things he's doing are for the last time...like the hometown parade tomorrow. I'll probably cry watching this year!
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 15, 2019 11:48:45 GMT -5
Screw him. I know it sucks for your kid,but all you can really do is make it as special as you can for him and yourself. And yes, you will cry. I consider myself a pretty tough broad, but I cried at all the girls senior stuff.
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