stina72
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Post by stina72 on Feb 20, 2017 17:22:52 GMT -5
Carl-Good luck in counseling, that's a great decision for you guys to have made.
I'm glad H and I see eye to eye on pretty much all family issues (my family drives me equally as nuts as they do him and vice versa). Thankfully the closest we are to anyone is an hour away, so we only see them a couple of times a month. It definitely helps us maintain our sanity. I can't imagine how parents take advantage of their kids (like gooddecisions' H's) and then pretend it happened entirely different than it actually did, it boggles my mind.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 20, 2017 17:29:16 GMT -5
You know, when you call them out on it, they usually stop. The time before this weekend, she talked about that damn again and as gently as possibly I explained what a horrible investment it was but I understand his grandad her fil, needed a place to live. But it most definitely was not a good financial decision. It is like she has amnesia. also they convinced my husband in a moment of weakness to sign the deed on their timeshare that we will never use or benefit in any way. Oh it won't cost you anything, they said and you be able to use the amenities. That is going to suck to get rid of one day when they can't pay for it anymore.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 20, 2017 17:51:00 GMT -5
You know, when you call them out on it, they usually stop. The time before this weekend, she talked about that damn again and as gently as possibly I explained what a horrible investment it was but I understand his grandad her fil, needed a place to live. But it most definitely was not a good financial decision. It is like she has amnesia. also they convinced my husband in a moment of weakness to sign the deed on their timeshare that we will never use or benefit in any way. Oh it won't cost you anything, they said and you be able to use the amenities. That is going to suck to get rid of one day when they can't pay for it anymore. Oh crap.
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dee27
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Post by dee27 on Feb 20, 2017 19:15:03 GMT -5
My parents had their moments, but I cut mom some slack because she had dementia and I tried to make her last 10 years pleasant even if she could not remember what we did together. I put my dad in his place a few times when he tried to bully me into doing something for him because he had a habit of asking for a ride to an appointment at the last minute. We did a lot for my parents. DH made many repairs to their house, and I did all of their shopping and cooking plus most of the chauffeuring to appointments and speaking with their doctors about their care. We took them to see out of state relatives every year and had them over for dinner/cards every week, but dad was mad because I refused to clean their house. I paid a housekeeper twice/month to clean my house because heavy cleaning aggravated my arthritis. I chalked up most of their aggravation to getting older and being mad that they did not feel well.
DH's parents lived 14 hours away from us so our contact was less frequent although I spoke with them every week, but we did help them out several times per year when we visited them. In general we got along fine with both sets of parents.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 20, 2017 19:17:12 GMT -5
Speaking of inlaws and therapy, my inlaws were over this weekend. I feel like I need therapy after their visits. I could really use some perspective because I am getting to a point where I don't even want a relationship with them but I suck it up so my kids can have grandparents in their life. They put me is such a bad mood. My kids are missing a set of grandparents. You know the saying about how when a door closes windows open? My kids are loved by quite a few (older) people that aren't biologically related to them. These other relationships started blossoming about the same time my parents cut me off. DH and I aren't grandparent aged yet..But, we've put in our fair time getting involved with kids that aren't ours..listening to them, validating them, playing with them, enjoying them, helping them grow as people, and sometimes treating them just as our own. Of course it's nice/preferable that grandparents fill that role. But grandparents aren't the only people that can.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 20, 2017 19:32:21 GMT -5
And Since I'm here.. I don't make clothing an issue for my kids. Especially the peanut. She doesn't like wearing underwear. She wears it for school, and then comes home and changes into PJs as soon as she can. If I make it a battle, I'd have to bring her to school naked (natural consequence for not wearing clothes). We got pretty close to it once a week or so ago. And, we also have to save our battles for important things, like car seat safety. Because the peanut will unclip herself (or now apparently her sister) while DH is driving in the car. When the peanut was younger, in her bad days, you'd have to restrain her arms with one hand and clip her in her car seat with the other, while she was screaming. And TheHaitian I'm glad that you are seeing a therapist. Remember to trust your gut. The first one may not be a good fit. Keep looking until you find one that will. Also, the goal of the therapist is to help the marriage. It might be necessary for your and/or your wife to pursue individual therapy as well, so that couples therapy is truly effective for you.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Feb 20, 2017 19:33:35 GMT -5
Haha, we have one pair of those from Kohls I rarely set them out for DS, but they came in handy when the holiday concert dress code was jeans and button down. (I didn't actually have a button down, so he went in a polo shirt...and flashed everybody when he got bored midway through their fourth song Got it all on video!)
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lurkyloo
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“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
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Post by lurkyloo on Feb 20, 2017 19:34:57 GMT -5
Browser being weird and not quoting...previous post was in response to tcu
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 20, 2017 21:51:37 GMT -5
So since it came up...how does one "make a kid" eat foods they don't like?
Jocelyn has become so picky. She'll eat fruit with little problem. She'll eat bread. She eats chicken, she'll eat pork, she might eat shredded beef. She eats cheese and of course certain desserts. she will not touch a vegetable. We did baby led weaning with her from 6 months on and sweet potatoes and occasionally carrots are all she will eat for veggies. She doesn't touch a hamburger. Things can't touch or be combined with anything. So I can't hide foods or she won't eat it.
We try not to cater to her too much. But like I know she won't eat things mixed up, so today when I made taquitos I left a piece of chicken out for her. That isn't like a separate meal. She refuses to eat hamburgers, so after 6 attempts, I just do a grilled cheese for her. I get being picky because I didn't like certain things and my mom didn't force it, but also only did something separate for me if it was easy. If Jocelyn doesn't eat her meal, she doesn't get a snack at night. Most of the time she would rather go to bed than eat stuff she doesn't like. I bribed her with ice cream today because she almost didn't try the chicken.
So when I see stuff like I made my kid eat foods they didn't like, I wonder how does that work. Because I can get it to work with Ben, but most of the tricks that work with Ben don't work with Jocelyn.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 20, 2017 21:56:45 GMT -5
I don't know. I made food and my kids ate it so I have no ideas on those whose kids won't. As adults they both don't like peas. One doesn't like corn and the other doesn't like green beans but I can never remember which one doesn't like which so I make both at holiday time!!
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 20, 2017 22:11:25 GMT -5
I've heard of "no thank you bites."
Would your DD starve herself over eating? If it's at that level, I'd see if there's a reason behind it.
I wish I could find it quickly, but there's a book about eating that a lot of parents recommend over on babycenter.
I think the gist is that parents are responsible for what goes on the plate, but kids are responsible for what goes in their mouth. Removes power struggles over food.
The peanut doesn't really eat meat, been like that since she was on solids. She eats plenty of protein..ie cottage cheese, etc so we don't worry.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 20, 2017 22:12:23 GMT -5
I don't force my kids to eat anything and they get the same dinner we do. I will make sure their plates have a couple of things I know they will eat, like fresh fruit, a roll, cheese and carrots or broccoli. This evening I made Mediterranean bowls with quinoa, grilled chicken, chick peas, avocado, cilantro,feta, cucumbers, rice and onions. they didn't eat much of it, but they did eat their fruit and chicken.
I almost always have dinner on the table at 5:30 and I expect them to sit for 15 minutes. I will also always offer a snack at 7:00. It is usually a banana or yogurt or some other fruit. I don't bribe or negotiate and there is always another meal soon enough, so no big deal if they don't eat a lot.
i read a parenting article once that our jobs as parent is to provide a healthy well balanced meal and their job is to eat it. So unless there are major health issues or weight issues, don't force it.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Feb 20, 2017 22:13:39 GMT -5
Well I didn't actually "make" them eat anything but I also didn't cater to anything either. I never intentionally made something I knew they hated but just because oatmeal isn't your favorite didn't mean it wasn't going to be breakfast from time to time.
They never got someone to give in though. So they did get hungry. So if DD decided she didn't like chicken she had to eat around it or just not eat. And my kids didn't miss many meals if they had a choice. My kids did get choices but it wasn't open ended. I was would ask "do you want peanut butter or chicken for your sandwich". Not what do you want for lunch. Do you want to wear the red jeans or the cargo not what clothes do you want to wear. So while they did get to choose there was never a question they had to do one of the things we gave them as a choice.
I will say I would have never entertained fifteen different things as conditions to get a kid to eat. It would have never entered my mind that that was going to happen. I just put out food that was nutritious and let them eat what they wanted. Or not eat it. That was completely their choice!
But I seriously never ever worried that they didn't eat enough.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 20, 2017 22:16:07 GMT -5
Well I didn't actually "make" them eat anything but I also didn't cater to anything either. I never intentionally made something I knew they hated but just because oatmeal isn't your favorite didn't mean it wasn't going to be breakfast from time to time. They never got someone to give in though. So they did get hungry. So if DD decided she didn't like chicken she had to eat around it or just not eat. And my kids didn't miss many meals if they had a choice. My kids did get choices but it wasn't open ended. I was would ask "do you want peanut butter or chicken for your sandwich". Not what do you want for lunch. Do you want to wear the red jeans or the cargo not what clothes do you want to wear. So while they did get to choose there was never a question they had to do one of the things we gave them as a choice. I will say I would have never entertained fifteen different things as conditions to get a kid to eat. It would have never entered my mind that that was going to happen. I just put out food that was nutritious and let them eat what they wanted. Or not eat it. That was completely their choice! But I seriously never ever worried that they didn't eat enough. Yup, there's always another meal coming up.
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justme
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Post by justme on Feb 20, 2017 22:16:54 GMT -5
No kids, so no experience on the making part. But was the picky eater of my family (and I mean aunts/uncles/cousins family) so I can give some thoughts from what I remember of the kid POV - I was definitely someone who would rather go hungry than eat something I don't like (and still will to a certain extent). Have you asked her why she doesn't like those things? And if she says she doesn't know have you tried to give her options (too sweet, sour, hurts, hard, hot, spicy)? A big reason why I didn't like a lot of things (that I didn't realize until I was an adult) was anything that was hard or crunchy would cut my gums (my mouth is a little different that the gums come down almost level with my molars). As I kid I just thought everyone was crazy and a masochist to eat all these things that hurt (I also find carbonation painful so this idea was pretty ingrained in childhood me). Another example is I hate the taste of plain milk, and therefore hated anything that had milk but didn't cover the flavor...but my kid mind didn't realize it was the milk I didn't like so instead it was I didn't like mashed potatoes that night when in reality mom was just heavy handed in putting the milk in it. For new things it was always better when they put just enough for a bite or two on my plate vs trying to convince me to eat a full serving. I have no idea if it had anything to do with me being picky - but I learned to cook really early. Was doing full meals by 9 and my parents often tasked me (when not cooking all of dinner...which I refused to cook things I didn't like lol) with either making my own alternative or altering what everyone else was eating. (There was a years long standoff over onions between my mom and me ) I think she's prob too young to do this, but an idea for the future. I still have a thing about different items on my plate touching (if I am making my plate they will NOT touch, at restaurants I still often notice that I'm unconsciously separating things if they have them piled on each other). I also still have texture issues like I did as a child (I just can't do yogurt with anything in it, I'm careful about crunchy stuff, etc). They got me to eat several vegetables with a cheese sauce on it. I would also considering changing up seasoning and such on things - smell is a big part of taste and she might be more sensitive to that than others. And last, as hard as it can be try really hard not to pigeon hole her as a picky eater. That became synonymous with me and even as I got older and was interested in trying new things my parents were always on me being picky, second guessing what I wanted to try, telling me what I wouldn't like. The title crippled me for a while. It really wasn't until I started doing things away from my parents (in high school, but really not until I left for college) that my palate really expanded - and I discovered several of my now fave foods. There's definitely plenty of things that are still a no go for me, but there's now several things that I will eat that my parents won't even try. ETA I was that kid who at the same thing every day for lunch at school, and my mom also started making me fix it myself around the time I started cooking. If I wanted what I wanted, I had to make it. Otherwise she'd make what she was ok with or it was money for lunch. Needless to say I was packing my lunch up every day they weren't serving mac n cheese!
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 21, 2017 0:07:33 GMT -5
Speaking of inlaws and therapy, my inlaws were over this weekend. I feel like I need therapy after their visits. I could really use some perspective because I am getting to a point where I don't even want a relationship with them but I suck it up so my kids can have grandparents in their life. They put me is such a bad mood. I don't have relationship with my IL's anymore, but kids have great relationship with them. I am not saying you should follow my lead, but it can be done.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 21, 2017 0:54:41 GMT -5
Anyone in here has ever done the 10 Lemon Cleanse?
I signed up to do it with a group of friends and I am already regretting it now
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Feb 21, 2017 1:22:29 GMT -5
Anyone in here has ever done the 10 Lemon Cleanse? I signed up to do it with a group of friends and I am already regretting it now I had to look that one up and after reading what it entails I can only say "that ain't gonna happen" for this girl. No matter how much I need to lose weight! Sorry no help here...
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 21, 2017 2:34:11 GMT -5
Eat less and exercise more.
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dee27
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Post by dee27 on Feb 21, 2017 4:17:09 GMT -5
My kids were not picky until about age 3. Sometimes, they did not like the texture, but other times it was the taste. I am a believer in not forcing kids to eat or clean their plates. Eventually they come around and will eat a more balanced menu, but I did not cater to either of them by making separate meals.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Feb 21, 2017 7:06:07 GMT -5
My kids weren't very picky eaters. I always just thought it was because I'm not. My sister is a picky eater and should are her kids. I worry about that because the stuff she does eat is crap and a lot of it. She has to be a good 60-80 pounds heavier than me an I'm overweight. Her kids don't seem to have weight issues, but they still have a kids metabolism.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 21, 2017 7:36:18 GMT -5
I was would ask "do you want peanut butter or chicken for your sandwich". Not what do you want for lunch. Do you want to wear the red jeans or the cargo not what clothes do you want to wear. So while they did get to choose there was never a question they had to do one of the things we gave them as a choice.
that's exactly what I do. If he had his way, he'd get chicken nuggets and mac & cheese for every meal! That being said, I do try to make/pack things I know he'll eat most of and maybe throw in a new thing to see if he'll try and like it. He was not a fan of meatloaf, so I heated up some nuggets. He refused brown rice, so I heated up some tater tots. But I ALWAYS make sure he tries one decent-sized bite first before he says he doesn't like it. I do not do after dinner snacks since we don't eat until 6:30ish anyway and he knows this, so I try to stress eating as close to all his dinner as he can. There were times when he ate very little, but if he was really hungry he'd eat. Lately he's been eating more that I have!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 21, 2017 7:42:02 GMT -5
My kids were always certain if they tried Thai food they would die. Finally I got them to try it. Now they're eating Vietnamese and all sorts of other things. They both eat Mexican which I can't so I never exposed them to it. Getting out into the world and making different friends helps a lot.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 21, 2017 7:43:32 GMT -5
I was would ask "do you want peanut butter or chicken for your sandwich". Not what do you want for lunch. Do you want to wear the red jeans or the cargo not what clothes do you want to wear. So while they did get to choose there was never a question they had to do one of the things we gave them as a choice.
that's exactly what I do. If he had his way, he'd get chicken nuggets and mac & cheese for every meal! That being said, I do try to make/pack things I know he'll eat most of and maybe throw in a new thing to see if he'll try and like it. He was not a fan of meatloaf, so I heated up some nuggets. He refused brown rice, so I heated up some tater tots. But I ALWAYS make sure he tries one decent-sized bite first before he says he doesn't like it. I do not do after dinner snacks since we don't eat until 6:30ish anyway and he knows this, so I try to stress eating as close to all his dinner as he can. There were times when he ate very little, but if he was really hungry he'd eat. Lately he's been eating more that I have! Try things he rejected three times with intervals between them. My friend the K teacher says that might work. Brown rice , it might just be the color.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 21, 2017 8:41:05 GMT -5
My kids were always certain if they tried Thai food they would die. Finally I got them to try it. Now they're eating Vietnamese and all sorts of other things. They both eat Mexican which I can't so I never exposed them to it. I was such a picky eater as a child up until I was in my 2nd-3rd year of college. Now I eat a lot of stuff - Thai, Vietnamese, Indian, Mexican... I still can't do most fish though. I think it's a texture thing. Also it's stinky.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Feb 21, 2017 9:19:00 GMT -5
Anyone have any advice for a sore bottom on a preschooler? C either ate something that didn't agree with him or had a mild virus because daycare said he had diarrhea and was going to the bathroom every 20-ish minutes yesterday. So now, his booty hurts - I'm guessing he was the one wiping it, which means he didn't do a great job, and daycare toilet paper probably isn't as soft as at home. Last night we wiped him really well with baby wipes after he used the toilet, and I put diaper cream on it, and did so again this morning, but he's still complaining. Any other thoughts?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 21, 2017 9:21:56 GMT -5
Vaseline? If you have prep H that's good too.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Feb 21, 2017 9:29:00 GMT -5
Regarding picky eating, C goes through phases. I do what others have mentioned - try to always have 1 or 2 things on his plate he'll eat, and put small amounts of questionable things. If there are choices, then I offer him a choice of 2 or 3 things to choose from. I try to give him the same basic meals we eat. I know he doesn't like taco/tortilla shells, so when we have Mexican, he'll eat just the meat, and then rice and beans, plus some veggies with it.
I also keep offering things in the hopes he'll eventually try them. I feel like it took 20-ish times of DH and I having broccoli and putting one floret on his plate each time for him to finally decide to try it and figure out it was yummy.
I also correct him every time if he says a food is yucky or icky and he hasn't tried it yet. We talk about how it's okay to not like foods, but we can't say we don't like something we haven't tried. He may or may not try it after that conversation, which I'm okay with.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Feb 21, 2017 9:31:38 GMT -5
Desitin extra strength is what we always use. Also let it air out a lot. If it's bad, I also put baking soda in the bath to help dry it out.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 21, 2017 9:50:14 GMT -5
I used to puke every time I was given food I didn't like so I am very sensitive when it comes to giving food to my kids that they don't like That being said!!! I truly believe that giving them open ended choices is not good for them. It makes their decision process hard and it drives me insane, which, in turn, is not good for them.So, I do what 973beachbum does - do you want X, Y or Z? That's it. I also spend a LOT of time talking about and explaining nutrition. You want crackers? Sure! Just remember - it doesn't do anything for your body! I don't want to make food a "thing". I tell them that it's my responsibility to make sure they get proper nutrition until they are 18. After that, they can eat all the garbage they want - as long as they know that they are eating garbage and are OK with that.
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