So my 16-year-old gets his cell phone taken up

[Gardening Grandma]

Apr 21, 2011 10:51:34 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

Apr 21, 2011 10:44:37 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

Good grief! How on earth did I ever manage to raise two kids as a working single mom when NO ONE had cell phones?
(There is a lot of over reacting here)

Well let's see, there were payphones (including in the schools) and people had landlines.

And people still have landlines and every public school I've been in has had phones available for kids to call home. They recognize that not EVERY kid has a cell phone.

" But I think it's way out of line for the school to go through students' phone records without permission. "
But since the parent signed a contract with the school, you can be pretty sure that they DID have permission.

[hoops902]

"But I think it's way out of line for the school to go through students' phone records without permission."

Who's permission do they need though? They almost certainly already have parental permission in the form of her signing off on these procedures.

"Are they just trying to make sure that he's not regularly on the phone in class? "

Or possibly that he's not on it during tests and cheating?

[rmtvbrooks]

I have a special needs son (developmental delays) who rides the bus home and gets there before I get home. We have an inexpensive cell phone that he can use to call me when he arrives home. He does NOT carry it to school; it is waiting on the coffee table in the living room when he arrives home. He hits the speed dial #2 to call me. He lets me know he's home, and I can remind him to lock the door (he often forgets this) and to start his homework. I agree with everyone that your son violated the rules and should experience the consequences. However, knowing that your son is special needs, someone should probably have called you to let you know that he had his phone confiscated. I'd suggest having a back-up plan, though, for him to contact you. You never know when a cell tower will be out of service or any number of other things. If my son can't reach me on the cell, he is to get the regular house phone and call my work number (he can't call my cell because I don't have long distance on my landline). You should train your son in a back-up plan. I think it would also be worth it to call the school and tell them you understand why they confiscated the cell, etc., but you would appreciate that if it happens again, they just give you a quick phone call to let you know. I don't think that's asking too much. If my kid does something at school that he got in trouble for, I want to know about it so I can address it at home as well. Parental involvement is crucial in helping a child be successful at school.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Surely a friend had a cell phone? There is always someone I can bum a phone off of for a couple minutes to make a brief phone call.

I had my own series of misfortunate events when in school because I did not have a cell phone (back before everyone and their mother had one) and the event venue had no pay phones, just one of those giant phones at the help desk with thousands of buttons and no one available to tell me how to program it.

And it did result in my dad getting peeved because I had worried him.

But life goes on. After that we sat down and had a discussion about how to get in contact with each other in the future.

Now I have my own cell phone, but I still have back-up plans for getting ahold of someone and I have important numbers stashed in various places because I'll admit that I have become too depedent on my cell phone contact program.

Instead of spending all this time getting upset with the school maybe it's time to review the contact rules for when son gets home?

[hoops902]

"And people still have landlines "

Really?

[Tiny]

Sounds like it's time to come up with a Plan B... there are lots of other things that could happen to a cellphone (dropped in the toilet, dropped and run over by a car/truck, lost phone, dead battery, pop poured on it, left in a pocket of a coat left at someone's house or borrowed to someone else etc...) that could keep a kid from calling/recieving phonecalls. I've had kids I've 'babysat' do all of the above...

I think a lot of people take it for granted that cell phones just Always Work. They don't. You should have a back up plan. I use to watch my brother's kids and while they had cell phones (and iteneraries!) I was always given another possible way to contact them or an Adult or Place where they would be. They were active kids so going from school to something, and then maybe another something getting home after dinner. I'd sometimes have to pick them up or drop them off or something. A misplaced/dead Cell Phone would have really messed up the process - hence the back up plans to keep stuff running smoothly.

[hoops902]

Apr 21, 2011 10:57:32 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Sounds like it's time to come up with a Plan B... there are lots of other things that could happen to a cellphone (dropped in the toilet, dropped and run over by a car/truck, lost phone, dead battery, pop poured on it, etc...) that could keep a kid from calling/recieving phonecalls.

I think a lot of people take it for granted that cell phones just Always Work. They don't. You should have a back up plan. I use to watch my brother's kids and while they had cell phones (and iteneraries!) I was always given another possible way to contact them or an Adult or Place where they would be. They were active kids so going from school to something, and then maybe another something getting home after dinner. I'd sometimes have to pick them up or drop them off or something. A misplaced/dead Cell Phone would have really messed up the process - hence the back up plans to keep stuff running smoothly.

Especially if you're going to freak out if they don't call you one day after school. How can checking in be THAT important, but simultaneously so unimportant that there aren't backup plans?

[Firebird]

Last week I scheduled some Dr appts for DD so I texted her while she was at school telling her which classes she would miss the next day. I would say the teachers at her school somewhat agree b/c DD has been caught a few times but they accept her explanations (I am texting my Mom) and have never confiscated her phone.

I don't agree with "no texting during school hours FULLSTOP" but I think it's quite reasonable to say that it can't happen during class. There's lunch and between-period breaks for that kind of thing, even if you're texting your mom. It takes two seconds to send a text message, particularly for those of us who do it all the time and are practiced at it (which certainly includes teenagers) so I don't understand why kids would need to do it during class for any reason.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

And people still have landlines "

Really?

We do. I did the math and it'd cost me more to get a cell phone with all the minutes I'd need to have it be my regular phone vs having a landline.

We could get along without one, we just choose not to.

In the OP's scenario I'd probably invest in a cheap landline or get a cheap pay as you go phone to keep on hand at home so my kid always has a way to get ahold of me.

[cubefarmer]

Oh I think my son learned a lesson here (and me!). I did sign the enrollment contract that stated this cell phone rule so I agreed to these rules. They also drug test the kids monthly and his are always clean. We give up a lot of privacy I guess being in a private school.

I don't think public school people can read kids' text messages. 4th Amendment or something.

[rmtvbrooks]

Apr 21, 2011 10:59:22 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Apr 21, 2011 10:57:32 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Sounds like it's time to come up with a Plan B... there are lots of other things that could happen to a cellphone (dropped in the toilet, dropped and run over by a car/truck, lost phone, dead battery, pop poured on it, etc...) that could keep a kid from calling/recieving phonecalls.

I think a lot of people take it for granted that cell phones just Always Work. They don't. You should have a back up plan. I use to watch my brother's kids and while they had cell phones (and iteneraries!) I was always given another possible way to contact them or an Adult or Place where they would be. They were active kids so going from school to something, and then maybe another something getting home after dinner. I'd sometimes have to pick them up or drop them off or something. A misplaced/dead Cell Phone would have really messed up the process - hence the back up plans to keep stuff running smoothly.

Especially if you're going to freak out if they don't call you one day after school. How can checking in be THAT important, but simultaneously so unimportant that there aren't backup plans?

This is true! I always want to hear from my kids that they arrived home safely, mainly because of my son's disabilities (it would be like him to sit there on the bus, looking right at our house, and not get off the bus!). Because it IS important, we have a back-up plan. Our contact is brief, too...just long enough to remind him to lock the door and start homework (if I don't remind him, he'll just sit there and stare at the walls until I get home!). Because the OP's son has special needs, this makes the back-up plan even more important. My daughter is bright enough to figure out that if the cell isn't working, call from the landline to my work number. Poor son isn't quite there yet, so we have to make sure it's all explained clearly (and reviewed periodically, too!).

[Firebird]

Who's permission do they need though? They almost certainly already have parental permission in the form of her signing off on these procedures.

True. And as I said, if you know the rule and you break it, you don't get to complain about the consequences even if they're the most unfair and silly consequences in the world.

"Are they just trying to make sure that he's not regularly on the phone in class? "

Or possibly that he's not on it during tests and cheating?

Good point. Although if you aren't smart enough to delete such texts after the test, you deserve to be caught ;D

[sheilaincali]

And people still have landlines and every public school I've been in has had phones available for kids to call home.

The only people in my immediate family with a landline are my parents. None of my brothers and sisters have landline, none of my close friends have landlines, and none of DS' friends' parents have landlines.

As for the school. There is one phone located in the office that the kids can use with permission from the principal or the secretary. However, the office closes at 4pm for the day and is locked. Practices usually go later than this so a kid is unable to access the office and call a parent if it's after 4pm.

[Firebird]

I had my own series of misfortunate events when in school because I did not have a cell phone (back before everyone and their mother had one) and the event venue had no pay phones, just one of those giant phones at the help desk with thousands of buttons and no one available to tell me how to program it.

And it did result in my dad getting peeved because I had worried him.

That reminds me of a time when I was in middle school and a friend and I were auditioning for a community theater play. We were told to come to an elementary school for auditions. My friend's mom dropped us off before any of us realized that it was the wrong school.

I forget the exact sequence of events but I got into MAJOR trouble for not alerting my mom of the situation - I think we waited around for her in the wrong meeting place and missed her and she got worried or something like that - but I do remember that a few cell phones in the right hands could have circumvented the entire problem.

[ty]

Apr 21, 2011 7:44:10 GMT -5 cubefarmer said:

He was texting in class - a no-no - so he had his phone taken up. He has to pay $15 to get it back and the [private] school is allowed to read through all his text messages, photos, internet surfing history. He doesn't have internet on his phone or capability to send or receive naked pictures, so that's good. I'm sure his texts are eyebrow raising though. He's a 16-year-old boy.

But let me confess my thought process here.....

I'm at work. School lets out. I text him to make sure he has gotten home okay. No answer. I call. I text. No answer. I panic. I wonder if I should call the police. We had an attempted break in the other day (I caught the guy in the act and screamed at him and he left). Police were called. Next day the burglar broke into a neighbors house and now my son isn't responding to my calls and texts. I leave my job 12 miles away and rush home. He's there (huge relief!) and he tells me he had his phone taken up at school.

So I'm thinking - Thank God he only had his phone taken up at school. It's a good thing, because the alternative - what I was thinking - was much worse.

This was my thought process. Along with anger at the school for making me worry and having to leave work early to check on him.

Of course my son is a dumb a$$ for texting in class.

He broke the class rule while in school. Instead of attacking the school and their rules that he broke, maybe you should look at your son and start tossing the questions his way on why he refused to follow the class rules.

However, I don't think or believe any kid in school should have a cell phone to begin with. I grew up in a time and era where I walked two miles to school, two miles back home, and even did it in the snow. We didn't have backpacks either, we had book-straps, we didn't have phones and we survived just fine.

Today, kids are too spoiled imo and they need to spend more time learning in class rather then texting and playing video games under their desk.

No need to attack and criticize to school on this one, your kid broke the rules, cough up the money and take away the cell phone, better yet, cancel is ability of texting on his phone. Then call him after schools out to see if he's home or not, and just because you call him on a cell at home, it doesn't mean he's really home, and even if he is home, you have no idea on what he and hos buds are doing while the parent is at work.
Don't blame the school, put the blame where it belongs, your kid!

[Firebird]

Kreepy, your avatar is all kinds of disturbing

[ty]

Apr 21, 2011 11:28:42 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Kreepy, your avatar is all kinds of disturbing

[hoops902]

"grew up in a time and era where I walked two moles to school"

What happened to the moles once you arrived? Did the school provide cages? Did you let them free? (and if so, did you have to find 2 new ones every morning or did they find their way home like pigeons?)

[ty]

Apr 21, 2011 11:30:33 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

"grew up in a time and era where I walked two moles to school"

What happened to the moles once you arrived? Did the school provide cages? Did you let them free? (and if so, did you have to find 2 new ones every morning or did they find their way home like pigeons?)

[rmtvbrooks]

Then call him after schools out to see if he's home or not, and just because you call him on a cell at home, it doesn't mean he's really home, and even if he is home, you have no idea on what he and hos buds are doing while the parent is at work.

This is precisely why my son's cell phone stays at home on the coffee table! He can't get to it until he gets home. When he gets old enough carry the phone with him, I will probably subscribe to the parent locator service with Verizon. It uses the GPS locator in the phone to alert you if the phone is not where it's supposed to be. I know it seems a bit like spying, but my son is so gullible, he would fall for just about anything. Keeping an eye on him is crucial because of his disability.

[Gardening Grandma]

Apr 21, 2011 11:14:47 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

And people still have landlines and every public school I've been in has had phones available for kids to call home.

The only people in my immediate family with a landline are my parents. None of my brothers and sisters have landline, none of my close friends have landlines, and none of DS' friends' parents have landlines.

As for the school. There is one phone located in the office that the kids can use with permission from the principal or the secretary. However, the office closes at 4pm for the day and is locked. Practices usually go later than this so a kid is unable to access the office and call a parent if it's after 4pm.

And NONE of the kids' friends have cell phones that he can borrow??? Really? <raises eyebrow>

A friend (who is a teacher) said one day, the classroom phone went out. Cell phones were against the rules, but she asked the class if anyone could loan her one to call the office. 3/4 of the kids volunteered to loan her their phones.......

Landlines may well be going the way of the dinosauer, but I know only two people who have gotten rid of theirs. And cell service IS sporadic. A family got stranded in the Oregon mountains a few years ago - there was no cell service. The wife and toddlers were rescued, but the father died trying to reach help.

My point is that cell phones are a huge convenience. But, for kids, they are neither a necessity nor an entitlement.

[schildi]

Apr 21, 2011 10:56:46 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

"And people still have landlines "

Really?

Yes, we do.

[ty]

A friend (who is a teacher) said one day, the classroom phone went out. Cell phones were against the rules, but she asked the class if anyone could loan her one to call the office. 3/4 of the kids volunteered to loan her their phones.......

That's odd, most teacher already carry a cell phone for the sole purpose to contact the police in case of an emergency. Maybe your friend needs to get with the times and buy a cell.

Landlines may well be going the way of the dinosaur, but I know only two people who have gotten rid of theirs. And cell service IS sporadic. A family got stranded in the Oregon mountains a few years ago - there was no cell service. The wife and toddlers were rescued, but the father died trying to reach help.

I still have a landline in my home. I have no use for my cell for when I am home either, and I don't like people texting me. If they have anything to say, they can all me up or stop by and say it in person.

My point is that cell phones are a huge convenience. But, for kids, they are neither a necessity nor an entitlement.

Kids spend way too much time on computers and cell phones. They are losing their social skills as they are growing up and this will be a big problem in the future. Kids need to learn to run and play, interact, and develop muscle and bone strength as they are growing up. They don't need to be sitting in a classroom all day and then going home sitting the rest of the day on a computer or yapping and texting on a cell.

Personally, I feel kids should be banned from bringing their cells to schools. They are there to learn, not to text.

[gooddecisions]

"He was texting in class - a no-no - so he had his phone taken up."

Has anyone tried having a conversation with somebody while they are texting or playing on their phone? It's nearly impossible and extremely annoying. I'm amazed that teachers have the patience to deal with it at all considering they are not just conversing- they are educating. And quite frankly, I can't believe the punishment isn't more severe when the phone is pulled out during class. I agree with the others who have said this is yours and your son's fault not the schools. You should support the school and your teachers instead of being POTP.

Since your son can't remember your phone number (and you know this about him), I would make a laminated cheat sheet of important phone numbers and staple it to the inside of his back pack. I would also make a laminated cheat sheet for home and the car. This seems to be the real issue since you require interdaily contact with him in order to not freak out and it would provide him any number of options if he lost possession of his phone.

It is not the school's fault, you both know the rules and should have appropriate contingency plans.

ETA- also make sure there is a cheat sheet in all his technology- ipod, laptop, ireader, etc. Finally, make sure you have a cheat sheet of phone numbers for his close friends- and they aren't just locked in your phone. It's a very simple fix.

[Firebird]

Has anyone tried having a conversation with somebody while they are texting or playing on their phone? It's nearly impossible and extremely annoying.

In our apartment, this is called "an average weeknight." Pathetic, I know. I'm not as naturally outdoorsy as DF is, but I do love hiking with him, if only because it's one of the rare occasions where he will stop buying fish on his !@#$ing phone for 5 minutes.

Of course, I just opened a virtual restaurant and in between posting messages here, that's what I've been working on all morning. So I can't talk.

When people talk about Droid apps being addictive, they are *not* kidding around.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Apr 21, 2011 11:35:08 GMT -5 @rmtvbrooks said:

Then call him after schools out to see if he's home or not, and just because you call him on a cell at home, it doesn't mean he's really home, and even if he is home, you have no idea on what he and hos buds are doing while the parent is at work.

This is precisely why my son's cell phone stays at home on the coffee table! He can't get to it until he gets home. When he gets old enough carry the phone with him, I will probably subscribe to the parent locator service with Verizon. It uses the GPS locator in the phone to alert you if the phone is not where it's supposed to be. I know it seems a bit like spying, but my son is so gullible, he would fall for just about anything. Keeping an eye on him is crucial because of his disability.

My boss uses his google/gmail to do this to his kids. He busts them on a semi-regular basis.

[ty]

Apr 21, 2011 12:50:08 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Apr 21, 2011 11:35:08 GMT -5 @rmtvbrooks said:

Then call him after schools out to see if he's home or not, and just because you call him on a cell at home, it doesn't mean he's really home, and even if he is home, you have no idea on what he and hos buds are doing while the parent is at work.

This is precisely why my son's cell phone stays at home on the coffee table! He can't get to it until he gets home. When he gets old enough carry the phone with him, I will probably subscribe to the parent locator service with Verizon. It uses the GPS locator in the phone to alert you if the phone is not where it's supposed to be. I know it seems a bit like spying, but my son is so gullible, he would fall for just about anything. Keeping an eye on him is crucial because of his disability.

My boss uses his google/gmail to do this to his kids. He busts them on a semi-regular basis.

[Gardening Grandma]

Kids spend way too much time on computers and cell phones. They are losing their social skills as they are growing up and this will be a big problem in the future. Kids need to learn to run and play, interact, and develop muscle and bone strength as they are growing up. They don't need to be sitting in a classroom all day and then going home sitting the rest of the day on a computer or yapping and texting on a cell.

At the mall, last week, I observed 6 kids sitting together in a group. None of them were talking to each other. They were all texting. Now they COULD have been texting each other, but there was no facial interaction, no gestures, no vocal interaction. I wonder if they will learn to read body language, to listen to someone else and respond appropriately, if they will learn to pick up on verbal and non-verbal cues. I do wonder how they will do in a job interview....

[sheilaincali]

And NONE of the kids' friends have cell phones that he can borrow??? Really? <raises eyebrow>

My kid has a cell phone, but he has never gotten in trouble for using in at school. My point was that you can't always assume that everyone still has a landline or that kids have access to phones to use at school. FWIW during this past school year my son texted me before school to tell me he forgot a school book at home and called once from the office to have me bring his glasses to school because his contacts were bothering him.

[lulubean]

Especially if you're going to freak out if they don't call you one day after school. How can checking in be THAT important, but simultaneously so unimportant that there aren't backup plans?

Good point hoops.