Surprise Honeymoon: Thoughts?

[Firebird]

Sorry to keep bending everyone's ears about my wedding (I totally promised myself I wouldn't be That Girl; FAIL, but at least it's just YM and I'm mostly anonymous here as opposed to annoying everyone around me IRL ).

Anyway, as of this weekend the plan is to get married in Lake Tahoe on October 1st. We were planning to head out there on Thursday or Friday for pre-wedding stuff like the rehearsal dinner and visiting family and so forth. Then the wedding on Saturday. Sunday, we figure, will be a lot of visiting with family and friends in between waving goodbye as people take off for the airport.

Originally, we were planning to then take an extra 2-3 days in Tahoe on our own (figuring that pretty much everyone would be gone by then and we could have a little time to ourselves). However, I had an idea last night - I think it would be a lot more fun to whisk DF away for a couple of days and not tell him about it until the last minute ;D

There's a hotel in Illinois that we've been wanting to stay in forever called Sybaris. I can use my points to fly us out there on Monday morning and get a three-day package (this place isn't cheap but it is well within the budget I had in mind for our hotel anyway, especially considering we won't have to pay for the flights).

He would need at least six days off for us to do this (Friday to Thursday) so I planned to call his boss on the sly and make sure that's cool before booking the tickets (he already told DF that he could take whatever time he needed, so I'm sure it will be). Then I'd tell him either before the wedding or right after.

Any thoughts? Has anyone ever done this before?

[Firebird]

A link to the suite I have in mind in case anyone is curious:

sybaris.com/paradiseswim.php

[whoisjohngalt]

What if HE is planning some surprise too?

Lena

[CarolinaKat]

My boss's wife did this for their anniversary 2 years ago. His boss approved the time off and they had a lovely long weekend in NYC. The only problem is his boss forgot to tell my boss's direct reports that we would be without for 3 days. Went pretty well in spite of that.

[whoisjohngalt]

BTW, you are allowed to talk about your wedding every day, 100 times a day between now and Oct 1st as long as I get to see pics

Lena

[Firebird]

What if HE is planning some surprise too?

Then that would suck ;D I don't *think* he is... as much as I love DF, he's definitely being a guy about the wedding, wants as little to do with the planning as possible. I don't believe he would think of doing something like this, although you never know - he might surprise me!

Hopefully he'd have the foresight to ask my boss for permission and the latter could either give me a head's up or tell DF no.

[Firebird]

Apr 18, 2011 10:43:29 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

BTW, you are allowed to talk about your wedding every day, 100 times a day between now and Oct 1st as long as I get to see pics

Lena

Deal!

I hired the photographer this weekend. She is very nice and I like her pictures a lot.

We also chose a ceremony venue. Now I'm trying to decide whether we should do the reception there or if it would bankrupt us to do it at the place we really want. I'm fine with either, honestly, but Option B would be one unforgettable party.

[thyme4change]

I think it is an awesome idea!

[Deleted]

I like it, but I would also check with his best guy friend to make sure he is not up to something, not just asking his boss for the time off.

[qofcc]

I think it's great that you want to plan something special for him and you're an organized gal so I'm sure you'll think of everything, but if someone did that to me, I'd appreciate the thought but not be thrilled about expecting one thing and getting another especially if I didn't have a chance to pack my own things for the place we were going or if I had things going on at work that I planned to do when I got back and the extra time off caused me to have to work like crazy when I got back. But your DF is a guy and I'm sure he's more laid back than I am. Have you thought about telling him that you're going to be going away for those 3 days but the location is going to be a surprise?

[Firebird]

I like it, but I would also check with his best guy friend to make sure he is not up to something, not just asking his boss for the time off.

Good call. I might let his best man in on the secret just to make sure that there's no alternate plan in place.

Have you thought about telling him that you're going to be going away for those 3 days but the location is going to be a surprise?

Well, like I said, the plan was always for us to have a few days to ourselves in Tahoe so the length of time shouldn't be an issue (it would be, at most, one day more than he was planning to be away and not a huge deal) and this wouldn't be the kind of vacation where you have to plan a lot of activities. The room IS the activity (it has its own pool, sauna, hot tub, TV, fridge, massage chairs, the whole nine yards). So I can't think of anything he might need there that he wouldn't need for the same three days in Tahoe.

But that's a good point and when I call up his boss to ask permission I will definitely also make sure there's nothing crucial going on at DF's work during that extra day (there shouldn't be).

[Wisconsin Beth]

Um, I've never been to Sybaris anywhere but we keep hearing from people that the places are NASTY. Look great in photos but not cleaned enough when you're there in person. Everyone knows you're going there for sex. Maybe that's just around here. Like I said, I've never been there but the rumors keep making the rounds...

[Firebird]

Really? A friend went there on her honeymoon, and she said they loved it and specifically mentioned the cleanliness.

I will check Yelp. I'm sure we can find a similar romantic getaway around here if it's really bad. I certainly don't want to pay that kind of money for a place that isn't properly cleaned between occupants.

[Wisconsin Beth]

It could just be the Mequon location too. I'm glad you're going to check.

[thyme4change]

Another option is to go over to Napa - you'll only be a few hours away, and Napa is romantic.

[alabamagal]

Just my opinion, but I don't think I would be too appreciative of the surprise aspect, especially for a honeymoon. I would also feel a little weird knowing that my future spouse/spouse asked my boss for time off. DH and I have been married 25+ years, and I still would not want him to ask my boss for time off. The wedding time is so stressful anyway, I would keep as simple as possible. I would save the "surprise" trip for another time.

[Firebird]

Umm... haha... the Yelp reviews are not exactly SFW. However, so far everyone seems pretty pleased *blush*

[Firebird]

Definitely something to that, georgiagal. I personally would love a surprise like this and I *think* DF would too but maybe this isn't the best time. Well, nothing is decided yet.

Asking the boss is no problem, though. I already know the guy and he wouldn't mind, especially since DF already told him approximately which dates and he said it would be fine. I think in some cases it would be awkward but DF knows my boss too and it would be totally cool if the shoe were on the other foot.

[thyme4change]

I'm surprised that so many people would be angry about the surprise, given that marriages break up because there is no excitement and just get boring.

I know people that have done surprises, and even surprise honeymoons. I've never once heard someone say "I would have had a much better time if my sweety would have only packed my green t-shirt instead of the blue one." Although I did know someone who came home with a couple new items of clothes because the packing wasn't all together perfect.

Only you can know if your DF would be irritated by a surprise or not. If he is a "go with it" kind of person, he will probably think it is great. If he is a control freak who can't get comfortable when the situation changes, then, yes, I wouldn't make it a surprise.

[Firebird]

I would definitely not describe him as a control freak. Nor would I necessarily say he's "go with the flow." I feel like after knowing him for seven years I should know something this basic about his personality but I honestly don't know if he would appreciate being surprised in this way. He might think it's great, or he might be a little freaked at the idea of flying across the country with no prior warning. It's kind of a gamble.

I've never tried anything like this before, so that's why I don't really know for sure. We're spontaneous in the sense that we go on a lot of adventures without planning them beforehand, but that's together. So I don't know if he would like this or not.

[gooddecisions]

What if you tell him that you'd like to do something special for him for the honeymoon? You can then suggest that you want it to be a surprise so you can't tell him any details but it involves an extra night somewhere else. That way he knows something is coming and won't be completely caught off guard. It also gives him a chance to step up and do something special for you without compromising your plan.

[Deleted]

Let me suggest a middle ground: tell him you're whisking him away somewhere but don't tell him where. I know that if I were looking forward to 3 days in Tahoe with nothing to do and you said, "Surprise! We have to get up for a 7:30 AM flight tomorrow", I would not be happy. You can even drop a few hints: what he packs for Tahoe will be fine, what you've planned won't break the bank, and it will be a place where the 2 of you will have plenty of time to relax. I took DH to a surprise destination for a landmark birthday- a B&B we enjoyed so much we went there several more times before we moved out of the area. He knew the dates and that it was a road trip, but that was it. It worked out well.

A friend of mine married a control freak who planned the entire honeymoon, every detail, as a surprise for her. It turned out to be a spare-no-expense Caribbean cruise. They had a good time (and bought lots of stuff) but his control freak ways got to her and the marriage lasted less than a year. During the divorce, he insisted she pay for "her" half of the honeymoon.

[shanendoah]

I think you might need to find a middle ground between surprise and full disclosure. Especially if you're driving to Tahoe, he should know that you're planning on a plane trip. You need things to occupy your time during the wait in the terminal and in flight in a way you don't when you drive and then spend time at a location.

In my case, DH has claustraphobia and motion sickness issues which means that I can never surprise him with a 4 hour plus flight. I wouldn't have to tell him where we're going, but he would have to know we were getting on a plane and for how long to mentally prepare himself for the experience.

So I would suggest you let DF know that you're planning a surpise that involves a plane ride of X hours long. You don't have to tell him more than that (hence maintaining surprise) but it lets him be prepared.
Plus, weather in Tahoe and Illinois at that time of year might be drastically different, so there's no having to spoil the surprise when you insist on heavy winter jacket or something, even though the Tahoe forcast is for sunny.

[Firebird]

During the divorce, he insisted she pay for "her" half of the honeymoon.

Ouch! What a meanie! I'd tell him to shove it

I really like the idea of a middle-ground approach, and I will use it. I think I'll start off by asking him if it's okay if I plan a surprise honeymoon for us that is three days in duration and give him the dates. If he's cool, I'll plunge ahead.

[illinicheme]

Sounds like the middle ground approach is the way to go. Keep us posted on his response.

For me personally, I've done surprises and been surprised with good success, but it was usually just a one-day event. (Surprised DH with a hockey game once and a concert another time. DH has surprised me a couple of times - the biggest of which was surprising me with tickets to see my college basketball team when we happened to be on campus. I cannot for the life of me remember how we ended up driving from Chicago to Champaign-Urbana without me thinking anything was weird.)

For something as big as a honeymoon - I don't know how I'd respond. I usually prefer to be kept in the loop.

[gooddecisions]

Too bad none of the men are weighing in on this topic. Some male opinions is what you really need but I don't see anything bad that can come out of you giving him a head's up that you're planning a surprise. Hopefully, he'll take some initiative and plan something romantic for you.

[thyme4change]

I do have a question about why leaving such a beautiful area like Lake Tahoe is even necessary. I would think you could find a great hotel room with lot of amenities and lots of great food and such a beautiful area. Do you already spend a lot of time there, or is it close to home? ‘Cause I would find that a great place to honeymoon. I would save the other vacation for another time. But…I don’t get to Tahoe enough to find it old news, whereas some people spend a lot of time there – so I understand if that is the situation.

[Firebird]

Yeah, we could use some guys weighing in here.

It's not that Tahoe is a bad place to spend a honeymoon - it's gorgeous! That's (part of) why we're choosing to get married there. But yes, it's close. About a three-hour drive. We go there a lot and it's not as "special" in terms of a destination. We could have a romantic weekend there anytime we wanted.

[thyme4change]

That makes perfect sense then. Getting away is nice. Tahoe is "away" for us, but I would feel that Sedona isn't special enough.

About getting the guys to weigh in - My personal opinion is that just because one guy has one opinion doesn't mean that every guy thinks that way. "Guys" is a pretty broad group of people.

[Firebird]

That makes perfect sense then. Getting away is nice. Tahoe is "away" for us, but I would feel that Sedona isn't special enough.

DF was waxing nostalgic the other night about the time when I was about to graduate from college and we went to Sedona together. It was quite sweet.