Do You Vacation With Other Couples?

[daisylu]

Like in the same house?

In a recent ride some of the couples were talking about a house they rented and will rent again later this year, even though the house itself sounded horrible to me. This is nothing new, we have listened to them talk about vacationing in houses and cabins together for a couple of years. It used to be suggested that we come along in the past, but since we never have it has not come up recently.

Anyway, yesterday I brought it up to DH to see if it would be something he would be interested in. Thankfully, he said he didn't think he would be comfortable (which I kind of knew because when we stopped at one guy's house a couple of weeks ago on our way to dinner, he, his wife, her brother, and his wife were headed to the same place and suggested we all go together. DH declined and we went alone.)

I added that I didn't think I would be comfortable - mostly because I tend to dress in ways that I don't at home, and I like to wear as little as possible in a vacation place.

I also said it'd be weird to think about hearing people we know having sex. DH said he doubts they are having sex. He is close to someone who takes couples vacations and that guy is very graphic, so that info is likely accurate. I was shocked. These are healthy, attractive people, younger than 55. I am 48 and don't want to imagine no sex vacations. These are all couples who are either childless or whose kids have launched, so no kids involved in vacation. Seems weird to me.

That got way longer than I intended.

Do you vacation with other couples, and kids? If so what are the advantages or disadvantages?

[steph08]

We have once, over a decade ago. We were young and childless and it was fine!

We went on several vacations with family friends when I was a kid as well - our families are still friends, so I think it all worked out.

I think it has to be the right group of people and a schedule needs to be agreed on beforehand - all in alignment about eating in vs dining out, activities together or separate, etc.

[giramomma]

No. Not only do we not have couple friends, but we don't have time/money to vacation.

We got a four day long weekend this year. I think that will be it.

We did share a rental with my MIL once, and then both my inlaws once. Both experiences were quite fine.

[tractor]

We have occasionally rented a large house with several couples for the weekend. There's usually lots of card playing and drinking involved and we have a good time.

As for a "real" vacation to some far away place, the older I get, the more I would appreciate having another couple to travel with, but for now that's not happening. Too much coordination required for a simple get away, let alone trying to deal with multiple schedules.

[finnime]

With my siblings, yes. And we've stayed at friends' houses before, in Toronto and soon, in Albuquerque. It has always been fine and fun. We have never stayed at a shared vacation property with other couples, though.

[wvugurl26]

We have done it many times before. You definitely need to be very careful about who you go with. DH prefers to have other people go.

This October will be the third year going to the beach for a week with my family. The first year the house and parking was a little tight. There were some moments but overall it was fine. My dad really wanted that vacation and I'm glad we made it happen. My aunt passed away the following March. Last October we had only my uncle, grandma and dad and that went great.

We've gone twice with DH's family to the Outer Banks and that is mostly a never again. I'm not on vacation to cook three meals a day. I don't do that at home and it's free to do so at home! We may go again but it will be a different location with easier access to groceries and multiple restaurants. DH's uncle has asked his oldest sister to plan something.

I've gone places with my aunt's family several times and DH and I went to Nashville with them. We also went after Christmas to their beach house the year they owned that.

We have one couple and their kids that we've vacationed with twice. We usually bring our nephew that is around the age of their kids. They all play nicely together when it's the three of them, cuts down on the sibling squabbles. We are in general agreement on activities, meals, both pitch in, etc. The wife is happy to let the planning be done and show up and I am used to planning and a tiny bit Type A.

We went to the beach for my birthday with another couple. That was a one and done. We probably knew that going in.

There's one other couple in DH's best friend group that is a maybe on a long weekend basis. Also not as compatible in terms of meals, getting crap done, etc. I wouldn't do it for a week and definitely not in a vacation rental house situation. We have traveled with them to resorts in the Caribbean but everyone gets their own room, meals are provided and it was always with several other couples at a minimum. That couple went to Florida for a long weekend with 2 other couples and missed their flight home and had to drive.

For siblings, always to my brother and DH's oldest sister. His youngest sister is a maybe and his brother is a no unless we planned it. His brother behaves much better when it's not his turf.

All of these examples to say that it has worked well for us with some people and others are a never again or only in certain scenarios. It is also nice to get extra space that a house provides and that usually requires other people to share the expense at least where we want to go. We got a place last minute at the beach last year for us for my birthday. It was just big enough for us and a reasonable price. But it was a condo and the floors were way too thin.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Yes, with siblings and cousins.  The first week of August Carrot and I are staying at a big cabin up north with my brother and his wife, sister and her husband and son, and dad and stepmom.  We used to do this every year, but haven't since covid.  It's really fun. There's a lot of time spent just visiting and prepping the next meals, there will be a puzzle, lots of alcohol, trails to hike, fishing, and the cabin has a big game room complete with arcade games so the kids will not get bored.

I've also shared 2 bedroom timeshares with cousins and their spouses.  My family is all fine with uber casual and I can honestly say I don't think I've ever heard sex sounds from another room.  LOL

[Cookies Galore]

We have an annual long weekend with two other couples at my friend's family cabin. It's small; there's one bedroom and a giant loft with two beds, so no action aside from husband groping me occasionally. We're just there to party, anyway. We'd go on a longer vacation with them (the other couples go somewhere most years) but our schedule never meets up with theirs. Plus husband has very limited PTO (10 days) so I tend to plan trips early.

We've been to the Outer Banks with my family (mom, sister and BIL, their kids, their friend couple, and sister's in-laws) and we go down the shore every year with husband's family (mom, siblings, and the one sister's family). We may or may not have quietly messed around on those trips. But I can also easily not touch my husband for a week.

We went to Aruba a couple of years ago with another couple and we had our own hotel rooms. We hung out and went on excursions together, and just did the occasional individual couple only thing.

[toomuchreality]

When I was married, it was common for us to vacation with other couples. Usually everyone made their own travel arrangements. Then we'd share a houseboat at Lake Powell, or all camp in a certain area and go water skiing/fishing. Or if we went to someplace like Vegas, we got our own rooms, but hung out together, for the most part.
We had some good times.
Only once, was there a problem. The girlfriend/guest of one friend, was caught making out with another friend, who had recently divorced. That got real ugly, real quick.

[jerseygirl]

We’ve vacationed with another couple yearly for many years. The guys have known each other from kindergarten and his wife and I from ages 20. We rented a shore house for 2 weeks yearly for about 20 years. Been on vacations to many other places also. Have chartered sail boats with them and other couples speaking of close quarters!!
No problems with any of the couples. But need to be compatible with cleanliness, behavior, activities, spending and eating out
We’ve also had vacations with our kids families, in 2BR 2bath spacious and nice timeshares in Hawaii and also on chartered sailing trips, last summer in 2 boats with 12 family members, spouses, girlfriends.
So we’ve rarely gone on vacation just by ourselves mostly in Europe or Hawaii

[minnesotapaintlady]

Jul 19, 2023 9:17:01 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

We’ve vacationed with another couple yearly for many years. The guys have known each other from kindergarten and his wife and I from ages 20. We rented a shore house for 2 weeks yearly for about 20 years. Been on vacations to many other places also. Have chartered sail boats with them and other couples speaking of close quarters!!
No problems with any of the couples. But need to be compatible with cleanliness, behavior, activities, spending and eating out
We’ve also had vacations with our kids families, in 2BR 2bath spacious and nice timeshares in Hawaii and also on chartered sailing trips, last summer in 2 boats with 12 family members, spouses, girlfriends.
So we’ve rarely gone on vacation just by ourselves mostly in Europe or Hawaii

My dad and stepmom travel almost exclusively with another couple that they have been friends with for decades.  They've gone all over Europe with them since retiring. The wife in the other couple has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's recently so sadly those trips together might be over now.

[resolution]

We do a lot of vacationing with family, but we generally stay in hotels and each couple has their own hotel room. We also do cruises with family and have our own cabins. I like doing this because we have limited vacation time, and if we didn't vacation with extended family we would probably use up all our leave on family visits and never get to go anywhere that is different. It's important for everyone to agree in advance to split up during the day if we want to do different things, because otherwise it would take forever for people to agree on what to do, and someone would end up dissatisfied.

[TheOtherMe]

When I was a kid, all of our family vacations were with other family or friends.  The ones with family, we had separate hotels and each family had it's own car.

On the one with friends, they were are next door neighbors.  At that time, they had not been on a vacations for as long as they had been our neighbors.  Dad had access to a big cabin on a Minnesota lake, so off we went.  Except for a crying baby, I thought it went well but I wasn't an adult.

[swamp]

DH and I have done two trips to Europe (Spain and Italy) with my sister and her husband. 

It works great.  She plans.  I show up. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

Jul 19, 2023 10:27:37 GMT -5 swamp said:

DH and I have done two trips to Europe (Spain and Italy) with my sister and her husband. 

It works great.  She plans.  I show up. 

This is me with my SIL and sister.  They love planning vacations.  I'm a complete wing it type, but it's nice just showing up to their well planned getaways.  If I travel out of the country it will probably be with them as they'll have everything taken care of.

[movingforward]

One thing I miss about not being in a relationship is doing fun vacations with other couples. That may sound weird but I do. The ex and I used to take cruises or go to Vegas, etc. with 3-4 other couples and it was so much fun. Cruises were nice because everyone could do their own thing and then meet back for dinner. Sometimes my BFF and I would leave the guys and go do something different. Sometimes the entire group would go on the same excursion but no one ever felt like they had to do the same thing.

It's probably a totally weird thing to say but I don't really miss being in a relationship but miss doing fun group vacations. Maybe I just need to start joining some group vacation tours or something.

ETA: We didn't vacation in the same house though. That might be a bit much. Maybe okay for a couple of days but not longer.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Jul 19, 2023 11:31:30 GMT -5 movingforward said:

It's probably a totally weird thing to say but I don't really miss being in a relationship but miss doing fun group vacations. Maybe I just need to start joining some group vacation tours or something.

Are you still friends with the couples you used to cruise with?  Go as a single with them or take a girlfriend to cut the room cost. We just got back from a cruise with 24 family members.  I had two cousins that came without a SO, one got a friend to come with her the other one we allocated one of the kids to their room so they'd get the cheaper double rate (they didn't actually have to room with the kid LOL) 

[movingforward]

Jul 19, 2023 11:36:43 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 19, 2023 11:31:30 GMT -5 movingforward said:

It's probably a totally weird thing to say but I don't really miss being in a relationship but miss doing fun group vacations. Maybe I just need to start joining some group vacation tours or something.

Are you still friends with the couples you used to cruise with?  Go as a single with them or take a girlfriend to cut the room cost. We just got back from a cruise with 24 family members.  I had two cousins that came without a SO, one got a friend to come with her the other one we allocated one of the kids to their room so they'd get the cheaper double rate (they didn't actually have to room with the kid LOL) 

My best friend and her husband are no longer together. She and I still travel together, but she is starting to have a lot of health issues so not sure how much longer she is going to be able to travel. Another couple split up and one moved to Atlanta and one moved to Nashville. Everyone is kind of scattered at this point. I need a new group.

[jerseygirl]

Jul 19, 2023 11:31:30 GMT -5 movingforward said:

One thing I miss about not being in a relationship is doing fun vacations with other couples. That may sound weird but I do. The ex and I used to take cruises or go to Vegas, etc. with 3-4 other couples and it was so much fun. Cruises were nice because everyone could do their own thing and then meet back for dinner. Sometimes my BFF and I would leave the guys and go do something different. Sometimes the entire group would go on the same excursion but no one ever felt like they had to do the same thing.

It's probably a totally weird thing to say but I don't really miss being in a relationship but miss doing fun group vacations. Maybe I just need to start joining some group vacation tours or something.

ETA: We didn't vacation in the same house though. That might be a bit much. Maybe okay for a couple of days but not longer.

Call them and go on vacation! Don’t think because you’re not a couple you’re not wanted. Don’t let yourself feel awkward!!

[alabamagal]

We go on our “family” group vacation every year starting Aug 5 in the Florida Keys. We have been doing this for 50 years at same location - well we did 35 years at one place until it got sold, so now we are at a place 2 blocks away. Everyone mostly stays in same room every year, although that changes with family size and other needs. The group is mostly family related, but we have added friends and friends of friends over the years. Activities are mostly boat related (lobstering and fishing). Group has been up to about 50 people, although now getting smaller, maybe 30 this year. Group ranges from my parents in their 80s and 4 generations. Usually have a group potluck dinner at night and just hang out in the evenings.

[jerseygirl]

Alabamagal that must be a really big house
Sounds like lots of fun!

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Yes, but it really depends on who you go with.

Friends of mine used to own a condo in Myrtle Beach.  TD and I, another couple and my friends stayed together for a week.  We did this several times, it worked out very well.  

We went to Mexico with my sister and her (now ex) DH a few times.  

Last year, we went on a river cruise with a few couples last year.  That went well too.  

There is only one woman who I traveled with who I refuse to travel with ever again.  Luckily, I’ll never have to see her again.  She make a trip to Scotland utterly miserable.  Never again.

[toomuchreality]

The one thing I really didn't like when we traveled with others, was that usually I was the only one who didn't drink beer and beer is what everyone brought to drink, all day. There was always TONS of beer. I was allowed to take maybe two 12 packs of sodas, or juices, to last me a week. Then other people would be so happy that someone thought to bring something besides beer and they'd drink all my drinks. That used to really upset me, but I wasn't allowed to say anything.
No wonder I'm not married anymore!

[jerseygirl]

Jul 19, 2023 13:31:38 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

The one thing I really didn't like when we traveled with others, was that usually I was the only one who didn't drink beer and beer is what everyone brought to drink, all day. There was always TONS of beer. I was allowed to take maybe two 12 packs of sodas, or juices, to last me a week. Then other people would be so happy that someone thought to bring something besides beer and they'd drink all my drinks. That used to really upset me, but I wasn't allowed to say anything.
No wonder I'm not married anymore!

ALLOWED?? No way would I abide by this. Was space limited? When we sail there is limited space

[giramomma]

I really hope that my kids nurture their relationships as adults. That's the one nice thing about having four kids and making our family bigger. I really hope we can rent a large house out somewhere and have that be our time to visit.

This way, too hopefully there will be less pressure during the holidays.

 

[daisylu]

Jul 19, 2023 16:55:14 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I really hope that my kids nurture their relationships as adults. That's the one nice thing about having four kids and making our family bigger. I really hope we can rent a large house out somewhere and have that be our time to visit.

This way, too hopefully there will be less pressure during the holidays.

 

For your sake I hope that is true. Sadly in my family it is the opposite. I rarely have anything to do with my sister now, other than communicating when I can get her kids, because she married a narcissist asshole which brought that out in her. And my mom's codependency with sister is a no go with me. Neither contacts me unless they need help. Nope. Brother is ok, but he is on the opposite coast.

You never know what is going to happen with family.

[toomuchreality]

Jul 19, 2023 15:06:17 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Jul 19, 2023 13:31:38 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

The one thing I really didn't like when we traveled with others, was that usually I was the only one who didn't drink beer and beer is what everyone brought to drink, all day. There was always TONS of beer. I was allowed to take maybe two 12 packs of sodas, or juices, to last me a week. Then other people would be so happy that someone thought to bring something besides beer and they'd drink all my drinks. That used to really upset me, but I wasn't allowed to say anything.
No wonder I'm not married anymore!

ALLOWED?? No way would I abide by this. Was space limited? When we sail there is limited space

Hmm... Well, there was PLENTY of room for all the cases of beer. And I felt like if people wanted something besides beer, either they should bring it, or I should be allowed to take/have more than 2 12 packs to drink. My husband had at least 4 cases (36 per=144) of beer, for him to drink during that time.

Yeah. Allowed. That wouldn't fly with me now, either. Not that it did then, but I was afraid and I'd already brought it up to my husband, several times.

[tractor]

Wow, some of you were married to complete assholes, I'm sorry about that.

[toomuchreality]

Jul 19, 2023 18:19:33 GMT -5 tractor said:

Wow, some of you were married to complete assholes, I'm sorry about that.

Yeah that!
Thank you.

[cktc]

I prefer vacations with multiple people if I'm not traveling solo. Nothing against DH, but our travel preferences are different and its always compromising, less than I want to do, more than he wants to do. With other people he can come along to explore or stay in and nap all day and neither of us has to feel guilty for doing what we want.