Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2018 9:48:18 GMT -5
I used to hang out on creditboards.com. Haven't been back in ages but I bet that group would make you feel better. It's for people trying to improve their credit. Most are working to pay off large balances on multiple cards and there are separate sections for those filing BK (or considering it) as well as for Medical Collections and foreclosures. There are some success stories and people genuinely working at improving their situation but there are also people asking if they can get a loan to buy a Corvette 3 years after bankruptcy. If you dare to respond with an implication that the OP should maybe consider a beater car and put the rest in an emergency fund you're flamed for being "judgmental".
Now you know why I spend more time here!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 9, 2018 9:56:57 GMT -5
I recently read a book called Switch that is about making changes in your life and having them stick. An entire chapter is devoted to the advice that instead of constantly focusing on the negative and all the things you did wrong, start searching for the things you do right. Figure out how/why you do those things right and then put that energy towards the things you want to change.
I get down on myself about my career choices A LOT. I decided to take the book's advice and spend a moment thinking about the things I've done right.
I've been steadily employed for 10 years, all but three of those years has been with UNMC. In this economy that is nothing to sneeze at. During all this time I've carried our health insurance, which is extremely affordable here. We'd have been in a real pickle of DH had been the one to have to carry our insurance all these years.
I HATE animal work, but I am damn good at it. Those skills have kept my bread buttered all these years and it's one of the few things that (for the moment at least) cannot be out sourced or fully automated.
I haven't been walking on easy street by any stretch of the imagination but I am not nearly the failure the voices in my head like to paint me as.
Now I am trying to take all that stuff and create a picture for going forward. Another thing the book stresses is breaking things down into little stepping stones rather than getting obsessed with the larger picture. I don't have to pick a career that will last me the next 30+ years of my life. When I try to do that I start having panic attacks and give up.
I have to accept I can't plan that far our because there are too many unknowns. I need to think smaller. The grant I am on is slated to end in three years, that is something I can handle. My focus should be on prepping for my current job going *poof*.
When this job goes *poof* I'd like the next job to not be in academia. That may mean taking a step sideways or even a step backwards. I need to learn to accept that fact so long as those steps take me in the direction I want. Once I am out of academia then I can recalibrate and start planning my next step.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jan 9, 2018 11:35:06 GMT -5
where people have normal salaries and problems. where people don't attack and ridicule those who they politically disagree with? Believe it or not, i'm on several other boards, and while there's a bit of teasing, it's kept a lot more respectful and balanced. Personally I think bogleheads has the right idea with politics in just completely banning it. If it's going to be primarily a money board, the politics just make a lot of people hate each other. Not sure if you can do that with this board because they probably rely on it for a lot of activity. I suggested it awhile back, but I think there are way too many sub-forums here. I think it should be maybe 3-4 and then call it a day. I also think there are too many pinned topics as well. I'm not sure what to think about the average boglehead though. Could there be that many liars in one place or maybe just really successful people gather there. Part of me thinks they are aren't BSing because they do seem to know a lot about random stuff.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jan 9, 2018 12:18:21 GMT -5
where people don't attack and ridicule those who they politically disagree with? Believe it or not, i'm on several other boards, and while there's a bit of teasing, it's kept a lot more respectful and balanced. Personally I think bogleheads has the right idea with politics in just completely banning it. If it's going to be primarily a money board, the politics just make a lot of people hate each other. Not sure if you can do that with this board because they probably rely on it for a lot of activity. I suggested it awhile back, but I think there are way too many sub-forums here. I think it should be maybe 3-4 and then call it a day. I also think there are too many pinned topics as well. I'm not sure what to think about the average boglehead though. Could there be that many liars in one place or maybe just really successful people gather there. Part of me thinks they are aren't BSing because they do seem to know a lot about random stuff. I don't know about 3-4 subforums, but I agree there are way too many of them here--and ones that are never used. And nothing was ever done about the ones that are never used. (ahem Novavax, I'm looking at you )
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jan 9, 2018 12:24:17 GMT -5
I feel like I've completely fucked up my career prospects, and I'm nearly out of time to right that ship. You've got I think 10 years on me. You'll be fine. What's your career field? I know you are in the thick of it right now caring for your mother but there will be a time where that won't be necessary (I'm sorry to say that) and your boys will both be in school. So could you start planning to return to full time employment in the next couple of years? It may not be easy but I doubt, or at least hope, your situation isn't salvageable.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jan 9, 2018 12:42:41 GMT -5
I feel like I've completely fucked up my career prospects, and I'm nearly out of time to right that ship. You've got I think 10 years on me. You'll be fine. What's your career field? I know you are in the thick of it right now caring for your mother but there will be a time where that won't be necessary (I'm sorry to say that) and your boys will both be in school. So could you start planning to return to full time employment in the next couple of years? It may not be easy but I doubt, or at least hope, your situation is salvageable. I was doing an accounting specialty for 15 years until I quit to complete a degree in finance. Finished that 3+ years ago. I'm 45 years old. I look a bit younger than my age, but still very worried about ageism. The youngest will be in full day kindergarten next fall, but I could work FT now, if the job were located in my town. (My mom is now in a nursing home and settled in, so I don't need to be there all the time.) My DH has a job with a 35 mile commute. We are nervous about both being 45 minutes away from the kids, should something happen. I'll still try to go for a job with that commute if it's a good one that gets me further toward my goals.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jan 9, 2018 12:57:56 GMT -5
Lizard Queen - well, you certainly have marketable skills! What about working for Account Temps (or similar company)? It could ease you back into the field and show recent experience on your resume. Where I work, more than one full time employee initially came here via a temp agency. Good luck!
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jan 9, 2018 13:07:42 GMT -5
Lizard Queen - well, you certainly have marketable skills! What about working for Account Temps (or similar company)? It could ease you back into the field and show recent experience on your resume. Where I work, more than one full time employee initially came here via a temp agency. Good luck! I've tried to work through them the last couple years. They keep sending me jobs requiring AP experience whereas I have none. I did land a job on my own, but the pay offered wasn't worth the trouble at the time. I'm sure I'll get something eventually, just probably nothing that reflects my abilities or experience.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jan 9, 2018 13:14:00 GMT -5
At age 56 I've developed the philosophy that I may have not made the best choices in my life but I could have done a lot worse.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 9, 2018 14:15:40 GMT -5
I'm sorry I didn't leave teaching once the kids were no longer little. I spent years at a low paying job instead of using my brain into a well paying field. When I look at my statement from social security, I want to cry about how I wasted my life and my brain.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jan 9, 2018 14:17:50 GMT -5
Well, everyone on boards is rich, thin and gorgeous don'tcha know! Being beautiful, wealthy and trim isn't everything. I speak first hand. 😁
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 9, 2018 14:39:29 GMT -5
Well, everyone on boards is rich, thin and gorgeous don'tcha know! Being beautiful, wealthy and trim isn't everything. I speak first hand. 😁 😂👍🏻👏🏻
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2018 14:43:19 GMT -5
At age 56 I've developed the philosophy that I may have not made the best choices in my life but I could have done a lot worse. I try not to dwell on the crap I screwed up because if I think about some of it too much it makes me a little ill. Plus, you never REALLY know where different choices would have taken you. You can speculate that life would have been just rainbows and unicorns if you'd done A instead of B, but maybe it would have been worse?
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Jan 9, 2018 15:48:31 GMT -5
I'm sorry I didn't leave teaching once the kids were no longer little. I spent years at a low paying job instead of using my brain into a well paying field. When I look at my statement from social security, I want to cry about how I wasted my life and my brain.I hear you, but that is what investing is for. I could have done a lot of different things. I chose not to, for a variety of reasons, and probably made less than you. Still, I am retired in my fifties. When I start to really pull money out of my accounts, I will be on track to make more in retirement than I ever did working full-time. I probably won't anyway, because I don't need that much, but it will be there barring any huge collapse in the next few years. Yes, it is more difficult to pull off if you don't choose a better-paid career, but it is not impossible. I look at my SS statement and think, "Yeah, but oh well, it was my choice. I might do some things differently given the opportunity but I can't complain too much."
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 9, 2018 15:51:05 GMT -5
At age 56 I've developed the philosophy that I may have not made the best choices in my life but I could have done a lot worse. I try not to dwell on the crap I screwed up because if I think about some of it too much it makes me a little ill. Plus, you never REALLY know where different choices would have taken you. You can speculate that life would have been just rainbows and unicorns if you'd done A instead of B, but maybe it would have been worse? DH reminds me when I get on a negative rant that if I did things differently I quite likely would never have met him and in turn, would never have had the girls.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jan 9, 2018 16:32:53 GMT -5
NomoreDramaQ1015, is that book Switch - How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Dan Heath ?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 9, 2018 16:33:13 GMT -5
NomoreDramaQ1015 , is that book Switch - How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Dan Heath ? That's the one.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 9, 2018 16:33:46 GMT -5
What's your career field? I know you are in the thick of it right now caring for your mother but there will be a time where that won't be necessary (I'm sorry to say that) and your boys will both be in school. So could you start planning to return to full time employment in the next couple of years? It may not be easy but I doubt, or at least hope, your situation is salvageable. I was doing an accounting specialty for 15 years until I quit to complete a degree in finance. Finished that 3+ years ago. I'm 45 years old. I look a bit younger than my age, but still very worried about ageism. The youngest will be in full day kindergarten next fall, but I could work FT now, if the job were located in my town. (My mom is now in a nursing home and settled in, so I don't need to be there all the time.) My DH has a job with a 35 mile commute. We are nervous about both being 45 minutes away from the kids, should something happen. I'll still try to go for a job with that commute if it's a good one that gets me further toward my goals. I don't think that's such a huge setback. My husband gave up a career to be with me. He SHOULD have broke up with me to pursue some job experience outside our state. (I wasn't interested in pursuing a long distance relationship..) But, he chose to stay with me, there by dooming him to never have any career. He's 42. The last time he worked full time was 24? He's never getting a full time/career type job.. All things given now...this path is just about the worst he could have taken. So...three years out of the workforce doesn't seem so bad...
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jan 9, 2018 16:37:05 GMT -5
NomoreDramaQ1015 , is that book Switch - How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Dan Heath ? That's the one. Okay that one and Fire and Fury : Inside the Trump White House are on my to get list. I heard reviews on the Fire and Fury this morning on the radio, a number of people were surprised that it's a very interesting read.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2018 16:45:37 GMT -5
Colonel Sanders is my hero. Seriously, he lived the mantra that it's never too late to reinvent yourself. He was in the Army, he delivered babies, he was a lawyer, an insurance salesman, a steamboat captain, a gas station attendant and didn't start Kentucky Fried Chicken until he was 65 years old when he was sick of living off of a $105/month SS check.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jan 9, 2018 16:49:29 GMT -5
I was doing an accounting specialty for 15 years until I quit to complete a degree in finance. Finished that 3+ years ago. I'm 45 years old. I look a bit younger than my age, but still very worried about ageism. The youngest will be in full day kindergarten next fall, but I could work FT now, if the job were located in my town. (My mom is now in a nursing home and settled in, so I don't need to be there all the time.) My DH has a job with a 35 mile commute. We are nervous about both being 45 minutes away from the kids, should something happen. I'll still try to go for a job with that commute if it's a good one that gets me further toward my goals. I don't think that's such a huge setback. My husband gave up a career to be with me. He SHOULD have broke up with me to pursue some job experience outside our state. (I wasn't interested in pursuing a long distance relationship..) But, he chose to stay with me, there by dooming him to never have any career. He's 42. The last time he worked full time was 24? He's never getting a full time/career type job.. All things given now...this path is just about the worst he could have taken. So...three years out of the workforce doesn't seem so bad... I kind of did something similar with X. I envisioned myself working either in NYC as a hot shot lawyer or in DC for the Feds. Then I met him and got all... domesticated. While I adore DS, I'd be lying if sometimes I didn't wonder what my life would have been like if I had gotten the JD or moved to DC.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jan 9, 2018 17:06:58 GMT -5
At age 56 I've developed the philosophy that I may have not made the best choices in my life but I could have done a lot worse. I try not to dwell on the crap I screwed up because if I think about some of it too much it makes me a little ill. Plus, you never REALLY know where different choices would have taken you. You can speculate that life would have been just rainbows and unicorns if you'd done A instead of B, but maybe it would have been worse? Exactly. I think there's a human tendency to think the grass is always greener when in fact the manure might just be deeper.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 9, 2018 17:44:53 GMT -5
We're basically back to living paycheck to paycheck. Yeah we've got a bit of savings but that was only because dh got a whoming bonus lat year. He got a raise and we promptly spent it on toys instead of repairing the house or towards savings goals.
About 95% of our money is in retirement funds.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jan 9, 2018 18:14:45 GMT -5
We're basically back to living paycheck to paycheck. Yeah we've got a bit of savings but that was only because dh got a whoming bonus lat year. He got a raise and we promptly spent it on toys instead of repairing the house or towards savings goals. About 95% of our money is in retirement funds. That is us too. Our savings are pretty slim. I did pay off the mattress and a medical bill at the end of the year. Still have a car payment and mortgage, but it feels better to have those 2 bills out of the way even if they were 0 percent interest.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Jan 9, 2018 18:31:58 GMT -5
I don't think that's such a huge setback. My husband gave up a career to be with me. He SHOULD have broke up with me to pursue some job experience outside our state. (I wasn't interested in pursuing a long distance relationship..) But, he chose to stay with me, there by dooming him to never have any career. He's 42. The last time he worked full time was 24? He's never getting a full time/career type job.. All things given now...this path is just about the worst he could have taken. So...three years out of the workforce doesn't seem so bad... I kind of did something similar with X. I envisioned myself working either in NYC as a hot shot lawyer or in DC for the Feds. Then I met him and got all... domesticated. While I adore DS, I'd be lying if sometimes I didn't wonder what my life would have been like if I had gotten the JD or moved to DC. I did this twice. Finally had to admit to myself it wasn't ex or DH, I'm just domestic. If I really wanted to pursue my fantasized globe trotting career it would have been a priority. I mean, if I was so confident in the relationships being able to follow my dreams shouldn't have been an issue. Still fun to fantasize, and think maybe some day, but I realize now it is much more than an SO that has kept me on my quaint little path.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2018 19:05:18 GMT -5
At our ages (70 and 78) we have more than what we need and the smarts to know we didn't get there totally by either our smart choices or luck-of-the draw inheritance. It's often hard to see where choice and dumb luck intersect. Yeah, the $30,000 grand we got from his dad was a great jump start but we were already maxing out IRA's and 403-b's and everything else while our friends were living large. And we are still living that way mostly. Friends have the large pretty houses in gated communities; we pay $710.82 a month for long-term care insurance and live in 1,366 square feet, visit amazing museums monthly (really cheap with senior memberships!) and love our lives at this point. But, surrounded by so many friends and neighbors who are dealing with the issues of aging, we know that our choices and assets won't really alter the future. Make it a little more comfortable, yes. Wow, I don't know why I thought you were at least a decade younger than that.Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment! I think we take a positive approach to life and really enjoy staying involved in stuff which helps. We are both current affairs/foreign policy nerds who enjoy participating in various forums and discussion groups on these topics.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 9, 2018 19:08:19 GMT -5
it's not the salary, it's the slew of mistake I've made/am making. No doubt that working hard and staying focused makes success very likely, but a lot is good fortune. God, having the "right partner" is a complete crap shoot and has the potential to make or break you financially. I’ve made a ton of financial mistakes. Hell, just mistakes in general. I would be so much better off financially (and emotionally!) if I hadn’t married my ex. It the fact that I worked part-time for many years after I had my children. I did so planning on a combined retirement savings that suddenly became just mine when I was 43. I had to pick myself up (emotionally first and then financially) and come up with a plan to get back to where I need to be. My financial self now is miles ahead of where I was 10 years ago. I’ve also made tons of financial mistakes. I lost $70k on a house I built because I sold when the housing market tanked. There have been some humdingers of straight out investment mistakes too But I don’t let my mistakes define me. The past is the past. All that matters is working towards my future goals
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2018 19:10:02 GMT -5
I try not to dwell on the crap I screwed up because if I think about some of it too much it makes me a little ill. Plus, you never REALLY know where different choices would have taken you. You can speculate that life would have been just rainbows and unicorns if you'd done A instead of B, but maybe it would have been worse? Exactly. I think there's a human tendency to think the grass is always greener when in fact the manure might just be deeper.I don't think we have a POTD thing anymore, but if we do I nominate Bonny's comment.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jan 9, 2018 19:10:44 GMT -5
I kind of did something similar with X. I envisioned myself working either in NYC as a hot shot lawyer or in DC for the Feds. Then I met him and got all... domesticated. While I adore DS, I'd be lying if sometimes I didn't wonder what my life would have been like if I had gotten the JD or moved to DC. I did this twice. Finally had to admit to myself it wasn't ex or DH, I'm just domestic. If I really wanted to pursue my fantasized globe trotting career it would have been a priority. I mean, if I was so confident in the relationships being able to follow my dreams shouldn't have been an issue. Still fun to fantasize, and think maybe some day, but I realize now it is much more than an SO that has kept me on my quaint little path. Me Three. There's a part of me that would have loved to have a high-powered career, but in my heart I'm really just a domestic girl with pretty fierce nesting instincts and a love of animals, cooking/baking, knitting and gardening. In my fantasies it would have been *awesome* to swagger down the halls of power in a pencil skirt and heels, but my reality is I don't even polish my nails because it's a struggle just to keep garden dirt cleaned out from underneath them
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 9, 2018 19:45:19 GMT -5
I did this twice. Finally had to admit to myself it wasn't ex or DH, I'm just domestic. If I really wanted to pursue my fantasized globe trotting career it would have been a priority. I mean, if I was so confident in the relationships being able to follow my dreams shouldn't have been an issue. Still fun to fantasize, and think maybe some day, but I realize now it is much more than an SO that has kept me on my quaint little path. But, we're not talking about globetrotting. We're talking about being able to reasonably compete for full time employment. In a GOOD year, in my city, 10 full time jobs open up in my DH's field. In bad years, it's 2-3. They don't hand scarce, professional-career type jobs to folks who have have no professional network, essentially mommy-tracked for two decades, and at best worked part-time at the same pay level as school crossing guards (14-16 per hour).
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