I got hugged yesterday

[swamp]

And it wasn't sexual harassment. 

An attorney i worked with about 7 years ago who had moved out of the area moved back in.   He was really happy to see me.  He asked before he hugged me.    I consented.  He is significantly younger than me, and i just found out cosnsidered me a mentor of sort.  

No big deal, not awkward, and a welcome touch. 

That's how you do professional interactions without getting weird. 

[ken a.k.a OMK]

Cougar. 

[hoops902]

I dunno...I feel like asking for a hug is already making things weird and awkward.

[giramomma]

Jan 5, 2018 12:29:42 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

I dunno...I feel like asking for a hug is already making things weird and awkward.

I don't. I'd rather someone ask me about my physical boundaries/space than make assumptions.

[swamp]

Jan 5, 2018 12:29:42 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

I dunno...I feel like asking for a hug is already making things weird and awkward.

Not really.  He saw, me, a big smile came over his face, and he said, "I'm sooo happy to see you, can i hug you?"  

Not weird at all.    There was nothing lecherous, leering, or attempting to coerce me/make a power play about this.    

My point is that whether or not a physical touch is OK is totally dependent of the context and ability to read non verbal as well as verbal cues.  If he had given me the "up and down look" and said something about i was still looking good or in teh similar vein, and said something about using the power of his job to influence my clients, that would be completely different.  

[Deleted]

I'm going down to ask my boss for a hug right now.

[Waffle]

Jan 5, 2018 13:08:07 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I'm going down to ask my boss for a hug right now.

Let us know how that goes.

[Tennesseer]

[hoops902]

Jan 5, 2018 12:52:10 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jan 5, 2018 12:29:42 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

I dunno...I feel like asking for a hug is already making things weird and awkward.

Not really.  He saw, me, a big smile came over his face, and he said, "I'm sooo happy to see you, can i hug you?"  

Not weird at all.    There was nothing lecherous, leering, or attempting to coerce me/make a power play about this.    

My point is that whether or not a physical touch is OK is totally dependent of the context and ability to read non verbal as well as verbal cues.  If he had given me the "up and down look" and said something about i was still looking good or in teh similar vein, and said something about using the power of his job to influence my clients, that would be completely different.  

If someone I know professionally did this to me...I'd find it super awkward and weird. Admittedly, it's less awkward and weird than if they'd just come up and actually hugged me.

[Deleted]

I hug men at work all the time, that isn’t cool?

[Deleted]

[swamp]

Jan 5, 2018 13:29:36 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Jan 5, 2018 12:52:10 GMT -5 swamp said:

Not really.  He saw, me, a big smile came over his face, and he said, "I'm sooo happy to see you, can i hug you?"  

Not weird at all.    There was nothing lecherous, leering, or attempting to coerce me/make a power play about this.    

My point is that whether or not a physical touch is OK is totally dependent of the context and ability to read non verbal as well as verbal cues.  If he had given me the "up and down look" and said something about i was still looking good or in teh similar vein, and said something about using the power of his job to influence my clients, that would be completely different.  

If someone I know professionally did this to me...I'd find it super awkward and weird. Admittedly, it's less awkward and weird than if they'd just come up and actually hugged me.

generally it is awkward and weird, but in certain circumstances, it's OK.  generally, just no.  

I did hug an older male attorney a few weeks ago.  He was diagnosed with a serious chronic illness and had to quit work.   I had always enjoyed working with him and is just an all around great guy.    He showed up at a court a few weeks ago, he's taking a few cases here and there.  I hugged him.  I'm glad he's well enough to do some work.  I asked first.  

[swamp]

Jan 5, 2018 13:29:52 GMT -5 @aj said:

I hug men at work all the time, that isn’t cool?

Good for you. I don't.  I'm illustrating a limited experience where hugging in a professional setting is ok, for those who are complaining that they just dont understand how to conduct themselves in a professional setting since women are now getting all weird being touched and calling it harassment.   The nerve of them, appreciating it when someone respects their boundaries.  

[Miss Tequila]

It is funny how cultural things like this are. When I was working in Brazil, the attorneys, accountants, bankers, all greeted me with not only hugs but kisses on the cheek. And the number of kisses was tied to the area. Rio was one kiss and São Paulo was two (or vice versa, I get them confused). When the director would come up here he would walk around hugging and kissing everyone. I always laughed to myself and wondered how long until someone filed a complaint!lol. He didn’t ask because in his world that’s just what you do

[MJ2.0]

I had a problem with a woman I used to work with giving me unwanted touches a lot - tucking my shirt tag in, hugs, hands on my back, etc. And I had to just suck it up because she was older and a long time employee. I think if she was male, I would have actually had grounds to complain.

[Deleted]

Jan 5, 2018 13:09:47 GMT -5 Waffle said:

Jan 5, 2018 13:08:07 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I'm going down to ask my boss for a hug right now.

Let us know how that goes.

After consulting with a fellow coworker I decided against it.  She seems to think that since I'm totally in love with my boss that it would automatically make it inappropriate.  I think that's silly, but whatever. 

[Miss Tequila]

Jan 5, 2018 14:21:17 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jan 5, 2018 13:29:52 GMT -5 @aj said:

I hug men at work all the time, that isn’t cool?

Good for you. I don't.  I'm illustrating a limited experience where hugging in a professional setting is ok, for those who are complaining that they just dont understand how to conduct themselves in a professional setting since women are now getting all weird being touched and calling it harassment.   The nerve of them, appreciating it when someone respects their boundaries.  

But how much of it is cultural?  Like I said in an above post, when I was working in Brazil is was very normal to hug and kiss everyone.  No asking.  upon greeting, everyone leans in for a hug and kiss on the cheek.  Everyone says that people like me who do not want to see other people naked are just conforming to what we were taught. So how much of our "don't touch me or it is harassment" is just learned behavior? I'm not offended by someone hugging me but I do think it is awkard at work because I have been so conditioned to everything being inappropriate at work.  But when I was hugged in Brazil I didn't think "harassment or inappropriate"...

[swamp]

Jan 5, 2018 14:39:33 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Jan 5, 2018 14:21:17 GMT -5 swamp said:

Good for you. I don't.  I'm illustrating a limited experience where hugging in a professional setting is ok, for those who are complaining that they just dont understand how to conduct themselves in a professional setting since women are now getting all weird being touched and calling it harassment.   The nerve of them, appreciating it when someone respects their boundaries.  

But how much of it is cultural?  Like I said in an above post, when I was working in Brazil is was very normal to hug and kiss everyone.  No asking.  upon greeting, everyone leans in for a hug and kiss on the cheek.  Everyone says that people like me who do not want to see other people naked are just conforming to what we were taught. So how much of our "don't touch me or it is harassment" is just learned behavior? I'm not offended by someone hugging me but I do think it is awkard at work because I have been so conditioned to everything being inappropriate at work.  But when I was hugged in Brazil I didn't think "harassment or inappropriate"...

When in Rome..................

One of my good friends is Greek.  She is very huggy/kissy, but tones in down when she's in the US.   When she comes back from visiting family in Greece, it's fun to watch her try to remember not to hug, lol.  

[Deleted]

Jan 5, 2018 14:21:17 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jan 5, 2018 13:29:52 GMT -5 @aj said:

I hug men at work all the time, that isn’t cool?

Good for you. I don't.  I'm illustrating a limited experience where hugging in a professional setting is ok, for those who are complaining that they just dont understand how to conduct themselves in a professional setting since women are now getting all weird being touched and calling it harassment.   The nerve of them, appreciating it when someone respects their boundaries.  

I was kidding, I’m actually uncomfortable when someone does it to me. I’ve noticed there is always “that guy” in the office that wants to fist bump, hug, put his hands on everyone’s shoulder and I just want to punch him.

[swamp]

Jan 5, 2018 15:11:29 GMT -5 @aj said:

Jan 5, 2018 14:21:17 GMT -5 swamp said:

Good for you. I don't.  I'm illustrating a limited experience where hugging in a professional setting is ok, for those who are complaining that they just dont understand how to conduct themselves in a professional setting since women are now getting all weird being touched and calling it harassment.   The nerve of them, appreciating it when someone respects their boundaries.  

I was kidding, I’m actually uncomfortable when someone does it to me. I’ve noticed there is always “that guy” in the office that wants to fist bump, hug, put his hands on everyone’s shoulder and I just want to punch him.

I also am generally uncomfortable with it too, but this guy just looked so.......earnest!! lol. 

[tractor]

A lady at work asked if it was OK if she hugged me, I laughed and told her she could hug me anytime she wanted and I didn’t expect to be asked each time. I think the world needs more hugs.

[Rob Base 2.0]

[billisonboard]

Jan 5, 2018 15:11:29 GMT -5 @aj said:

... I just want to punch him.

Each person has their own way they like to reach out and touch another human being.

[NoNamePerson]

Jan 5, 2018 19:16:55 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Jan 5, 2018 15:11:29 GMT -5 @aj said:

... I just want to punch him.

Each person has their own way they like to reach out and touch another human being.

OK that tickled my funny bone.  

[zibazinski]

Guys might feel differently about hugs than women do. There’s hugs and then there’s “hugs.” We know the difference.

[OldCoyote]

Jan 5, 2018 13:29:52 GMT -5 @aj said:

I hug men at work all the time, that isn’t cool?

NO,, you are a man right?
Hand crushing handshakes,,,YES,,,,, But NO hugging!!!

[Deleted]

Jan 6, 2018 8:00:40 GMT -5 OldCoyote said:

Jan 5, 2018 13:29:52 GMT -5 @aj said:

I hug men at work all the time, that isn’t cool?

NO,, you are a man right?
Hand crushing handshakes,,,YES,,,,, But NO hugging!!!

Maybe read the entire thread before inserting foot in mouth?

[Rob Base 2.0]

Jan 5, 2018 16:54:26 GMT -5 Rob Base 2.0 said:

Should I have asked first before I posted the above?  ...... .....................

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Jan 6, 2018 12:10:31 GMT -5 @aj said:

Jan 6, 2018 8:00:40 GMT -5 OldCoyote said:

NO,, you are a man right?
Hand crushing handshakes,,,YES,,,,, But NO hugging!!!

Maybe read the entire thread before inserting foot in mouth?

😏. I thought he was being sarcastically humorous and laughed when I read it...?

[Deleted]

Jan 6, 2018 12:41:50 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

Jan 6, 2018 12:10:31 GMT -5 @aj said:

Maybe read the entire thread before inserting foot in mouth?

😏. I thought he was being sarcastically humorous and laughed when I read it...?

Some aren’t capable of grasping sarcasm let alone creating it.