ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jun 29, 2017 13:37:54 GMT -5
so stand up to my wife and side with my mom. Well, your wife cannot actually DEMAND that they allow the dog in their home, specially if they have made it clear they don't want to. So I don't take this as standing up to your wife. More as agreeing to your host's wishes. I equate this to wedding etiquette. If kids are not invited to a wedding and there is no way we can leave the kids behind, we decline the invitation. I am not going to demand that the bride and groom adjust their expectations according to my needs .... No, not demand, But I probably could have guilted my mom into allowing the dog to come if I had tried hard enough. God knows she has done it to us plenty.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jun 29, 2017 13:39:38 GMT -5
Well, your wife cannot actually DEMAND that they allow the dog in their home, specially if they have made it clear they don't want to. So I don't take this as standing up to your wife. More as agreeing to your host's wishes. I equate this to wedding etiquette. If kids are not invited to a wedding and there is no way we can leave the kids behind, we decline the invitation. I am not going to demand that the bride and groom adjust their expectations according to my needs .... No, not demand, But I probably could have guilted my mom into allowing the dog to come if I had tried hard enough. God knows she has does it to us plenty. Then why didn't you? Because it's easier to guilt trip the wife than mom <rolling my eyes>
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jun 29, 2017 13:41:39 GMT -5
No, not demand, But I probably could have guilted my mom into allowing the dog to come if I had tried hard enough. God knows she has does it to us plenty. Then why didn't you? Because it's easier to guilt trip the wife than mom <rolling my eyes> Did you not read the thread subject?
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jun 29, 2017 13:42:29 GMT -5
Lol!! I should have paid more attention !
;-)
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Rob Base 2.0
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Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Jun 29, 2017 13:42:43 GMT -5
Get a note from the vet diagnosing ur dog with "travel anxiety". This way dog can't go. Now only issue is whether u go without the dog or you just don't go.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 29, 2017 13:54:38 GMT -5
Sorry arch, your wife is wrong about this one. Bringing a puppy to someone's house is just rude.
I I am blown away that you would stay a week at your parents house that is 45 min away. Unless you are huge drunkers, why?
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jun 29, 2017 13:59:18 GMT -5
Sorry arch, your wife is wrong about this one. Bringing a puppy to someone's house is just rude. I I am blown away that you would stay a week at your parents house that is 45 min away. Unless you are huge drunkers, why? self flagellation
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jun 29, 2017 14:01:02 GMT -5
so stand up to my wife and side with my mom. It's not siding with anyone. They don't want the dog. It's their house. That's it. Your wife should have some respect for their house and not try that "the dog comes with or I don't" shit. Who exactly does she think she is? I think this is somewhat harsh if the dog is a puppy. Someone responsible needs to be home with him to make sure he goes out regularly and does not start a pattern of peeing in their house. I would not board my dog for a holiday weekend. The dog I lost last year was deathly afraid of fireworks. We took him to my MIL's for the 4th. All family and friends. My in-laws considered my dogs their grandchildren, so it wasn't that he wasn't welcome. I just figured he would be happier with us than terrified home alone.
My family tends to take our dogs with us wherever we go, but I would honor his parent's wishes not to bring the dog to their house too. I agree with Zib, Stay in a hotel, or drive back and forth and leave the kiddos with Grandma and Grandpa overnight. I also do not think his wife has to be at the family event. When I decided my husband and I did not have to attend every event together, a lot of stress left or household and we started to get along much better.
People take their cues from how you act. If you act like you and DW made the decision together based on what would work best for your family, people will be supportive. If you complain that she refused to come without the dog, they will think she is being a B!tch.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 29, 2017 14:04:20 GMT -5
I hope you get a real vacation. That sounds like a shit ton of togetherness. When my family goes on a vacation together, each of us rent a condo in the same place, and then we share meals, but we have our own space.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 29, 2017 14:07:51 GMT -5
It's not siding with anyone. They don't want the dog. It's their house. That's it. Your wife should have some respect for their house and not try that "the dog comes with or I don't" shit. Who exactly does she think she is? I think this is somewhat harsh if the dog is a puppy. Someone responsible needs to be home with him to make sure he goes out regularly and does not start a pattern of peeing in their house. I would not board my dog for a holiday weekend. The dog I lost last year was deathly afraid of fireworks. We took him to my MIL's for the 4th. All family and friends. My in-laws considered my dogs their grandchildren, so it wasn't that he wasn't welcome. I just figured he would be happier with us than terrified home alone.
My family tends to take our dogs with us wherever we go, but I would honor his parent's wishes not to bring the dog to their house too. I agree with Zib, Stay in a hotel, or drive back and forth and leave the kiddos with Grandma and Grandpa overnight. I also do not think his wife has to be at the family event. When I decided my husband and I did not have to attend every event together, a lot of stress left or household and we started to get along much better.
People take their cues from how you act. If you act like you and DW made the decision together based on what would work best for your family, people will be supportive. If you complain that she refused to come without the dog, they will think she is being a B!tch.
If someone says that they don't want your dog in their home, you don't bring your dog. You stay home, board it, or whatever else you have to do. Period. You don't get to make the rules in someone else's home, regardless of the age of the dog. That's part of dog ownership. They come before having fun. There's nothing harsh about it. If I tell you not to bring your animal to my house and you do anyway, be prepared to turn around and leave when you get there. My house, my rules.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 29, 2017 14:08:53 GMT -5
Sorry arch, your wife is wrong about this one. Bringing a puppy to someone's house is just rude. I I am blown away that you would stay a week at your parents house that is 45 min away. Unless you are huge drunkers, why? self flagellation What does flatulence have to do with anything?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 29, 2017 14:10:04 GMT -5
You are screwed. No matter which way you go here, somebody is going to be upset. I'm guessing even if you decide to board the dog, your wife isn't going to be happy with that. So? You get to decide who you want upset with you.
If you and your wife do not want to travel without the dog, that should have been said right at the start when your parents asked you not to bring the dog (which they have every right to say).
Mom: It's almost time for the family get-together. You can't bring your dog. You: We aren't comfortable not bringing the dog so if those are the rules, we'll have to pass on staying with you.
This gives them time to change their mind if the dog being there is less upsetting than you not being there. Their house - their choice. To me, asking me not to bring my dog would be like asking my sister not to bring her kids. We both come or neither of us come. Period. But? Homeowners have the right to say what goes on in their home and what doesn't.
By the way? I've learned from vast experience that ignoring problems don't make them go away no matter how hard I try.
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Jun 29, 2017 14:12:02 GMT -5
Please have some melatonin on hand in the event your puppy is one who is afraid of the noise of fireworks. We give Big Boy his wrapped in a bit of peanut butter.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jun 29, 2017 14:13:29 GMT -5
I hope you get a real vacation. That sounds like a shit ton of togetherness. When my family goes on a vacation together, each of us rent a condo in the same place, and then we share meals, but we have our own space. Yup. In August we go the cape for a week with my inlaws and my sister in law, brother in law and family. At least the dog can come to that one too.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jun 29, 2017 14:17:31 GMT -5
I think this is somewhat harsh if the dog is a puppy. Someone responsible needs to be home with him to make sure he goes out regularly and does not start a pattern of peeing in their house. I would not board my dog for a holiday weekend. The dog I lost last year was deathly afraid of fireworks. We took him to my MIL's for the 4th. All family and friends. My in-laws considered my dogs their grandchildren, so it wasn't that he wasn't welcome. I just figured he would be happier with us than terrified home alone.
My family tends to take our dogs with us wherever we go, but I would honor his parent's wishes not to bring the dog to their house too. I agree with Zib, Stay in a hotel, or drive back and forth and leave the kiddos with Grandma and Grandpa overnight. I also do not think his wife has to be at the family event. When I decided my husband and I did not have to attend every event together, a lot of stress left or household and we started to get along much better.
People take their cues from how you act. If you act like you and DW made the decision together based on what would work best for your family, people will be supportive. If you complain that she refused to come without the dog, they will think she is being a B!tch.
If someone says that they don't want your dog in their home, you don't bring your dog. You stay home, board it, or whatever else you have to do. Period. You don't get to make the rules in someone else's home, regardless of the age of the dog. That's part of dog ownership. They come before having fun. There's nothing harsh about it. If I tell you not to bring your animal to my house and you do anyway, be prepared to turn around and leave when you get there. My house, my rules. Andi, I agree with you that they should not take the dog, I just thought you were being a little hard on Archie's wife for offering that she stay home with the dog and he go with the kids. That may be what they need to do in order to be responsible puppy owners and attend Archie's family event and satisfy the parents wish that they not bring the dog to their house.
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dee27
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Post by dee27 on Jun 29, 2017 14:18:07 GMT -5
I hope you get a real vacation. That sounds like a shit ton of togetherness. When my family goes on a vacation together, each of us rent a condo in the same place, and then we share meals, but we have our own space. We do that, too. When the kids were younger, we would get together at Ocean City and rent a house together. After the first year, we opted for a hotel room within walking distance from the house rental. It was much easier than the crowded house for my sanity and we all slept better since we had a separate space.
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ken a.k.a OMK
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Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Jun 29, 2017 14:25:35 GMT -5
I hope you get a real vacation. That sounds like a shit ton of togetherness. When my family goes on a vacation together, each of us rent a condo in the same place, and then we share meals, but we have our own space. That's what we do. Go to Ocean City Md. The 3 units are close and everyone runs between them all day. Doors are only locked at bedtime.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jun 29, 2017 14:32:44 GMT -5
Phone your mom and guilt trip her, no grandchildren unless the puppy can come. Stand up to your mom, not your wife. Archie if you have known for a month about this, why haven't you done something about it before this ?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 29, 2017 14:35:27 GMT -5
If someone says that they don't want your dog in their home, you don't bring your dog. You stay home, board it, or whatever else you have to do. Period. You don't get to make the rules in someone else's home, regardless of the age of the dog. That's part of dog ownership. They come before having fun. There's nothing harsh about it. If I tell you not to bring your animal to my house and you do anyway, be prepared to turn around and leave when you get there. My house, my rules. Andi, I agree with you that they should not take the dog, I just thought you were being a little hard on Archie's wife for offering that she stay home with the dog and he go with the kids. That may be what they need to do in order to be responsible puppy owners and attend Archie's family event and satisfy the parents wish that they not bring the dog to their house.
He said she doesn't want to stay home. He told her that the dog was a no go and she said that if the dog doesn't go, neither does she and for him to talk to them again. That reeks of entitlement for me. And if you are going to be giving people ultimatums, you should be prepared to be disappointed.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 29, 2017 14:43:40 GMT -5
Phone your mom and guilt trip her, no grandchildren unless the puppy can come. Stand up to your mom, not your wife. Archie if you have known for a month about this, why haven't you done something about it before this ? That doesn't seem fair. "You don't get to see your grandkids unless I am allowed to bring in a puppy and let them do damage to your rugs, furniture, shoes, whatever. Fuck you if you think it is your house." There are many solutions rather than pushing your host to accept your terms...or else.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jun 29, 2017 14:43:52 GMT -5
Boarding would've probably been the best option, but this being a puppy makes everything more problematic. Can't leave it home alone for as long as an adult dog, it's more of a pita wherever it goes. Do you keep it in a crate at home? Can you bring the crate with if mom agrees?
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jun 29, 2017 14:46:29 GMT -5
I'm totally a dog person, but I NEVER bring Bad Boy Puppy to the IL's. Even though others in the family do from time to time, but they tend to bring their dog uninvited, which is sort of a PITA, because in addition to watching small children, we have to make sure the kids don't tease the dogs, & invite trouble. Sounds like the perfect year for a staycation, with young children & a young dog.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jun 29, 2017 14:49:11 GMT -5
Boarding would've probably been the best option, but this being a puppy makes everything more problematic. Can't leave it home alone for as long as an adult dog, it's more of a pita wherever it goes. Do you keep it in a crate at home? Can you bring the crate with if mom agrees? yes, we crate at home. yes we could bring a crate if mom agreed.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jun 29, 2017 14:49:32 GMT -5
Phone your mom and guilt trip her, no grandchildren unless the puppy can come. Stand up to your mom, not your wife. Archie if you have known for a month about this, why haven't you done something about it before this ? hey... that is the opposite of what you just said.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jun 29, 2017 14:50:40 GMT -5
Phone your mom and guilt trip her, no grandchildren unless the puppy can come. Stand up to your mom, not your wife. Archie if you have known for a month about this, why haven't you done something about it before this ? That doesn't seem fair. "You don't get to see your grandkids unless I am allowed to bring in a puppy and let them do damage to your rugs, furniture, shoes, whatever. Fuck you if you think it is your house." There are many solutions rather than pushing your host to accept your terms...or else. That. And also, I am not sure I could out guilt the guilt queen.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 29, 2017 14:51:43 GMT -5
Boarding would've probably been the best option, but this being a puppy makes everything more problematic. Can't leave it home alone for as long as an adult dog, it's more of a pita wherever it goes. Do you keep it in a crate at home? Can you bring the crate with if mom agrees? yes, we crate at home. yes we could bring a crate if mom agreed. What kind of dog is it? I have horses for dogs and no way would I want to break down the enormous crates we have and lug them around. It took two of us to carry each of them into the house when we got them.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jun 29, 2017 14:51:49 GMT -5
Phone your mom and guilt trip her, no grandchildren unless the puppy can come. Stand up to your mom, not your wife. Archie if you have known for a month about this, why haven't you done something about it before this ? That doesn't seem fair. "You don't get to see your grandkids unless I am allowed to bring in a puppy and let them do damage to your rugs, furniture, shoes, whatever. Fuck you if you think it is your house." There are many solutions rather than pushing your host to accept your terms...or else. Yeah there is solutions, but Archie has waited too damn long for most if not all of them. Let the wife and kids go and Archie you stay home with the puppy.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jun 29, 2017 14:52:16 GMT -5
Andi, I agree with you that they should not take the dog, I just thought you were being a little hard on Archie's wife for offering that she stay home with the dog and he go with the kids. That may be what they need to do in order to be responsible puppy owners and attend Archie's family event and satisfy the parents wish that they not bring the dog to their house.
He said she doesn't want to stay home. He told her that the dog was a no go and she said that if the dog doesn't go, neither does she and for him to talk to them again. That reeks of entitlement for me. And if you are going to be giving people ultimatums, you should be prepared to be disappointed. Well, in her defense, maybe she knows that as soon as Archie tells his Mom his wife is staying home with the Dog, b/c they can't leave him alone...he Mom will turn around and tell her to come and bring the dog too. That is pretty much what my Mom would do. We now take him to my il's before we go to my Mom's and then my Mom asks where the dog is.
I still think they should not take the dog, even if the parent's back off on their stipulation (unless they do for the day and keep the dog outside, then go home for the eves).
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 29, 2017 14:53:14 GMT -5
I love dogs but not everyone does. And, I dont' inflict my dog on other people unless they want that. Your parents said No. Personally, I think you wife is being a bit beitchy about it. Your parents don't want the dog. It is their home.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jun 29, 2017 14:53:17 GMT -5
Phone your mom and guilt trip her, no grandchildren unless the puppy can come. Stand up to your mom, not your wife. Archie if you have known for a month about this, why haven't you done something about it before this ? hey... that is the opposite of what you just said. I'm waffling, I don't have kids or a puppy, get over it.
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