I found a man guilty of first degree murder today

[moon/Laura]

Well, not just me, obviously. There were 12 of us who made the unanimous decision.

Testimony was given Tuesday, Wednesday and part of Thursday, and the defense never put anyone on the stand at all. We made our verdict after a total of about 6-7 hours of deliberation.

Even when you feel you made the right decision - and I feel we did - it sucks. I am still feeling very anxious and emotional. I didn't realize it would impact me quite so much.

This was a case where the defendant admitted he'd done it, though he claimed self defense. However, the evidence made it obvious that that wasn't true.

The hardest thing was agreeing on whether he'd committed the crime after deliberation (guilty of first degree murder), or whether it was more a spontaneous decision (not guilty of first degree murder).

I hope to never have to do this again!

[Pants]

I'm sorry moon. That's awful that you had to do that, but you also just performed a service for society. Still, totally get your feelings about the whole situation.

[billisonboard]

[wyouser]

Hang In there Moon. That's a tough one.

[Jaguar]

Moon when I was in highschool, I took law one year and ended up in the trial of the year here in Toronto. It was the shooting death of a cop. It was damn awful. They showed pictures of this cops body and everything.

I still know every freaking detail of this case.

[suesinfl]

I'm sure that it was not an easy decision, but if you know in your heart of hearts that he was guilt, then you did the correct thing. Sorry that it is bothering you, but I think it's a normal emotion afterwards. Many hugs.

[chiver78]

first, 

second, I sat on a jury a few years ago. civil injury case, but the same idea of the defendant putting out a claim that the jury had to evaluate. in our case, as with yours, the evidence simply did not support what the defendant claimed, and we found against him. 

it is what it is, and I really hope you don't let it keep you from sleep. be well  

[moon/Laura]

Unfortunately, I suspect it will mess with me for a little while. The last 2 nights, I woke up at random times feeling very anxious, heart pounding, etc. I still feel really stressed even now, hours after the conclusion.

As we walked out, there was a van with several people in it that were calling out "thank you" to any of us who passed by them. One got out and said she was the victim's daughter. I'm glad we could do right by them, but I just couldn't respond. 

[Jaguar]

Moon it will affect you for a long time, but it does wane off into the distance. << BIG HUGS >> , I'm only a pm away.

[Icelandic Woman]

Wow honey that is tough. I have only been picked once to be on a jury and it was a traffic offense. I hope I never have to do what you did.

[suesinfl]

Please take care of yourself. Find someone (counselor) to talk to, if this keeps occurring,  it can't hurt.

[Tennesseer]

Moon-deciding the destiny of another is never an easy decision.  The jury made that decision. not just you.  

If you can, focus on the family of the victim and how you provided them the justice they sought for their loved one. 

[msventoux]

That would be tough to do, but I would try not to beat yourself up over it.  Keep in mind that your feelings of angst and regret over having to find someone guilty of murder may well exceed those feelings the criminal may feel about committing the actual murder.  

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

That's a tough job I hope I never have to face.

While you should feel satisfaction in knowing you did the right thing, and the family of the victim can find some justice, you also must feel that heavy sense of personal guilt knowing you've had a part in deciding another human's future.

While most people would say you shouldn't feel upset or "haunted" by the decision, it's completely understandable why you do - and it speaks well of your own character.

Focus on knowing you did the right thing for the victim and his family - and take your time in coming to peace with your decision. Now that it's over, it's normal to feel some "aftershock".

[irishpad]

Moon, thank you for your thoughtful service!   Yes, very difficult.    Heed the advise of some of the other posters!  

[Deleted]

You did what you had to do and what we should all be willing to do if called. Jury Duty is an important part of a functioning society.

[mmhmm]

Ouch! I knew you were sitting on a jury but had no idea it was a murder case! That would be really, really difficult. I've never had to face it and really don't know if I could. I can certainly understand your feelings, moonbeam. The best we can do is the best we can do; however, too often, it's not easy to just do that and walk away.  

[Bluerobin]

Way to go Moon!!!  These scum have to pay for their crimes.  Don't feel sorry for him.  You did the right thing based on the evidence.

[moon/Laura]

Oh, I don't feel sorry for him. He deserved the life in prison sentence he received. Nonetheless, just the whole process, and making sure you are truly impartial and carrying out the letter of the law (versus any personal agenda) is stressful. When it's over, it's like a huge adrenaline let down. 

I did, at least, sleep last night. Maybe because it was over, or maybe because I was just drained. Doesn't really matter,  I guess. 

[Value Buy]

Out of curiosity, does your state have the death penalty, and if so, was it ever part of trial?

[moon/Laura]

Yes, Colorado does have it, but from what I just read, we've only executed one person since it was reinstated in '78. 

It was not asked for in my case, thank goodness. It's not that I'm against where truly warranted, but to me, that's more along the lines of a serial killer rather than this single victim case. Had that penalty been an option for the judge, however, it would have been a much more difficult and lengthy case.

[Value Buy]

Dec 10, 2016 10:59:23 GMT -5 moon/Laura said:

Yes, Colorado does have it, but from what I just read, we've only executed one person since it was reinstated in '78. 

It was not asked for in my case, thank goodness. It's not that I'm against where truly warranted, but to me, that's more along the lines of a serial killer rather than this single victim case. Had that penalty been an option for the judge, however, it would have been a much more difficult and lengthy case.

I do not know if I could send a person to death........

I say that, but then I think I could do it for the guy in the gay nightclub attck in Florida, if he lived, as well as the kid who shot nine innocent people in the church........
IDNK for sure......

[moon/Laura]

That's where I am, too. It would have to be something extremely heinous. 

[zibazinski]

Is life in prison really life anymore? I mean do they really stay there forever without a chance at parole or being pardoned? Do people get pardoned for murder?

[Deleted]

Thanks Moon for doing your sucky civic duty.

 I like what msventoux said and it's something I'm not sure would have even occurred to me.

I'm glad you got some sleep last night. 

If a death penalty case aren't you disqualified if unable to impose that sentence ? I always thought so, I hope so.

[973beachbum]

I have been on a few juries.  One was actually a murder trial.  It would have lasted most of two weeks if it had gone the whole way through.  About four days in the judge didn't call us back from lunch on time.  After a while he did but instead of the usual it was him saying a plea bargain had been reached and he wanted to thank us for our service ect.  

As he was saying it songs of joy were ringing in my head!  I have never been so relieved to have anything be taken out of my hands in my life!


Years later I was unfortunately on the other side as the family of a murder victim.  There were convicted like in your case but there was no joy in it.  There was just an enormous weight lifted that it was finally over.  Well sort of.

It would have never occurred to us to say anything to the jury though.  I can't imagine what I would even say.   We did appreciate what they were forced to see and hear and how horrible it would be to have to know that for the rest of their lives.

I could have lived my whole life without seeing or hearing some of the things I found out before and during the trial.  I can't imagine the burden on someone who "didn't" have to be there.  That is a heck of a thing to ask someone IMO.

Thanks for your service!

[NancysSummerSip]

My brother sat on a first-degree murder case - and sentenced the defendant to death following the guilty verdict. Twenty years later, he says it still stays with him. The guy he helped put to death was about his own age. The circumstances of the murder were hideous - the defendant beat another young man and threw him off a multistory building because he did not like his victim's ethnic background (this was before a hate crime statute existed).

Moonie, you did what you were asked to do as a citizen. No one can ever find fault with you for that.

[moon/Laura]

@xmascookie - yes, I would think so. I was so far back in the line so to speak, I was *sure* I'd be let go. There were about 75 of us and by the time they let people go who had immediate travel plans or weren't able to be impartial, there were still quite a few ahead of me. Once they started with the peremptory challenges though (12 per side), it got rid of people quickly. Had the death penalty been on the table, I'm sure they'd have needed a much larger pool to begin with because I'd imagine a lot of people would struggle with being able to make that decision.

Oh, and I'm sure msventoux is right. The defendent was so calm during his interviews with various detectives, he might have been discussing the weather. Plus, he sat there and ate a sandwich like he hadn't a care in the world. It was eery. Put 6 bullets in the guy, then when the gun jammed, corrected the problem, and took the last shot point blank. He then removed the magazine from the gun, put both on the grass in front of the house, and sat there smoking a cigarette. WTF.

973beachbum - I think it would be harder to be on the victim's side, and I'm sorry you had to go through it. Our victim was the defendent's heroin dealer, and he had a lengthy record,  so it's not like he was an upstanding citizen. Still, he was someone's father, brother, etc. The crime scene and autopsy photos were surreal, but they helped a lot in determining just what happened.

NancysSummerSip - wow.. I feel for your brother. Again, even when you know you did the right thing, it's hard.

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 10, 2016 11:14:41 GMT -5 moon/Laura said:

That's where I am, too. It would have to be something extremely heinous. 

I don't know if I could actually vote for the death penalty, but the Aurora movie theatre case fits the definition of heinous to me.  I would have to hear evidence I don't want to see or hear to vote for the death penalty but what that man did changed too many lives.

[chiver78]

Dec 11, 2016 20:28:24 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Dec 10, 2016 11:14:41 GMT -5 moon/Laura said:

That's where I am, too. It would have to be something extremely heinous. 

I don't know if I could actually vote for the death penalty, but the Aurora movie theatre case fits the definition of heinous to me.  I would have to hear evidence I don't want to see or hear to vote for the death penalty but what that man did changed too many lives.

I know you were (still? I think you moved?) in CO, so to me that case for you is what the Marathon bombers are to me - something awful that came way too close to home.