chen35
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Post by chen35 on Mar 18, 2016 15:14:17 GMT -5
I'm female and we did it "traditionally", my parents paid for everything, my now former in laws paid for the rehearsal dinner, my ex paid for the honeymoon. Of course, I'm an only child, he was an only child, all three things together was ~10k and our parents had the money to do that. Next wedding? Who knows. Probably me/next husband. Same here, except we both had a few siblings. For my second wedding DH and I paid for everything.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 18, 2016 15:25:55 GMT -5
My parents paid for all three of our weddings. My best friend got a small amount from her mom, her dad and her in laws and paid for the rest. My BIL paid for most of their son's wedding, because the bride's family didn't have much. My neighbor's parents paid for her first wedding, but only put in a little for her second wedding. Her in-laws were happy to cover some of the costs, too. I don't believe there is A way Americans pay for weddings (or do anything else.) It depends on the situation of the family and what is important to them.
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quince
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Post by quince on Mar 18, 2016 15:48:52 GMT -5
Husband's father offered to pay the <$1K tab for the restaurant we did the very short ceremony at. We refused, because we're over 30 and having parents pay for things when we don't need it seems ridiculous to me. If our kids absorb the idea we're paying for their parties when they are adults, they will be sorely disappointed. They WILL probably get a few thousand as a gift for the big occasions in their lives., no expectations as to how they spend it. When I went to a wedding in my husband's family, someone gave a speech about how the couple were finally adults. They were in their late 20's/early 30's. Yuck. This may have colored my opinion of my husband's family culture. I'm Japanese! My family is supposed to be the one with the respect elders even if they are boogers and treating grown offspring like children, not his!
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Mar 18, 2016 15:56:56 GMT -5
My parents paid for our wedding in 1987. It was cheap. The live on a lake in FL and hosted the reception there. Buffet, no sit down dinner, open bar (probably the biggest expense!).
DS23 is engaged and getting married in June 2017. He and GF are planning to pay for entire wedding. GFs father paid for her entire college education, so he is not paying anything toward the wedding. GF is only child of single father. I think paying for her college is generous enough! I told DS I couldn't contribute, but I let him stay on my cell phone plan for the last year when he was supposed to get his own. I told him that the $50 he was supposed to pay me should just go into his wedding fund. With a long engagement that would be $900 I am contributing. I will also pay for the rehearsal dinner. They are planning a $10k wedding. If GF gets a teaching job in August (I am almost certain she will), they can easily save up the money and pay cash for the wedding
DD25 got engaged last month. They are planning to wait until after DS's wedding. I would like to contribute some to this.
For reference, I have a co-worker. He is originally from India (been in US for a long time) and has one daughter in her 20s. He says that in his tradition a big wedding is expected and he expects to pay $70k for a 3-day weekend bash. His daughter is not engaged though.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2016 16:03:12 GMT -5
My ex and I paid for our kids' wedding. It was nothing extravagant but about $5000 for my daughter's back in 1999. My daughter-in-law's mother paid for hers. It was in a little chapel with about 40 guests. Her aunt had the reception at her lakehouse. We paid for the stuff that groom's parents pay for.
My aunt paid for my wedding. My ex and I paid for his share of the flowers, the rings, and the honeymoon. He had been out of college for several years by that point. His parents paid for the rehearsal dinner.
All of my daughter and son's friends' parents paid for their weddings as far as I know. They all married in their very early 20s so they had no money.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 18, 2016 16:16:00 GMT -5
In a huge surprise to me, my dad opened a joint bank account with me and deposited $6k and change. My grandma has wrapped change and put other money in so the balance is up to $7k. I was stunned by this.
I have my guesses about my fiancee's parents. They do fairly well and fiancee is the baby and last to get married. They wanted to see the potential reception site. I have a feeling they want to see it because they intend to write the check. I could be wrong though.
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murphath
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Post by murphath on Mar 18, 2016 18:43:55 GMT -5
My daughter and son both got married last year. We spent about $6,000 on each of the weddings. In my daughter's case, it was a destination wedding so her total cost was just the cost of the trip. She did pay for the caterer when we hosted a party at our house after the wedding. We paid for the drinks, bartender, servers, tables, linens, cutlery, decorations etc.. We also paid for the wedding lunch for about 30-35 people after they got married in Reno--the destination wedding was the fun one. Re our son, we paid for the flowers, the officiant, and the rehearsal dinner. In addition, we had our travel costs, hotel, clothes etc.. He, too, got married first by a justice of the peace so we actually travelled to San Diego twice. Their fun wedding was 7 months later--a traditional, big wedding paid for by her mother. He mom actually passed away the January prior to the wedding but was adamant that they go through with it. She had brain cancer but was able to see them married by the justice of the peace. That was a lovely, too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2016 19:03:37 GMT -5
For my first wedding, parents paid for the reception, which was lunch for about 20 people at a nice restaurant. Husband and I paid the rest but it was a pretty simple civil ceremony.
Second wedding 19 years later: parents paid nothing. I was just grateful they were alive and healthy and could be there to celebrate with us.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Mar 18, 2016 19:16:11 GMT -5
It's been a LONG time since DH & I were married. DH's Dad paid for the rehearsal dinner, & my Dad paid for the reception (but, there was no band, & no alcohol served), but DH and I had to come up with the rest . I still remember getting sticker shock when picking out & paying for my wedding pictures! (By the way, other than student loans, that's the first "real" loan DH & I ever took out.)
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Mar 18, 2016 19:46:24 GMT -5
DD (age 28) is getting married in July. We are paying for almost all of it. $12 to $15K. Why? Because we can. And she can't (full time PT student). And she is my only daughter. She never expected it and is very appreciative. I believe all of my siblings and in laws have paid for their children's weddings. Mainly because they are financially able to. And we are not just being totally traditional. When and if DS (age 30) gets married, we will be willing to contribute an equal amount to his wedding.
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ners
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Post by ners on Mar 18, 2016 19:48:24 GMT -5
My parent's paid nothing. Let me live in their house rent free so I would have enough for the wedding. DH's grandparents hosted rehearsal dinner and paid for the alcohol, Reception site was free because DH grandpa was a member.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Mar 18, 2016 19:54:26 GMT -5
My parents paid for the majority of my wedding. I am guessing their cost was about 7-8k, and I think I paid another 2-3k of stuff on my own.
DH's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and the beer/wine/liquor at the wedding.
I was 24, DH was 30.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 18, 2016 20:08:19 GMT -5
My parents paid for my wedding.
My IL's didn't have money for FIL's suit, so my husband bought it for him. My husband is as American as apple pie. I am not
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jackb1117
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Post by jackb1117 on Mar 18, 2016 21:21:43 GMT -5
I think that our wedding was around $12k (would have to ask my wife for the exact figure). We split it with my in-laws, and my parents paid for the rehearsal dinner.
It was more than I would have spent, but it was important to my wife so I didn't put up too much of a fight. We paid for our honeymoon to Hawaii for a couple of weeks.
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Mar 18, 2016 21:42:54 GMT -5
We paid for our own wedding. Then again, we were both grownups when we got married.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2016 22:06:46 GMT -5
Who's creation is the sentence that girl's parents are paying for the wedding? I had not made it up! It's an old tradition back to the dowry days when it was felt that girls were a burden and the parents should be grateful to find a man to take that off their hands. Yeah. I'm not thinking girls are a burden that I'd need to pay to get rid of. Now my boys... Saving for weddings is not even on my radar. I don't begrudge those that do, if I had the money to give my kids everything I wanted to I would, but I most definitely don't, so there is a priority list. Weddings is pretty low on that list.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Mar 19, 2016 0:29:51 GMT -5
Wedding #1 was a huge Catholic affair in 1982 that my parents contributed $1,000 to. DH1 and I paid for everything else ourselves and we took out a loan for part of it. Suck it YM! It worked out great for us financially. Except I divorced him. Wedding #2 was a more modest but formal affair (DH2's first marriage) in 1992 that my mom (step dad was deceased) contributed $500.00 to. Ironically it cost about the same as Wedding #1, however, it was 1/5th of the size - if not smaller. And it's lasting on and on and on... Congrats again, Mich and I love when you call TD "fiancé" now. I always go "Awwwww!" when you use the term and I'm so happy for you two!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2016 1:23:09 GMT -5
My mother had opened CDs for me and my sister when we were born so she could pay for our weddings. My sister used hers up, and then some, with a big honking churchy thing that I am still scratching my head over. Mine was about $2000 tops, including the suit I got, with money left over that was gifted to me as my college graduation present as I graduated on my wedding day. Yeah, guess which ceremony I skipped. We paid our officiant in food, she was a friend who got a one day authorization from the state to perform the ceremony. Flowers were free, nephew stole them, his mother arranged them. My dad paid for the cake so he wouldn't feel left out. We paid for our honeymoon. We used a cd for the music and I drove my mother. Least I could do as she was pig-sitting her grand-guinea pigs while we were on our honeymoon. Seriously, I had no interest in the whole wedding rigamarole. My sister's set me off on that. And I still say her dress looked like a tablecloth. Battenburg lace on a 5 foot 2 inch shrimpkus? Seriously, it looked like a tablecloth. If we hadn't had the money my mother set aside then I would have just eloped, which I wanted to do in the first place. Or had lunch at my dad's house with a ceremony thrown in.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Mar 19, 2016 6:18:09 GMT -5
<p>Back in the dark ages when I got married (1969) my parents paid for just about everything. ILs paid for flowers & bar. We paid for rehersal dinner.</p><p><br></p><p>Fastforward:</p><p><br></p><p>DD1 married in 2003. We gave them a check for $5000 & paid for the rehersal dinner</p><p>DD2 married in 2005 (DH had already passed away). I gave her a check for $5500 & paid for the brunch the morning after.</p><p><br></p><p>In each case the ILs gave somewhat less. Girls were 28 & 24 when they married. Both couples had been living together for a while.</p>
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 19, 2016 7:15:00 GMT -5
For my first wedding, parents paid for the reception, which was lunch for about 20 people at a nice restaurant. Husband and I paid the rest but it was a pretty simple civil ceremony. Second wedding 19 years later: parents paid nothing. I was just grateful they were alive and healthy and could be there to celebrate with us. Even I understand that the second wedding gets paid by those who married not their parents However I had been at a few where if one of the marrying people are marrying for the first time - their parents throwing a ceremony like it is the first one for both! Insanely expensive.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 19, 2016 7:17:34 GMT -5
DD (age 28) is getting married in July. We are paying for almost all of it. $12 to $15K. Why? Because we can. And she can't (full time PT student). And she is my only daughter. She never expected it and is very appreciative. I believe all of my siblings and in laws have paid for their children's weddings. Mainly because they are financially able to. And we are not just being totally traditional. When and if DS (age 30) gets married, we will be willing to contribute an equal amount to his wedding. Finally! Are we the only morons here to do that? Or are you a foreigner as I am?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 19, 2016 7:33:23 GMT -5
Wedding #1 was a huge Catholic affair in 1982 that my parents contributed $1,000 to. DH1 and I paid for everything else ourselves and we took out a loan for part of it. Suck it YM! It worked out great for us financially. Except I divorced him. Wedding #2 was a more modest but formal affair (DH2's first marriage) in 1992 that my mom (step dad was deceased) contributed $500.00 to. Ironically it cost about the same as Wedding #1, however, it was 1/5th of the size - if not smaller. And it's lasting on and on and on... Congrats again, Mich and I love when you call TD "fiancé" now. I always go "Awwwww!" when you use the term and I'm so happy for you two! +2!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 19, 2016 7:37:13 GMT -5
My mother had opened CDs for me and my sister when we were born so she could pay for our weddings. My sister used hers up, and then some, with a big honking churchy thing that I am still scratching my head over. Mine was about $2000 tops, including the suit I got, with money left over that was gifted to me as my college graduation present as I graduated on my wedding day. Yeah, guess which ceremony I skipped. We paid our officiant in food, she was a friend who got a one day authorization from the state to perform the ceremony. Flowers were free, nephew stole them, his mother arranged them. My dad paid for the cake so he wouldn't feel left out. We paid for our honeymoon. We used a cd for the music and I drove my mother. Least I could do as she was pig-sitting her grand-guinea pigs while we were on our honeymoon. Seriously, I had no interest in the whole wedding rigamarole. My sister's set me off on that. And I still say her dress looked like a tablecloth. Battenburg lace on a 5 foot 2 inch shrimpkus? Seriously, it looked like a tablecloth. If we hadn't had the money my mother set aside then I would have just eloped, which I wanted to do in the first place. Or had lunch at my dad's house with a ceremony thrown in. What was your sister dress looked like? I think you forgot to describe...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2016 8:25:20 GMT -5
DD (age 28) is getting married in July. We are paying for almost all of it. $12 to $15K. Why? Because we can. And she can't (full time PT student). And she is my only daughter. She never expected it and is very appreciative. I believe all of my siblings and in laws have paid for their children's weddings. Mainly because they are financially able to. And we are not just being totally traditional. When and if DS (age 30) gets married, we will be willing to contribute an equal amount to his wedding. Finally! Are we the only morons here to do that? Or are you a foreigner as I am?
You missed the part where she said they were financially able to. Ask what their retirement is looking like and if they're planning on taking a second mortgage on the house to fund this wedding.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Mar 19, 2016 12:10:48 GMT -5
I paid the majority of mine and had final say in everything. Friends pitched in and helped a ton and gave us a lot of touches we couldn't afford. Grooms mom gave us 1k. Groom paid nothing, keep in mind I make 3x his pay, my parents gave us a week in a resort condo for our honeymoon.
I haven't added up everything because a lot was cash flowed..I think total wedding was about 3500 honeymoon about 1k out of my pocket
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Mar 19, 2016 12:21:17 GMT -5
My parents paid for my siblings & mine, I paid for my kids, my siblings paid for their kids .... same for college except what FAFSA grant did for 1 sister & 1 GK. Everyone I know paid for their kids weddings / college ... most downpayment on 1st home
FYI: we're Jewish if it's cultural
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 19, 2016 12:28:37 GMT -5
My parents paid for my cake. DH's parents paid $350 for the reception hall and for the rehearsal dinner. My parents couldn't afford to pay for a wedding. IL's may have chipped in more but we realized quickly it was going to come with a lot of strings so we refused. My favorite was when she told us she wouldn't pay for a DJ but she'd get us a boom box and some tapes, that would be good enough for music. We paid for everything else. Spent about $2500. Which was still more than I wanted to pay but it was quite a bit lower than DH's original budget of $50k. Apparently he thought one of us poops gold.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Mar 19, 2016 13:33:50 GMT -5
I am 36 and my fiance is 38, so we will be paying for our own wedding. We will probably tap into the money I inherited from my dad to pay for it though, so I guess it is kind of like he is paying for it. I hadn't really thought of it that way until I started typing this, but I like that idea.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 19, 2016 13:36:42 GMT -5
Wedding #1 was a huge Catholic affair in 1982 that my parents contributed $1,000 to. DH1 and I paid for everything else ourselves and we took out a loan for part of it. Suck it YM! It worked out great for us financially. Except I divorced him. Wedding #2 was a more modest but formal affair (DH2's first marriage) in 1992 that my mom (step dad was deceased) contributed $500.00 to. Ironically it cost about the same as Wedding #1, however, it was 1/5th of the size - if not smaller. And it's lasting on and on and on... Congrats again, Mich and I love when you call TD "fiancé" now. I always go "Awwwww!" when you use the term and I'm so happy for you two! +2! That is not the EVERYONE you claimed. Parents may contribute, but the vast majority of those here paid for the bulk of their own wedding.
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justme
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Post by justme on Mar 19, 2016 13:57:14 GMT -5
Between my bros two weddings I think he got a bit under 2k. I'm expecting the same if I ever get married unless their financial status changes. Which since they're already retired means lottery or some relative they never heard of leaving an inheritance. In other words, not getting any more.
I'm ok with it. I'm 30 now so I'd be even older when I marry. I could save up a decent amount for a wedding as it is if I want and the last few family weddings didn't include cousins so I can keep the guest list short. Lol
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