Wedding poll

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Looney is claiming that US parents pay for their kids weddings.

In my experience, my parents contributed about $1000 to each of my sibling's weddings.  My 3 college friends who got married paid for their own weddings, not sure about familial contributions though but I do know they paid the bulk.

I have one friend who is very wealthy, and was paying about 50% of her son's very expensive wedding.  However, because of the family's standing in the business community, their social obligation required a wedding way more expensive than the bride wanted.

So my experience is 6 weddings where I know the finances, one paid 50%, 5 paid a portion, maybe 10-20%.

No one had a parent totally footing the bill.

[swamp]

My parents gave me $5,000 towards the wedding. They did the same for my siblings.

[Anne_in_VA]

I know one person who had her parents pay for or contribute to the wedding out of 25 or so weddings I've been to.  Her parents were 1st generation Italian and had lots of money.  I paid for both of my weddings, both DSD and DSS paid for their own weddings, although we did give them some money as a wedding gift which helped.  

Loony doesn't want to hear anything except what she believes, so I take her with a grain of salt.

[Cookies Galore]

My dad and stepmom paid what might as well have been a down payment on a house for their portion of our wedding.

[travelnut11]

My parents paid nothing for my wedding but we didn't have a traditional wedding and I was 36. It wouldn't have mattered...my dad had passed away and my mom/stepdad didn't have any money so no one was paying no matter what the circumstances would have been.

[tskeeter]

DW and I paid most of the expenses of our wedding.  Her folks gave us a gift of a few hundred dollars toward the expenses and hosted an open house the day after the wedding. My folks paid for the Groom's dinner.  Otherwise, it was on our dime.

[jeep108]

My parents paid for the wedding $5k. 

My MIL paid for and catered the food. 

My FIL paid for our honeymoon.  

[swamp]

My dad also paid for the bar bill at the rehearsal dinner. It exceeded the food bill.   I did not expect him to do that, and we did not ask him to, he just did it.  

[souldoubt]

I've been in 3 weddings that I have some idea on in regard to finances and a 4th that I know of because my fiancee was in the bridal party:

-2 were 90% or more paid for by the bride and groom and they were nice modest weddings with under 100 people attending
-1 was 100% paid for by the brides parents who are well off with a couple hundred people attending
-1 was probably 90% or more paid for by the brides parents who are well off with a couple hundred people attending

In the case of the last 2 they were weddings the bride and groom could never afford on their own, both were held at country clubs and it was a way for the parents to show off to their friends who they invited.  

We're getting married next year and will be paying for it on our own which I have no problem with.  That means it's on our terms as far as where, when and who gets invited.  I also like it because even if someone paid for it my preference would be smaller and modest as opposed to lavish and filled with people neither of us know because someone else is showing off. 

All of these weddings were in the last 5 years.  The modest weddings were about 8K while the lavish weddings were both at about 50K.  Some day if we are able to contribute to our kids weddings we'll tell them "here's ____ and you can either use it on a wedding or save it for a down payment on a house.  If you want a big wedding or a bigger house it's on you to foot the bill for the rest."  

[Deleted]

Well, my two marriage votes cancel each other out.  My first marriage, no.  My boyfriend and I paid for the entire thing including the honeymoon on our own.

Second wedding...well...that one was a little different.  After everything I'd been through with the first my parents wanted this one to be a "new beginning".  Also, my Mother had just got into remission from cancer and I think she just wanted to have a big party with all the family.  So, for that one her and my Dad paid for a lot of it because I said I didn't want a big to do and she did.  Even so, the entire wedding was about $8500 for a large guest list.  They probably paid for 7K of that, we paid the other $1500. 

eta:  2nd ex's Dad paid for the beer at the wedding forgot about that.  I think we just paid for the photographer, gifts for the wedding party and the DJ. 

[ArchietheDragon]

If I remember correctly each set of parents paid for about $5k of our wedding. 

[kittensaver]

The old ways fell away a long time ago.

The old ways as in: the family (on one or both sides) had some sort of cultural or socioeconomic status (think the British peerage, which is actually from where MANY of American wedding traditions spring) and a wedding was not only a way to get a daughter off your hands but also a way to re-enforce (or proclaim) your wealth and status.

In America, parents of brides stopped paying the full ride AGES ago. Yes there are exceptions - like if they happen to be filthy stinking rich and/or want to use the occasion as a social payback - but it is definitely no longer "required" or "expected."

Most couples we know pitched in as much as they could for their kid's weddings, but parents on the other side AND the bride and groom also contributed. Almost every wedding we have been to in the last 33 years (including ours) was a compilation of financial efforts.

And in cases where the bride and groom were older, they paid for the whole thing themselves. 

[Blonde Granny]

21 years ago our only child married their only child. My DH and I paid for half the wedding and her parents paid half. Our total was about $7500, + we gave them their honeymoon in Cozumel for their wedding gift.

[Anne_in_VA]

The tradition started when families used to provide a dowry, in essence the bride's family paid for some man to marry her.  Often the families lived a subsistence lifestyle and the dowry helped the groom get set up better so that he could feed an extra mouth.

[zibazinski]

DH put in 20k, father of groom said he'd put in 10k. I'm assuming the EX picked up the rest. Last estimate we got was 55k. Both DH and Father of groom weren't in favor of the huge expense but were outvoted. Both bride and groom had jobs and had been out of school for years but still expected parents to pay. Their social class does that. But they had the money to do so.

[flamingo]

My parents gave me $3k when I got engaged. They said I could put it towards my wedding, pay off debt, or gamble it away, but that's all they were giving. I was 30 when I got married, and DH was 53 so we sure didn't need their money. Oh, and my mom bought my wedding dress (only $150). Otherwise we paid for everything ourselves.

I don't know anyone who's parents paid for their entire wedding. My friends all paid for the majority of their weddings, with their parents chipping in if they could. 

[zibazinski]

Last Saturday nights wedding was all on my girlfriend , the mother of the groom. I have no idea what it cost her financially. Mentally and emotionally? I hope it was worth it.

[obelisk]

My wife and I received 0 from both set of parents even though they have means.  I am sure we will not be doing the same for our kids once they get married.

[simser]

I'm female and we did it "traditionally", my parents paid for everything, my now former in laws paid for the rehearsal dinner, my ex paid for the honeymoon.

Of course, I'm an only child, he was an only child, all three things together was ~10k and our parents had the money to do that.

Next wedding? Who knows. Probably me/next husband.

[giramomma]

DH, myself, my parents, and my ILs each paid about 25% of the wedding costs. I wanted it to be as equal as possible, because I knew from my side, equality would be monitored/tracked/commented on.

When ILs asked how much they gave us, we padded the amount for BIL.  We couldn't remember the exact amount. They also had a wedding reception that was 4X as large as ours, so it didn't hurt if BIL received more money than us.

I'd like to help out my kids with their weddings. We'll see. Have to get them through school, first.

[stillmovingforward]

My DD1 is getting married next year.  They are anticipating paying for it themselves.  Unbeknownst to them, I will supply the cake (picked out the bakery, they can pick the cake/cupcakes up to a certain $ amount) because I want one that tastes and looks nice.  I am also going to gift them a $3,000 check with the intent that it be spent on a trip (DD1 and I both love to travel, her SO never had until he met her).  In reality, they can do whatever with it. 

My 3 nieces all paid for their own weddings with their partners.  One niece had help from the other two as she is pretty poor (sweet, kind, but not well educated or driven to do better).  That's where I got the idea to buy my DD1 the cake as my wedding present.  The other two nieces have done very well for themselves with good financial and educational choices.

[imawino]

In my albeit limited experience with weddings, I've found it's generally just a matter of financial means. In cases I know of where the parents could afford to pay for the wedding, they did. Or at least a large percentage of it. 

[tloonya]

Who's creation is the sentence that girl's parents are paying for the wedding?

I had not made it up!

[tloonya]

My whole life I was seeing families getting together to plan weddings and going nuts overboard with it.

Then I came in USA at age of 26 and saw all these movies where it was exactly like back in Ukraine.

All the stress and lots of work from both families. And I had worked for 4 years as a nail tech with all the American women who were coming to me and a whole hour while working on their nails I was listening tot their stories how expensive weddings are and how they are taking second mortgages to pay for kids weddings...and NOW HERE you telling me it is all a bullshit! How come

[Deleted]

Mar 18, 2016 14:27:24 GMT -5 tloonya said:

My whole life I was seeing families getting together to plan weddings and going nuts overboard with it.

Then I came in USA at age of 26 and saw all these movies where it was exactly like back in Ukraine.

All the stress and lots of work from both families. And I had worked for 4 years as a nail tech with all the American women who were coming to me and a whole hour while working on their nails I was listening tot their stories how expensive weddings are and how they are taking second mortgages to pay for kids weddings...and NOW HERE you telling me it is all a bullshit! How come

There are certainly people who do that.  I guess the ones that frequent nail salons.     Not my social circles.

[NastyWoman]

When xH and I got married a hundred years or so ago, we paid for it all - but it was a small relatively cheap wedding.  When DS2 got married I called him and told him that I wanted to gift them $x to do with as they wanted. They put that toward their wedding. xH was unable to travel (and living in Asia) at the time of the wedding. I had assumed he would pay for the rehearsal dinner. So I ended up sharing the cost of that with the FotB and one of DS2 friends.  The couple had not asked anything from anyone and had expected to pay for it themselves.  DS1 is not married. We'll see what happens if/when...

[sarcasticgirl]

my parents gave us $2000 as a wedding gift. 

[kittensaver]

Mar 18, 2016 14:27:24 GMT -5 tloonya said:

My whole life I was seeing families getting together to plan weddings and going nuts overboard with it.

Then I came in USA at age of 26 and saw all these movies where it was exactly like back in Ukraine.

All the stress and lots of work from both families. And I had worked for 4 years as a nail tech with all the American women who were coming to me and a whole hour while working on their nails I was listening tot their stories how expensive weddings are and how they are taking second mortgages to pay for kids weddings...and NOW HERE you telling me it is all a bullshit! How come

Well this might be dogging the obvious, but there is a HUGE difference between Getting Married and Having a Wedding.

The first can cost you virtually nothing - whatever a license happens to be in your city or county.

The second - if you let it - can continue to break your finances long after the ink is dry on the divorce decree.

All the rest is cultural expectations and social pressure. Pure and simple.

You choose.

[Apple]

I paid for the license and material for the dress.  My mom made my dress.  My parents made the food for the reception (bbq), SIL and then-husband's aunt made the wedding cake.  I can't remember who paid to rent the grange (where the reception was held), but it was only $15 ($5/hour in use, set up and clean up time was free).

We also paid for our honeymoon, which was just driving to the coast for a long weekend.

[plugginaway22]

We have 3 children and only one has married so far.  Our decision was to give each child $10k for whatever, a wedding, a house, or a trip around the world, and it was and will be a gift.
She used all of that and more for her wedding.  We also spent another $5k on our clothes, our younger DS suit, and other miscellaneous wedding expenses.