Teen Suicide Sucks

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

I didn't want to hijack MPL's thread.

I recently had my regular appointment at the hair salon I frequent.  During my appointment, my stylist, as stylists do, began also doing the hair of an adorable young girl beside me.  The young girl was getting teal streaks in her dark blonde/light brown hair.  Remember, I'm the 56-year-old mother of boys, so my experience chatting up teenage girls these days is limited.  My impression, in listening to her chat with our stylist, was that she was a very bright, intelligent, confident young woman who clearly had a fun streak in her.  I estimated her to be 11 years old given her petite stature and her fresh face.  I later learned that she was a senior at a local high school.  I wanted to compliment her on her teal streaks, but didn't, afraid I would be "that creepy old uncool woman who said something really lame to her during her appointment".  At one point, her mother popped into the salon to check on things.  Her mother looked a bit harried or stressed, but, being the mother of teenagers myself, I knew that look and gave her my silent empathy.

Last night I learned that this beautiful young woman -- whom I did not know -- who was incredibly accomplished according to her obituary -- committed suicide last week.  She had been struggling with self-injury issues for some time, and from the obituary, it is clear her family fought valiantly to help her.  I am heartbroken for her, for her family, for her friends.  Such a profound loss.  

Whether it is a young woman with cool teal streaks or Mad Dog Wiccan or anyone else who thinks about, attempts, or succeeds at, suicide, we, as a species, have to make the decision to fund mental health services and make them readily available to anyone and everyone who needs them. 

[Deleted]

[Miss Tequila]

So sad...and as the mom of teenage girls this breaks my heart

[zibazinski]

<img text="" alt=" " src="http://images.proboards.com/new/sad.png">   It's so hard to tell the young that, this too, shall pass.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Feb 23, 2016 15:59:29 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

" src="http://images.proboards.com/new/sad.png">   It's so hard to tell the young that, this too, shall pass.

Dh and I were talking about that the other night. I am hoping that by sharing my experiences in middle school and high school and seeing where I am at now that my daughters will realize that it will pass and eventually become a blip on the radar screen of their lives.

[wvugurl26]

It's so hard to believe that in middle school/junior high/high school. Things do get better. People grow up. Most of those people are not so bad these days. Some of the meanest ones to me well my life has turned out a million times better.

A friend of mine tried to commit suicide our sophomore year. Luckily her parents got her hospitalized and stabilized. And since she was local, her mom kept her at home at night until she felt comfortable with her returning to the dorm.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My ex HS sweetheart or somebody close to him spread horrible rumors about  me when we broke up.  As a result I was sexually harassed on a regular basis my senior year of high school.  It's really disturbing to have random guys coming up to you in the hall informing you they "know what kind of girl you are".

I wish I had talked to my parents. I have no clue why I didn't b/c they would have been down at the school faster than you can blink.

At the time it felt like the end of the world.  Once I graduated I never saw any of those people again.

I won't say it completely left me. I have zero desire to ever attend anything high school related.   Why would I want to relive the "glory days" with people who at best ignored me and at worst humiliated me?

[Deleted]

Feb 23, 2016 16:16:58 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I won't say it completely left me. I have zero desire to ever attend anything high school related whatsoever.  I have no desire to relive "the glory days" with people who barely acknowleged me at best and at worst humiliated me daily.

This is me too.  People came from all over the country to go to our high school reunion and I drove past the country club it was at on my way home from work without so much as a passing thought to stop.

It is so hard to get through to my son that someday if he is anything like me (and he IS), middle school and all the kids there will be like a different world.  One that he's no longer a part of. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

The only person I know who had a "great" experience in middle school was my husband.

I liken middle school to Lord of the Flies.  

High school for the most part I was able to blend into the crowd and I did eventually find my niche in drama club. 

It was the last year of HS that things royally imploded.  Thinking about it it's probably a "good" thing that happened when it did. I only had a handful of months to go before it was over forever.  I am not sure how I would have handled 3-4 years of that.

[Deleted]

I tell people that middle school is a social experiment that has failed and should be eliminated asap...

And that if they are inclined to homeschool at all and can only do a few years... Middle school is when you want to do it.

[billisonboard]

Feb 23, 2016 16:30:58 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

The only person I know who had a "great" experience in middle school was my husband.

I liken middle school to Lord of the Flies.  

I work with groups of students doing team building activities. I am asked what is a good sized group. I tell people, "10-12 is good for high school. 8-10 good for upper elementary. Groups of one are about right for middle schoolers."

[mmhmm]

It hurts to think this lovely young girl has been lost to all of us. Who knows what she could have done - who she could have been. Such a sad waste and I'm so very sorry for her family and friends. This will hurt for a long time. 

[billisonboard]

I have to admit that middle school aged kids are my favorite to work with.  I find younger ones just go along or don't without much thought going into it.  High schoolers already have it all figured out (or think they do).  Middle school aged kids are really trying to figure out who they are and how they fit in the world.  If you can get to them, and you have to do it in fifteen words or less, you can really get to them.

[happyhoix]

Feb 23, 2016 16:30:58 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

The only person I know who had a "great" experience in middle school was my husband.

I liken middle school to Lord of the Flies.  

High school for the most part I was able to blend into the crowd and I did eventually find my niche in drama club. 

It was the last year of HS that things royally imploded.  Thinking about it it's probably a "good" thing that happened when it did. I only had a handful of months to go before it was over forever.  I am not sure how I would have handled 3-4 years of that.

I don't know your age - did they have social media back then?

Being a smart but plain girl meant HS kind of blew for me. The boys were only interested in the cheerleaders or the perky girls with big boobs. However I did have my own clique of 'smart kids' and some encouraging teachers/fun classes so while it wasn't a the time of my life, it wasn't horrendous, and I could look forward to college, which I knew would be a lot more fun (and it was).

However, I'm old enough we didn't even have mobile phones. I can't imagine what my HS experience would have been like if there was some big network of bitchy fellow students out there ready to follow me home to my home computer or phone.  I don't remember this being too much of a problem for my DS, but I think girls are meaner to other girls.

[happyhoix]

There was a MS kid at the other end of the neighborhood who took his dad's pistol and shot himself through the head a couple years ago. His dad had recently taken his cell phone away because the kid's grades had been slipping.

Kids are so immature at that age I think it's impossible for them to put things like this in context. Losing a cell phone for a month or so is no more than a blip on the radar of your life, but I guess their hormones are so crazy they can't step back from the situation for perspective.

I remember at that age I visited Anne Frank's house and it didn't really leave an impression with me, because I was a self involved middle schooler full of angst and self pity. If I'd gotten my head out of my butt I might have learned a valuable lesson about what things are crushing problems and what things are minor hiccups. Took me a few more years to realize I'd never had a really serious problem in my life - not really. Not like Anne or all the millions of other people trucked to death camps.

[lund]

So very sad with all these tragic losses.

My condolences, Hickle.

[zibazinski]

Incredibly sad.

[Deleted]

Feb 23, 2016 16:45:33 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

I have to admit that middle school aged kids are my favorite to work with.  I find younger ones just go along or don't without much thought going into it.  High schoolers already have it all figured out (or think they do).  Middle school aged kids are really trying to figure out who they are and how they fit in the world.  If you can get to them, and you have to do it in fifteen words or less, you can really get to them.

I don't mind the age. I don't believe they should be grouped together/ socializing one another.

I've taught 5/6 in an elementary and they are awesome little mentors to younger kids, top of that heap but without the older influence, more likely to be molded onto a positive path. they explore growing independence, but still willing to be guided. 

7th and 8th graders... Should not be at the top of any heap! I'd actually prefer that they would be socialized by adults, but barring that having older kids around is preferable. 

[Deleted]

At our school 7th and 8th are segregated from the rest of the school which is mixed age grades K-6.  The E2's (4th through 6th) mentor the younger kids by being reading buddies and tutors and such, but once they hit 7th and 8th they don't interact with the younger much at all.  They are in a wing away from the rest of the school and have their own dining area and outside play area away from the other kids. 

[TheHaitian]

And this is why I promise myself when I have kids I will take them to volunteer in Haiti for a couple of months, soup kitchen, habitat for humanity... Travel the world.

I think sometimes kids get so lost in their own lives they do not see the bigger picture or how good they have it compared to most.

It is easy to think that losing a cell phone is the end of your world if everyone around you acts like it is... But there is more to the world than your block and your middle school.

I hated middle school and high school, I was not part of the popular crowd and I was poor. And I will say it over and over again: my mom family, my cousins, my aunts/uncles saved my life. Because those 3 months I spent with them made the 9 months of torture worth it.... They loved me and accepted me unconditionally, summer was a pure bliss. I have seen dark times in my life, I have considered suicide when I was younger ... And I cannot say it enough : they saved my life.

They will never know what those 3 months in the US meant to me. It was paradise and I cried every time it ended and I impatiently looked forward to it.

[alabamagal]

When my youngest was in 5th grade, he was whining about something and my oldest (3 grades ahead) told him "you better toughen up because middle school is where you will get picked on all the time". I just always remember that. Just sounded like the whole purpose of middle school was to get picked on.

My youngest, now 21, posted a RIP about a kid he played football with. I googled and found out that he was involved in murder/suicide. He was 23. Sad.

[moneymaven]

GRG, I got goosebumps when I read that post. My thoughts and prayers go out to that family, and you. What a tender, precarious age fraught with emotional roller coasters. It makes my heart ache knowing that poor child felt alone and without any alternative.

[ginpin]

When I was eighteen, my good friend from HS shot himself.  I remember a day or two before this happened, I saw his Mustang drive by where I sat at a stoplight.  I thought about turning around and following him to say hi, but I was late for a prenatal appointment.  I still to this day wish I would have followed him.  Could I have changed things?  I don't know.  But I will never know.

[Deleted]

A friend of mine committed suicide my senior year of high school, 18 years later and there is probably still not a week that goes by that I don't think of him.  Completely agree on access to mental health services, I still wonder if someone could have helped.

[finnime]

If some how every adolescent could know that this time, this hour and day and year, will pass, and to just hang on - there will be so much better in the future for them. And when things do not go well, they'll have the strength to muddle past.

[zibazinski]

Feb 24, 2016 6:41:11 GMT -5 finnime said:

If some how every adolescent could know that this time, this hour and day and year, will pass, and to just hang on - there will be so much better in the future for them. And when things do not go well, they'll have the strength to muddle past.

Amen. Sometimes we shelter our children too much. It wouldn't hurt for them to know we didn't get asked to a special thing or we had zits or we had our hearts broken and we are still here today.

[happyhoix]

Feb 23, 2016 19:45:19 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

And this is why I promise myself when I have kids I will take them to volunteer in Haiti for a couple of months, soup kitchen, habitat for humanity... Travel the world.

I think sometimes kids get so lost in their own lives they do not see the bigger picture or how good they have it compared to most.

It is easy to think that losing a cell phone is the end of your world if everyone around you acts like it is... But there is more to the world than your block and your middle school.

I hated middle school and high school, I was not part of the popular crowd and I was poor. And I will say it over and over again: my mom family, my cousins, my aunts/uncles saved my life. Because those 3 months I spent with them made the 9 months of torture worth it.... They loved me and accepted me unconditionally, summer was a pure bliss. I have seen dark times in my life, I have considered suicide when I was younger ... And I cannot say it enough : they saved my life.

They will never know what those 3 months in the US meant to me. It was paradise and I cried every time it ended and I impatiently looked forward to it.

I agree, letting our very fortunate kids see how people live in the poorer parts of the world is important.

When DS was in HS our church sponsored a youth group trip to Mexico, to a little town that literally was in a garbage . The people that lived there earned money sorting through the trash for recyclables. Forget cell phone coverage and fast food joints, these people were trying to establish a reliable source of potable water so they wouldn't contract diseases from the water.

DS is not one to sit and talk about his feelings, but I think he came back with a different perspective on the importance of video games and getting another, more expensive guitar.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Never be afraid to tell some you like their hair or shoes.

I am so sorry.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I don't know your age - did they have social media back then?

It was in its infancy.   There was instant message but that was fairly easy to figure out how to block people.  I don't recall when MySpace came out.

Even if we'd had it my parents were pretty strict about computer use.  There was ONE computer in a family area and they reserved the right to look over my shoulder at any time (which they occassionally did).

The internet wasn't everywhere yet so that did probably make things "easier".    It's still not a picnic to have teenage boys solicit you in the hallway.

[Tennesseer]

Feb 24, 2016 6:41:11 GMT -5 finnime said:

If some how every adolescent could know that this time, this hour and day and year, will pass, and to just hang on - there will be so much better in the future for them. And when things do not go well, they'll have the strength to muddle past.

The unfortunate thing for school age childeen is they don't have the luxury of many years of life and experience to look back at those troubled years and put them into perspective. We adults who had a few years of hard life in school can look back at those years as only a fraction of our life. For young people, it seems it has been their whole life.

Some young people can be reached with the 'It gets better with time' message. They still have a spark of hope within them. But what do we say and do when that message continually fails to reach an utterly defeated youth when it seems to them (and maybe has been) one miserable existence in their very short life. Even counseling doesn't help some kids. I don't know the answer.