ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,353
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 27, 2015 13:20:19 GMT -5
You are playing just perfectly. In fact I would like to play with you a little more. Tell your wife about it because playing with another woman and lying about it is definitely cheating. It is known. I can't afford a divorce right now. I'll just keep it quiet and hope she never finds out.
|
|
weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
|
Post by weltschmerz on Aug 27, 2015 13:21:46 GMT -5
Some women are insanely insecure. I know one woman who doesn't allow her husband to watch TV by himself. There might be a movie on, in which there's some exposed boob. People like that need professional help.
For the record, I don't consider strip clubs or porn mags cheating. Not even a little.
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Aug 27, 2015 13:23:42 GMT -5
You are playing just perfectly. In fact I would like to play with you a little more. Tell your wife about it because playing with another woman and lying about it is definitely cheating. It is known. Well I CAN'T cheat with Archie because DH knows I participate in a few chat boards. He could even get on and see my activity if he wanted.
Not cheating on my end
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 30,428
|
Post by andi9899 on Aug 27, 2015 13:26:04 GMT -5
Cheating is being intimate with another person. This could be sex or an emotional affair, etc. I don't consider port or strip clubs to be cheating, nothing intimate there.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 30,428
|
Post by andi9899 on Aug 27, 2015 13:29:05 GMT -5
Cheating is being intimate with another person. This could be sex or an emotional affair, etc. I don't consider porn or strip clubs to be cheating, nothing intimate there. Same question I posed to Welts, what if he pays for a happy ending to his VIP lap dance? The lap dance part to me is not cheating. The happy ending part, yes.
|
|
weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
|
Post by weltschmerz on Aug 27, 2015 13:33:01 GMT -5
Cheating is being intimate with another person. This could be sex or an emotional affair, etc. I don't consider porn or strip clubs to be cheating, nothing intimate there. Same question I posed to Welts, what if he pays for a happy ending to his VIP lap dance? I wouldn't like it, but it wouldn't be grounds for divorce.
|
|
weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
|
Post by weltschmerz on Aug 27, 2015 13:33:59 GMT -5
There's a difference between looking and touching.
|
|
PK Bucko
Junior Associate
Joined: Aug 29, 2011 9:06:37 GMT -5
Posts: 5,098
|
Post by PK Bucko on Aug 27, 2015 13:45:10 GMT -5
Same question I posed to Welts, what if he pays for a happy ending to his VIP lap dance? The lap dance part to me is not cheating. The happy ending part, yes. Seems like common sense. Almost anybody could go home after a night out and say I got a lap dance and there wouldn't be any great shit storm. But I'd be willing to bet that almost everybody would be in the running for divorce court after a happy ending.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 30,428
|
Post by andi9899 on Aug 27, 2015 13:48:52 GMT -5
The lap dance part to me is not cheating. The happy ending part, yes. Seems like common sense. Almost anybody could go home after a night out and say I got a lap dance and there wouldn't be any great shit storm. But I'd be willing to bet that almost everybody would be in the running for divorce court after a happy ending. I've seen both women and men that think strip clubs are cheating. I don't get it. If you trust your SO, why shouldn't they go to the strip club with friends? If you can't trust them to do so, you have an even bigger problem than the strip club itself.
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Aug 27, 2015 13:51:54 GMT -5
I wouldn't like it, but it wouldn't be grounds for divorce. Interesting. Now question for the guys, if you found out your wife was paying male sex workers to get her off is that grounds for divorce? I know I'd leave my wife over that. Looking, fine. Lap dance, fine. Paying for sex acts, pack your shit and get out. Um . . . let's see how delicately/PG-13 I can put this. *Some* - if not most - lap dance happy endings still involve hands completely off the young lady (or boy toy depending on the nature of the establishment in which you find yourself ). If it goes any further - in public or private - it is no longer a lap dance, just sayin' . . .
Happy endings for men are much, um, easier to accomplish without physical contact than they are for women. Not unheard of, of course, but MUCH more rare for females. I think that might be to what weltz or others are referring or inferring. A man could have a happy ending easily without touching the woman, but not (generally) the reverse.
Because of this, some people would find a woman "paying for a happy ending" a much more egregious cheat than for a man who pays for the same thing via a lap dance. The playing field is not level.
Was that delicate enough? If not, I will delete.
|
|
weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
|
Post by weltschmerz on Aug 27, 2015 13:53:47 GMT -5
Men and women view sex differently. Many women equate sex with love, which is pure folly. Some men go for massages after a hard week of work and stress. Some get a happy ending. To them it means nothing except stress relief. There's no love involved. There's no "I'm going to leave my wife and children for this woman." A woman would equate this with "He doesn't love me any more. I'm leaving!" So,no. I wouldn't throw away 20 years of marriage for a simple handjob from a hooker. I wouldn't like it, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.
|
|
PK Bucko
Junior Associate
Joined: Aug 29, 2011 9:06:37 GMT -5
Posts: 5,098
|
Post by PK Bucko on Aug 27, 2015 13:56:26 GMT -5
Men and women view sex differently. Many women equate sex with love, which is pure folly. Some men go for massages after a hard week of work and stress. Some get a happy ending. To them it means nothing except stress relief. There's no love involved. There's no "I'm going to leave my wife and children for this woman." A woman would equate this with "He doesn't love me any more. I'm leaving!" So,no. I wouldn't throw away 20 years of marriage for a simple handjob from a hooker. I wouldn't like it, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. And that truly is the bottom line. Whatever you and your SO think is cheating, is cheating.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 20,902
|
Post by happyhoix on Aug 27, 2015 14:21:35 GMT -5
Some women are insanely insecure. I know one woman who doesn't allow her husband to watch TV by himself. There might be a movie on, in which there's some exposed boob. People like that need professional help.
For the record, I don't consider strip clubs or porn mags cheating. Not even a little. I never understood that. DH is a boob man. I even know the type of rack he likes. When I'm watching a movie that has nice visual shots of what I know he likes, and he is off in the man cave watching whatever sports thing is on at the time, I will pause the movie, back it up, and go fetch him so he can enjoy it. He does the same for me, if he's watching a movie that shows certain naked male body parts (he knows what I like to see). Frankly it would make me sad if DH stopped wanting to look at beautiful women. I would mean he was getting old to the point sex no longer mattered to him. And he can look all he wants - it just primes the pump for me when he gets home.
|
|
weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
|
Post by weltschmerz on Aug 27, 2015 14:24:15 GMT -5
Some women are insanely insecure. I know one woman who doesn't allow her husband to watch TV by himself. There might be a movie on, in which there's some exposed boob. People like that need professional help.
For the record, I don't consider strip clubs or porn mags cheating. Not even a little. I never understood that. DH is a boob man. I even know the type of rack he likes. When I'm watching a movie that has nice visual shots of what I know he likes, and he is off in the man cave watching whatever sports thing is on at the time, I will pause the movie, back it up, and go fetch him so he can enjoy it. He does the same for me, if he's watching a movie that shows certain naked male body parts (he knows what I like to see). Frankly it would make me sad if DH stopped wanting to look at beautiful women. I would mean he was getting old to the point sex no longer mattered to him. And he can look all he wants - it just primes the pump for me when he gets home. Heh. You'd love Canadian TV.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 30,428
|
Post by andi9899 on Aug 27, 2015 14:26:21 GMT -5
Some women are insanely insecure. I know one woman who doesn't allow her husband to watch TV by himself. There might be a movie on, in which there's some exposed boob. People like that need professional help.
For the record, I don't consider strip clubs or porn mags cheating. Not even a little. I never understood that. DH is a boob man. I even know the type of rack he likes. When I'm watching a movie that has nice visual shots of what I know he likes, and he is off in the man cave watching whatever sports thing is on at the time, I will pause the movie, back it up, and go fetch him so he can enjoy it. He does the same for me, if he's watching a movie that shows certain naked male body parts (he knows what I like to see). Frankly it would make me sad if DH stopped wanting to look at beautiful women. I would mean he was getting old to the point sex no longer mattered to him. And he can look all he wants - it just primes the pump for me when he gets home. This is the part I never understood about why people get mad about their SO going to the strip club. Why wouldn't you want them to go out and get excited and then come home and take the frustration out on you? I don't get it.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Aug 27, 2015 14:33:34 GMT -5
I never understood that. DH is a boob man. I even know the type of rack he likes. When I'm watching a movie that has nice visual shots of what I know he likes, and he is off in the man cave watching whatever sports thing is on at the time, I will pause the movie, back it up, and go fetch him so he can enjoy it. He does the same for me, if he's watching a movie that shows certain naked male body parts (he knows what I like to see). Frankly it would make me sad if DH stopped wanting to look at beautiful women. I would mean he was getting old to the point sex no longer mattered to him. And he can look all he wants - it just primes the pump for me when he gets home. This is the part I never understood about why people get mad about their SO going to the strip club. Why wouldn't you want them to go out and get excited and then come home and take the frustration out on you? I don't get it. Honestly? Because I don't consider intimacy an act of frustration. It would be like an act of cheating to me for DH to get aroused by someone else then take his "frustrations" out on me. I want him to want me for myself, not because he can't have someone else. Does that make any sense?
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 30,428
|
Post by andi9899 on Aug 27, 2015 14:35:26 GMT -5
This is the part I never understood about why people get mad about their SO going to the strip club. Why wouldn't you want them to go out and get excited and then come home and take the frustration out on you? I don't get it. Honestly? Because I don't consider intimacy an act of frustration. It would be like an act of cheating to me for DH to get aroused by someone else then take his "frustrations" out on me. I want him to want me for myself, not because he can't have someone else. Does that make any sense? Maybe 'frustration' was the wrong word to use, but I don't see it as cheating. That's just my opinion.
|
|
weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
|
Post by weltschmerz on Aug 27, 2015 14:36:24 GMT -5
This is the part I never understood about why people get mad about their SO going to the strip club. Why wouldn't you want them to go out and get excited and then come home and take the frustration out on you? I don't get it. Honestly? Because I don't consider intimacy an act of frustration. It would be like an act of cheating to me for DH to get aroused by someone else then take his "frustrations" out on me. I want him to want me for myself, not because he can't have someone else. Does that make any sense? No. Men get aroused, constantly. What if he's aroused by some woman he sees on TV or at the mall? What if he's thinking about the college student with the big boobs who sold him coffee that morning? While he's making love to you? Cheating?
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Aug 27, 2015 14:40:05 GMT -5
Honestly? Because I don't consider intimacy an act of frustration. It would be like an act of cheating to me for DH to get aroused by someone else then take his "frustrations" out on me. I want him to want me for myself, not because he can't have someone else. Does that make any sense? Maybe 'frustration' was the wrong word to use, but I don't see it as cheating. That's just my opinion. I understand. You stated you couldn't understand something and I gave you a viewpoint. Just my opinion as well. It's all good, as long as both partners understand where the other is coming from.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 20,902
|
Post by happyhoix on Aug 27, 2015 14:42:28 GMT -5
Honestly? Because I don't consider intimacy an act of frustration. It would be like an act of cheating to me for DH to get aroused by someone else then take his "frustrations" out on me. I want him to want me for myself, not because he can't have someone else. Does that make any sense? No. Men get aroused, constantly. What if he's aroused by some woman he sees on TV or at the mall? What if he's thinking about the college student with the big boobs who sold him coffee that morning? While he's making love to you? Cheating?
Oh I hope not!
|
|
djAdvocate
Member Emeritus
only posting when the mood strikes me.
Joined: Jun 21, 2011 12:33:54 GMT -5
Posts: 75,147
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"000307"}
|
Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 14:43:20 GMT -5
Whoops, that may be for a whole nuther thread. BUT - I can't imagine being in a relationship where you're not comfortable letting your SO know what you want. sex is weird in that way, right? highly personal. and if you are not utterly confident in yourself and your relationship (or simply don't care about your partner) you might never voice your desires. i personally think that is kinda sad, but i understand it well enough.
|
|
djAdvocate
Member Emeritus
only posting when the mood strikes me.
Joined: Jun 21, 2011 12:33:54 GMT -5
Posts: 75,147
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"000307"}
|
Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 14:47:16 GMT -5
i disagree. We are defining cheating. Gotta start somewhere. "engaging in an intimate or potentially intimate relationship with another person and keeping it from your spouse or SO to whom you have made a commitment." and that is a good start. But what does engaging in a potentially intimate relationship mean? Well I suppose if the wife would leave you for the egregious offense of lying about the bath, then maybe it is cheating. lol that is a relativistic standard for cheating. but i think that is how it works. i think consent defines cheating.
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Aug 27, 2015 14:53:56 GMT -5
Come again? Are you saying guys can reach climax without any physical contact at all? I doubt that's true for most, if any, men. They can do it without their hands touching her but there needs to be some contact and friction between them. Maybe I'm weird but I've never reached or gotten close to climax from purely visual stimulation. Likewise a woman paying for release could achieve it without ever putting her hands on the guy/gal, but there's going to be contact and friction. Okay - delicately, once again . . . I was referring to the fact that under the lap dance rules of most establishments (so they don't get busted for solicitation) the girl may touch the man but the man may not touch the girl. I was not referring to "purely visual stimulation."
|
|
weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
|
Post by weltschmerz on Aug 27, 2015 14:55:08 GMT -5
Do you honestly think your husband is aroused only by you, and is thinking only of you, when you're having sex? You're in for a rude awakening, my friend.
|
|
djAdvocate
Member Emeritus
only posting when the mood strikes me.
Joined: Jun 21, 2011 12:33:54 GMT -5
Posts: 75,147
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"000307"}
|
Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 15:01:09 GMT -5
Come again? Are you saying guys can reach climax without any physical contact at all? I doubt that's true for most, if any, men. They can do it without their hands touching her but there needs to be some contact and friction between them. Maybe I'm weird but I've never reached or gotten close to climax from purely visual stimulation. Likewise a woman paying for release could achieve it without ever putting her hands on the guy/gal, but there's going to be contact and friction. yeah, i am with SDG here. not my personal experience.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 30,428
|
Post by andi9899 on Aug 27, 2015 15:13:31 GMT -5
No. Men get aroused, constantly. What if he's aroused by some woman he sees on TV or at the mall? I think you meant people, not men. Women like to ogle hotties too. I resemble that remark!
|
|
weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
|
Post by weltschmerz on Aug 27, 2015 15:14:39 GMT -5
There might be more women that would live with their husbands paying for release from a sex worker than there are men that would live with their wives doing the same. I don't think it's because the physical acts are all that different though. I think it's just a societal/cultural thing. That's what I'm trying to say. I don't know if we condition our daughters to expect less faithfulness from their partners, if we condition our sons to expect complete faithfulness from theirs, or if women are just more open minded. I don't think it has anything to do with men requiring less contact to get there though. Anatomy and physiology. A woman who cheats has been breached, entered and SOILED.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Aug 27, 2015 15:33:00 GMT -5
Kittensaver did a great job of phrasing things delicately -- but let's keep Proboards' PG13 guidelines in mind going forward, please. Mid/mod ETA - nothing posted yet has violated the Terms and Conditions (at least IMO)... but we are going down a slippery slope.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on Aug 27, 2015 15:39:06 GMT -5
Do you honestly think your husband is aroused only by you, and is thinking only of you, when you're having sex? You're in for a rude awakening, my friend. Perhaps. I would be very disappointed in him and our relationship if he used me as a means to get over his sexual frustrations caused by someone else. That is not what intimacy in a loving, committed, relationship is about to us. I've said before, the act isn't happening for me unless there is an emotional connection. I can't imagine an emotional connection with your partner, when you're thinking about banging someone else. I have no doubt he gets aroused by others, I just should not be a means to finish that end. Your personal views may vary, those are mine. Just like there are some people who think monogamy is impossible, is it not possible that there may be others who think the same way I do? Why am I the one whose thinking is delusional in your opinion?
|
|
djAdvocate
Member Emeritus
only posting when the mood strikes me.
Joined: Jun 21, 2011 12:33:54 GMT -5
Posts: 75,147
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"000307"}
|
Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 15:40:10 GMT -5
management: where does this cross the boundary? because i am liking how open this discussion is so far.
edit: i realize it will be hard to reply to this- so i am looking for "when you mention body parts" if it is something that simple.
|
|