My Bro Wants to List me as Closest Relative on Rental App

[Bonny]

My trainwreck brother left a message on my cell phone that he wants to list me as closest relative on his rental app. I sent him an e-mail asking why he's moving. He wrote back that the owner wants to move back into the house.

While I guess I should be grateful that he asked beforehand I have the gut feeling this isn't going to go well. Technically his two adult sons and my father are his closest relatives; none of them are speaking to him. I also know my brother has been late on his rent in the past. And I doubt his credit score is higher than 500. 

I have limited contact with my brother because I hate getting sucked into his drama. But I want to stay in contact with my 16 year old niece. I'm thinking of responding with a return "you can list me as a relative but don't do anything to make me regret doing this".

I'm sure it will hurt his feelings but he needs to know I'll cut him out my life too if I get calls from his creditors.

And just to be clear, this isn't a reference. The only time a LL would contact me would be to try to locate a deadbeat tenant or inform me that my relative died.

What would YOU do?

[hoops902]

I'd say yes. It's not like a cosigner or a reference.  It seems to have minimal real-life impact unless something significant were to happen to him.

[Wisconsin Beth]

So you want to be fielding calls from his landlord?  Why? 

[ArchietheDragon]

Tell him to put down ArchietheDragon c/o YMAM as his closest relative.

[Bonny]

Jul 15, 2015 12:18:39 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

So you want to be fielding calls from his landlord?  Why? 

The only reason I would be contacted would be if he took off and they were trying to find him or if he died and they needed to make a next of kin notification. I can't think of another reason I would be contacted.

[alabamagal]

I don't think it's a big deal. He can do it without asking.

And there is no obligation if things go bad.

[The Captain]

Jul 15, 2015 12:10:40 GMT -5 Bonny said:

My trainwreck brother left a message on my cell phone that he wants to list me as closest relative on his rental app. I sent him an e-mail asking why he's moving. He wrote back that the owner wants to move back into the house.

While I guess I should be grateful that he asked beforehand I have the gut feeling this isn't going to go well. Technically his two adult sons and my father are his closest relatives; none of them are speaking to him. I also know my brother has been late on his rent in the past. And I doubt his credit score is higher than 500. 

I have limited contact with my brother because I hate getting sucked into his drama. But I want to stay in contact with my 16 year old niece. I'm thinking of responding with a return "you can list me as a relative but don't do anything to make me regret doing this".

I'm sure it will hurt his feelings but he needs to know I'll cut him out my life too if I get calls from his creditors.

And just to be clear, this isn't a reference. The only time a LL would contact me would be to try to locate a deadbeat tenant or inform me that my relative died.

What would YOU do?

Get your niece's cell phone number and tell you brother that you appreciate the thought, but aren't up to dealing with potential drama. Based on what you've mentioned of his history, I don't think there's a lot he can do to argue against that.

No, just no.

[Bonny]

Jul 15, 2015 12:26:45 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

I don't think it's a big deal. He can do it without asking.

And there is no obligation if things go bad.

Exactly.

Well there is the obligation or reporting any trainwreck stories on YM!

[kittensaver]

My flaky younger bro (basically a nice guy, just flaky/struggling with money after a nasty, drawn-out divorce) has listed me as his contact for credit applications (housing, car). I asked him to stop after I got several months worth of escalating calls from Chase (or more correctly, Chase's third party collection agency) regarding his whereabouts after he defaulted on a car loan. They were just doing the "shaming you through your relatives" thing, but it was annoying as heck.

I would say no, but that's just me. Good luck whatever you decide .

[zibazinski]

You will get a call if he doesn't pay his rent but it's mostly used as if I find a dead body, who do I contact. Like everyone said, he can do it without your permission. Make sure he understands you're not a reference. Make sure LL understands that too. I never called next of kin.

[mmhmm]

I have no relationship with my brother since my mother passed; however, ours was a similar situation to yours, Bonny. While my brother would never have the cojones to list me as a relative, I wouldn't object. If he screwed up I'm not legally responsible so I'd just tell any callers exactly that. I don't see how it could really become a problem.

[Bonny]

Jul 15, 2015 12:32:48 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

My flaky younger bro (basically a nice guy, just flaky/struggling with money after a nasty, drawn-out divorce) has listed me as his contact for credit applications (housing, car). I asked him to stop after I got several months worth of escalating calls from Chase (or more correctly, Chase's third party collection agency) regarding his whereabouts after he defaulted on a car loan. They were just doing the "shaming you through your relatives" thing, but it was annoying as heck.

I would say no, but that's just me. Good luck whatever you decide .

Hmmm this is food for thought. Once I give him the green light on the rental app he'll probably start listing me on other credit applications.

Maybe I should tell him to list our dead mother.

[Peace Of Mind]

To those that haven't had the pleasure of dealing with train wreck relatives it sounds like no big deal because with normal people it isn't.

My response if my train wreck brother asked me that?  No speaka de English or You have the wrong number/email address or whatever.   But according to him his blood relatives are douches so he now knows not to ask.   Especially after he had a jail mate call me on his behalf to bail him out again because "He's a really good guy I met" after I chewed him out for giving my number to these people.  Ummm no - meeting people in jail does not mean they are a good guy and if you give my info. out to your dirt bag jail inmates again and I will cut you!    But I digress. 

[kittensaver]

Jul 15, 2015 12:41:23 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Jul 15, 2015 12:32:48 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

My flaky younger bro (basically a nice guy, just flaky/struggling with money after a nasty, drawn-out divorce) has listed me as his contact for credit applications (housing, car). I asked him to stop after I got several months worth of escalating calls from Chase (or more correctly, Chase's third party collection agency) regarding his whereabouts after he defaulted on a car loan. They were just doing the "shaming you through your relatives" thing, but it was annoying as heck.

I would say no, but that's just me. Good luck whatever you decide .

Hmmm this is food for thought. Once I give him the green light on the rental app he'll probably start listing me on other credit applications.

Maybe I should tell him to list our dead mother.

This ^^^ (bold) is exactly what happened to me. I thought I was helping him get back on his feet after his divorce, but it came back to bite me in the backside.

Just say no .

[happyhoix]

He's just listing you as next of kin, not a reference. And if something horrible DID happen, wouldn't you want to know?

When my sister died, they couldn't find anything about relatives in her house (she was a hoarder) so her neighbor membered that our father had died ten years before, and what his name and city was, so the police had to google his death notice in the paper to find my sisters' next of kin.

So I say go for it.

[Bonny]

Jul 15, 2015 12:44:43 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

He's just listing you as next of kin, not a reference. And if something horrible DID happen, wouldn't you want to know?

When my sister died, they couldn't find anything about relatives in her house (she was a hoarder) so her neighbor membered that our father had died ten years before, and what his name and city was, so the police had to google his death notice in the paper to find my sisters' next of kin.

So I say go for it.

He is married and currently has three relatives in the same town with the same last name. I would get notified if something happened to him.

[mmhmm]

Jul 15, 2015 12:48:02 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Jul 15, 2015 12:44:43 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

He's just listing you as next of kin, not a reference. And if something horrible DID happen, wouldn't you want to know?

When my sister died, they couldn't find anything about relatives in her house (she was a hoarder) so her neighbor membered that our father had died ten years before, and what his name and city was, so the police had to google his death notice in the paper to find my sisters' next of kin.

So I say go for it.

He is married and currently has three relatives in the same town with the same last name. I would get notified if something happened to him.

Whaaat? You're not his next of kin. His wife is! Tell him to try just putting down his actual next of freaking kin!

[Bonny]

Jul 15, 2015 12:43:03 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Jul 15, 2015 12:41:23 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Hmmm this is food for thought. Once I give him the green light on the rental app he'll probably start listing me on other credit applications.

Maybe I should tell him to list our dead mother.

This ^^^ (bold) is exactly what happened to me. I thought I was helping him get back on his feet after his divorce, but it came back to bite me in the backside.

Just say no .

Yeah, my Dad and he had a rocky relationship before (both their faults) and finally severed the relationship completely when a third party debt collector for his mortgage company came to my father's girlfriend's house and stated that my brother listed her house as one of his assets. She is not very financially knowledgeable and it really freaked her out.

When I asked my brother about it, the first thing that came out of his mouth was something like "well the deed isn't in my name so there's nothing they could do". Then about a year later "I listed Dad as a reference; I didn't list the house as an asset".

Now I know the debt collectors will lie but I wasn't too happy with his first reaction.

[Bonny]

Jul 15, 2015 12:51:40 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Jul 15, 2015 12:48:02 GMT -5 Bonny said:

He is married and currently has three relatives in the same town with the same last name. I would get notified if something happened to him.

Whaaat? You're not his next of kin. His wife is! Tell him to try just putting down his actual next of freaking kin!

The question on the application (I use the CA Realtor form) is: "name of nearest relative not living with you"

In my earlier post I stated the reasons why a LL would contact someone listed in this area.

[Bonny]

Jul 15, 2015 13:10:07 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Jul 15, 2015 12:43:03 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

This ^^^ (bold) is exactly what happened to me. I thought I was helping him get back on his feet after his divorce, but it came back to bite me in the backside.

Just say no .

If it starts,  then I would respond to the creditors/LL with "Nope, no idea where to find him,  but if you talk to him can you tell him I haven't forgotten about the $400 he owes me"  I did that when I was getting calls at a new to me phone number for the previous holder who had some unpaid obligations.  It worked pretty well.   

LOL, I once got a call from a creditor of a tenant whom I evicted. Sounded like they were repossessing his Mercedes. I said "So I guess he owes you money too". She laughed. She said she had to be careful what they said (due to Fed Fair Debt Collection Act) to third parties.

I just remember what hell I went through when I was dealing with my mother's creditors as her executrix. I must have sent a letter stating that she was dead and the estate was upside down three times to the Chase CC company alone. I finally just terminated her cell and home numbers. I was keeping them in case she still had friends or business associates who hadn't been notified of her death. I had one particular one who threatened to try to open up her Trust et cetera. Another one wanted to know who paid for her funeral? It's a nasty business for the people left behind when you owe money.

[Bonny]

Alright, I sent the e-mail stating that I appreciated that he asked but that I prefer that he keep listing Dad. I explained why LLs need the info and stated that even though he and Dad weren't speaking to one another that Dad is closer and would do the right thing if anything bad happened.

I also wished him good luck with the house hunting.

I still feel bad.

[kittensaver]

It's okay to feel bad

Sometimes ya just gotta do whatcha gotta do

Console yourself with the hope that you've probably saved yourself some grief from creditors down the line . . .

[Deleted]

I was still getting telephone calls from creditors about my ex-bf's son. I'm guessing he gave them his dad's name and the house phone number. We broke up about eight years ago!

I finally told one set that this was embarrassing me, and I didn't like it. I wasn't related to the young man. Furthermore, I had gone on to marry someone else.

DH overheard me. He said, "TMI. Just say you've got the wrong number."

Lol.  He was right.  That stopped the calls.

[mmhmm]

Jul 15, 2015 13:09:15 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Jul 15, 2015 12:51:40 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Whaaat? You're not his next of kin. His wife is! Tell him to try just putting down his actual next of freaking kin!

The question on the application (I use the CA Realtor form) is: "name of nearest relative not living with you"

In my earlier post I stated the reasons why a LL would contact someone listed in this area.

Ahh. Thanks! I missed that part, I guess.

[Bonny]

Here's the e-mail I got back:

"I won't list dad and won't list you. I listed dad as next of kin on one Honda finance application before and he claimed a repo guy said he was co signer on the loan ( no proof has ever been delivered to correlate that) and that's why he requested that I never communicate with him again. He seems to be quite chummy with <bro's ex> ( who and her mother was less than kind towards dad when we all lived together) and <Dad's GF> "How could you do that?" And then handed dad the phone where he proceeded to repeat himself to basically the same narrative. I sent him the Honda loan copy application ( as you suggested ) and he is listed as " closest relative not living with you". I am not the perfect son, but not deserving of his ostracism, but I guess others disagree. I find it odd that I spent hours separating and quelling fights ( whereby the three would verbally degrade the other) <ex-wife>, <ex-wife's mother> and Dad. Often <Ex> and <Ex's mom> trying to get me to quell dad or side with them. Dad was going through an emotional time and wasn't perfect but Ex"s mother> and <Ex> could have been kinder and more respectful to dad. Now I find myself as persona non grata. Lol. That's life. I can tell you I did my best while raising 5 kids and I haven't been the smartest with money and that's hurt people I love."

I just do not want to get mixed up in his drama!

[hoops902]

I guess it explains why he asked you when he wanted to list you, if he's had prior issues with listing his closest relative.  It wouldn't have occurred for me to even ask someone if I could use them my closest relative.

[imawino]

Jul 15, 2015 15:12:56 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Here's the e-mail I got back:

"I won't list dad and won't list you. I listed dad as next of kin on one Honda finance application before and he claimed a repo guy said he was co signer on the loan ( no proof has ever been delivered to correlate that) and that's why he requested that I never communicate with him again. He seems to be quite chummy with <bro's ex> ( who and her mother was less than kind towards dad when we all lived together) and <Dad's GF> "How could you do that?" And then handed dad the phone where he proceeded to repeat himself to basically the same narrative. I sent him the Honda loan copy application ( as you suggested ) and he is listed as " closest relative not living with you". I am not the perfect son, but not deserving of his ostracism, but I guess others disagree. I find it odd that I spent hours separating and quelling fights ( whereby the three would verbally degrade the other) <ex-wife>, <ex-wife's mother> and Dad. Often <Ex> and <Ex's mom> trying to get me to quell dad or side with them. Dad was going through an emotional time and wasn't perfect but Ex"s mother> and <Ex> could have been kinder and more respectful to dad. Now I find myself as persona non grata. Lol. That's life. I can tell you I did my best while raising 5 kids and I haven't been the smartest with money and that's hurt people I love."

I just do not want to get mixed up in his drama!

I guess I don't understand how letting a landlord call you if he dies is getting mixed up in his drama?    In fact, if you'd said "sure", you probably would have gotten a "thanks" in response instead of that email. 

 

[imawino]

Is putting a next of kin on a credit app a normal thing?  I do not recall ever being asked that!    (not the landlord thing - I can get why they would want to have that on file in case something bad happened.)

[Bonny]

Jul 15, 2015 15:17:22 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

I guess it explains why he asked you when he wanted to list you, if he's had prior issues with listing his closest relative.  It wouldn't have occurred for me to even ask someone if I could use them my closest relative.

Well he asked because the three closest relatives won't talk to him. 

[Bonny]

Jul 15, 2015 15:24:24 GMT -5 imawino said:

Jul 15, 2015 15:12:56 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Here's the e-mail I got back:

"I won't list dad and won't list you. I listed dad as next of kin on one Honda finance application before and he claimed a repo guy said he was co signer on the loan ( no proof has ever been delivered to correlate that) and that's why he requested that I never communicate with him again. He seems to be quite chummy with <bro's ex> ( who and her mother was less than kind towards dad when we all lived together) and <Dad's GF> "How could you do that?" And then handed dad the phone where he proceeded to repeat himself to basically the same narrative. I sent him the Honda loan copy application ( as you suggested ) and he is listed as " closest relative not living with you". I am not the perfect son, but not deserving of his ostracism, but I guess others disagree. I find it odd that I spent hours separating and quelling fights ( whereby the three would verbally degrade the other) <ex-wife>, <ex-wife's mother> and Dad. Often <Ex> and <Ex's mom> trying to get me to quell dad or side with them. Dad was going through an emotional time and wasn't perfect but Ex"s mother> and <Ex> could have been kinder and more respectful to dad. Now I find myself as persona non grata. Lol. That's life. I can tell you I did my best while raising 5 kids and I haven't been the smartest with money and that's hurt people I love."

I just do not want to get mixed up in his drama!

I guess I don't understand how letting a landlord call you if he dies is getting mixed up in his drama?    In fact, if you'd said "sure", you probably would have gotten a "thanks" in response instead of that email. 

 

It's another way to track you down if you leave owing the LL money or leaving a mess without a forwarding address.