eeck!, Eeck!, EECK!

[The Captain]

OMG, I just realized that in a few short months DD will be a teenager.

I will be the mother to a teenager.

We will have a teenager living in the house.

OMFG WE WILL HAVE A TEENAGE GIRL THAT BOYS WILL WANT TO DATE!!!



(picks self up, tries to stop hyperventilating)

I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready.

What brought this on, you ask?

It was hot and humid yesterday so DD put on a set of summer sleepwear that I bought for her.  As she was walking around the house (completely oblivious) it was impossible not to notice she's got curves and hips.

PLEASE. HELP. ME!!!

[zibazinski]

Welcome to your new reality.

[Deleted]

[busymom]

Time for DH to put up the barbed wire around the house. And, start cleaning the guns when those boys start coming around.

[zibazinski]

My Dad always did. In the living room. I think I was the only girl to graduate high school a virgin who wasn't fugly.

[ArchietheDragon]

Jun 23, 2015 14:02:07 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

My Dad always did. In the living room. I think I was the only girl to graduate high school a virgin who wasn't fugly.

Even fugly girls usually can find a fugly dude to throw them a sausage. 

[zibazinski]

[zibazinski]

But fugly boys expect a 10!

[ArchietheDragon]

Jun 23, 2015 14:04:02 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

But fugly boys expect a 10!

They expect a 10, but will do a 1 and just add a zero when retelling the story. 

[NancysSummerSip]

Jun 23, 2015 14:03:07 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Jun 23, 2015 14:02:07 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

My Dad always did. In the living room. I think I was the only girl to graduate high school a virgin who wasn't fugly.

Even fugly girls usually can find a fugly dude to throw them a sausage. 

Hopefully, not a gold-plated one.

Captain, is your DH a good shot? Just remind him that he only has to take out the first two or three boys who dare approach his princess. The others learn after that.

[The Captain]

I will have you know DD is NOT fugly!!!



Quite the opposite, which is the freaking problem.

(groans and goes off to rock quietly in a corner somewhere)

[busymom]

THIS is the kind of guy who wants the "pretty young thangs":

[zibazinski]

Rats. If you had a duckling that turned into a swan at about age 22, that'd be so much easier on you.

[The Captain]

Jun 23, 2015 14:04:57 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Jun 23, 2015 14:03:07 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Even fugly girls usually can find a fugly dude to throw them a sausage. 

Hopefully, not a gold-plated one.

Captain, is your DH a good shot? Just remind him that he only has to take out the first two or three boys who dare approach his princess. The others learn after that.

The boys have much more to be concerned from DD's mother, than they do her father.  Why do you think I'm on EE .

However, yes - he can be around to pick up the pieces.

Actually, DH has decided now is the time for us to learn how to make home made sausages...yannow - so he can hack pieces off with a cleaver and offer them to the victims guests with an evil grin on his face.

[vonna]

Jun 23, 2015 13:56:55 GMT -5 The Captain said:

I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready.

I have no words of wisdom. DS just turned 20, but he and I share the same temperament, and have always talked a lot.  Somehow he (as far as I know) managed the teenage years pretty well, with a decent head on his shoulders and a responsible attitude towards the opposite sex.  I feel like he and I share the relationship I shared with my mom.

DD, who is now ten, and an early bloomer (runs in the family, but still hard to see such a young girl "blossom") doesn't share near as much with me.  Luckily she doesn't seem to notice her developing body too much, and dresses (except for the need of a bra) and very much acts like a 10 year old. But, it is hard to not notice that  she has "developed" a lot more quickly than her friends.  I wish she opened up more, but it just doesn't seem to be in her personality.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Good luck with that - it'll probably be when she reaches 16 that your hair decides to suddenly turn gray.

Being the only girl (and the youngest) in my family, I think I was the reason my parents spent many evenings when I was out on a date waiting by the window when it was time for me to arrive home - only to pretend they were either nonchalantly watching tv or sleeping by the time I walked in the door.

They never worried about my older brothers like that - I guess it didn't occur to them that my older brothers were also dating other mothers' daughters.

[NancysSummerSip]

Actually, DH has decided now is the time for us to learn how to make home made sausages...yannow - so he can hack pieces off with a cleaver and offer them to the victims guests with an evil grin on his face.

And offer them with this statement: "I do so love a nice Chianti with this sausage. It's a blood sausage, you know. A youthful, fresh sausage I came up with, oh my....right about the time that nice young man from down the street disappeared..."

[Bluerobin]

1. Tell her she CANNOT date until she is 25.
2. If she defies you and brings home a boy, make sure you are sharpening a knife.  And wave it around from time to time.  You know where.
3. If the boy is toooooooo polite, use the knife.

[The Captain]

Jun 23, 2015 14:21:27 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

Good luck with that - it'll probably be when she reaches 16 that your hair decides to suddenly turn gray.

Being the only girl (and the youngest) in my family, I think I was the reason my parents spent many evenings when I was out on a date waiting by the window when it was time for me to arrive home - only to pretend they were either nonchalantly watching tv or sleeping by the time I walked in the door.

They never worried about my older brothers like that - I guess it didn't occur to them that my older brothers were also dating other mothers' daughters.

Pffth.  I already have a good head start on that.  After all, I HAVE been married to DH for over 20 years.

Her father want's to lock her up until she's 30.  I have to gently remind him about what he was like as a teenaged boy, which of course doesn't help my case...

Seriously though, I didn't really start dating until I was 16, and then it was with a guy who was very safe which was perfect because I really didn't have time for the teen angst and nonsense during HS.

GAWD I hope DD takes after me in that respect.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

"I do so love a nice Chianti with this sausage. It's a blood sausage, you know. "

That sounds so Hannibal Lechter "Silence of the Lambs".

[vonna]

Jun 23, 2015 14:28:23 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Jun 23, 2015 14:21:27 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

GAWD I hope DD takes after me in that respect.

I wish that for you as well. I have nothing to fear if my kids take after me. So far, DS has not been a problem. BUT, my DH (who I truly love with all my heart) was very trying as a teenager.

I hope that my DD doesn't take after him, but I just haven't figured that out yet.

[lexxy703]

Jun 23, 2015 14:27:49 GMT -5 Bluerobin said:

1. Tell her she CANNOT date until she is 25.
2. If she defies you and brings home a boy, make sure you are sharpening a knife.  And wave it around from time to time.  You know where.
3. If the boy is toooooooo polite, use the knife.

I went out with a guy in HS & he brought me home drunk.  The next time he picked me up my dad was cleaning his knife & pointed it at him & told him he better bring me home sober this time.

[The Captain]

Jun 23, 2015 14:41:28 GMT -5 lexxy703 said:

Jun 23, 2015 14:27:49 GMT -5 Bluerobin said:

1. Tell her she CANNOT date until she is 25.
2. If she defies you and brings home a boy, make sure you are sharpening a knife.  And wave it around from time to time.  You know where.
3. If the boy is toooooooo polite, use the knife.

I went out with a guy in HS & he brought me home drunk.  The next time he picked me up my dad was cleaning his knife & pointed it at him & told him he better bring me home sober this time.

Ohhhh I LIKE your Dad.

Although I am a bit surprised he let you go out with the guy again.

[mmhmm]

The Captain, you have my sincere condolences. The only comfort I can offer is ... it does pass. Someday, when you're old and gray (like I am) you and your currently teen child will sit around at laugh at all the things that happened during the "teen years". However, they're only funny after the fact, unfortunately. Be strong! 

[wyouser]

I move we enact legislation giving every father a bag limit of 1( ONE) boyfriend. No drawing of names, no voting, no contemplating, just blow the first one away that raises the slightest doubt in your mind. Make sure you do this outside in full view of the public, and don't pick up any pieces. You want every detail running in the rumor mill. Thoughts of gory details should be on the mind of any and all you come to take your daughter on a date. Choice of firearm shall be left up to you, BUT, it should be of a VERY large caliber......Oh, an get a rocking chair that can be put on the porch...under the light ...while you and your firearm can await the return of your daughter from her date........And lest I forget, the bag limit automatically renews for grandfathers when they have granddaughters.....All in favor, signify by saying Aye........(all opposed will be shot )

[lexxy703]

Jun 23, 2015 14:45:22 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Jun 23, 2015 14:41:28 GMT -5 lexxy703 said:

I went out with a guy in HS & he brought me home drunk.  The next time he picked me up my dad was cleaning his knife & pointed it at him & told him he better bring me home sober this time.

Ohhhh I LIKE your Dad.

Although I am a bit surprised he let you go out with the guy again.

It was a few weeks later after I got off restriction.  My dad knew me well enough to know the guy didn't the alcohol down my throat.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 23, 2015 14:47:33 GMT -5 wyouser said:

I move we enact legislation giving every father a bag limit of 1( ONE) boyfriend. No drawing of names, no voting, no contemplating, just blow the first one away that raises the slightest doubt in your mind. Make sure you do this outside in full view of the public, and don't pick up any pieces. You want every detail running in the rumor mill. Thoughts of gory details should be on the mind of any and all you come to take your daughter on a date. Choice of firearm shall be left up to you, BUT, it should be of a VERY large caliber......Oh, an get a rocking chair that can be put on the porch...under the light ...while you and your firearm can await the return of your daughter from her date........And lest I forget, the bag limit automatically renews for grandfathers when they have granddaughters.....All in favor, signify by saying Aye........(all opposed will be shot )

But, but, but  steff needed a bag limit of one for the girlfriend from hell her son was dating.  And what about the single parents, where, for whatever reason, Dad is gone (military, dead, deadbeat, whathaveyou) - don't the Moms get in on this too? 

[kittensaver]

I have a really good delay tactic for you! (It was used on me )

The dictate from my parents: No solo dates in a car with a boy (or group dates in a car) until you have your driver's license. Only dates (solo or group) to school dances, movies, the mall, amusement parks, etc etc where we drop you off and pick you up, until you have your driver's license. Because if you unfortunately ever get into a problem or emergency in a car, you need to know how to drive.

In the meantime, you get to have LOTS of "teachable moments" conversations about boundaries, respecting/valuing your body, the difference between feelings (raging hormones, which you basically can't control) and behavior (which you CAN control).

Good luck. You have my sympathies.

[steff]

Jun 23, 2015 14:54:50 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jun 23, 2015 14:47:33 GMT -5 wyouser said:

I move we enact legislation giving every father a bag limit of 1( ONE) boyfriend. No drawing of names, no voting, no contemplating, just blow the first one away that raises the slightest doubt in your mind. Make sure you do this outside in full view of the public, and don't pick up any pieces. You want every detail running in the rumor mill. Thoughts of gory details should be on the mind of any and all you come to take your daughter on a date. Choice of firearm shall be left up to you, BUT, it should be of a VERY large caliber......Oh, an get a rocking chair that can be put on the porch...under the light ...while you and your firearm can await the return of your daughter from her date........And lest I forget, the bag limit automatically renews for grandfathers when they have granddaughters.....All in favor, signify by saying Aye........(all opposed will be shot )

But, but, but  steff needed a bag limit of one for the girlfriend from hell her son was dating.  And what about the single parents, where, for whatever reason, Dad is gone (military, dead, deadbeat, whathaveyou) - don't the Moms get in on this too? 

but but but....she's GONE!  and she actually left & went to Tennessee and that's even better.  And he didn't replace her instantly with another one!  

[The Captain]

Jun 23, 2015 14:56:42 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

I have a really good delay tactic for you! (It was used on me )

The dictate from my parents: No solo dates in a car with a boy (or group dates in a car) until you have your driver's license. Only dates (solo or group) to school dances, movies, the mall, amusement parks, etc etc where we drop you off and pick you up, until you have your driver's license. Because if you unfortunately ever get into a problem or emergency in a car, you need to know how to drive.

In the meantime, you get to have LOTS of "teachable moments" conversations about boundaries, respecting/valuing your body, the difference between feelings (raging hormones, which you basically can't control) and behavior (which you CAN control).

Good luck. You have my sympathies.

I've been working on that actually for almost the past two years.  DD was an early bloomer (like me - 5th grade - and boys are pigs).

We've had the discussion about boys/young men not knowing which head to think with, visual creatures vs emotional creatures, and so on.

While I don't want to scare her a very good story popped on, I think it was What would you do? about the date rape drug and the importance of sticking in a crowd and watching out for your wingmen/women.  All three of us watched it together with DD's jaw hanging open.  She honestly couldn't believe (at first) that someone would drug young girls in order to have sex with them without them being able to remember/fight back.

We had some discussions after that about being careful and never believing you can trust people and always keeping an eye on your beverage and never letting a guy get you alone. 

I can only hope she gets the message.